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Reddit reviews on The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field

Sentiment score: 26
Reddit mentions: 48

We found 48 Reddit mentions of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field. Here are the top ones.

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Found 48 comments on The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field:

u/airandfingers · 5 pointsr/BettermentBookClub

Not a book, but check out https://markmanson.net/boundaries.

I find that Mark Manson's advice tends to be pretty good on topics like this.

Also, he recommends Nathaniel Branden's Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, which we discussed in this sub.

u/fuck_gawker · 5 pointsr/pornfree

I've added this: Doing the second week of sentence completion exercises from "The Six Pillars"

And doing less of this: Surfing mindlessly.

u/jordanlund · 4 pointsr/OneY

Take 30 days with a new attitude and find out for yourself. Don't hang your head, don't mope. Approach each interaction with the inherent idea that you matter and you will see what I'm talking about.

Some good reading too:

Un-Fuck Yourself:
https://www.amazon.com/Unfu-Yourself-Your-Head-into/dp/0062803832/ref=asc_df_0062803832/

How To Talk to Absolutely Anyone:
https://www.audible.com/pd/How-to-Talk-to-Absolutely-Anyone-Audiobook/B00EDPVJRG

Six Pillars of Self Esteem:
https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397

u/benjman25 · 4 pointsr/TheRedPill

Great list! I have read all the above and totally agree that their value is worthwhile to anyone seeking to improve their life -- regardless of financial status, relationships, profession, etc. A couple others that I've found useful along the road:

6. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by N. Branden. During the reawakening stage and after a particularly painful breakup, I found this book helpful. Learning the concept of "alone-ness" versus "loneliness" continues to drive many motivations.

7. Games People Play by Eric Berne. Want to understand why your plate/gf/wife went batshit insane over the stupidest thing, and how to counteract it in the future? Read this book. Want to understand why your coworker was making those strange comments to your boss? Read this book - a must for anyone wanting to learn more about game theory and its application to everyday life. (Next on my list is The Art of Strategy ).

8. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. In many ways this is an antithesis to Freudian thought -- whereas Freud argued man is happy when seeking and obtaining pleasure, Frankl postulates that finding meaning and understanding is what makes us happy. In the context of TRP theory, meditating on, if not fully understanding, these concepts is absolutely necessary.

9. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. The seminal work on the concept and application of persuasion. From negotiations to dating/relationships to job performance, I would rank this book at the top of many lists.

A few other authors/books I've seen mentioned elsewhere that are worth checking out: anything by Kurt Vonnegut, The Art of War by Sun Tzu (which goes hand in hand with The Prince for a great East/West study), and Rollo Tomassi. I've also found some of Oscar Wilde's writing to be both amusing and insightful.

[edit: formatting.]

u/fuckthatpony · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

People who are needy or codependent have a desperate need for love and affection from others. To receive this love and affection, they sacrifice their identity and remove their boundaries.

u/ADHDthatsME listen to this advice and read that article. Establish your boundaries. Six Pillars might help you, too.

u/shockingnews213 · 3 pointsr/Demotivational

The fears are self-fulfilling. If you believe that you're not worth it for any girl (for example), then you won't ask out any girl because you don't think you're worth it. Then you'll watch yourself commit a self-fulfilling prophecy and justify your failures as a confirmation bias. So if anything, it shows that anything you put your mind to can become reality.

I recently have gotten to a really bad point in my life that I called a suicide hotline and they told me about the book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. It's really interesting and intuitive on where the logic of self-esteem comes from, and the book covers a lot of detailed accounts of what self-esteem stems from, how its perpetuated, and how you behave with certain esteems (both high, medium, and low self-esteems). I'm still reading it, but the book has spoken to me already.

u/MarinoMan · 3 pointsr/IncelTears

Women are not a monolith. Are you attracted to the same qualities in people as everyone else? Nope. Are there women out there who go for those kind of guys. Yeah. Are there women out there who would be turned off by that kind of behavior? Yep. You seem to already know why you are using these ridiculous tactics, and it's not because you think they work. It's because you don't feel valuable enough to "deserve" attention and you need to pretend to be something you're not. I promise you there are people out there who will enjoy you for you. Aside from therapy, I recommend this. Best of luck.

u/AFLYINTOASTER · 3 pointsr/entp

If you consistently expect the worst from every situation it's because it's your comfort zone and you're afraid of actually trying and it not being enough. If you go into every scenario expecting to fail, and you fail, it's okay in your mind because you already saw it coming. It's what you expected and it's what you've come to expect.

