Reddit mentions of The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It

This is a dumpster fire.

This isn't your job's fault, it's yours. Accept it because it means you get to choose where to go from here. It doesn't feel like it now but you do decide your reactions to what happens around you.

Learn to stop giving a fuck. In fact, I recommend the book. Given your work history, I'm going to bet you don't delegate, it seems to be a common issue among former sysadmins and engineers.

Make use of all resources you have available to you, both personal and professional. MAKE time to go to the gym. If some low priority shit doesn't get done at work, oh well. I'd also recommend another book to help augment your current habits, The Willpower Instinct.

You are in control, you get to decide what bothers you. Take control of your life and your happiness. Get in better shape, play with your kids. Pick up a new hobby. Whatever you have to do but don't give up control of your life to a fucking job.

> What helps you stay motivated?

Nothing. Motivation and willpower are fleeting. Little by little I'm working daily to build habits that support who I want to be. Over time, I'm getting better at choosing things that support my long term goals over things that provide instant gratification but the process is not easy or linear.

The Willpower Instinct is an amazing and fact based book on the subject and I go back to it often when I start to lose sight of my big picture. The concept of No More Zero Days has been really useful in helping me to aim to be a little better every day.

22 år er da ingenting. Langt ifra for sent å snu skuta for å si det sånn. Anbefaler denne: https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

I'll share my reading list for the next 12 months as it's how I plan to become a better learner:


 

Learning

• Learning How To Learn - Free online course
  
• Become a Straight-A Student - Book
  
• Make it Stick - Book
  
  
  Improving Maths
  
• A Mind for Numbers - Book
  
• Secrets of Mental Math - Book
  
• Vedic Mathematics- Book
  
  
  Improving Reading Speed
  
• Breakthrough Rapid Reading - Book
  
  
  Algorithmic thinking
  
• Algorithms to Live By - Book
  
  
  Understanding the Mind
  
• How the Mind Works - Book
  
• Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow - Book
  
• The Owner's Manual for the Brain - Book
  
  
  Productivity
  
• Getting Things Done - Book
  
• The Willpower Instinct - Book
  
• Willpower Doesn't Work - Book
  
• The Chimp Paradox - Book
  
  
  
  It's an ambitious reading list for the next 12 months as there is some heavy reading in there but hopefully you can get one or two useful suggestions from it!

>1,100 calories daily, and burning off 600 or so of that every other day

Do less. I don't mean eat less, I mean do less. 1,100 calories is not really enough for anyone, let alone for someone 5'9". Some calculations for a female, 5'9" weighing 230lbs (don't know your age so I put in 25, and no bf% guess entered either) estimates a BMR of 1856 (this would be how much you burn just lying in bed being alive) and even sedentary activity level is a TDEE of 2227 (that's with general day to day activity like walking around and sitting upright), so at a 500kcal deficit we're talking 1700kcal and at a 1000kcal deficit we're still talking 1227kcal. On a day that you were burning an extra 600 that means you were burning a total of ~2800kcal and only eating 1100kcal to replenish - no wonder you had hunger pangs and all that jazz. So don't push quite so hard, make it more sustainable. The whole "eating at a deficit that I'm always hungry" is why so many people fail diets - they try too hard, they're hungry and miserable, they give up.


Self control gets you started, but it's unreasonable to expect yourself to ALWAYS practice self control/willpower, so you need to just make it so dead simple, and a habit, that it's just easier to do it than it is to fall off the wagon.


You say you lost your self control and motivation, but those should be intrinsic, they need to come from inside yourself. You were depressed, you lost a friend, and you started eating in excess - did that in any way make you happier? Did you really feel any better while or after eating that large pizza? I'm suspecting the answer is NO, and that's the thing. From all those years you've convinced yourself that when you are unhappy or sad that eating will make you happy, but it doesn't, it just makes things worse. You have to reprogram your brain and this will take time.

From here I can only suggest what I know helped me - two non-diet/health/fitness books: The Willpower Instinct and Self Compassion (or maybe I liked The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion better, I can't remember which was which now)

I wish you the best. Acknowledging that there is a problem and having an awareness of it are the first and most important steps.

