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Reddit reviews on The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

Sentiment score: 31
Reddit mentions: 48

We found 48 Reddit mentions of The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Here are the top ones.

The Charisma Myth How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

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Found 48 comments on The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism:

u/archaicfrost · 163 pointsr/seduction

Here are some exercises from The Charisma Myth, one of the best non-seduction books on seduction I have ever read:


Set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes and try to focus on ONE of the following three things: the sounds around you, your breathing, or the sensations in your toes.

Responsibility Transfer

Sit comfortably or lie down, relax, and close your eyes. Take two or three deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine drawing clean air toward the top of your head. As you exhale, let that air woosh through you, washing away all worries and concerns.
Pick an entity - God, fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs - that you could imagine as benevolent.
Imagine lifting the weight of everything you're concerned about - this meeting, this interaction, this day - off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you've chosen. They're in charge now.
Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

The next time you feel yourself considering alternative outcomes to a situation, pay close attention. If your brain is going around in circles, obsessing about possible outcomes, try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety.

Destigmatizing Discomfort

The next time an uncomfortable emotion is bothering you, try this step-by-step guide to destigmatizing:
Remember that uncomfortable emotions are normal, natural, and simply a legacy of our survival instincts. We all experience them from time to time.
Dedramatize: this is a common part of human experience that happens every day.
Think of others who've gone through this before, especially people you admire.
See it as one burden shared by many. You are part of a community of human beings experiencing this one feeling at this very moment.

Neutralizing Negativity

Use the techniques below anytime you'd like to lessen the effects of persistent negative thoughts. As you try each technique, pay attention to which ones work best for you and keep practicing them until they become instinctive. You may also discover some of your own that work just as well.

  • Don't assume your thoughts are accurate. Just because your mind comes up with something doesn't necessarily mean it has any validity. Assume you're missing a lot of elements, many of which could be positive.
  • See your thoughts as graffiti on a wall or as little electrical impulses flickering around your brain.
  • Assign a label to your negative experience: self-criticism, anger, anxiety, etc. Just naming what you are thinking and feeling can help you neutralize it.
  • Depersonalize the experience. Rather than sayign "I'm feeling ashamed," try "There is shame being felt." Imagine that you're a scientist observing a phenomenon: "How interesting, these are self-critical thoughts arising."
  • Imagine seeing yourself from afar. Zoom out so far, you can see planet Earth hanging in space. Then zoom in to see your continent, then your country, your city, and finally the room you're in. See your little self, electrical impulses whizzing across your brain. One little being having a particular experience at this particular moment.
  • Imagine your mental chatter as coming from a radio; see if you can turn down the volume, or even just put the radio tot he side and let it chatter away.
  • Consider the worst-case outcome for your situation. Realize that whatever it is, you'll survive.
  • Think of all the previous times when you felt just like this - that you wouldn't make it through - and yet clearly you did.

    Rewriting Reality

    Let's imagine that traffic is making you late for an important meeting and your anxiety level is on the rise. Ask yourself: What if this delay is a good thing? Repeat the question a few times, and watch how creative your mind can get with its answers.

    When you're dealing with a more serious situation, sit down and write out a new reality on a piece of paper. Writing accesses different parts of our brain and affects our beliefs in ways that other modes of expression do not. The act of committing things to writing has been shown to be critical both in changing a person's mind and in making imagined stories feel more real. Write in the present tense: "The speech is going well..." Or, even better, in the past tense: "The speech was a complete triumph..."

    Getting Satisfaction

  • Think of one person in your life who has aggrieved you.
  • Take a blank page and write that person a letter saying anything and everything you wish you had ever told them. Really get into this - you have nothing to lose. Make sure you write it out by hand.
  • When you've gotten absolutely everything off your mind and onto paper, put the letter aside.
  • Take a fresh sheet and write their response just the way you WISH they would respond. You might have them taking responsibility for their actions, acknowledging and apologizing for everything they've ever done that hurt you. You don't need to find any justification in their actions, just an acknowledgment and an apology. It's your imagination, so you get to decide exactly what you'd like to hear.


    That's most of the exercises through Chapter 4. There are tons more, and the book is excellent, so I would recommend you pick it up.