This is a self fulfilling prophecy. It is toxic. I'm 25 and I'm going through the same shit, it's something that every person struggles with so it's okay to not be completely sure how to fix it yourself. I've found being honest with what I actually want to do helps me define clear steps that I need to in order to reach that goal. It sounds like you're afraid to strive to be your best because that means two things: taking on liabilities, and gaining assets. Liabilities pose the problem of inadequacy, and assets pose the challenge of responsibility.

I highly suggest the book The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. It is the single most influential book I've read and I think every single person should read it in order to get a basic understanding of who they are as a person. Or just beat off again, what do I know?

u/doncolo · 3 pointsr/justneckbeardthings

As someone with his own self-esteem issues to work out, I found that this book came recommended highly. It's a long journey with lots of day by day, step by step mental work, but this seems to be one of the best resources someone could use to begin improving their mental state by themselves:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397

I am about halfway through it. It was published in 1994 but the author seems to be the foremost pioneer in self-esteem. It's eye-opening how well he can explain some of the most complex issues we can face. For ten dollars, you must check it out.

u/1Operator · 2 pointsr/offmychest

Glad to hear it. You got this.

http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/myfistbumpit.jpg

...If you're into reading, take a look at "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden - it's packed with gems.

u/rhackleford · 2 pointsr/books

http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0553374397

This book is very helpful!

u/phaed · 2 pointsr/asktrp

From what you say, he seems to be deficient of self-esteem and in a type of downward spiral. He needs to want to delve into RP, and that can only happen if he has the will to better himself, which he clearly lacks. Most of us had to hit rock bottom to get that will, unless you're willing to dump him for his own good, he's never gonna hit rock bottom. The good news is that rock bottom is not the only way to get that will. To this end I believe this book would help him out. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. It will give him that internal drive to better his condition. Then RP would be a natural progression. A good way to introduce it to him is you buying it for yourself, and them sharing it with him and you two reading and becoming aware of his self-destructive mindsets and behaviors together.

u/TheAtomicOption · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

That sucks.

I don't think emotional investment is really the issue though. Emotional investment is what makes relationships worth effort, not what makes them untenable.

The issue is that you're thinking about this as if you won't be able to handle it, if it doesn't work out. This is a self esteem issue (that I only recently figured out myself, but now see it in tons of people). The problem is that you're not feeling like you're enough to handle things.

Here's what you need to internalize: These relationships may work or they may not, but either way you are going to be ok. You are enough to handle either situation. Sit quietly and think about this for a bit. Read a short book on improving self esteem if what I'm saying seems unclear. You'll know you're going the right way when suddenly you relax because you know you can handle any answer to the questions you put in your post.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/MensRights

I actually wonder if Nathaniel Branden's self-esteem books would be good for teenagers. They teach about how to have a healthy high self-esteem and how to avoid actions that decrease it, including betrayal of integrity that comes from peer pressure, which is very common at teenager ages. The books should teach him how to be an independent, strong person.

I recommend this one. It's the one I use(d) to heal my self-esteem. I also use the core concepts and some of the exercices to heal clients too.

u/bobbincygna · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

you could read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

u/moldenke · 2 pointsr/NoFap

At my worst moments, I used this strategy, and it made me feel pretty good about myself. It didn't really last, though.

What I would recommend is something more substantial--words are kind of empty. What refer to is developing yourself into someone you can love, rather than just telling yourself you do, by building up your self-esteem. Dr. Nathaniel Branden's The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335638442&sr=8-1) helped me out a lot when I was at my worst.

It doesn't do much for me now, because my situation is horrible (while I half-live with my girlfriend, I also half-live with my mom until I finish my master's thesis and then get a job...living with my mom brings me back to my childhood, where I developed my zero self-esteem), but it was great for me before I moved back here and will be great for me again when I can actually start having a life.

u/Mb8tor · 2 pointsr/movies

Go see a therapist. Or just read this. I'm dead serious.

u/spiderman_666 · 2 pointsr/blackpeoplegifs

Love your points. Gonna do a breakdown on them using the 6 Pillars of Self Esteem, a next level book on understanding the self and how to be the best version of yourself.

