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Reddit mentions of Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Sentiment score: 25
Reddit mentions: 36

We found 36 Reddit mentions of Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. Here are the top ones.

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
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Found 36 comments on Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha:

u/subcosm · 123 pointsr/Meditation

For me, two things.

First, meditation strengthened my ability to watch the process of a negative behavior or unwanted thought pattern unfolding in the first place. This is important. I was able to track the behavior back to a decision, the decision back to rationalization/bargaining with myself, and before that the initial temptation/craving, and ultimately, the start of it all - the wounds I was carrying that I had been leaving unmet, uncared for. If you learn to better observe how your own mental machinery works, then you can more easily tend to its inefficiencies and/or begin to reconfigure it entirely.

Second, meditation helped me to learn to slow down and really sit with those wounded and unheard parts of myself once I had become aware of them. This is critical. I can’t emphasize this enough - before you can bring about lasting change, you have to completely accept yourself exactly where you are. This may seem counterintuitive at first, but trying to “fix” unwanted behavior or trauma with “the will to change” will only bring disappointment and more frustration. The key is in learning to see and accept yourself just as you are, without self-criticism and the need to be “better”. Strangely, this frees you up to move forward in a healthy and honest way. I liken it to parenting - addressing a child’s behavioral problems or trauma with anger or urgent pressure to straighten up will only make matters worse. Instead, it’s best to listen, and meet them exactly where they are, and tend to their real wounds. We can do the same for ourselves.

That second point is pretty nuanced and there’s a lot to unpack, but Tara Brach said it better than I could in her book, Radical Acceptance.

u/L-I-V-I-N · 10 pointsr/Buddhism

It sounds like you are feeling guilty about having thoughts which are judgmental. Have you ever heard of Tara Brach's RAIN method?

R-Recognize (you've already done this; way to go, it's very hard for many people to even become aware of their habits of thought.)

A-Accept (this is the stage you seem to be stuck at. You're judging yourself for having the thought, feeling guilty, etc. This is hard but you need to accept that it's just a thought, it's out of your control, that it doesn't make you a bad person. Hold it with care, love the thought, respect it.)

I-Investigate (How does the thought feel, what is the thought that comes right before the thought, what happens at the level of the body when you have the thought?)

N-Non-identifying (remembering that the thought doesn't belong to you, doesn't define you, it is not you or yours; A thought is its own thing, it's a thought, it's just out there, it just is--thoughts happen of their accord.)

You might find her book Radical Acceptance helpful. I struggled (and, lord knows, still do) with more or less the exact same problem you described.

Best of luck.

u/bpdsurvivor91 · 9 pointsr/BPD

My best recommendation is harboring a new practice based on radical acceptance. It’s one of the components you will learn about in DBT. All we can do is accept what has happened has happened and that we cannot change or alter this. All we can do is be present and stay present. When we look to
The past we aren’t living, when we look to the future we aren’t living. Only in the present can we find our peace of mind. It’s not easy. I’d recommend this book by Tara brach called
Radical acceptance. She has a lovely free podcast as well. You don’t need to be Buddhist or any particular religion to learn from this so don’t let that keep you away from reading it.

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553380990/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9YtOBb3R2C86K

But just so you know it’s been about 4 years since this all started for me and I too struggle with learning to accept the things I’ve done. Nothing about it is easy you just have to keep going. You’re not alone I promise.

u/Minimal_minimal · 9 pointsr/FeMRADebates

Super well written and useful post. Thank you. Saved.

I've also read Brene Browns thoughts on this and it's pretty clear that shaming is one of the most powerful ways of breaking someone down. If you're a man, or woman reading this and feeling shame about yourself, your personality, looks, interests, ideas, sexuallity etc.. I highly recommend reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. Not only will this teach, relieve and inspire you te be kinder to yourself but also to others. I'm a man who would never read new-age books like this but got it recommended and it's one of the most important books in my life.