    I also remember an exercise from Models (at least I think it was Models...) where you make a list of all the traits you are looking for in a partner, no matter how shallow. Wait a few hours or a day and go back through the list circling the ones that are most important to you. You can make a new list and narrow it down, or keep narrowing down the existing list as often as you'd like. The idea is that when you're done you have a pretty solid list of the things that are really actually important to you in finding a partner.
u/Lion_of_Mesa · 88 pointsr/steroids

As you guys know I'm in prep and I've been doing my due diligence watching shows online to get a better understanding of what I need to do to win.

Something that absolutely stuck out to me when watching guys line up is that: confidence is everything. You don't necessarily have to have the best physique, to look the best up there. Anybody who has watched, or participated in shows will attest to this.

It's not who has the best physique, it's who can show off theirs the best in the brief time of being judged.

You hear it over and over again, and sure it may be cliche, but there's a reason for it.

There is a reason why woman are drawn to confidence.

Now, here is what I want to focus on with you all here: Let go of your preconceived notions of who you were.

As men, we are constantly growing and bettering ourselves and if you're not...you have some self evaluation to do.

Every little kid growing up fat still struggles with their "inner fat self".

Maybe a girl said you have too big a nose.

Maybe a girl said you're too short.

Got a small dick? Learn to be a master with your tongue and fingers.

The point is, your mind is the most powerful tool you have.

You guys have seen me, you know I probably can do well with women - nothing changed for me though until I changed the way I saw myself, mentally.

Once I started to believe in myself and (in retrospect - accept that you only live once, you could die tomorrow, you are who you are - focus on your strengths and your weaknesses will be dwarfed! ) my posing, my attitude, and outlook all changed for the better.

Good friends here said to stop hiding my face and smile. I did. I got tons of messages from girls with heart eyes (just to get the point across - not a humble brag ). I felt self conscious of my smile because I was bullied growing up over it, I had wide cheeks so I looked like the chestshire cat when I smiled authentically.

Tren and Mast did wonders for my jaw line and now it's not so bad now, but that's a whole other conversation haha.

The Charisma Myth

This book changed my life for the better, I can't recommend it enough. Buy it, read it, apply it.

Enjoy your new lives, after all we only have one.

> This ability, according to the book, comes down to embodying three simple qualities: Presence, power, and warmth.

>Presence: Whether we’re worried about what others may think of us or just wondering what we want for dinner, we all spend a good chunk of the day wrapped up in our own thoughts. With everyone’s brain so easily distracted the simple act of being present with another person can have a huge impact. Here’s a quick example:

>Imagine you’re talking with two people. Person A is looking you in the eye, is engaged in what you’re saying, and genuinely wants to hear more. Person B has no expression, keeps glancing at his iPhone, and is clearly waiting for his turn to talk. Which person makes you feel more important? That’s the difference presence can make.

>Power: Charismatic people are comfortable with who they are, own their space, and are not afraid to influence the world around them. People are drawn to confidence and turned off by insecurity and self-doubt.

>Of course, if you go overboard on power you may end up coming across as an arrogant or cold. Which brings us to…

>Warmth: If you want to make someone feel important, show them you fully appreciate them for who they are. Embrace their imperfections. Look past the surface and see the good qualities they have inside.

>Too much warmth however, and you end up looking a little too eager-to-please. It’s important to find that balance between warmth and power.

diet, macros, example pic

u/AwesomeSexyGuy · 29 pointsr/socialskills

Nudge the girl. Make eye contact with a smile. Talk. Tease. Touch. Most importantly: practice.

How to Hold Conversation Like A Man

Body Language - Indicators of Interest

Eye Contact, Tonality and Story Telling, Body Language and Gesticulation Three great short videos.

Becoming the Gorilla

Two videos I haven't watched yet, but come highly recommended:

Rapid (Physical) Escalation Edit: I just finished watching this one. It started off badly and the title makes you think it'll be cheesy, but it's really good. I'd put it above Becoming the Gorilla, but below the three-video page.

The Fundamentals of Direct Game Edit: The presenter starts off super sleazy. Slowly he eases into douche. His advice seems solid and after about ten minutes he acts like a normal friendly guy. I love his "you're only competing against 3% of guys" section. That really boosted my confidence. It's at the 13:16 mark.