  • He is able to identify what is bothering him and is able to talk about it. The two big Pillars here are Living Consciously and Self-Acceptance. Clearly, as you stated, he is able to express and understand his emotions. Those who operate with a legit level of consciousness and who accept who they are have a huge advantage when it comes to understanding and accepting (and thus being able to honestly express) their own emotions. Personal Integrity is also clearly present here as he could have lied to the coach or feigned injury, but instead spoke truth.

  • The kid is Living Purposefully. He cares. Perhaps he feels like he is shirking his Self-Responsibility by not doing as well as he would like?

  • Here, Self-Acceptance, Self-Responsibility, and Personal Integrity are weighing hard against Living Purposefully. He thinks he's not getting anything done. But his timesense is skewed. As a 12 year old, he only has a good catalogue of roughly 1 year worth of memories.

  • "He's listening to his coach." He Trusts his coach. He believes (whether intrinsically or explicitly) in his coach. It is not a coincidence that those with the highest self-esteem are the most easily followed. Think of the person in your life who exhibits the greatest Personal Integrity. Do you trust them? Do you want them to be proud of you?
u/kingpnin · 2 pointsr/malefashionadvice

I recommend reading the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I identify strongly with what you said and I am not exaggerating when I say that book has changed my life. I've gone to therapy, I've reached out to friends, found resources online but nothing quite put a finger on what I was feeling and how it affected my life like the contents of book did. You're right in recognizing that fashion cannot compensate for deeper insecurities. The fact is, whether we try to build confidence through fashion, cultivation a certain personality, taking up a new hobby, we're screwed from the start if we have low-self esteem no matter what we chase.

​

I think the key is building a healthy relationship with fashion. Take the parts of it that make you feel good or at least comfortable in your skin. It's an art that takes time to become skilled at but is rewarding once you're able to express yourself through it. I don't see working on your fashion sense and working on your self-confidence as mutually exclusive - I am doing exactly that right now.

​

I'll leave you with some quotes from the book that helped me. I can't recommend it enough - I've been listening to it on audiobook and I'm on my second time around.

​

"[If we search for validation in our accomplishments...] We will be crippled in our ability to find joy in our achievements. Nothing we do will ever feel like enough. if my aim is to prove that I am enough, the project goes on to infinity because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable. "

​

"Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."

​

"Self-esteem is an intimate experience. It resides in the core of one’s being. It is what I think and feel about myself. The simple fact can hardly be over emphasized. The most effective means of liberation is by raising the level of consciousness one brings to ones own experience. The more one turns up the volume on one’s inner signals, the more ones external signals tend to recede into proper balance. "

​

"Self-esteem expresses itself in a face, manner, a way of talking and moving that projects the pleasure one takes in being alive. It expresses itself in an ease of talking of accomplishments and shortcomings with directness and honesty, since one is in a friendly relationship to facts. It expresses itself in the comfort one feels in giving and receiving compliments, expressions of affection, appreciation, and the like. It expresses itself in an openness to criticism and a comfort about acknowledging mistakes - because ones self-esteem is not tied to the image of being perfect. It expresses itself when one’s words and movements tend to have a quality of ease and spontaneity, reflecting the fact that one is not at war with oneself. It expresses itself in the harmony between what one says and does and the way one looks, sounds, and moves. It expresses itself in an openness to and a curiosity about new ideas, new experiences, new possibilities of life. It expresses itself in the fact that feelings of anxiety and insecurity, if they appear, will be less likely to intimidate or overwhelm, since accepting them, managing them, and rising above them, rarely feels impossibly difficult. It expresses itself in one’s ability to enjoy the humorous aspects of life in oneself and others. It expresses itself in one’s flexibility in responding to situations and challenges, since one trusts oneself‘s mind and does not see life as doom and defeat. It expresses itself in one’s comfort with assertive behavior in oneself and others. It expresses itself in one’s ability to achieve harmony and dignity under conditions of stress."

u/iambob2 · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

do some things that you don't tell anyone in your circles about, like reading a self-improvement book. go on a walk (in a safe area at a safe time, obviously) by yourself.

i'm 15 pages into "6 pillars of self esteem" and the bits about self-sabotage are changing my world.

https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397

i would sabotage myself because i believed my life should be a certain way. i would doubt myself and refer to others for their opinions. i would tuck my dreams away because those were for other people.

dream about your dream-job, obviously, but also dream about the ways to get there. dream about the ways you could change your current job to be better. sounds lame, but i just got my work to cover my phone bill and switch to a new provider that has better coverage. the little things add up. scheduling your work outs and bringing a work out bag to work might help you get back on track, too. maybe only smoke weed to go to sleep. you are unfulfilled, you want to accomplish more things, i can tell that from the way that you wrote your post. weed can help with stress and insomnia but not so much with a lack of fulfillment.