Hi, 31M, fighting depression, acute social anxiety disorder and suicidal tendencies. I am doing good now. Had a scare a few months ago when a close family member fell really ill, and I really started to put in the effort to turn my life around. It is a work in progress, but I am doing well. My advice:

1. Realize, first and foremost, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is okay. If you are an Introvert, that is perfectly fine, in fact that is a cause for celebration. You see the world runs on profit, on selling you shit you don't need and is actually harmful to you, and you being introvert is bad for business. Being calm, self-aware, introspective means no more impulse purchases, no more stress-eating, no more constant sugar rush, and most importantly no more addictions. Good for you, horrible for selling you supersaturated soda, processed junk food and drugs.
   
   
2. Realize that being shy and socially awkward is not the same as introversion. These often rise from our deep rooted emotions and conflicts, sometimes we are not aware of them. I'll give a simple example, I have lower back pain since childhood. I recently started exercising and found a fantastic fitness channel on YT. I realized that the cause of my pain was that my Glutes are terribly weak, and my Abs are weak too. My back hurts not because there's something wrong with it, but because it is overworked. My back has to put in 3 times the effort just to stabilize my core and help move my spine. Similarly, The real cause of all your emotional distress can be found, and healed, only when you start to exercise. Which means:
   
   
3. Meditate. Common sense, buddy, just as nobody but yourself can gift you with a healthy and athletic body, only you can find joy and happiness in yourself once you clean out all that fear and anxiety in your mind. Of course, a good teacher or a good book helps, just as with exercise. Simple breathing meditation. Sit comfortably. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Focus on the flow of breath. The mind will wander. Gently bring it back. Try it, start with what I did: try to perform just 3 perfect cycles. If you want to understand the scientific basis for why Meditation works, read: The Mind Illuminated | John Yates, Matthew Immergut, Jeremy Graves
   
   Some more reading: If you want to know how meditation helps the mind, read the best book on cognitive therapy:Feeling Good | David Burns.
   
   For instructions on breathing and mindfulness meditation, there are many great resources online. Also check out /r/Meditation.
   
   
4. The one thing, the one attribute that defines us and helps us most in time of need is Willpower. There is this reservoir of strength inside you, an untapped fountain of energy that will sweep away all the uncertainty, fear and pain once you tap into it. Read this: The Will power Instinct | Kelly McGonigal.
   
   
5. Develop some good habits. Wake up early. Keep tidy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat healthy. Read. Habits play a crucial role in forming us, and many of these habits are critical to our success or failure. Read this: The Power of Habit | Charles Duhigg.
   
   
6. Finally, find a goal in your life. A goal that fulfills you, gives you purpose, and makes you whole. We have a word in Sanskrit: 'Samriddhi'. It means physical, mental and spiritual fulfillment. An observation: your financial well-being is a key factor in your happiness, because it directly affects you and your ability to care for and help others. Understanding how money works and how to enjoy a steady and growing flow of income is a key skill that is often neglected. Yes it is a skill that can be learned and trained just like exercise, with just a bit of help from our old friend willpower.
   
   
7. Lastly remember you are not weak, fragile, pushover or any of these silly things. You are good. You are beautiful, strong and confident, and don't you dare think otherwise.
   
   I leave you with this song: Get up! Be good. PM me if you need anything.

This is awesome!! I love Jane McGonigal! Her twin sister Kelly teaches a course at Stanford about willpower and she wrote a great book called The Willpower Instinct.

I'm currently reading The Willpower Instinct, which is also suggested in the link for the book that you describe. It's an awesome book, and so far would recommend it to anyone. I'll make sure to check Baumesiter's when I finish this one.

I also recommend the great read The Willpower Instinct by the Stanford University psychologist, Kelly McGonigal. It also present the amazing science of willpower and how to increase it.

L-tyrosine is a non-essential amino acid meaning your body can synthesize it's own. I wonder if you could achieve the same effects through dietary changes.

I read here that when taken in it's pure form, "it is metabolized less via protein synthesis and more by catecholamine synthesis." My understanding is that when supplemented, more of it will go toward producing hormones like dopamine. So maybe the effect you're experiencing is a direct result of supplementation.