How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Charisma Myth are great books.

Honest Signalz This guy has a silver tongue. Watching him is more entertaining than helpful.

Check out /r/Seduction. It's not all cheesy lines. There is solid advice there.

u/RishFush · 24 pointsr/seduction

It can be developed. Phil was just born into a great situation in terms of charisma. His family and early teachers knew enough about it to teach it to him young. Same with any other "natural" at anything.

Ok, you need to read this book. The Charisma Myth.

The general conclusion is that charisma is the product of 3 things. Power, Warmth, and Presence. Power is the ability to change the world around you. Warmth is how willing you are to use your power to help others. And presence is being in the moment, focused on who you're with, making them feel important and understood.

I think the necessary ingredient for any charisma is power. And there are many forms of power in many different situations. But if you don't have power, then warmth and presence are not enough to give you hard-hitting charisma. It's absolutely learnable though and I wish you all the best.

u/antares07923 · 23 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Check out https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947
For me, it was a pretty big influence. I think also for me generally it boiled down to think less feel more. Most interactions with people aren't an information exchange as much as an exchange of emotion. But that just helped me get more dialed in. If you're coming from a different starting point though, probably different results.

u/Daunderer · 23 pointsr/TheRedPill

I feel I could have written this - though not quite so well. I was introverted, bookish and non-sporty at school, never had a girlfriend before university, and my self-image was definitely based around beliefs like "I am not the kind of person people find attractive or interesting". After getting to uni and meeting different people, circumstances changed but the beliefs did not - much as you have said.

A while ago, I went over all the times I can remember 'missing signals' - either through being genuinely oblivious or by second-guessing myself - and the number was at least twice the number of girls I've actually had sex with. There were a few 'how on earth did I not pick that up?' situations, and occasionally I have seemed to have gone out of my way to sabotage a situation, looking for any indicator that she wasn't interested.

Once, at the end of term, a girl who I felt might be flirting with me suggested I meet her and her friends for a drink later that night. I went along - the friends left almost immediately after I arrived. She had finished her drink, so I asked her if she wanted another: she said 'no', and I instantly thought 'she doesn't find me attractive'. If I had assumed 'she probably wants out of here and in my bed as soon as possible' I'd have another notch on my bedpost...

That isn't the worst part - after she left, a couple of drunk girls who had been sitting opposite actually called me over and explained that she had obviously been into me, what on earth were you thinking, etc. etc. I'm cringing just thinking of it.

Thinking back on it, I was hardly ever the one who initiated sex even when I did get laid - it was always them coming on to me, or a very gradual build up where I didn't make any bold moves. Logically I should conclude that I must be pretty attractive for them to be pulled in by such terrible game, and in a very intellectualised sense I 'know' I am... The thing is that I don't 'feel' it on an instinctive level. A related point: when actually having sex, I'm fine being rough and dominant with girls I don't really care about - you might say, girls I'm 'questionably attracted to' - but with ones I do I practically freeze up.

Thanks for the post, it's given me a great reminder to actually do something about this. I'm already looking into mindfulness meditation as a way of helping out with these and other problems - the main principle of it is to stop obsessing over both the future and the past, and live more 'in the moment'. It seems to be the basis of this book: http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947 which looks like a great resource for TRP.

u/BillWeld · 8 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

Cool. You might enjoy this.

u/undrstndngthmn · 6 pointsr/socialskills

This is good advice, but I don't think it's a very in-depth description. It's kind of like when someone asks for dating advice and people say "just be yourself!" Yeah, that's sort of right, but it doesn't tell you how.

Again, yours, and all the others' suggestions are great, but there is so much that goes in to cultivating a positive vibe, or rather, a charismatic vibe.

There are 3 Charismatic behaviors:

  • Presence
  • Power
  • Warmth

    To be able create these behaviors, you have to be in charismatic mental states. A lot of things effect your ability to create these charismatic mental states, and you have to know how to manage certain challenges that come up that can throw you out of your charismatic mental state.

    There are also different charismatic styles and you need to find yours.

