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Reddit mentions of The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
Sentiment score: 24
Reddit mentions: 49
We found 49 Reddit mentions of The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. Here are the top ones.
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The Obstacle Is the Way The Timeless Art of Turning Trials Into Triumph
Specs:
| Color | Silver |
| Height | 7.26 Inches |
| Length | 5.26 Inches |
| Number of items | 1 |
| Release date | May 2014 |
| Weight | 0.6 Pounds |
| Width | 0.84 Inches |
I'm not going to give you advice. I will give you these links that helped me out of my "Pit of Despair" when, at one point in my entrepreneural and personal life, felt like I was in the trenches taking on grenades from every direction. It was a dark time. You're not alone. The struggle is real, but so is hope.
Hope these help:
These are all the links and books I can think of right now. I hope this helps and you pull yourself up soon.
When I told my aunt about my time in the Pit, her response was, "So you wasted time".
Damn.
When I thought about it, yeah, I did waste time. Self pity is a choice. Choose another path.
Lots of love for you, here are some thoughts of mine...
Here are some resources that I have been really grateful for on my journey, which I am 12 months into...
The Obstacle is the Way
The Daily Stoic this is my new "daily bible" I read a page every morning
Secular Buddhism podcast
Waking Up podcast
End of Faith
The Demon Haunted World
Philosophize This! podcast OR Partially Examined Life podcast
I wish you the very best in your journey, be patient with yourself, you have EVERY reason to be! Start filling your mind with powerful positive ideas, keep the ones that help you find your way, set aside the ones that don't.
And remember, you are young and free and the possibilities of what your life can become are boundless!
>(Not sure why so underrated)
It's because this kind of advice has been given before. To be successful you have to accept that you're not the most important person in the world. You're not a special snowflake with special problems. Everyone has an area of life that they wish they were better at. Accept that you may be lacking, but understand that you can improve and seek to do so in a humble way. This is how you keep your ego in check.
If you want a deeper look into it give Ryan Holiday's book a read. Ego is The Enemy It's amazing.
His other book, "The Obstacle is The Way" is also an amazing piece of my collection and will show you that the world is filled with challenges and it's a great thing.
Why do you want to be more social? What do you want in life? Specifically. Write down the reasons, and write down everything you want for yourself - all the things you'd like to own, all the skills you'd like to have, all the people you'd like to meet, all the characteristics you wish you embodied.
Done? No, because you're an asshole. Go back and write them down. Seriously. I spent a fucking long time writing this post for you - I explain my point in several different ways, from different angles, because it's fucking important to me that you get the help you seek - you can take four minutes to write down some reasons. Open up your text editor and get to work, reddit will still be here when you get back. Don't get distracted. Do not trust your memory - write them down.
Okay. Look at those reasons. It's a list of things you want to be, do, and have. Ask yourself: Do you have the freedom to become, achieve and obtain those things, through your actions?
You were afraid to write some things. Maybe you thought "fuck a thousand people" was unrealistic. "Become emperor of my own country". "Go to space," "Own a castle," "Fly with the Blue Angels," "Be a real life James Bond," "Write a novel," "Be able to talk to anyone," "Start a religion," "Meet Daniel Craig." You're wrong, go back and write your "unrealistic" things down too. People have done them, you are physically capable of doing them. But are you free to do them?
Right now, you've decided to believe the answer is "no". If it were "yes", you wouldn't have posted, you would have just gone out and done them. Let's change that "no" to a "yes".
If this problem is the one you truly want to solve, you must focus your attention on it and let nothing distract you. All things which might get in the way of you solving your anxiety and inferiority problems must be ignored, including some of your own beliefs, and including some things like Netflix and Reddit you would rather be doing because they're comfortable and easy. This will be hard work. You will feel incredible after it is done, and it will be done soon if you work hard. Do not waste time. Only through discipline can you achieve freedom - if you are spending time looking at cat videos, understand that you are removing the freedom to spend that time elsewhere. You will not get that time back. It is forever chained to cat videos.