Now back to the subject: Yes, shaming does not work and just like women revolted against being shamed for voicing their concerns, so will men.

u/sacca7 · 6 pointsr/EatingDisorders

Regarding seeing fat: It's not unusual for a person in our culture to have a misguided perspective on how one looks. We've been brainwashed from an early age to think we have to look like models in magazines as well as in any media such as movies or TV shows.

It takes effort to not succumb to that brainwashing. Females can't look like 14 year olds our whole lives, even though that's what the media portrays. Remember, movies and magazines want to sell their product, and sex sells, and so for females, 14 year old body sells.

Go to a public place, such as a shopping mall or any place where there are a variety of ages of people. Notice how women over 22 appear. Notice what they look like. This is natural. We are not supposed to retain a 14 year old's body our whole life.

Regarding guilt from eating: Clearly, not everyone feels this way. This guilt from eating is part of the disorder, which is why it is a eating disorder.

Regarding weight: Being preoccupied with weight is part of the disorder as well. Most people with EDs are not underweight. You do not have to be underweight to have an ED, and skilled professionals know that.

Regarding liking yourself: It is not unusual in our culture for people to not appreciate themselves. For me, I spent a lot of time learning to appreciate myself. It is work, and it is very worthwhile. Our self-talk seems to fall into comfortable ruts, and depressed mind likes depressed thoughts. Depressed mind does not want to change. It took me years to work through, and it made a huge difference. You can change your self-talk and learn to appreciate yourself. Here are some links that explain this further. Refuge Center, Mayo Clinic, or if you search for "affirmations" that could help.

Learning to be grateful for what you have right now (ability to see, to walk, to breathe easily, etc) can help create positive thoughts, which, if nothing else, means you're not spinning out in negative ones. Learn to appreciate your inner qualities, such as your kindness, your sincerity, your creativity, your generosity. Train your mind to tie in a specific example of your actions showing this, such as. "I gave my dog attention and this is one way I am kind." "I spontaneously sent my aunt a postcard and this is one way I demonstrate my generosity," etc. A book, Reflective Journaling (free pdf version) has some good sections on learning to appreciate yourself. Also, Radical Acceptance is quite good, too.

Regarding help: Most people recover with professional help. Recovery is essential because by undereating, you are not nourishing your brain, and an undernourished brain doesn't work right. And, others may be able to tell that you're not thinking clearly, but you may not be able to see it yourself. This is part of the disorder. Over the course of time, an ED will ruin your physical strength and can even cause premature death. If it ruins your health, you may have to live with your parents because you'll need help like an old person does. My sister, who has had an ED for over 30 years, is in that situation.

Please seek help, if not your parents, then a teacher, a medical doctor, or perhaps some of the links in the sidebars and the numbers they provide. More power to you!

u/velvetfield · 6 pointsr/bangtan

Oh gosh. Oh boy. Absolutely the book Radical Acceptance. It's a mixture of psychotherapeutic techniques rooted in mindfulness and buddhist philosophy but it's so in line with BTS's recent concepts and slots in so well with so many of the values they stand for as a group. It's just really, really good.

Also, my favorite non-BTS band, Sakanaction. They're a music group that I've always felt has a worldview and purposefulness very similar to BTS. Much of their music consists of musings on all the pain and melancholy and loneliness in life but done in such a way that brings it all together and reminds us that we're not alone, we're all searching for something and doing the best that we can.

Some recs: Eureka (imho the spiritual brother of Seoul from Mono, except the song is about Tokyo), Aruku Around (about the relentless search for meaning in life), Music (about the creative drive to create music & its power to move and delight in spite of human suffering), Native Dancer (literally cannot understand what the lyrics are trying to say but it's such a great song). I think Namjoon would dig them, bigtime.

Also, The Dispossessed is a great recommendation!

u/LarryBills · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

Sounds like you are making great progress. Here's a couple of things to try:

  • Generally, Metta meditation starts with extending loving kindness to a Benefactor, yourself, a loved one, a neutral person and then a "difficult" person. The idea is to build up Metta so that it can push through any mental boundaries we may have. In your case (and in the case of many others), you can try putting yourself last or second to last. See if that helps.
  • The other tip is to visualize yourself as a young child. (Might help to look at a reference photo prior to sitting.) Then you connect with the fact that that little being wants love, kindness and peace just like every other being. You work on extending loving kindness to that young child free from personal narratives and some interesting stuff may happen. Note: in this case, you are working on extending the love, not accepting it. Just focus on the extending of it.