  • Focus Charisma -- Presence and Confidence -- Example: Elon Musk, cofounder of PayPal and current CEO of Tesla Motors
  • Visionary Charisma -- Belief and Confidence -- Example: Steve Jobs, cofounder, CEO of Apple Inc.
  • Kindness Charisma -- Warmth and Confidence -- Example: the current Dalai Lama

    You have to learn how to speak and listen with charisma, and you also have to have charismatic body language.

    Any way, theres a book called The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. The book covers the stuff I mentioned above. This will cover ALL the stuff you need to give off charismatic (or positive) vibes
u/neverneverland1032 · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Please find a good therapist to work on these issues. If money is an issue, look for "pro bono" or "sliding scale" or just ask if they have a sliding scale. You can also find some online only therapists as well.

In the meantime, you can read an old version of "How to win friends an influence people" How to Win Friends and Influence People
images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf or you can find the new version that addresses social media on Amazon.

or this https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947

there are tons and tons of books to help you with relationships and talking to people. it just takes practice. you can do this.

u/batbdotb · 6 pointsr/GetMotivated

Anything by Tony Robbins is good - I highly recommend going through his Time of Your Life audio program a few times.

Letting Go has some good content for developing a highly attuned sense of self-awareness.

The Charisma Myth is okay too.

I could go on about different books in this genre. These books are great starting places though.

u/bigfatmuscles · 6 pointsr/bodybuilding

>How the fuck do I practice and improve my body language and voice? How do I learn to be more expressive and charismatic? Can I learn via acting classes? Improv classes? Voice training? Etc?

  1. Educate yourself. Read this book or something like it. Understand what actually is charisma.
  2. See a therapist specialized in social anxiety, life coaching, career coaching. The therapist will help keep you on track and give feedback on what you're doing right and what you can improve on.
  3. Practice. Every time you interact with someone, have the intent of practicing what you've learned. Start with low-stakes: family, friends, cashiers, homeless people, people you walk by. Say at least one thing to every person you encounter. Start a podcast where you just read from a book. Start a private YouTube channel. With the guidance of a therapist/coach, up the stakes/discomfort very gradually.
  4. Fail but don't internalize. Experience VERY low levels of embarrassment ON PURPOSE. Get used to failure, enjoy the failure, realize that it's not that bad. It doesn't hurt you physically, and most of the time you will never see these people again. Laugh at yourself a bit and move on. Post your experiences here.

    This is what has helped me, anyway. IMO, #4 is the most important part.
u/AwesomelyHumble · 5 pointsr/OldSchoolCool

A good book on the topic is called The Charisma Myth (also available on audiobook, for those who can't read good). Marilyn Monroe was featured a lot in the book, along with several others (Bill Clinton too).

Charisma is definitely a skill you can learn, it isn't one of those things you either have or don't.

u/anpeneMatt · 5 pointsr/socialanxiety

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns is a great choice. It doesn't focus on SA but rather on anxiety and depression more generally but you can use the methods to approach social anxiety just as well.

There are a couple others which could help you muster up the strength ideologically, like Rejection Proof or The Charisma Myth

It all comes down to being consistent and getting a bit stronger, a bit less anxious day by day. I wish you the very best!

u/Makorbit · 3 pointsr/socialskills

What you're talking about is 'How to be charismatic' not 'How to be nice'. Being polite is to behave in a way to not offend, nice is to behave in a way that gives rather than takes.

People who are 'warm and welcoming and instantly make you feel comfortable' do so because they don't want anything from you but instead are in a mental position of giving. There's a very distinct difference between the 'nice guy' nice where they're nice with an underlying unspoken contract of reciprocation, and a warm kindness that asks for nothing in return. The reciprocation can be as simple as 'I want you to like me'. What you give or offer is genuine positivity, attention (giving people the chance to talk about their lives), to anything else that comes from a position of self acceptance.

The Charisma Myth is a fairly decent read, but the biggest thing to becoming more charismatic is shifting your mindset and getting out of your head.

You can't think of the 'right thing' to do/say when you're stuck in your head, that is, when you're thinking about what you're going to say or do. You're simply not listening, you may have heard some words and generally know what they're saying, but you're not actively engaged in what they're trying to say. You also set yourself up for failure by framing it as the 'right' thing, you're unconsciously screening everything out because it doesn't meet an abstract impossible standard. When the 'stakes' die down after the interaction, your mind frees up and suddenly allows in those ideas and thoughts. Meditation can help with this.

u/Belerion · 3 pointsr/occult

Agree. An invocation of Mercury or a talisman of mercury should help.