EDIT: also, only decide to watch tv when you want to put your mind on a low setting. tv is not fulfilling either. at least not for me.

u/jcromero · 2 pointsr/intj

I'm really sorry to hear that. I wouldn't wish low self esteem on my worst enemy.

It's a good thing you turned to this subreddit for help. I'm always really glad to help.

First, I really recommend reading The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Like it's seriously worth a hard copy and just sitting down and seriously reading the book. It's a nice dissection of what self esteem is and how it affects you. It's a good first step to take to understanding the core problem and will make you aware of some of one's bad habits and mindsets.

Second, start trying to make lists about things in your life. I know it'll feel a bit corny but writing out some of these lists will really help getting things clear in your own mind. Try to cover a few things:

  • What makes you happy? Family? Friends? Try to cover the things that give you the greatest fulfillment.

  • What prevents you from being happy? Do you have toxic relationships? Do you lack a belief in yourself? If so, why? Try to see things from a fair perspective.

  • What do you like about yourself? Your skill at folding beautiful origami designs? Your devilishly good looks?

  • What do you value in life? Success? Money? The truth? Self expression? Intellectual accomplishment?

    I'd like to read what you write down. Self esteem is awful. I still have self esteem problems but I know I've gotten really great at helping others, even if it's just listening
u/batmanesuncientifico · 2 pointsr/argentina

http://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397

> Understanding Emotions
>
> If a proper education has to include an understanding of thinking, it also has to include an understanding of feelings.
>
> Unfortunately, many parents implicitly teach children to repress their feelings and emotions-or those which parents find disturbing. "Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about!" "Don't you dare get angry!" "Don't be afraid! Do you want people to think you're a sissy?" "No decent girl has such feelings!" "Don't be so excited! What's the matter with you?"
>
> Emotionally remote and inhibited parents tend to produce emotionally remote and inhibited children. This is accomplished not only through their overt communications but also by their own behavior, which signals to a child what is "proper," "appropriate," "socially acceptable." Further, parents who accept certain teachings of religion are likely to convey the unfortunate notion that there are such things as "evil thoughts" or "evil emotions." "It's a sin to feel that!" The child may learn moral terror of his or her inner life.
>
> An emotion is both a mental and a physical event. It is an automatic psychological response, involving both mental and physiological features, to our subconscious appraisal of what we perceive as beneficial or harmful to ourself.· Emotions reflect the perceiver's value response to different aspects of reality: "for me or against me," "good for me or harmful," "to be pursued or to be avoided," and so forth .·A discussion of the psychology of emotions may be found in The Disowned Self
>
> (I omit here certain experiences of anxiety and depression whose roots may be biological and may not fully fit this definition.)
>
> To cease to know what we feel is to cease to experience what things mean to us. This unconsciousnes~ is often actively encouraged in chil- dren. A child may be led to believe that emotions are potentially dan- gerous, that sometimes it is necessary to deny them, to make oneself unaware of them. The child can learn to disown certain emotions and cease to experience them consciously. On the psychological level, a child deflects awareness, thereby ceasing to recognize or acknowledge certain feelings. On the physical level, a child inhibits breathing, tenses his or her body, induces muscular tensions, and blocks the free flow of feelings , thereby inducing a partial state of numbness.
>
> I do not wish to imply that parents are the only source of childhood repression. They are not. Children can learn on their own to protect their equilibrium by disowning certain of their feelings, as I discuss in Honor- ing the Self However, it is undeniable that too many parents encourage the practice of emotional repression by making it a tacit condition of their approval.
>
> As the child grows, he or she may slash away more and more feelings, more and more parts of the self, in order to be accepted, loved, and not abandoned. ,!he child may practice self-repudiation as a survival strat- egy. He or she cannot be expected to understand the unfortunate long- range consequences.
>
> A teacher is in a position to teach children a rational respect for feelings coupled with an awareness that one can accept a feeling without having to be ruled by it.
>
> We can learn to own when we are afraid, and accept it, and (for instance) still go to the dentist when it is necessary to do so. We can learn to admit when we are angry, and talk about it, and not resort to fists. We can learn to recognize when we hurt, and own the feeling, and not put on a phony act of indifference. We can learn to witness our feelings of impatience and excitement, and breathe into them, and yet not go out to play until we have finished our homework. We can learn to recognize . our sexual feelings, and accept them, and not be controlled by them in self-destructive ways. We can learn to recognize and accept our emotions without losing our minds. We can learn to wonder: What might my feelings be trying to tell me? What might I need to consider or think about? We can ·learn that a pain or fear confronted is far less dangerous than a pain or fear denied.
>
> We can learn that we are accountable for what we choose to do, but that feelings as such- are neither moral nor immoral-they simply are. Today, this is the kind of understanding some people gain only in psychotherapy. But in the schools of the future, no one will finish the twelfth grade without having been exposed to these ideas. They will be an integral part of everyone's education because of their clear impor- tance to the achievement of a decent life. We can learn to recognize and accept our emotions without losing our minds.
>
> It need hardly be added that if a teacher is to succeed in teaching self- acceptance, he or she must be comfortable in accepting the feelings of students, must create an environment in which such acceptance is felt by everyone. Children who feel accepted find it easier to accept them- selves.
>
> This point was made previously in our discussion of effective parent-ing and of necessity it is made again here. Indeed; virtually all of the principles identified in the preceding chapter have application in the classroom. For example, handling mistakes with benevolence rather than as if they were shameful; for reasons I trust are clear, how a teacher responds to a student's mistakes can have an impact on the rest of the student's life. Few schools today teach the art of thinking and fewer still teach the things I have been saying about emotions. But the schools of the future will have to.
>