You must not fear. There is nothing on the other side of fear except failure. Failure of inaction is much, much worse than failure through action: you learn nothing when you do nothing. Make every attempt to socialize in every situation, even if it hurts, and even though you will fail many times. Experiment until you figure out, trust that you will figure it out.
Optimism will not help you, neither will pessimism - if you believe things will work out okay no matter what, or that things will go to shit no matter what, you have resigned yourself to the whims of a random God and decided not to act. Only activism will help you - the belief that your actions will affect positive change on the outcome. This is true for all things you want in life, including "how do I make friends", "how do I start a business", "how do I become President", "how do I get a job," "how do I get an A in this class," and so on. Strengthen your belief that your success relies entirely on your actions. Strengthen your belief that you have the ability to make good decisions in the future. Strengthen your belief that the worst that could happen is something you can handle. Do not fear boredom, isolation or embarrassment if they are in service of your growth as a human being.
Seneca recommended taking brief periods of time to deliberately live in rags and eat very little, to steel oneself against the fear of poverty. In our modern era we have developed many new fears, all of which can be eradicated in similar fashion. Fear of boredom. Fear of isolation. Fear of missing out. Fear of hunger, fear of gaining weight, fear of being unattractive, fear of looking dumb, inexperienced, uncool, fear of not being happy enough, not having enough interesting Facebook posts, and on and on. If you have these fears, face them. Physically write them down, then write down ways to mitigate or prevent them, and ways you could recover from them if they come to pass. Realize that these fears are controlling you and limiting your freedom.
Then it comes time to face these fears. Go out and talk to people. Find people that know things you want to know, ask them questions. Find people that do things you want to do, admit your inexperience, and ask for their help. Offer them something in return, and get creative - "I'll <help you with your math homework / trade you a bag of chips / get you that girl's phone number / level up your WoW character> if you show me how you <do this problem / throw a perfect spiral / make those cookies>". Do this with as many people as you can find, do not worry about making friends with each one, do not worry if they make fun of you, do not worry if they hate you - the goal is quantity. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your successes. Every time you fail to take the action - going to a meetup, going to a party, talking to a stranger, joining a group activity - you are restricting your own freedom.
Understand: you are on your own. You can build yourself to do and be anything you want, it is up to the rest of the world to try and stop you, and they will fail because they are uncoordinated and lack self-awareness. The more you realize this, the freer you become.
Further reading:
I thought The Obstacle Is the Way was a really good easy-to-read intro to Stoicism and I give it to people I know.
http://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1459132787&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=obstacle+is+the+way
I got started with this version of The Art of Living and thought it was super clear and really easy to read. Everything else I've tried has been very hard, like you said.
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Living-Classical-Happiness-Effectiveness/dp/0061286052/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1459132869&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=the+art+of+living
I work in the marketing industry and every attempt I've seen to make something "viral" or "big" has always failed miserably. If you think about it, this is not how news is made. In reality, the idea of publicizing something suddenly changes too often, too quickly into an imposition that never arouses interest but rejection and makes one look like a religious preacher.
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The best example of how stoicism can regain attention are Ryan Holiday's works "The Obstacle Is the Way," "Ego Is the Enemy," and soon "Stillness Is the Key." As he describes in his book on marketing called "Perennial Seller" (I can highly recommend this book to anyone who can't get the question of this discussion out of his head) and his first podcast interview at the Tim Ferriss Show, no one ever wakes up in the middle of the night sweating and thinks: "I desperately need a 2000-year-old philosophy from the antiquity," but people can't fall to sleep in the evening, because of the thought: "I need a solution to my problems very quickly." That's why Ryan wrote a practical book with concrete lessons & advice and not a systemic essay on the philosophical "school" of the Stoics.