But there's another story ^(physiology is complicated). In The Willpower Instict, Dr. McGonigal talks a lot about how the promise of a reward can trigger a dopamine response in the brain. I wonder how much a role the hope of your supplementation working played in your experiences.

Given that our bodies and minds are capable of producing these effects when given the right nutrients and stimulus, I don't expect supplementing l-tyrosine to have a noticeable effect on most people.

Book: The Willpower Instinct

Website: Zen Habits

Here's an interesting and relevant book

It's a sideways approach to your question, but speaks to the building (or destruction) of habits - one of which is appropriate eating.

We don't ever motivate someone else. And that can be agony. But we can support without judgment, ask good questions, make powerful reflections, and be a curios copilot to their journey - if they're willing.

Yep, Visualization did jack shit for me too. I've read many self-help books, and so far the only ones that have helped me were those written by scientists who have researched their field for a long time, and people recommend them, that also had practical exercises in them. Very specific, but that's the truth. Here's a list:

• The Procrastination Equation / Steel
  
• The Willpower Instinct / Mcgonical
  
• The Happiness Advantage / Shawn Achor
  
• Straight-A Studnet / Cal Newport
  
• No More Mr. Nice Guy / Glover
  
  All the rest, including positive psychology and Tony Robbins and all that jazz, didn't help me none.What area in your life do you want to improve?

Others posted excellent keto-related advice - I can't compete with them, so I'll go a little bigger picture on ya and recommend a book on willpower: The Willpower Instinct

I go in streaks on/off/sorta keto, and for me at least it comes down to the willpower issue far more than fool-proofing keto. My kitchen hasn't had non-keto food in probably 2 years, but all it takes for me to slip sometimes is a hellish week at work and a long walk home past my favorite carb-food shoppe and I'm done for. Reading that book really pointed out a lot of things to me that made me recognized what was driving my slip ups.

One of the practices that helps me when I'm tempted - any time you're about to slip, force yourself to wait 10 minutes (have your husband help!). During that 10 minutes, think on your goals and why you want to eat keto. Then see what happens.

Yep, this is somewhat of a hot field. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal is a quick and accessible distillation of the research. Sorry, I'm on my phone so I can't type up any full strategies or create a proper link. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

I can see that just like me, you are also trying to make lot of changes in your life..

1. Fitness ie. C25k
   
   
2. New skill ie. Jiu-Jitsu
   
   
3. Quit smoking
   
   
4. Get over breakup
   
   But to make any dramatic change you have to keep pushing the wheel everyday till it starts moving. Afterwards it's only a question of steering & refueling. But that 'consistent everyday pushing' is the most difficult & challenging part. You can use that 'Emotional Energy' like anger, frustration, realization etc to push that wheel for few initial days but like 'Sugar Rush' it will quickly crash down, especially if you are trying to make many & major life style changes. What you need is a simple but sound strategy w/o much overhead that you can implement daily till you form a habbit of doing it unconsciously.
   
   Good staring points for habbit creation would be:
   
   

• r/TheXEffect : You can make 4 cards of above changes & in every card, you mark 'X' for a successful day. Challenge is to mark 49 consecutive X's.These simple X's can encourage you to keep going & to make the chain a bit longer everyday. They also have online website & apps for digital tracking of your habbits. Check out their wiki for details.
  
  
• The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal
  
   
  
  
  On "All / None" thinking : I think it shows that you have good 'Intent' but bad 'Judgement'. Don't get me wrong because I also behave in similar way. But now I have realized that being Tortoise is more optimal & practical strategy for solving long term problems. All / None strategy often leads to procrastination & abandoning the project altogether. Slow & steady, if not 'wins' the race then atleast 'finishes' it!
  
   
  
  I can't help but comment upon your breakup. I am sincerely sorry to hear about that. But they say that "Rejection is better than Regret". Love is not life but only a 'part' of it. Life can offer you literally infinite more adventures. And with every adventure there will be good days & bad days. It's the journey that we must learn to appreciate & enjoy. Because happiness is not a 'State' but a 'Skill'. I am glad that you are moving forward with positive changes. You will cycle through many emotions like anger, depression, hate, envy etc. due to this breakup. Don't let any of these transient & harmful emotions drag you back to that vicious spiral. Pay attention to the emotions but don't interact with them. Keep yourself engaged in more fruitful activities & passions like running, jiu-jitsu, work, reading, traveling etc. Focus on youself & your family, on the Present & never the Past. It's a tricky situation, so be vigilant and may the force be with you!
  