u/ChangNoi · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Oh that doesn't sound good. I'm not sure how the UK health system works (I'm from Aus), but is there any way you could see one who cares?

Anyway, if you're interested in learning about self worth and self esteem, I can highly recommend The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

Might not help you right away, but it might give you an idea about why you are feeling the way you are.

Good luck!

u/camonz · 2 pointsr/Fitness

> I think that Reddit is chock-full of people who need a small dose of CBT to help them out...


They need a small dose of Cock–Ball Torture? xD

I know what you mean by being in the exact same position. A good trick is to baby–step whatever you want to achieve; meaning, say you want to workout; the process of getting off your ass and doing it implies a certain expenditure of energy which your brain sub-conciously deems unexpendable so you end up procrastinating. Now, the way to 'trick' your own brain is by baby-stepping the process of going to workout.

First, put on your shorts and t–shirt, then as a step two you can wear your sneakers, third grab your keys and drive to the gym; fourth, since you're already at the gym why not workout?

The trick lies in tricking your brain in every step to execute and by expending energy in every step you're basically sinking costs which are making you commit to complete the task you set out to do.

On the reasons why we procrastinate there's a lot of literature, it is basically a subset of Akrasia and the guys at /r/getdisciplined have a ton of info and resources about it on their faq.

Personally, I want to loose 65lbs, I want to gain some muscle, I want to have more discipline in my life, I want to feel happier, I want to eat better, quit smoking, quit drinking diet pepsi, I want to become more outgoing as I once was, I want to have a sense of purpose on my life, I want to be financially independent, stop feeling insecure about shit, have more self esteem and overall be a better person.
But, the truth is that it's overwhelming, I've placed myself on a cocoon of sorts where I feel comfortable and every-time I want to change something about it I end up falling back into the same pattern.

For example, on Sunday I was making a profile on a freelancer site and I felt simply overwhelmed and scared about how to make a good profile and what steps to take to realize that dream of being financially independent. My reaction on a very deep level was "I want to eat" and thus I ended up getting some cookies instead of having something healthy to eat or even better not getting the cravings at all. Of course, I know why it happened; the fear made me stressed, the stress increased my blood-insulin levels and thus I was hungry.

The problem lies in that stress and fear narrow our perception of reality and forces us to make bad choices because we're basically reacting on a fight–or–flight impulse. So addiction is a conditioned response of instant gratification in the face of stress and fear.

A couple of days ago I was reading Nathaniel Branden's The Six Pillars of Self–Esteem and a quote from the book really struck deep with me.

>Self-destruction is an act best performed in the dark.

Meaning that, our lack of self-awareness about our own actions is why we keep doing things against our own best interests. Which is were it ties up with CBT because its goal is to increase self–awareness and lead to changes of incorrect behaviour patterns.