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It is said that stoicism is not the philosophy of the retired monk, but that of the worker in the marketplace; a person who wants to create things and pushes forward what concerns. At such places, Stoicism is really "taught". It's a practical philosophy which should be lived and shown by example in the work you do. And maybe after the work is done, you drink a beer with your colleagues and if the situation presents itself you tell them about the philosophy you're currently studying. This is how it reached popularity from the beginning, and it is how its representatives said how it was meant to be taught.
In the everyday business of the agency in which I work, topics related to stoicism often come up, as it does in any real workplace. If it seems helpful in solving the problem of the client, I give advice that I have learned while studying the Stoics, sometimes I even quote them. For me, these are the moments when philosophy comes alive and really leaves a lasting impression on people.
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What of course can happen then is that someone can be a stoic, but he does not know it, because he is more busy acting righteously than wondering what his lifestyle could be called. This leads to the fact that Stoicism is less proclaimed. But this is what distinguishes this school of thought from so many others and makes me appreciate it so much: the primary focus of it, is that ist LIVED more than talked.
If I were to be given the choice of whether everyone in the world should know what Stoicism is or whether everyone should act like a Stoic, I would always choose the latter.
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I trust that the things beyond my control, such as my fellow men understanding that philosophical action is the groundwork of a good life, will fall into places. And in my opinion, there already have been "successes", if you want to call them like that:
Ryan's practical books on stoicism have sold hundreds of thousands of copies.
Here in Germany, the author Ferdinand von Schirach, who is currently being hold up as the most important writer in the country, quotes in his current work "Kaffee & Zigaretten" (English: "Coffee & Cigarets", not translated yet), which until last week was #1 on the Spiegel Bestsellerliste, Epictetus, provides background information to the life of the philosopher and tells of his first encounter with the "Enchiridion." In another work, he writes: "Marcus Aurelius says that the purpose of life is right action, and the secret of life is life itself. I doubt that a man can know more than that, for me this is all."
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So in response to the question of this discussion, I would say that we should diligently fulfill our duties, do what needs to be done, and tackle the issues that are affecting us. In solving them, the teaching of the Stoics will show through by righteous action, inspire people and thus spread by itself.
My all-time favorite Stoic passage has to do with obstacles:
"In a sense, people are our proper occupation. Our job is to do them good and put up with them. But when they obstruct our proper tasks, they become irrelevant to us—like sun, wind, animals. Our actions may be impeded by them, but there can be no impeding our intentions or our dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. "
To me, this is the most powerful idea in Stoicism. It's so good that there's an entire book written based on this principle from Marcus Aurelius.
What makes it so powerful is the idea that obstacles are not simply to be avoided and maneuvered around. They are to be used as fuel to advance action. Meaning you would actually be worse off if that obstacle didn't exist in the first place. And you're better off with the obstacle having been existed. Obstacles are not only to be neutralized, they are to be turned into an advantage, an opportunity to propel you forward.
Wise Up by Guy Claxton and The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday are both quite similar in how they approach self development and learning. I'd recommend both of them.
First and foremost, 48 Laws of Power. It will show you 100+ ways other people have tried and where they failed and succeeded. It's a great introduction. Get this first.
A lot for these are free on gutenberg.org
Meditations - On being ethical and virtuous in a position of power.
33 strategies of war - A great companion to the 48 laws.
Art of war - Ancient Chinese text on war and power. All but covered in 48 laws.
Hagakure - Japanese text on war and power. All but covered in 48 laws.
On war - Military strategy from Napoleonic era. All but covered in 48 laws.
Rise of Theodore Roosevelt - Amazing book.
Seeking Wisdom from Darwin to Munger - Abstract thought models and logic patterns of highly successful people.
The Obstacle is the Way - Not labeled a book on power, more like thriving during struggle, which is important to a leader.
Machiavelli: The Prince - Pretty much the opposite of meditations. All but covered in 48 laws.
Also, here's a good TED talk on why power/civics is important to study: http://www.ted.com/talks/eric_liu_why_ordinary_people_need_to_understand_power?language=en
If you've gone over these and want something more specialized, I can probably help.