But also: watch stand-up, practice talking to people, and read The Charisma Myth.

u/-dsmvwl · 3 pointsr/ForeverAlone

Check out 'The Charisma Myth' by Olivia Fox Cabane. It showed me that charisma is a trainable skill rather than something innate. You can buy a physical copy on Amazon or download it here from bookzz. The bookzz version is only available in epub format.

u/whitethunder9 · 3 pointsr/exmormon

Amen, brother. I felt that same way when I discovered the ugly truth. But I was already married. I'm extremely lucky that I married someone awesome who was my actual best friend and not an acquaintance of 2 months that I was too horny to not marry. You've still got lots of single time to self-discover. Just don't let it go to waste.

If you're looking for some very practical advice on how to not have so much social anxiety (including around women), I recommend The Charisma Myth and How to Win Friends and Influence People. I was angry at myself for reading the BoM 30+ times in my life and not having read either of these books just once when I first read them. Way more life-changing than the BoM could ever pretend to be.

u/AnOddOtter · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

A few books I found really helpful:

u/awesomebot · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Check out a book called "The Charisma Myth" for starters.

u/KillYourselfLiving · 2 pointsr/The48LawsOfPower

They are all explained in The Charisma Myth. I didn't get a lot out of reading it and in my opinion, it is a little hyped, but still makes for a good read since there are few reliable sources (not talking about 7 step self-help hippie bullshit gurus) about Charisma.

u/Frammered · 2 pointsr/selfimprovement

On top of the comments here these two books help breakdown mental and physical components of public speaking and how to overcome almost any obstacle:



u/caesarfecit · 2 pointsr/PoliticalDiscussion

Original, but I have to give credit to Olivia Fox Cabane's The Charisma Myth. I highly recommend reading it.

I think the mechanics of politics, both in campaigning and governing, are worth further study. As I think the biggest issue with both sides, is in essence, a failure to communicate, and therefore cooperate. Or at least behave more like individuals rather than devolving to "us vs. them".

u/ceebee6 · 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I have a male coworker who is not an attractive guy. He's average height, has a big ol' potbelly, and his face is not what anyone would describe as conventionally good looking, nor even good looking in that odd way that some actors have. But dude has women flocking to his desk all day long. Where he lacks in the physical attractiveness department, he more than makes up for with his humor, conversational/people skills, interesting hobbies and general charisma.

There are a lot of great books and videos out there on building your people skills, including The Charisma Myth. That's where I would start if I were you.

u/judgegabranth · 2 pointsr/NoFap

There's a silver lining, lots of women out there like being licked out, with many even preferring it. Work on that, and if you say you have no social skills, work on that too. Read this, forget the title, it's more about improving yourself so that you have a natural charisma.

Besides, 4 inches isn't that small. Lots of guys do perfectly well with that.

But mainly, you have to have more faith in yourself.

u/pissedadmin · 2 pointsr/selfimprovement

There's a great recent book on the subject, [The Charisma Myth] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947) by Olivia Cabane.

u/itzrainingskittles · 2 pointsr/Advice

Hi there. I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder back in college (10 years ago), and I could tell it was much more than just shyness or introversion. I've always been a quiet awkward kid growing up, so I think genetics and my sheltered upbringing might've caused it.

Symptoms: when I'm with people I end up being all quiet and awkward, too. I tend to smile a lot and my mind goes blank or perhaps into a panic mode. It felt as if words were stuck behind a locked door and I could not reach for my true personality.

People and dates have said I seem a lot more confident chatting online and expressing myself, but in person I'm like a statue or limp doll. People asked me too many favors because I was afraid of saying no or standing up for myself. My voice was lost in one of those locked doors.

Getting Help: I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy and my doc also prescibed Lexapro but I only used it until 2011 (side effects include insomnia and other stuff..)

Recently, I've gone to see a therapist again (I havent gone in 5 years). She said it's very good that i'm self-aware, brave to open up and be vulnerable, and really motivated to change (secret: I get 3 free sessions before my insurance resets, so I was like, why not?)