    ​

    *If you are interested, there are two other books that may be of use on your journey. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach and Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzburg
u/Captain_Hammertoe · 4 pointsr/AmItheAsshole

NTA. He's fishing for validation and trying to manipulate you. He may not realize it's manipulation, but it is. Over the long term, behavior like this can really drag down a relationship, as the partner who is constantly having to give validation has to pour so much of their energy into this emotional labor. Your BF really needs to work on himself and find a way to feel OK about himself without constantly needing to hear it from you. If he can't afford therapy, there are a zillion self-help books out there that may be useful. One book I really like is Radical Acceptance - I struggle with low self-esteem, and found this book really helpful.

u/oddbroad · 4 pointsr/raisedbyborderlines

I'm glad I suggested something new! I hope it helps.

Yes I mentioned the Buddhism part because in a group I was in I had a woman who was uncomfortable with it because she was Christian. At first I thought she was possibly being intolerant, simply not wanting to read something just because it was influenced by another belief system that was not actually religious or preaching, just used metaphor. But I did learn later that I was wrong and a lot of the book uses Buddhism so heavily it could conflict with her religious worldview. Again you can read it and it's not going to threaten your faith, but I could see why depending upon her level/style of faith or time she wanted to put in why she would find it difficult to extract what would be applicable in her worldview. EDIT: For the record the books and techniques are completely secular.

That said, it does speak to a wide audience and less specific to BPD than other DBT topics. If I could have one critique from what I have done so far and maybe I"m a cynical hardass but I get tired of the 'accepting yourself' emphasis. Skills of practicing radical acceptance in a moment of stress are more valuable to me, we'll see.

> I didn't really know about the critiques, but I remembered raising an eyebrow at the parts you mentioned and you put to words my reaction.

You have to dig far into the reviews because a lot of people who use the book are BPD patients who use it after DBT (many say it's better POST DBT) and as said before, because there wasn't really anything of it's type until recently. Many of my therapists believe that DBT isn't a self help program but I would agree... for people with BPD because they need the group therapy to relearn social skills and empathy. Otherwise, well there are successful CBT programs online too. There are a few online DBT programs, not covered by insurance of course.

u/SuckingDiesel · 4 pointsr/offmychest

This phrase gives me pause:
>The way to trust again is to shake yourself free of your irrational mind

OP, please know that your thoughts and feelings are far from irrational. They are, in fact, very reasonable and justified. It is important to know that your feelings are okay, and that despite these feelings - you are okay too.

I often recommend the book "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach to friends. It has been very useful in teaching me to be compassionate to myself, which has been my foundation for coping with past traumas.

u/oldstauf · 3 pointsr/gamedev

I suffered from this very affliction my whole life. It sounds like your issue, like mine, isn't about skills but mindset.

Two tools that have really helped me in recent months:

  1. the Headspace app. It comes with a free 10-part guided meditation series. Everyday before you start working, take 10 minutes and run through one of the sessions.

  2. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach this book is super granola, but is all about how to understand and live with your emotions without letting them control you. Don't let the hippy-dippiness throw you. There is wisdom in those pages.

    Good luck!
u/reallyrunningnow · 3 pointsr/exmuslim

This book helped me.

u/randoogle_ · 3 pointsr/gainit

INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.

The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.

You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.

Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.

  • The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.

  • Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!

  • 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.

  • Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.

  • The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.

  • Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

  • The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.

    Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
u/pt024 · 3 pointsr/Buddhism

The teaching I always received when dealing with strong emotions that arise is to lean into it. These emotions are part of us and we are encouraged to accept them as they are, including the anger, the despair, the fear, and the vulnerability. Getting in touch with our inner feeling is a phase a lot of practitioners go through, though what arise is usually different for each of us. I would like to encourage you to sit with these feelings. Allow yourself to feel them all, to surrender to them, to die in these feelings - as one teacher put it. If these emotions are too overwhelming though, it might be a good idea to meditate with a trusted friend or a partner, a counselor, or a spiritual teacher. If you can, I would also recommend checking out "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach and any book/teaching from Pema Chodron about getting to know fear. They talk about what you are experiencing. I wish you the best with your practice. May you find peace and light at the end of the tunnel.

u/LieutenantJesus · 3 pointsr/askgaybros

I got to a point in life where I was pretty chunky and, in my opinion, unattractive. I'd been made fun of for my weight all of my life, and it got to a point where I just assumed no one would find me attractive. Even when I did have a relationship where I was told I was wanted and sexy, I never truly believed it; it was just a thing they were saying to make me feel good, because the boost in my confidence was sexy to them.

I lost 60 pounds and I look pretty good now, but I still haven't "accepted' myself, and still don't love myself. If I gain a couple of pounds, or I see a little scrap of fat appearing, the same feelings that I'd have at my heaviest pop up. My anxiety isn't centered around my body as much as it's centered around my perceived lack of personality, or my loneliness.

This is what people are talking about when they say "Love yourself". Accepting you for who you are, for all your flaws, is the key to being truly happy, lonely or not. This isn't an excuse to not attempt to improve yourself-- Losing weight has tremendously improved my life.

A path that I've been taking to quell my self-critical, anxiety-ridden mind is meditation. An excellent book that I think would help you in your situation is Radical Acceptance.

You've realized that you're coping with sadness with food, I was at the same place not long ago. At this point, changes in your environment, be it a hot boyfriend or a hot body for yourself, probably won't change much for you unless you also confront the underlying cause of your sadness, and sometimes that source isn't as obvious as it may seem.

u/tjmac · 2 pointsr/ADHD

The book, "Radical Acceptance," was written by Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach. Here's the Amazon link for any who are interested. I've listened to the audiobook of it a good half dozen times. By midway through the first chapter, I'm usually starting to tear up, because she just has a knack for illustrating how unnecessarily hard we are on ourselves in our society, for very little reason. Her podcast is also top notch, and she's covered about every topic imaginable.

u/lastronaut_beepboop · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

Real quick. I’m 27, and I’ve personally got SA, GAD, and Depression. Probably dealt with them all in differing levels of intensity for the past 15+ yrs. I personally feel just putting myself out there (exposure), buddhism/mindfulness, and a couple self-help books ( Self Compassion & Radical Acceptance ) all really helped, but learning self-compassion and acceptance were the real game changers.

I feel one of the biggest reasons we are so hard on ourselves is because we fundamentally feel unworthy. The reason we’re scared isn’t the simple act of talking, it’s the fear of judgement/rejection. Compassion helps me be gentle with myself, and acceptance allow me to accept what is, and not what I wish was. If that makes sense.


Also, mindfulness. This teaches me to be present in the moment. Not in the future worrying about some conversation I’m going to have, and not in the past worrying about a convo I think I messed up on. Mindfulness teaches me the beauty of the now. Meditation specifically helps teach mindfulness, and is something thats helped me, but I’ve heard has really helped others.


and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Basically retraining my brain. Teaches me to reframe and re-approach my negative thoughts, in a more compassionate and realistic light. In all honestly, I’ve got my good days, and I’ve got my bad. I’m not 100% recovered, and maybe not even 50% but I feel much better, and I have some great tools at my disposal.

To refrain from writing an entire book I made this really brief. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

u/jbristow · 2 pointsr/Mindfulness

I'm not knowledgeable enough to really expound on the differences, but I'll throw down some resources that helped me:

  • Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  • Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (JKZ is like the father/grandfather of the Western Psychology Mindfulness based stress reduction movement. Of these two, Wherever You Go is easier to read, but I find JKZ's writing to be a bit dry overall.)
  • Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach (A good next-step once you have the basics of Mindfulness down.)
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook, this is the book my teacher used in her MBSR (mindfulness based stress-reduction) class. It's nice and easy and comes with a CD of guided meditation.