Are you planning on taking us over with force or charm?
I've also been struggling with liking myself, my identity, and generally how to live my life the best I can. Hopefully some of my experiences can help you out.
I am currently undergoing CBT and have been reading a lot of psychology-type books to supplement becoming a better person. I would highly recommend Emotional Intelligence as that was recommended when I starting seeing my therapist. It's hard to summarize but it's mainly about learning to work with your emotions and how to work with them effectively.
I would also recommend Learned Optimism if you want to have a more positive outlook, which I assume most people would want.
Finally, I'm reading The Obstacle is the Way right now and I'm really into it. It's mainly about Stoic philosophy and how your perceptions affect your emotions. I've been getting more into Stoicism lately because it's very much about focusing on what you can change and accepting what you can't. Yes, I know we've all heard this before but hearing someone lay it all out with examples really helps you to embrace a healthier way of thinking.
Those three books together have fundamentally changed my outlook on life for the better.
A couple things that come to mind are:
I read a book that I loved (The Obstacle is The Way) which mentions the idea "we gather strength as we go." This idea has been really comforting for me (especially as a solo founder) because it helps me remember that it's okay to not have all the answers at any given time.
As for specific business advice, I think almost everything can be learned with the right mindset (and the points above have been my biggest challenge so far). Didn't mean to get too preachy, but this stuff has been a big help for me so I figured I'd post it!
/r/stoicism is an amazing philosophy of life. If you aren't familiar with it, you should be.
Read up on some Marcus Aurelius; he was perhaps the last "good" Roman emperor.
Also, the above mentioned Seneca. Epictetus is also very noteworthy.
There's also some great modern day work on the subject by Ryan Holiday
And William B. Irvine
I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:
For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.
For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.
This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)
Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.
Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
"Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
"The Talent Code"
"Man's Search for Meaning"
"Flow"
Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.
(Edit: I suck at formatting)
You should be more specific about what you're hoping to learn. There are thousands of resources out there in regards to entrepreneurship, marketing, website development & eCommerce. You could find pretty much anything you want if you phrase it correctly.
Example Searches
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You can just keep going from there.
The basics of what you'll need, assuming you know nothing (which I doubt) would be this.
Everything else you just figure out along the way based on how you want to monetize your audience and quite honestly, no book is going to help you figure that out.
You'll learn a lot more just hanging out on Reddit and watching YouTube videos on the subject matter that's next on your checklist. Books are almost purely inspirational at this point and I think we can agree there are plenty of Podcasts that will help you find inspiration (and skill), such as The Top (Nathan Latka) or Mixergy
If you study hustlers you'll get all the information and inspiration you could ever hope for. Read or watch anything from Noah Kagan (AppSumo). No one does it better than him. Ryan Holiday (not an affiliate link) is another favorite of mine. There are also some older Tim Ferriss articles that really talk about how you approach certain businesses.
Like I said, man. It's all out there. You don't need to pay $1 for information, you just have to know what to look for and if you listen to a few podcasts or read a few beginner articles you'll figure out pretty quickly the steps you need to take next.
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Some Books I Like (no affiliate links)
Hey this is a good point. Cyber bullying is a crime and you might have cause to talk to the police about it. Nothing would shut someone up faster then having the police show up at their door!
But a more productive, certainly long term solution would be to completely ignore them entirely. Just don't acknowledge it in any way. Hate-based spam feeds on attention, giving them attention is like pouring gasoline on a fire. Better to let it burn out.
If you have trouble ignoring their comments, try reading some books on stoic philosophy. What happens to you is largely uncontrollable, reacting to it is 100% your choice. Check out the book by a modern stoic named Ryan Holiday who used stoic philosophy to fuel his meteoric rise to be the youngest director of marketing for american apparel ever, and his book called The Obstacle is the Way.
If you're after a modern guide to stoicism, I liked The Obstacle is the Way.