I still do struggle with SAD, but my friends say I've improved much over the years.

I think what helped me the most is not the drug or the therapy, but the actual self-awareness and commitment to change. Not to change to please others, but to change so I could express myself better. To say the things I mean to say. To be eloquent and confident so that no one would misunderstand or mistreat me.

So I put myself in social situations. In college I joined a lot of clubs, met all kinds of people (albeit I would be the quiet one, but I made friends with other shy people!). Since my 20s, I've gone on many dates. A lot. Endured tons of rejections, but these experiences just taught me what to do and what not to do..

I listened to some good audiobooks..
It's the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken, and Clear

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

Nowadays I'm much more confident in my own skin. I found strategies on how to talk to strangers, coworkers, and often with friends, I'm the center of attention. But if you met me in high school or in my early college years, you'd probably think i'm the weird snobby wallflower.

Sometimes I still am. But hey, we're all works in progress, right? I just take things day by day, trying to improve myself with all the help available out there.

I guess in most things in life, it all starts with accepting yourself. Then determine what the problem is, see if there are solutions to fix it, and seek help from the experts. (side story: I almost broke a new watch, struggling the unlatch the deployment mechanism. Took me 45 mins and almost threw it out. Then I checked YouTube and the answer was in the very first video)

u/WellWholeEmpowered · 2 pointsr/lawofattraction

I see what you mean now. I don't know ALL of the things you want to manifest, but some of the things you mentioned here sound like skills that one can simply develop, such as charisma. Charisma makes you attractive, likeable, trustworthy, more likely to be promoted and paid more, and so on. There's a great book that teaches how to develop charisma, I found it very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947

Best of luck to you!

u/Baldheaded_Christ · 2 pointsr/Accounting

I really enjoyed the book Never Eat Alone which is a great guide to making meaningful and lasting connections.

Another one that really clicked with me is The Charisma Myth which argues that charisma isn't something you're either born with or not, it's something that can be practiced and focused in a way that is incredibly useful. Highly recommend this one.

And finally, I recommend The Like Switch which has some really useful guidance for communicating in a way that makes everyone involved in the conversation feel better, which makes people like you, which makes them more receptive to you.

I also have a 1 hour commute and don't have the attention span to follow along with fiction when I'm driving so I listen to a lot of non-fiction like this.

u/Cloud_Riverdale · 2 pointsr/JordanPeterson

Dude, this sounds especially fucking brutal.

Money sounds tight for you... So I feel guilty suggesting this, but have you tried a charisma course?


I am a member, and it's $100 a month for 6 months. I have gotten a lot out of it. I'm trying to make the leap from analyst to manager for the last year and have failed every chance I've got. That said, I'm at least feeling better and more social. People around me like me more, and I like me more.

JP's advice and videos are good, but focus on specific things that are not always actionable.

They also have a youtube channel here:


Which gives some of there content away for free and discusses other things not in their paid content. Another cheaper option is "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Carbane, it has an excellent list of activities to help make yourself more positive and charismatic.


u/lustaholic · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Sounds like you could level up your interaction skills!

I am particularly fond of The Charisma Myth. The thesis of this book is that people are at their most charismatic when they have ample self confidence, which comes from having high self esteem. I have low self esteem and low self confidence, but the majority of this book details how to improve them. Not only has the book helped me be more charismatic, it has had a profound improvement in my psychological/emotional well being!

I haven't read this one yet, but I bought and it is next on my reading list. How to Talk to Anyone explains techniques for even the shyest introvert (like me) to come out of their shell and have interesting thoughtful discussion with strangers.

The fact that you made an effort to put yourself in a situation with a bunch of strangers is quite impressive! Now work a bit on your communication game and you'll grow into a better and more powerful you.

u/EntropyFighter · 2 pointsr/socialskills

You need a specific plan. The one that really helped me is a book called "The Charisma Myth". If you look in my comment history, I have extensive notes from that book there.

And 35 better not be too old. I'm 39 and still learning the same thing. :)

u/WildlingWoman · 2 pointsr/INTP

Best way to get around it is to practice and gauge reaction from different people and use this to plan your timing in the future. I'd start with small stories that you know down pat and have memorized like an actor would have memorized a script.