    If this all piques your interest, I really recommend attending a MBSR class to learn a bunch of different techniques and to discuss it with other people who are doing it at the same time. It's similar to exercise in that you can get started on your own, but if you want to get more "skilled" you should look to find a mentor to help you process and suggest new techniques that might help you improve.
u/ProfessorCereal · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Meditation I think should be the first ingredient. Learning to calm the mind first, then getting to know the mind and why it does what it does would be a great foundation as you continue to build yourself up. Gaining some insight as to WHY you shame and hate yourself can open all kinds of doors for you. Most people just want it all to go away, which is not a long term approach. Keep in mind, this is the long game, so if you are looking for quick fixes meditation will not be appealing. It is a true test of your commitment to bettering yourself. Be up for the challenge, and be patient!

I would really highly recommend checking out some books, one in particular that is very helpful for people in your spot : https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990

It is also important to have support. If not from friends or family, from reddit strangers :)

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

I was hospitalized for severe depression recently, and while there I came across two books that changed my life:

Buddha's Brain

Radical Acceptance

u/antifragile_jahan · 2 pointsr/pornfree

Checking in and going strong. Also, currently reading and implementing practices from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach-an excellent book on overcoming shame, guilt, and self worth issues https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990

u/batsinhats · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

One of the most profound and meaningful moments of my life was when I realized that there was nothing truly wrong with me, and that nobody was any better or worse, for we all share the same Buddha Nature and potential for enlightenment. It took quite a lot of good therapy + meditation + other spiritual development to get there.

You may want to check out a book called Radical Acceptance. It's maybe not the source I would turn to for an explanation of Buddhism per se, but I found it super helpful for building a sense of inherent worth based in compassion.

u/earth__girl · 2 pointsr/yoga

For me personally, mental awareness, more clarity and acceptance of who I am was not my initial goals of yoga. I certainly knew that was a possibility, and I appreciated everything my yoga teachers had to say on the subject, but it wasn't a priority. Through the physical aspects of yoga - taking care of my body through exercise, watching myself evolve and become stronger - I suddenly came to a place where I had more space for the spiritual aspects to take hold.

I have been practicing just over a year and a half, and I'd say the last 3-6 months have been the most game changing in terms of my mental health. I can look back now and see how the physical practice became a gateway to what others deem the "true practice" of yoga.

There is a lot of empowerment that you feel when you make your physical health a priority. In comparison to the struggles of your mental health, this is something that you can control and work towards, and see real results! You begin to respect the vessel you've been given, and treat it much better than you may have before.

I soon found the need to become mindful of not just my exercise, but the food I was eating. I went on a restrictive 30 day diet (Whole30) and before that was cutting out processed wheats. The slow transformation of my body suddenly led me to a place where I was more aware of myself mentally, of the habits I had, the way I was reacting, etc. It gave me space spiritually and emotionally and I suddenly knew - now was the time to begin truly meditating, to find time to sit in myself and just be.

I've still got so much work to do, but it's been an amazing journey so far. I recommend that you continue with your physical practice, begin to open your awareness to the other things in your life (habits, diet, relationships, etc), and approach everything with an open mind.

You may find reading a bit more on Yogic or Buddhist philosophy will help. I've just begun reading Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance. She's a renowned Buddhist meditation teacher who has some amazing insights to share.

Good luck, your journey has just begun, and there is so much to look forward to :)

u/wannaridebikes · 1 pointr/Buddhism

Mara is a name/title for one of the lower heaven-kings. He was said to be one of Shakyamuni Buddha's tempters to dissuade him from awakening while he sat under the bodhi tree. In sutras, he's characterized as a being too caught up in desire to practice the dharma in his current life, and at times will try to dissuade others from it as well.


On a micro-level, I'm using his title here to describe beliefs and impulses that drive me to unskillful or harmful behavior, such as the need to imagine what people think about me (it's usually not good). In cognitive behavioral therapy, this might fall under "fortune-telling" and "mind-reading", even though we obviously can't know with 100% certainty what will happen or what people are thinking.