Vicksburg has been stuck in my mind since I first visited it, it took probably a dozen books for me to fully wrap my head around it. I ended up telling the story at some length in my new book and used the marketing as an excuse to have this video produced. Hope you all like it.
Thank you. Besides "The Meditations", here's another great book on Stoicism that you might find interesting: The Obstacle is the Way
Here are all the books with amazon links, Alphabetical order :)
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It sucks, but do not feel sorry for yourself. Don't let this setback negatively impact the rest of your life, or let your physique get any worse than it has to. Keep the tightest possible diet, walk a little (if your doctor says it's cool), and use the time to make serious life gains outside of the gym.
https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
Check out Ryan Holidays "The Obstacle is the way" it come with many anectodes how stoic principles have been applied (http://www.amazon.com/The-Obstacle-Is-Way-Timeless/dp/1591846358)
Maybe asking him out is good either way. Let's assume best case: y'all date for a few years and have fun, then break up (sorry). That'd be great! If you ask him out and he says no, though, (worst case!) you actually still gain a lot. The realization that a "no" doesn't hurt more than "what if." The vital social skill of navigating life around exes and/or people who you didn't date but tried. You'll figure out how to get back to "friendship" level if dating isn't in the cards.
Rejection is hard, but I find this quote helpful: "Choose not to be harmed — and you won't feel harmed. Don't feel harmed — and you haven't been," from the ancient Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
If this argument makes sense to you, you might read the short book, "The Obstacle is the Way," by Ryan Holiday.
With philosophy, it's often a good idea to read a modern author's summary and explanation first, instead of going straight for the source material.
I recommend you read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph or Stoicism and the Art of Happiness: A Teach Yourself Guide and see if you want to move on to the actual Stoics.
That said, Stoicism is one of the most useful and applicable schools of philosophy and well worth educating yourself about, even if you're not that interested in philosophy in general.
Thanks for taking my words to heart. I'm a bit older than you and have felt myself in your situation around your age as well as many years later. I'd like for you to not have to deal with the prolonged suffering as I did!
Depression is absolutely addicting! Or should I say, your ego is absolutely addicted to suffering and punishment, especially when the punishment really isn't so bad immediately or physically.
The trick is, depression locks us into a temporary frame of content that doesn't appreciate much from the past or have us looking forward to a better outcome in future. It's like being stuck out on the sea in a lifeboat without a map or knowledge of astral-positioning (guidance by the sun and starts); there's nowhere you can foreseeably navigate to and where you came from doesn't seem to matter all the much at the moment. We become content with merely drifting and staying afloat.
You are afraid of becoming content with your state of existence because it's become habit and it's proven not to be a physical threat to your life. But, you obviously want more for yourself. Why else would you have identified this target of seeking support? Why post on this subreddit instead of lurking r/birdswitharms?
Recognize that you mindbody wants you to punish yourself, but also that you are feeding it without question.
Fear is actually more of a navigator that a motivator; fear tells us what is most important to us and which challenges we truly want to overcome. Putting yourself in a negative state isn't useful. Understanding what the worst possible outcome of any action plan you've designed for yourself is a practical approach to putting the fear of failure in its place.
Reading: The Obstacle is the Way
A lot of people who had it MUCH less worse off than you made it through for the better. Wouldn't you agree?
It's a change in perspective that can be so powerful in moving through the tough times. For me personally, I like to jump in to books, get a push towards that new perspective, read about people's philosophies on life, obstacles, etc. Two books that have been great reads that I go back to over and over are:
The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph - https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story - https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265423
I know at the time I would never had wanted to hear this, but it rings so true now looking back...you are so young, nothing you have done up to this point has been a mess up, but a vital lesson learned on your way towards being what you are meant to be.
I wish you the best in all the amazing things to come!
Well done. At first I thought you were referencing this excellent book by Ryan Holiday.
/u/ryan_holiday, who can be seen around /r/stoicism pretty regularily, has a great book called The Obstacle is the Way.
I think it's exactly what you're looking for. Short. Concise. A ton of great examples of overcoming tremendous adversity with grit.