It's a great book and a recommended read for anyone feeling lost in their lives, dealing with depression or having a low self-esteem.

To tie it all up, I saw this video today which reminded me that getting out of that comfort–zone cocoon I'm in, is the right path for me.

The REAL Secret To Happiness Lies In This ONE Quick Belief Change

u/Frandaman760 · 1 pointr/dating

You sound like you are throwing in the towel, which I did for two years after 22 years of no action and much, much frustration. So I'm just gonna recommend three books that helped me out. I highly, highly recommend the first. The second is what got me out of my funk. These two books helped me understand women where before I frankly didn't know shit. The third one is great for confidence/self esteem, which can help anyone.

The Way of the Superior Man

How to be a 3% Man

6 Pillars of Self Esteem

I am aware of how cringey/snake oil'sy some of these books come off as(especially How to be a 3% Man), but they are good.

Edit: And if you aren't going to read any of this stuff, at least do yourself a favor and work on improving your posture. It makes a huge difference in how people respond to you.

u/sweptplanform · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. But I found his book How to raise your self-esteem perhaps even more helpful.

u/UfukAltan · 1 pointr/LifeImprovement

Having a purpose is a great feeling. It appends excitement and meaning into one's life. LACK of a meaning, on the other hand, can easily lead someone to horrible feelings such as an impact on the self-esteem as referred in the book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502739554&sr=8-1&keywords=six+pillars+of+self+esteem
However; if we look around, we can effortlessly find countless people who are happy without a purpose. "Ignorance is bliss"
But living purposefully is one the best emotions to experience, I believe

u/kiyonisis · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I highly recommend reading The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. Unlike most self-help books, this one was actually written by a research psychologist and is very well backed up, if not a bit verbose at times. The first 80 pages or so are quite dry with a lot of ground work, but once you get into the meat of it it's pretty good. I'll try to summarize what the six pillars are:

  1. Live consciously: Basically, be self-aware. Try to observe yourself and analyze your actions/thoughts from a 3rd person perspective and be mindful of what you are doing. Some people do this through meditation, or journal writing, or just engaging in regular reflection.

  2. Self acceptance: be honest with yourself about the reality of who you are. Be willing to accept the facts about yourself in a non judgmental way. Being willing to forgive yourself for past transgressions and let go of wishing that things were different - the past is the past. You're not trying to place a value judgement on whether or not the facts are a good thing or if you want them to change, you just recognize where you are at in life and make an effort to be at peace with it. That doesn't mean you don't strive to be better - you just don't beat yourself up about it or try to lie to yourself.

  3. Self-responsibility: you and only you are responsible for your happiness. You don't get to blame bad luck, people screwing you over, or people failing to give you what you want/deserve. You take control of your life by believing that you have the power to make life-altering decisions. You are responsible for your emotional state and how you choose to react to situations. No one is coming to save you.

  4. Self-assertiveness: recognize that you have a fundamental right to express yourself and that setting strong boundaries and enforcing them is a good thing. This isn't about being a loud, pushy asshole, but simply drawing a line in the sand of "this is who I am and I am going to stand by it"

  5. Live purposefully: Make a regular and deliberate effort to take action. Don't just go through the motions of life and settle into a mindless routine. Every waking moment should contribute positively to your overall quality of life.

  6. Live with integrity: know what your values are. Recognize mistakes, acknowledge and atone for them, and vow to hold yourself to a higher standard and not repeat them.

    The book gives a ton of good examples and exercises at the end of each section to give you a structured way of improving each one. I already felt I had pretty good self esteem before I even read it, but I picked up many good points which I find help a lot.

    It lays a good groundwork for the theory of self esteem, but ultimately you have to back it up by putting the advice into action. Think of this book as strategic-level thinking, and then you can look into more tactic level stuff about what sort of activities/hobbies/habits to pick up that align with it.
u/TallyMay · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Nathaniel Branden "6 Pillars of Self Esteem". Brilliant book.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397

The 6 pillars are:

  1. Live Consciously
    This requires us to be fully in the present moment. And for
    most, this takes a bit of practice, because many of us are
    conditioned to disown the here and now, to survive what we
    have thought that we cannot handle.

  2. Accept Yourself
    Yes. You have flaws and attributes. You also have the
    opportunity to enhance who you are, by accepting everything
    about yourself. In fact, the only way to enhance who you
    are is to accept yourself.