I read somewhere that dealing with recurring issues should be like "inviting Mara for tea"; instead of suppressing bad habits and thoughts, give it a compassionate space to hear it out, try to understand what it believes and why.


Depending on a lot of things, this experience may be too shocking to handle without guidance, though. If seeing a mental health professional is not affordable at the moment, at least try seeing if this book is available at the library:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553380990/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=416XVNN6NRL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL100_SR100%2C100_&psc=1&refRID=V3T70FYAXD25W0KF59JG

Just like another user suggested, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach may help here.


I don't really know what to recommend for you as far as practice goes, since it depends on the kind of person you are. A good recommendation was metta, and I'm the type to relate less to abstract concepts and more to qualities I can visualize in compassionate beings, so I recite names and mantras. It's about which practice(s) you have an affinity for.


I tried not to overwhelm myself though. I started with one practice (Amitabha Buddha's name) with one focus (Pureland), which still remains my foundation. Others maintain one practice for the rest of their lives. I would recommend being patient and realistic with yourself while exploring.

u/SharpAtTheEdge · 1 pointr/asktransgender

Radical Acceptance.

http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990

http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

See page 71 of the PDF.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

The past is in the past. What matters is what you are doing today to improve your life. I'm proud of you. Good luck to you.

u/sphere23 · 1 pointr/SingleDads

Another book recommendation, for what it's worth - and if it isn't the book for you = only 13 bucks.
https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990/ref=sr_1_1?crid=18BLJTWLGH25E

It sounds like you have been mainly "functioning" the past year (a good thing), and with time have now reached a point where you can start "processing".

I found the book hard to read at first because it hit so close to home, however once I got past that it really helped me to open up to myself.

It did not magically fix anything, but I am now occasionally able to sit on my couch and have the mountain of accumulated sh*t sit next to me.

We are not friends, but is also no longer this hidden unseen threatening lurking huge blob. I accept that it exists, ergo it is no longer as much of a threat. Processing it won't be easy, but will be way healthier than having it festering under the scar tissue.

Also - in relation to your kid: My big festering blob did not fall from the sky, I am fairly sure by that I inherited big lumps of it from my parents, and indeed their parents; not intentionally at all - they were all doing their best to survive, but because THEY never got to the stage where they could process their own blob, it wound up in the next generation.

If you manage to make yours a little smaller through acceptance, compassion and yes - unpleasant hard emotional work, you will at least reduce the size of the blob you hand down to your child.

https://www.historynet.com/buddha-enlightened-warrior.htm

u/ked987 · 1 pointr/CompulsiveSkinPicking

I think I've seen comments before on this sub (maybe another?) about the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It's a guide to mindfulness and meditation. The general idea is that if you learn to be aware and accepting of how your mental and emotional states manifest physically in your body you can avoid giving in to fear and anxiety associated with pain, discomfort, or negative emotions. I highly recommend it (amazon link there: http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451504299&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+acceptance).

Tara Brach also has a website with free guided meditations that I've found to be very helpful: https://www.tarabrach.com/.

u/callmejay · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach, is fantastic and directly on point. She's a Buddhist teacher and a psychologist.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is the most practically helpful book I ever read. It teaches you how to use cognitive behavioral therapy by yourself.

u/SwaggMuffin · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach is an absolutely amazing book on self love and accepting what is. I picked it up after Tim Ferriss recommended it on his podcast.


You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay is pretty much *the* book on self love.

u/YoungModern · 1 pointr/exmormon

> I gave in to these feelings

No, you did not "give into those feelings", they arose involuntarily as a byproduct of factors you have no control over, like the evolutionary psychology and physical body you were born with, the culture you were born into, the individual circumstances of the life you were born into and other people's actions which affect you even though you have no control over them.