You also might try not telling stories in strict chronological order. Like in writing an essay, you want to open up with something big--your true subject of the story.
My friend told me a story recently and he opened up with something like, "Do you know what it's like to be stung on the dick by a jelly fish? I found out this weekend." Of course, my reaction was "What?! Tell me how that happened."
If he opened up the story with, "So, this weekend I went on a date with a girl on her boat." I'd be less inclined to be interested in his story beyond the fact that I care about him and I want him to have a nice date. If I didn't know him as well, and he had opened up with how his date went and THEN told me about his dick getting stung, I might actually think he was a little odd--like he tricked me into listening to a story about a date so he could talk to me about his dick. I'd feel a little off-putted by it. By opening with telling me he was on a date, the subject of the story is the date, not being stung on the dick. The humor is either lost or made by how he opens the story.

Just for a note, being stung on the dick by a jellyfish is truly painful and I don't recommend trying it, especially on a date.

You also might want to work on setting the beats to your story. My father is an ENFJ and he's particularly good at telling stories and gauging reactions in anticipation of his audience. He will switch out details and add on parts to stories depending on his audience and the environment he's telling the story in. Stories have comedic beats and it's good to make sure you're following a formula that most people are accustom to. Here's an article outlining what beats are and how to use them for a job interview.. Here's a beat outline for TV show writing. Although you probably want this for just general conversation, knowing how dialogue works within a script could help you figure out how to plan your story for real life.

Also, you might want to figure out specifically why they're not reacting. Was it at a bad time? Does the person find your story inappropriate or distasteful? Was it just a boring story generally?
Any one of these could illicit a negative reaction irrespective of good story telling. Reading body language helps with this tremendously--as I'm sure you know--pointed feet away from you means they're trying to leave a conversation. Holding someone in a conversation they don't want to be in in the first place will make any great story flop.

I'd also watch standup comedy. This may sound silly, but these guys are essentially professional story tellers. You wouldn't want to use the exact same techniques that a standup would on stage, but I'd take notes on things like how they start and finish the story, when they break to pause ect. Another good place to watch comedians is when they're interviewed--this is a more natural environment that requires two people to engage in conversation and requires one of them to tell a few light stories to entertain the host and audience.

I often start a story and realize it's boring and pointless. At this point I'll stop my boring ass story by switching to being self depreciating humor, making light of how bad my story is that I'm telling. It allows myself an out while letting the other person know that I'm aware that I'm telling the worst story ever and we can just laugh about it and move on instead of them feeling like they're trapped.

Here are some books that might interest you:
Long Story Short: The Only Storytelling Guide You'll Ever Need

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

How to Win Friends & Influence People

The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills

Also, good luck dude! You'll get better and just keep practicing. :)

u/anticausal · 1 pointr/todayilearned

Visualization exercises. A really good book on this is The Charisma Myth.

u/rdwikoff · 1 pointr/consulting

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane

I tell all my analysts to read this and practice the exercises. It's great for learning to speak well in front of others.

u/Readonlygirl · 1 pointr/AskMen

You don't have to touch anyone. It can be your tone of voice, a look in your eye etc. Read the charisma myth or get the audio book and practice flirting with/charming everyone. https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947

u/greadhdyay · 1 pointr/intj

I had the same exact upbringing and issue with detachment or looking down on someone at the first, subtlest sign of rejection. It is hard but the only way to overcome it is to be more open with your emotions and to truly learn to appreciate someone's talents and abilities and positive sides no matter what your initial perception of them and reformulate (not necessarily completely change or hide) your preconceptions about socializing/how to behave around others. I think a lot of INTJs subconsciously look down on emotional/less "rational" ways/less "intellectual" ways of expressing yourself/behaviors (I had this issue).

As part of my subconscious tendency to detach myself to protect myself from emotional pain/rejection, I found out that my demeanor and facial expressions seemed very negative and arrogant to many people, even the family members I was closest to.