  Sorry for the ramblings. All the best... :)

Yes! Keto has helped me control my drinking to a very healthy level. I believe keto has really improved my will power. I also found a book that really helped me understand will power and cravings and how you can practice controlling your own mind. http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

Hey MisterEff, you're not the only one. I totally know what you're talking about. The swing from optimism & motivation in the evening to inaction in the morning, the anxiety, the putting off phone calls, the weird reflex-like turning away from the task in front of you. I've been struggling with it for years and years, too. Sometimes I do better, sometimes worse.

You've seen a few therapists, and you told them far more background than you've told us, and they're professionals, so I hesitate a bit to jump in here and give advice. But you're here asking, and what the heck, I've got ideas from things I've tried, so here goes.

First of all, you say that you do well and you get good reviews. I suspect you don't give this a lot of weight and you don't really believe it because you're judging yourself for not living up to your own expectations. I think that's deadly to your motivation. YOU DO WELL AND YOU GET GOOD REVIEWS, and that at a job that's important and helps other people. You need to let this soak in and let it boost your self-confidence. YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU. Let it sink in. Engage with it. Regularly, until you start to believe it.

Anxiety: I've gone through periods of high anxiety, to the point that my whole body seemed to be vibrating with it. I've done meditation, tried hypnosis and guided relaxation, and tried an anti-anxiety med for a while. In the end, here's what I think: my anxiety is mostly produced by my thoughts. I think about what I need to do, and how I'm failing to do it, and how I should have done stuff differently, and other doom thinking about stuff that's wrong. The thoughts produce the anxiety. Really engaging with cognitive behavior therapy helped immensely. It got to where I could notice it happen: notice I was feeling more anxious, notice what I'd been thinking about, and sure enough, I'd been driving it up through thinking. It took a while, but I've managed to get rid of that cycle and my anxiety is down 90%.

Aside from reading about CBT, meditation has been a big help in getting better at catching what's going on in my head and how it affects how I feel. I do mindfulness meditation. Started it through a local Insight Meditation center.

My current "thing" is to try to understand that habit of looking at a task to be done and turning away from it, seemingly by reflex without really thinking about it. Something goes "uhm, nope" inside me and reaches for something else to do... reading the news, going to Reddit, etc., you know how it is. I'm trying to catch that moment and not move to the procrastination behavior, but just hang out in it and see what's really going on. I think mindfulness meditation provides the skill and awareness to catch the moment, but also to observe what's going on. Outcome TBD. :)

I get a lot out of social context. If I have stuff to do that no one else directly care about, it's often hard to get going. On the other hand, if I have a meeting, agree on a plan of action, and have a meeting planned to discuss progress, then I'm often very effective. Social contact helps me, consensus helps me (no self-doubt on how to proceed), and having to meet expectations helps me. Is this true for you? Can you use it to help yourself? The simplest for of this for me is "buddy sessions", i.e. sitting down with someone else in one room with the agreement that neither of you will procrastinate while you're there.

A few more things I recommend reading/looking at:

• watch this TED talk on Power Poses. It's a short-term tool, but it may help you get over the hump to make those phone calls or do other tasks that make you anxious.
  
  
• Read The Willpower Instinct to learn more about how willpower/discipline works and where its pitfalls are.
  
  
• I think building new habits in very hard for us with the motivation challenge we have, but I'd recommend reading a bunch about habit-forming, using X charts (/r/theXeffect/), the Lift app, etc. You said you tried pomodoros and they worked a bit but didn't stick. Combining pomorodos with these techniques that work across days and weeks should help.
  
  Remember that there is a payoff from procrastination. Turning away from something that makes you anxious gives you immediate relief, and that's really powerful. Recognize that this is a challenge and that it's understandable that you're struggling to overcome it. It's going to take some engagement, balancing, insight, and motivation to overcome it.
  
  Remember, MisterEff, YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU.
  

If you want to practice self-control instead of going full abstinence you might as well keep yourself from fapping at every opportunity and make it at every 3rd opportunity. I don't think that allowing your body to build sexual frustration is going to help you.

You want to train your willpower? Join /r/getdisciplined and grab the book the willpower instinct which I'm reading at the moment and has pragmatic applications and tests you can apply directly to your life until you find what's the way to get the max return of your effort.

Enjoy!

You're caught in a biofeedback loop here.

You desire a way to find out how to sustain desire so you can get motivated enough to achieve goals. Those wires are all crossed up. In very scientific terms, I advise this;

Less thinky, more dooey.

If you want some advice on getting things done, I highly recommend The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal.

edit: Here's the audiobook on youtube!

Yep, this is very relatable. When I read it I thought: 'Are you me?'. I'm a programming major so when I study new things on my own (because it's fun and interesting) I always find myself thinking I will make inexcusable mistakes or that I should easily understand that thing I'm having trouble with because it's my major.

Since I'm having the same problem I did a little research and found a post where someone recommended this book (I've barely started it so I can't really guarantee if it's worth your time)

About the art thing, I enrolled in my neighborhood association art class because I reached the conclusion that there's no other way out than go there and show people my crappy art. As a person with SA/AvPD I'm my worst critic, literally I don't even want to grab the pencil because I'm doing it wrong. I fear start a drawing because the ending result will demonstrate how bad I am at this (and therefore at everything in my life). Now, I'll have the obligation to go to the weekly classes and show my crap to more experimented people (and socialize yaaaaaay). Probably in your closest library there is a writing group. You could try it if you feel brave (I'm trembling just by imagining it so...)

I hope it helps. I feel you because your post is also my daily struggle. At least I want to tell you you're not alone in this.

Edit: typos

The Willpower Instinct is a great read if you're open to it. It's not very long and can help you understand your urges and habits which is the first step to getting more control over them, instead of them controlling you.

It sounds like what you're doing is emotional eating, and the best way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with a good/healthy habit that will increase your dopamine levels. Commit to something like light exercise each night, you can try out different youtube videos until you find ones you really like doing. If you aren't into exercising at night, try out some creative hobbies(knitting, drawing, photography, woodworking, etc). These help calm your mind and also increase dopamine levels. Ask your parents if they can stop buying special k for a few weeks if this is your comfort food. Be open with them about how you have been feeling, and they can help you too.

You've made a big first step reaching out for help and admitting that you don't want to do this anymore. Don't give up, even if you do it again one night. Just start over the next day and keep trying.

OP, did you mean The Willpower Instinct?

Yah, slippery slope. Good job man!

Kelly McGonigal has good insights on self-accountability, and the way it ties in to self-compassion and forgiveness:

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

http://www.amazon.com/Neuroscience-Change-Compassion-Based-Personal-Transformation/dp/1604077905

If broscience tips don't tend to work for you, check out Kelly McGonigal, PHD. This lady's job is researching willpower, she teaches a class about willpower at Stanford and is incredibly knowledgeable.

Her TedTalk Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_fQvcBCNbA

I am currently reading her book The Willpower Instinct. Only halfway through and it has made me stick to positive behaviors and avoid negative ones better than I could have imagined. Check it out on amazon http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080 I've read other books about forming habits and using carrots and sticks and for me this has been 10X more effective.

I would suggest to start here. This book along with meditation helped me get my act together. I went from a C student to an A student. Chunky to fit.

I don't have a device to measure HRV, but studies point out that if you slow down the number of breaths per minute, you increase HRV. Higher HRV is also linked to more willpower, according to Kelly McGonigal in her book:


https://www.amazon.com.br/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080


This post summarizes her point:


> Pause-and-plan gives you a few precious moments to bring your higher brain back on line and increase your heart rate variability. Not just lowering your heart rate/blood pressure and returning to a calmer baseline, but increasing your heart rate variability -the capacity of the heart to respond to changes in input from the body in a flexible way. Higher HRV allows people to better ignore distractions, delay gratification, persevere with difficult tasks, tolerate critical feedback and resist temptation. Psychologists consider heart rate variability a key predictor of willpower.