You'll find a lot of advice on this sub about how to build healthy habits, with the FAQ being a good place to start: http://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/the_secret_to_fitness
If you're talking just about fitness, for me the "key to success" was finding exercise I enjoyed. Weightlifting and crossfit aren't hard for me to do at all, it's what I do for fun. I read articles about it, research it, etc just like you would any other hobby. Diet wise, I don't think I've ever been out of a healthy BMI range (though I have been at a high ish body fat percentage and living a pretty unhealthy life style), but the changes I made to it were incremental. Dropped soda, got off my college meal plan so I stopped getting chicken tenders every night, started cooking for myself, etc.
If you're talking just about in general being accountable to yourself, this is something I constantly strive to improve in myself, and I don't think anyone is ever perfect but there are a lot of conscious things you can do. For me one big thing is practicing self-reflection and problem-solving. Whenever things aren't going my way, I try to not let myself stay upset about it for too long, and think of it as if it was someone else's problem. Analyze what is going wrong, what could I do to fix it, take action. Write it down if I have to. I was recently recommended this book, which was a great read about how to productively tackle obstacles and come out stronger from them. It relies on the philosophy of the stoics, and doesn't recommend that you should always be happy/positive no matter what because that's not possible. But "woe is me" is also not a good approach. Success is in the rational middle ground and it is all about your attitude and how you approach life.
This book from what I understand is mandatory reading for the NE organization. I thought it was a good read. It helped motivate me to mow my lawn.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things -- Ben Horowitz. GREAT as an audiobook.
Traction: Get a grip on your business -- Gino Wickman. Good for unknotting the reasons for constantly stalling out on progress. It's meant for large offices, apparently, but even my little office benefited since the habits are universal.
The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph -- Ryan Holiday
As others have said, you're 20 which you don't realise is young. We're all cursed with wishing we knew a few years ago what we know now. I've walked a lot more miles than you and I can tell you that experience brings an understanding that being anything other than yourself is bullshit. You want to be you, and you'll only be happy when you are that guy. Don't be someone else, and I can tell you now that being 'Alpha' is not going to improve your sense of self worth or security.
But you also want to be a good version of you that you can be proud of. Find some space and think about who you are without the baggage of social pressures and what the finest manifestation of that would really look like, then try to do enough towards that to know where you're headed.
Be a good man, not an arrogant caricature of one. I suggest you start here:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Obstacle-Is-Way-Timeless/dp/1591846358
Career Management: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. I used to be extremely judgmental, angry and confused about how a career was "supposed to" work. This book has been a goto of mine since early 2010, and I refer to it often when evaluating my career path.
Self-Improvement: The 4-Hour Body. As someone who has struggled and given up on weight-loss for more than a decade, I mastered my body composition for the first time in my 40+ years by losing 60#. This is my proudest self-improvement goal, by far.
Operating System: The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. This was my introduction to stoicism, which I've adopted as my "operating system" for life. I found this to be more accessible than Seneca's On The Shortness of Life or Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, both of which are difficult for me to digest.
The ancient world faced the question of meaning and purpose as much as us. In Marcus Aurelius' writings, I found the perseverance, nobility, and applicable philosophy that I craved after leaving the comfort of Mormonism.
For those who have suicidal thoughts, my primary advice would be to seek out a professional who can assist in working through this very serious time. You can work through it, and you owe it to your future self to persevere.
But as a supplement and a guiding life philosophy, I think Stoicism is a tremendously powerful tool. Perhaps it's not the only tool, but it certainly is one which can form a sturdy basis for weathering the existential stress and anxiety that is common to us all. We must deal with meaninglessness where we once had it clearly spelled out for us. Working through the transitory period of nihilism to something more stable and healthy is possible even within a non-theistic framework. Nature does not require our misery, so why should we be miserable in our existence?