>I am still trying to extricate myself

Again, this is the wrong way to look at it, and consequently the wrong way to go about it. Since you're feelings are involuntarily imposed upon you by factors outside of your control, trying to extricate yourself from them is like trying to convince yourself raw broccoli tastes like Nutella and that chocolate tastes like soot & ash. This is the same reason that "pornography addiction" only affects people who have a paradigm of based on shame and guilt which pulls them into a shame-spiral of inadequacy. It's the same way as his when I shout "Whatever you do, don't you dare think about elephants!", of course you're going to think about elephants, and if I can demonstrate anyone in your family and community knew that you were thinking about elephants, they'd be disgusted, disappointed, ashamed and mistrustful of you. This is exactly the sort of situation our involuntary, hardwired evolutionary psychology evolved to avoid, all of the way to the point where even if we can be 100% certain that we are right and our family and community is wrong, we will still outwardly conform ourselves to them in order to avoid rejection and isolation, and sometime even change our internal beliefs in order to avoid the pain of congnitive dissonance.

Now imagine that you had been indoctrinated to believe that you had a sky-father who could see everything you do and hear all of your involuntary thoughts, and you've got the social-psychological foundation of "the atonement". It's a mechanism of social control which is itself a byproduct of evolution.

So the solution is not the fruitless attempt to supress or remove your feelings -that will only intensify those feelings by heightening the focus you place on them, and raising stakes around "succeeding" in extricating yourself from them to the point where you are metaphorically running around in a circle, screaming a mantra of "I will not think about elephants! I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT ELEPHANTS!! IWILLNOTTHINKABOUTELEPHANTS!!!" until you collapse in a sobbing heap and repeat the cycle the next day.

The good news for you is that their is a way out of this trap and forward in your life to greater and better things by acknowledging your feelings as they arise and then allowing them to dissipate, like the cresting of successive waves that you can ride out the flow of them into tranquility instead of frantically paddling against them until you get exhausted and drown. It's called radical acceptance (take a moment and read that link right now). You can learn about it from multiple sources, but I recommend that you listen to this podcast episode and check out this book as good examples. Don't worry, you won't have to accept any supernatural or superstitious beliefs or stories, and won't be encouraged to. It's wholly secular.

u/honeybeedreams · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes


Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553380990/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RAO5AbVQVP06D

u/puddingcat_1013 · 1 pointr/raisedbyborderlines

Yes, this is a very common occurrence when you begin therapy. You're digging into the places that hurt, like a wound long closed but not healed. You need to open the wound to get the festering parts out, and that is painful and anxiety making.

Maybe you can ask your therapist to help you find another therapist who is in-network? When I started my therapy journey, I had two or sometimes three sessions a week. That only lasted for two or three months, but that initial work was very intensive and necessary.

Also, you may want to ask your therapist if some medication might help. It doesn't have to be forever. I took an SRSI when I was initially diagnosed with what we thought was OCD, but turned out to be C-PTSD and an anxiety disorder. I took it for a year and it did help during that initial period. After that, I didn't need it any longer. Today I take an anxiety medication only as needed.

Also, have you ever tried meditation? I've recently been reading Radical Acceptance, which is written by a woman who is a PHD therapist and a Buddhist meditation teacher. She has some great guided meditations in the book that might help until you can find more resources.

https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990

But overall, your fears are reasonable. Your body is reacting as its been programmed. But you can reprogram it to respond in a more healthy way. Listen to your body and try to be as gentle with yourself as you can. Hang in there, and keep us updated!

u/DonatellaVerpsyche · 1 pointr/LifeAfterNarcissism

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha) get the audio book - I’ve found this great for people who are afflicted by anxiety. I have the audiobook and then loved it so much I got the paperback version as well. She’s just great in general and there’s a section on dealing with a parent with NPD.
Op, you are worthy, you are loved and you matter.

u/jotakami · 1 pointr/StopGaming

Your ego is killing you. Read this, take notes, and come back when you're done:

Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

> I feel unwanted, unloved, replaceable.

You have to learn to accept yourself before anyone else in the world will give a shit about you. If you think you're weak, unlovable, worthless... well, why would anyone disagree? I'm not going to lie, it is a long and agonizingly difficult process to accept yourself for who you are without reservations. But it's the only way out of that black hole of self-loathing. Another book that can set you on the right path:

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach