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Reddit mentions of The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

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Reddit mentions: 9

We found 9 Reddit mentions of The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger. Here are the top ones.

The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger
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Release dateJune 2010
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Found 9 comments on The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger:

u/ZenmasterRob · 6 pointsr/Anger

What you've described is word for word my life experience. You speaking about justice being the core of your anger resonates deeply with me. I have a friend who's mother recently said "evil is an excess of good", and since then I've been speaking about my anger as "excess righteousness". Me being so agitated when things aren't correct largely has to do with how deep my desire for correctness is.

I recently started listening to an audiobook called "The Anger Trap", and while I'm still towards the beginning of it, it's been great at acknowledging that our anger is often justified, but teaches us that we have other options for how to respond, and that our current responses actually undermine our ability to be heard.

I've also just started a book called "The Cow In The Parking Lot, a Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger", which takes a very different approach that is also helpful. This book focuses on not being so concerned about what is right. When we are so deeply concerned about what is right, what we are really doing is judging the world around us and making everything and everyone in it wrong. What if they aren't wrong? What if the problem is in our discriminating perception?

I think that approaching anger deserves these multiple approaches because it's a multifaceted issue. Hopefully by the end of the books I'll have made some progress, and maybe you can find them useful too. either way, I'm glad you're wanting to take action and not wait until the shit hits the fan harder and harder over time. People get divorces and lose jobs over this kind of thing, but we can heal it.

u/syntheticproduct · 5 pointsr/Anger



I struggle with anger too. I really love your post because it's so true! Without understanding the root cause(s), all the cute tricks are at best a band-aid.

That's how I'm getting better at it. I still get angry quite often, but 1) I get better at noticing 'huh, I'm angry' and 2) whenever I get angry, I spend a LOT of time thinking, later, about what we're all the emotions that led to the anger. This might sound trite, but done regularly, it helped me understand myself more and more.


Psychologists say anger is a 'secondary' emotion. Meaning it comes immediately right after another emotion. And can sometimes mask it. It's your job to untangle all your feelings and try to understand what happened. Its almost like a slow-mo play by play in football on TV. It's really hard, because it requires to be self-aware, honest with yourself, and vulnerable. The truth is probably not pretty.


For me for example, it's my insecurities. I felt like I was not good enough, or maybe that my girlfriend would leave me. Another time, I felt really vulnerable because I quit my job for her, so I was angry all the time at her (unconsciously) for leaving my job - altho I left completely on my own accord. I felt trapped.


So try digging and see why you get angry so easily. And then work on the underlying causes. It will be so worth it on the long run.


One big reason for anger is to feel 'stuck'. Stuck between two people, in a situation, or between a rock and a hard place. Or from a feeling of not having choices in life. To not have power to decide your path and future.


Another reason for irritability is if you're undergoing major stress. Relationships (partner, family, friends), school/work, major life changes, like a sudden death. Money is a big one. Health issues.


Another big reason could be mental health related. depression and anxiety are known to make people irritated and angry. Also, trauma or abuse when young, or bullying (PTSD). There are others.


If your life is affected a lot, it always a great idea to consider seeing a therapist. You might be able to find one specialized in anger management. CBT is another method that might work (results-based). Professional help might help massively. Anger is affecting your life too much, and you need to find a way out. Also, you might something undiagnosed, like anxiety or high/low hormones of some kind. Better get tested.


There are a lot of tricks that can be used. One thing that helped me is as simple as: don't be hungry. And I stopped sugars, coffee/tea/caffeine drinks, soda, tobacco. Alcohol is also terrible for anger. r/stopdrinking is a great community for that. Drink a lot of water. Try to get proper sleep if you can.


Another good trick is to remove yourself from the situation, until you calm down. Tell people around you that you need a minute, or an hour. Then go sit down, go back home, whatever, and breathe.


I know you criticize breathing exercises, but it still helped me a lot. One that helped me a lot is the 'square' pattern. Breathe in slowly, wait a bit, exhale slowly, wait a bit, and so on. www.xhalr.com has a square pattern in the options.


Also, have you seen this page? It has lots and lots of things that can help:


https://www.reddit.com/r/Anger/comments/8fjgtz/some_practical_advice_for_dealing_with_an_anger/?utm_source=reddit-android


If you want in-depth resources, this book is pretty good:


https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154/ref=zg_bs_3568218011_15?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0W0XSVPCNZCWCQRX3VRG#mediaMatrix_secondary_view_div_1548924671897


It's 7 bucks for the Kindle version, that can be downloaded on the phone, iPad and PC.


To get better control of your emotions, you can look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT (also helps with anxiety and depression). The book I recommend is 'Feeling Good' by David Burns (also available on Amazon).

It's great that you want to improve and change, and learn more about yourself and this emotion.

Good luck!

u/SnuggleKing · 5 pointsr/houston

I would like to recomend two different books to you, they approach the problem from two different angles.

The first is called "the cow in the parking lot, a Zen approach to anger", the second is called "Rage: a step by step guide to overcoming explosive anger". Both are easy reads and I think highly of them.

https://www.amazon.com/Rage-Step-Step-Overcoming-Explosive/dp/1572244623

https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154

u/ultimape · 5 pointsr/computertechs

Oh, well in that case I think you made an excellent decision!

I've had to work with a nontechnical manager in a similar role and it was a major headache to have to constantly explain to them why x took priority over y, and why z took so long to do. Having someone who understands these things at a more direct level would have helped make it much more bearable.

If you want a leg up, have a look at time management techniques. Far too many shops act under what amounts to a cargo-cult mentality regarding how to run IT. They go through the motions, but don't understand why they do. These shops run some type of ticketing system... poorly. Their customers end up suffering.

Time management techniques, well executed triage, and an understanding of end-user expectations, is what separates the wheat from the chaff. For a good introduction on the idea, check out "Time Management for System Administrators":. Its a book, by a guy who now works at Google. He also has a great set of presentations online on his YouTube channel.

A bonus aspect of the job is that you sometimes have to deal with idiotic or frustrating customers (or aforementioned managers). The best thing I've found to deal with it is to work on reframing the situation. This basically amounts to putting yourself in their shoes and trying to be more empathetic to their position. A great mindset to take is something out of zen/meditation - being aware of your emotions in the moment can help defuse a lot of nasty situations. I'd recommend starting with this book.

u/Danger-Moose · 2 pointsr/rva

https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154

This actually helped me. It gets a little overly Buddhist at points, but it's a good read and premise.

u/zissue · 1 pointr/NoStupidQuestions

I feel this way quite often, and it's a shame, really. I hear constantly from others that "I have everything going for me" or that "I have everything I want in life," but unfortunately that's just how it appears from an outsider's perspective.

The question of "is this really it?" is one that plagues me regularly. For me, applying principles of Buddhism has helped. It hasn't fully answered these questions or solved the underlying problem, but it has provided me with a different way of viewing the world around me and my place in it.

Even if you are not what would be considered an "angry" person, I would recommend picking up a copy of The Cow in the Parking Lot by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. It's a quick read and it may help you find out if Buddhism could help you too.

u/tinspoons · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

I would suggest it's a perception problem. Anger is normal, AND you don't have to see things in the same way you have. Here's a book that helped immensely. If you see things from a pov of what you don't have/didn't get, you'll always be mired in anger. This book would help you see things a little differently and, hopefully, release some of this.