I loved the maxims that are to be found in "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and the other Stoic philosophers. Stoicism is a close kin to modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is used by therapists today, and the richness of the philosophical tradition lends a kind of poetic frame for a full life without self delusion. The stoic concepts are simple, seemingly obvious and easy to become familiar with, but the challenge is in applying them to your life.
If you're truly destitute of meaning and hope, try Stoicism. It helped Vice Admiral James B. Stockdale through his time as a POW in Hanoi, Vietnam for 7 1/2 years - where he was tortured 15 times, placed in solitary confinement for over 4 years, and in leg irons for 2 years. If anyone had a reason for hopelessness, it was him. He later wrote about his experience in "The Stoic Warrior's Triad" and "Master of my Fate", along with "Courage Under Fire: Testing Epictetus' Doctrines in a Labratory of Human Behavior". Imagine facing a seemingly interminable future of misery, but even in this darkness finding something so powerful that you survived and even thrived. That's the power of Stoicism.
In addition to getting a real therapist to work with, and not as a substitute mind you, read "Man's Search for Meaning" and go through the following links, starting at the top and working your way down. By the time you're done, I think you'll have a ready tool to use as you continue on with life outside Mormonism.
The Obstacle is The Way, by Ryan Holiday (a good entry text - don’t skip the reading recommendations at the back)
Letters from a Stoic, by Seneca
Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius (Gregory Hays translation)
The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch (video)
“On the Shortness of Life" Four Hour Blog, Translated by John W. Basore, highlighted by Tim Ferriss
A long podcast conversation with Ryan and Tim Ferriss discussing Stoicism
Achieving Apatheia (slideshare), Ryan Holiday
A lecture series, Marcus Aurelius
The Stoic Life (website about stoicism)
Man in the Arena - Teddy Roosevelt
You should check out the Ryan Holiday Book The Obstacle is the Way (Amazon Link). It will change your life.
LOVE IT
(I was just going to leave a quick comment and then...well...theres a lot here haha)
This is exactly why I do what I do every single day. I teach 8th grade science in a title 1 NYC school. Priority for me is helping my students become the best version of them as I make the journey myself. I think that age group is ideal for teaching these concepts as they haven't figured out what type of people to be yet or how to get to be that type of people. My content is the tool I use to give them the perspective they need. I get to do genetics/evolution/physics/space/human impact...lets me cover everything about living well.
I happen to have started around 24 and now that I'm 26 and pretty confident in what I've learned and actually done, I share with as many people as I can. I'm lucky enough to teach with my best friend AND get the same 3 classes he does. We've been tag teaming our kids with personal growth materials and speeches and all sorts of things this year....and it's making a noticeable difference in them.
These are a few of my recent reads that I think carry important lessons and then a link to my actual webpage that I put together so I can share and help regular people. I'm in the process of building one dedicated to my students so they have somewhere to go for answers and encouragement as they age. I don't expose my students to these sources of information, I just absorb and integrate it into what I teach.
Good luck! And keep it up! We need more real teachers, it's not about memorizing facts it's about becoming human.
[The Celestine Prophecy: An Adventure] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0446671002/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_986UAbV1ES609)
[Ego Is the Enemy] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591847818/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_.96UAbDFHSW0S)
[The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591846358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_W-6UAbZ3NTY0A)
My own webpage [Earthling Healing] (https://sites.google.com/view/earthlinghealing/personal-growth?authuser=0)
I'm reading an interesting book that seems to address your problem. Check it out, if you're interested:
http://www.amazon.ca/The-Obstacle-Is-Way-Timeless/dp/1591846358/ref=pd_rhf_dp_s_cp_4_676E?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=154Y90BKG9AY2R1JTESF
https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1539795568&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=The+obstacle+is+the+way
You're so welcome. Honestly I'm struggling right now, too, but helping others helps me heal as well. There is a book that helped me reframe my illness as not a burden, but a path. It's called "The Obstacle is the Way":
https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
You might check it out if you're looking for some motivation + meaning.
He needs therapy beyond anger management. Something like cognitive behavioral therapy would be more helpful.