I worked on my social skills and non verbal behaviors, learned to look more at ease and less guarded and suspicious around others, and talking more expressively. I would practice smiling daily and videotaped myself taking for a long time (I would fall into what my default expressions and body language as time would go on aka what others talking to me would see). It was crazy for me to realize that if I smiled at someone first, they would smile back and be more friendly and kinder with me.

It sounds dumb but I remember being so bewildered so many times why someone would look so happy and cheerful while talking with someone else but then suddenly stop smiling and look awkward and SO distant with me as they would converse with me - it was because my expression looked dour or irritated (severe case of resting bitch face).

As a result of being perceived as being more open, kinder, more attentive, and caring by others, I finally found the kindness/acceptance/inclusion (it is kinda embarrassing to admit) and social connection I was craving all my life. People do not feel like I am judging them or looking down on them or that their company is unwanted/they are inconveniencing me and so they want to actually be around me.

Humans have been scientifically proven to pick up on and correctly identify facial expressions that last only a few MILLIseconds on others so you would be surprised how perceptive other people who are used to being around people normally are.

Faking your expressions for long periods of time is very hard to do and so I had to dig into my mental and emotional processes and even wound up going to therapy to deal my repressed trauma (my usual reaction to any emotion that is distracting is to ignore it or repress it until I cannot do so any longer. still working on this.) My relationships are surprisingly a lot more deeper now even though many of them started off with shallow, small talk type interactions I used to ABHOR and avoid. I am at the point where I can have deep conversations with anyone - even people I would have once avoided like the plague.

A good place to just get started on this long journey - I would recommend the book The Charisma Myth. IMO, this book addresses root causes of why you come off a certain way to others and goes much further beyond being "charismatic" and really explains the psychology/science behind emotional states and socializing/connecting with others.

It is just a first, superficial step and will not fix all your problems but it did help me become a lot more aware of how I was expressing myself to the world around me and thus take further action to address my many issues. Good luck!

u/Sojuu_ · 1 pointr/FairyTailRP

he looks up from his book and smiles

Oh hey Bishop! Good to see you!

he notices you're eyeing the book

It's called The Charisma Myth.

u/tfre621 · 1 pointr/seduction

If anyone is interested, there is a book outlining many of these suggestions and how to practice them so they become second nature. It has been a fantastic resource for me so I thought I would pass it along. The book is entitled: The Charisma Myth and is available on Amazon for under $12.00. Here is a link for those interested. http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947

u/0Gravity · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

There is a science to charisma. Charisma Myth

You can learn the behaviors of a more charismatic person without too much difficulty. Some use this power for evil. Beware this power.

u/jddrummond · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (2012) by Olivia Fox Cabane

From a Forbes Magazine interview of Cabane:
> What are your top three charisma enhancing techniques?
> Stare like a lover, stand like a gorilla, speak like a preacher. Here's what I mean: you want deep, but warm eye contact. You want a stance that broadcasts power and confidence. And you want to speak in a slow, confident, resonant and warm voice. A great preacher is the perfect metaphor for this: he cares about his people (warmth), he has the confidence that the weight of God is with him (power), and he is fervently focused about his mission (presence).

u/jmqq · 0 pointsr/amiugly

So this book is meant for something else, but one side effect is that you'll practice methods for self compassion, self esteem, and self confidence.

u/StarDestinyGuy · 0 pointsr/jobs

> I'd probably weigh that advice more than "random internet comments" considering that this subreddit is used for job search advice and help

True, very true.

> You come off as brash, cocky, entitled, and overall, not very humble.

See...I still, I don't know. I really, truly am not those things to the extent that I come across here. Hell, I've had a bunch of people praise me for being humble in real life (which is a bit ironic). So...I don't know.

> I don't know if it's a good idea for you, but what helped me reduce my cockiness was reading Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". You may think that this book would make you even more cocky by title alone, but after I read it the first time, I learned which of my actions came off as cocky, annoying, and off-putting. I applied what I learned and became a much better person than I was before. The book focuses not on the "How" so much as the "Why". That's also what you should focus on so that you can change yourself- "Why did these events unfold as they did and How can I become more like that?" The book is very applicable to your interest in the business world, so please take the time to read it.

I've been meaning to read that book for awhile, so it's nice to see a recommendation for it here.

I also recently bought a book titled The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism, which hopefully will help me as well.