> One technique to apply the pause-and-plan response and improve your heart rate variability is to slow down you breathing to four to six breaths per minute. Ten to fifteen seconds per breath rather than the normal ten breaths per minute (or much faster when we’re stressed). One or two minutes of breathing at this slower pace can shift the body and brain from a state of stress to a mode of self-control with more capacity to handle cravings and challenges to our willpower. (One study found that a daily 20 minute practice of slowed breathing increased heart rate variability and thus willpower reserves among adults recovering from substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder.) There are even apps such as Breath Pace to help you slow down your breathing.

> https://lindagraham-mft.net/strengthening-willpower-a-key-step-in-strengthening-resilience/


There's also this video:


Improve Willpower in 5 Mins | How Heart Rate Variability helps Brain Functio


So, it seems to me that, perhaps, slowing down the frequency of your breaths might be a good pre-meditation practice.

Oh my God War this is my whole life. I have no idea. Habits are super hard. I mean, for God's sake I'm in my thirties and I don't brush my teeth regularly; I'm a mess.

I said Morning Prayer today for probably the third time this month.

One book that many said helped (I should re-read it...) was McGonigal's Willpower Instinct.

Well, there's the whole building willpower, building discipline versus willpower, CBT techniques of surfing the urge. All very useful. But, on the whole, the core tenet of Stoicism, to me, is: if you can't change what's happening to you, you can only try to control how you react.

It's reacting with emotional eating healthy and helpful? No? Then don't. That's where the building willpower and discipline come in, but for me, I had to have an initial motivation. I can't control my customers or my kids or my cats, but I don't need to make unhealthy choices because of that.

You can't make another person give you the interaction you need, but you can try to come to terms with it without damaging yourself. I found a book called The Willpower Instinct very relevatory in regards to understanding my emotional reactions.

Yes, very relevant.

Incidentally, I just yesterday started reading The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. She gives a fresh perspective on the matter on willpower, describing it as a semi-autonomous psychological and physiological mechanism that complements the more primitive "fight or fligh" reflex and helps us "pause and plan".

I'm only third of the way through, but so far I'm very impressed. I've never been happy with the idea of self-discipline, and for me this is the first persuasive description of how willpower works and why it's worth looking into.

Just had to name drop this book. It helped me a lot, and it has a lot of the same advice /u/peevsy just mentioned, plus some useful breathing techniques. Also good explanations on why human tendency is to give in, vs. be resilient, and why some people have more willpower.

>I'm expecting this to be ignored, because people DON'T want to hear this. But I'm hoping, deep down, that this issue will be addressed, because this problem is VERY REAL, and it's happening to me RIGHT NOW.

C'mon dude, I think you gotta accredit more to this sub :P

There is all sorts of inconvenient information upvoted on this subreddit that people don't wanna hear deep down. How about the very fact that we are all PMO addicts? That's a pretty unpleasant truth if you ask me.

But regarding your very problem:

Look, sometimes it's perfectly fine to not feel any motivation to do anything. If you say you are a few days in, what do you think it is you are experiencing right now? It might be very well the flatline. The first indicator that you are distancing yourself from hypercharged material that corrupts your reward system. Sex/Porn spike your dopamine the most from any activity out there. Once you abstain long enough, you will find new hidden pleasure and motivation behind the seemingly mundane and tedious tasks. You will find new passion for life, you can be DEAD SURE about that!! Just keep moving forward.

It is very commendable if you still manage to pick yourself up and push through, but it is important to not beat yourself up too much. When you are trying to build a new life, you should not pick up too many new goals and habits. Because at first you will rely on nothing more other than willpower until you have repeated those actions often enough to build a new habit. It is only then that it does not require any more thought and effort. The thing is that willpower is a limited resource; a well that runs dry at a certain point of continuously forcing yourself to get stuff done.