Here's an amateur attempt at psychoanalysis, take with a grain of salt: your brother feels like a loser, whether he admits it to himself or not. He's living at home at age 31, and probably has no real prospects or way out of this situation.
The red pill obsession is a kind of fantasy - a way to feel powerful in his mind, and if it were to actually work, a way to take back some measure of power in the real world.
However, when reality challenges this fantasy - for example when his little sister doesn't do what he says and give him the automatic respect he believes he deserves as an "alpha" - the fantasy starts to unravel. Since his self-worth is tied up in the fantasy, there's no easy way out of the conflict - if he accepts your behavior, he has to accept that he's not an alpha, which leaves him back to being a loser. A tantrum is the response to this irreconcilable situation.
To break out of this, he's going to need to confront his situation more realistically. That's very difficult without outside help. His real problem is not an anger problem, it's a problem dealing with the reality of his life, and unfortunately to do that he's chosen a fantasy that's unlikely to truly help.
Somebody else in the thread mentioned stoicism. That would be a much more healthy approach to his situation. A good intro book to this is The Obstacle is the Way
Check out this book called 'the obstacle is the way'
https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
Read some stoicism. Change your mindset.
I recommend the Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Here is the tl;dr video version
EDIT: How could I forget?
Congrats to you for deciding to create a better life for yourself!
I would focus on one thing at a time [don't expect to be able to get to everything right away].
It looks like you're on the right path based on your goals, but I would add reading to it also. Anything that can help you change your perspective on your life and increase your confidence. Books like The Obstacle is the Way, The Power of Now, and How to Win Friends & Influence People.
Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. It will take time, but if you keep at it you will see some real beneficial changes.
This is the right answer. The things you're afraid of are often the things that will make you most fulfilled if you do them anyway. Action is what drives you forward. Check out The Obstacle is the Way. https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
Start With Why [Simon Sinek]
48 Laws of Power [Robert Greene] (33 Strategies of War, Art of Seduction)
The 50th Law [Curtis James Jackson]
Tipping Point:How Little Things Can Make a Difference and Outliers: The story of Succes [Malcolm Gladwell]
The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy [Ryan Holiday] (stoicism)
[Tim Ferris] (actually haven't read any of his books, but seems to know a way to use social media, podcast, youtube)
Get an understanding to finance, economics, marketing, investing [Graham, Buffet], philosophy [Jordan Peterson]
I like to think us/you/business is about personal development, consciousness, observing recognizable patterns in human behavior and historical significance. It's an understanding of vast areas of subjects that connect and intertwine then returns back to the first book you’ve read (Start with Why) and learn what you've read past to present. Business is spectacular, so is golf.
To Add:
Irrationally Predictable:The Hidden Forces that Shape Our Decisions - [Dan Ariely] (marketing)
The Hard Things About Hard Things - [Ben Horowitz] (business management)
Black Privilege: Opportunity Comes to Those Who Create It - [Charlamagne Tha God] (motivation)
The Lean Startup: Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses - [Eric Ries]
Zero to One: Notes on Startups, How to Build the Future - [Peter Theil]
Good post but it's missing references.
The poster book for Stoicism and productivity mixed together: The Obstacle is the Way
Not sure about the rest but for subjectivity, I'm guessing The Now Habit
Guess for negativity bias Predictably Irrational
Guess for think objectively Succeed
Guess for advice to friends The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
I guess this goes to explain my downvote. I'm not really expecting a fully referenced article but it goes to show that either productivity concepts are overrated and can be summed up in one short article or the concepts, as written in the article, is vastly under-represented if not mis-represented.
I'm sure my lone vote won't matter much in the river of upvotes and congrats for giving your site and articles that "Seth Godin" touch but you could do better.
You're welcome. My pleasure!
The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591846358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_fsakDb089M1XA
Just finished The Obstacle Is The Way. Great book. https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph/dp/1591846358
Read this to conquer that thought.