Reddit mentions of Screamfree Parenting, 10th Anniversary Revised Edition: How to Raise Amazing Adults by Learning to Pause More and React Less

I am now much calmer and patient with people in general and in particular my two kids. In the beginning though, for the first couple of weeks of my sobriety every little gesture was rage-inducing. Everything was annoying, irritating, and stupid. My then I learned to take control of my own emotions and responses — I realized that in the end, it's not the people who are irritating, it's my responses and perception of them; once I realized that, I cooled down greatly.

I just found that analyzing situation helped me - instead of focusing on my rage, I look at what is making me mad and try to figure out what exactly is happening.

99% of the times, it's because I have a problem with it because I want to control the situation. I was a big control freak and wanted things done my way, wanted people to walk faster in front of me, I wanted that cashier to stop being so fucking smiley and stop asking me how my day was, because I wanted her to be faster, so that I could get the hell out of the store. I wanted dishes done right away, wanted my kids to listen when I talk, wanted the customer service rep to give me that discount, so many things I wanted my way. And then I chilled the fuck out, because it's not about me and what I want. It's about how I perceive things that are happening to me and how I react to them. Sure I can want things, and so now when they do happen my way, I am much happier then I was before when I had to fight for it.

I learned that thinking should is wrong, because should implies control. He should do it this way, she should have said this, they should understand... Now I just let things happen and take control of me, myself and my feelings, emotions, reactions.

In your case, you have bunch of people that try to pry perks out of you. Well, it doesn't hurt to try and they can do that till they are blue in the face; but they shouldn't stop doing what they are doing, because they are just people, trying to get through life, doing what they what want to be doing.

One of the books I will recommend, even if you don't have kids, is Screamfree parenting. It helped me chill out a great deal and taught me that trying to control children without being in control of my own emotions is a ridiculous concept. I highly recommend reading it, because I am sure customers in a lot of way are like children - throwing tantrums to get what they want.

All the best!

You should read the book ScreamFree Parenting. I mean, really, every parent should read it. Changed the way my husband and I interact with our kids.

I am not a parent of a teen, but I recently went to a parenting seminar that was geared towards teens (I didn’t realize it when I attended). The book that corresponds to the seminar is called ScreemFree Parenting. I’ve read the book and really like it. It teaches you to “react less and respond more”. And also teaches you how to pause a lot. It sounds like you could benefit from this.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with removing yourself from a heated situation, even if your daughter suggested it. You would be teaching your daughter that it’s okay to back down and cool off and that’s actually the behavior you want your daughter to mirror.

EDIT: I also just wanted to add that I am not trying to come across as a know-it-all and I apologize if I am. I only responded to your post because I see that it’s 2 days old and only 3 people responded, without really giving you any resources. AND you and your daughter reminded me of my mom and I. Our relationship was very toxic, there was a huge power struggle (which she never “won”, despite trying to), and I’ve had to go through a lot of therapy and do a lot of self-reflection to learn how to have proper relationships with people that doesn’t rely on dominating them. When I went to that parenting seminar I mentioned earlier, that was my “I WISH MY MOM HAD KNOWN THIS” moment and it’s the parenting style I’m trying to adapt.