  3. Take Responsibility for Your Experiences
    Through my journey, I have learned to be in conversations
    where I say to myself, "It comes down to 'this is where you
    end, and I begin,'"
    Saying such an affirmation has helped me to congruently say
    what I will and will not experience. And this is quite
    liberating not only to myself, but also to my interlocutor
    (most of the time)

  4. Assert Who You Are
    Honor what you think, feel, believe, need and want. Yes,
    for many readers this may be a challenge. But the results
    of accepting this challenge are wonderfully fulfilling.

  5. Live Purposefully
    Make an agreement with yourself to reach your highest
    potential, while you maintain balance in your life.

  6. Maintain Your Integrity
    Know exactly what your principles are. And stick to them,
    no matter what others think or do.
u/rideawayonmyzephyr · 1 pointr/aerialsilks

Aw sweet girl I totally get you. I haven’t been in that exact situation, but I do get being SO fusturated with yourself over something that is taking far too long and any “other” person would’ve conquered by now.

All I can say is, aside from that I totally understand your frustration, is that, if you love it, then you can only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Everyone is dealing with a completely different set of limitations and privileges, and to compare yourself to them is unjust.

And you HAVE made progress! It may be slow but DAMN GIRL! Be proud of yourself! You did something! That’s a whole heap more than all the people who didn’t even make it off the couch.

If you shift your perspective a little bit, maybe silks CAN be something that makes you feel good about yourself, because you’ve been coming back every. damn. week. and refusing to quit when people with less persistence would’ve thrown in the towel by now. And that’s something to be proud of!!

However, I totally believe everyone needs something they’re good at to bolster their self esteem, so if realistically this can’t do that for you, maybe you could find another outlet to bring that positive self-worth & offset any negative feelings the slow progress in aerials is causing.

As in, maybe the issue is not silks, but your life overall isn’t giving you a feeling of self-efficacy and silks is just another thing dragging you down, even though you love it.

My personal advice would be not to quit if you love it, but to examine other areas of your life that can bring self esteem. Also this bookthis book is really great if overall self esteem is something you’re struggling with (from your post it definitely sounds like it is).

Best of luck!!

u/partypooper14 · 1 pointr/funny

Like the other guy said, social skills are learned behaviors not something you are born with. Most people naturally absorb it at a young age from people around them like parents, friends, relatives... The rest of us will need to figure it out on our own from literature or personal experiences at later age.

Personally, i found [The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397) by Nathaniel Branden helpful raising my self esteem/confidence. Obviously there are a bunch of other books out there which you can find on your own. Once you gain some confidence your social skills will also start improving as well.


If you want a shortcut to get to some pussy without working on yourself. Look for PUA pdf files by authors like David Deangelo or David Alexander. Their books are effective, but i find the methods to be inorganic and unsustainable in the long run. It also kind of objectifies women to a degree that you start seeing them as sex objects than human beings.

u/srcnps · 1 pointr/selfhelp

I have poor conversation skills as well, but I feel like I know how I would go about fixing them, and haven't done so cause the reality is that it is hard uncomfortable work. We may be in a completely different boat, so disregard if it seems that way.

For me its a lack of confidence and an having an inhibited personality. Once you have those two things, you have no reason not to naturally develop good conversation skills. Does this sound like you at all? Do you have an 'inner filter' that you pass through before speaking your mind?

Your filter is too strong. Some people don't have enough of a filter and act like assholes all the time, others filter them selves too much and are uninteresting shy people.

I could go on and on but maybe the best thing to do would be to link you the sources of this info so you can do more research on your own.

How to stop caring about what people think of you - Actualized.org

Self Confidence

Self Image

Self Esteem

The book Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

Another short version of the answer is just to force yourself to talk more.

u/Toast_Sapper · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

I just started reading this book per a high recommendation by someone in a comment thread and I can't even put it down.

Based on your self description I think it may help you.

u/Whittler99 · 1 pointr/AskMen

Therapy can be awesome but only if you get the right person; the key is to shop around. Don't just walk in and pay hundreds of dollars for a full session, see if there is any way you can interview the prospective therapist just for a couple minutes. Do it with several, and get recommendations from people you know might be helpful. If you're in college, check your student health services to see if they provide therapy.

Look up a guy named Gary Vanyerchuk, he's an entrepreneur and one of the biggest things he helped me with is getting past and over complaining. He's got videos on Youtube and a few books out on the market. I know this isn't an entrepreneurship thread but because of the nature of their business, complaining and bitterness are huge hurdles they have to get over. Here's one of my favorite of his videos and another with a Q&A explaining his background at the beginning: Entrepreneurs and Complaining / SXSW Keynote 2016

Also you might try checking out the 21 Day No Complaint Challenge

I don't know what your opinions of women are but since you said your opinions can be "sexist" and involve a general "disgust" towards them, I'm 90% sure you are one of the many people who believe that "All women like jerks and hate nice guys." The biggest thing to realize about the flaw of that mentality is that to women, the most attractive body part on a man is his spine. Nice guys don't know how to take a stand, whereas jerks do take a stand but usually take it way further than necessary to get their point across, that's why they get more relationships but they don't typically last long.

Books I'd recommend that are available to preview at your local B&N (the last one by Glover is actually the full pdf text of the book):
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie / The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden / No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover, Ph.D

Good luck!

u/fgawker · 1 pointr/pornfree

Great list, OP. Burns provides insights and guidance in both "Feeling Good" and "The Feeling Good Handbook". I'm a little over half-way through the Handbook. Doing the work, the exercises, is key.

If I may suggest, browse through "The Six Pillars" by Nathaniel Branden. The final work, in Appendix B, is a 31-week long series of sentence completions that are incredibly helpful in many aspects of life, including addictions.

u/wtjones · 1 pointr/Fitness

"It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you." There are probably some underlying psychological reasons feeding your desire to eat. Some of these reasons may wane as you get physically stronger. You may need to work on your inner game, checkout r/seduction or this book about building self-esteem.

When I first came to this subreddit (r/fitness) I was weak, and not just physically. I'd gotten in the habit of letting myself slide when no one else was watching. As I started to get physically stronger and the weights started to get lighter I felt like the emotional load was getting lighter as well. Now I push myself when no one is looking because I'm not worried about what someone else is going to think, I'm worried about what I'm going to think. Along with producing muscles, my body now produces pride as well.

u/MagicalUnderWhere · 1 pointr/cults

I don't have experience with any. This is why your thread interested me. I need a better therapist. Stopped going to the last one after I eventually realized she wasn't able to even recognize the problems Mormonism caused me let alone help me recover from them.

These are books I have seen mentioned different places, but I haven't taken the time yet to delve into any of them. I often get caught up with choices and procrastinate making a move forward.

Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Combating Cult Mind Control

u/bozwood · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

I am late here so I hope this makes it to you. I can relate to much of what you are dealing with from a variety of angles.

Here is something that you can do on your own, is specific, and, I believe, has the potential to be very effective.

Read this book (no affiliation)

It is very good and I think very well aligned with what you need. And, then, do the sentence completion exercises. This is key. I believe they are legit and effective at getting to core issues.

u/kathrynallison · 1 pointr/AskReddit

you can use the feelings to get over the feelings and become a stronger person. I found this book helpful

my advice would be to go to the library or google and find work books etc on self esteem and self confidence.

u/Paul-ish · 1 pointr/AskReddit

PUA psychology is mostly just a redux of the self-esteem movement from the 80's and early 90's. If you want that, read Nathaniel Brandon. He was instrumental in the self-esteem movement. He came up with the moniker "Instead of asking yourself 'what do they think of me?' ask yourself 'What do I think of them?'" Which pretty much the PUA ideology wrapped up in one quote.

u/RagingHardon · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Do you like reading? Good, pick up a copy of "The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem" by Nathanial Branden. He examines the psychology of self esteem and factors that are responsible for providing one with a healthy self-image.

u/NopeNotQuite · 1 pointr/socialskills

I'm always happy to help :)

As cheesy as the title sounds [Six Pillars of Self Esteem] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397) would be a worthwhile read for you to feel better about the belonging part.

u/gregantic · 1 pointr/selfimprovement

While I don't know of any formal programs, Nathaniel Branden did have a course with Eben Pagan called Mastering Self-Esteem as well as a 36-week sentence completion program.

A book that also comes to mind is Nathaniel Branden's The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Sorry I couldn't have been more helpful!

u/duckduck_goose · 0 pointsr/AskWomen

Pretty much all of her Dance of seires of books. They help with understanding the root of your issues with others.

Someone mentioned this to me on an OKCupid thread I posted a few months ago after a guy I went on a few dates with gave me feedback that I was a horrible person. I haven't read it (yet) but it's still in my bookmark to grab list.