You feel like crap? Then rest and take a nap or something. Do something relaxing for a limited amount of time. Incorporate a conscious break within your daily routine in which you allow yourself to absolutely nothing for a change. Now that does not include or mean that you should cultivate other easily identifiable dopamine addictions like surfing the net for countless hours, using websites with endless scrolling and novelty mechanisms or video games. Forbid yourself to use the computer in those times if you must and just lay on your bed like a corpse. Use the time to think and to reflect, not to fantasize about a better or easier life.

>.. but I still feel very inefficient - in complete contrast to my usual self.

Instead of beating yourself up and comparing yourself ( even if it is your own self you compare yourself against ), take the positive view point (there is always one, no matter what). Instead of saying your are inefficient in contrast to your former self see it like this: You are back, somewhere at the start of the journey and you are forcing yourself to make the best out of it. Tell yourself: You are currently doing the best you can. You are working to the best of your own capabilities in the PRESENT TIME. Forget about past and future, because all that counts is the present moment and your current self.

You wanna hear an anecdote from my own life? When I first started out this self-improvement journey back in 2015 I was doing nothing more in my life other than: waking up - wasting some time - hitting the gym - wasting some more time and going to bed. Rinse and repeat. I felt so DEAD, as you put it yourself, once I got back home from the gym. It was that period at the start of my new habit that required an immense amount of willpower and pushing myself to get going. I remember this one image very vividly lying on my bed, trying to read a couple of pages in my new e-book, I barely managed to read something between five to ten pages, because I was just not used to reading regularly. Sounds very unspectacular on paper and summed up like that, of course there were more thing going on surrounding that, but the very core was that. I had that one goal I set for myself and I went after it with no excuses, nothing fancy.

Looking back I would not say that any minute of that year was wasted, even though I had so little going on for myself. A precious year of the prime of my youth in my early 20s. Who cares? I don't regret it one bit, because I know that even though I took very small steps, I lay the foundation for something greater. Sacrificing a year for it it close to nothing.

But YOU!!! Who are YOU trying to impress? Who is the judge of you? It is about time to realize that there is NONE! You mustn't, you must NOT compare yourself to anybody or anything other than your present self. Ask yourself genuinely: Can I do better than this? Or am I scratching the borders of everything that possible. Give yourself a break sometime.

I often like to imagine that I am under IMMENSE time pressure. Sometimes, I feel like the world is going to end in a couple of days, and its very existence depends on me getting work done within an abstract, inconceivable and unknown timeframe. I fear not only that but also about my fading youth and death. Maybe some of these thoughts occurred to you as well!

Those fears and thoughts are just as much nonsensical. Dude, you got your whole life ahead of you. If make sure of ONE thing, then make sure that you go one small step in the right direction, no matter what. This entire essay is in no way an easy excuse for someone to postpone his duties until the day after tomorrow. Neither do I try to say that you can go on happily fapping because you still got every opportunity to start over another time. NO!! Every relapse equals to three steps in the opposite, and thus wrong direction of your life goals. Keep that in mind.

> why wait?

Why wait, indeed! Good for you.

I've been reading The Willpower Instinct, and I know it sounds cheesy to turn to self-help books, but it's made quitting this time around a breeze. Granted, it's only been one day since I 'officially' quit, but the book made working my way down from half a pack to half a cigarette a day pretty simple.

A few great tips from the book:

• Apply the 10 minute rule. When a strong craving comes on, tell yourself, "ok, but in 10 minutes." Then at the end of those 10 minutes, do it again.
  
• Write down all the reasons you quit, then, just before a craving is scheduled to hit (like before your drive to work, or whatever triggers you), look at it the list and tell yourselves you'll have all those things (good health, better skin, easier time breathing, etc), or you could have a cigarette. Generally, your brain will side with whatever reward you promised it first. I usually chew Nicorette at the same time - just before the craving is due.
  
• Don't think about what you deserve (ie: I've worked hard, I deserve a cigarette). Instead think of what you want (I don't want breathing to be a labor).
  
  Anyways, here's the book. I'd recommend listening to it on tape, CD, Audible, or whatever while you're in the car, if car smoking is one of your triggers.

You raise good points. Check out this book, might be a new and helpful perspective: The Willpower Instinct

Hey maybe this is a bit late to comment on, but I'm currently reading a book called The Willpower Instinct, since I'm also interested in willpower and ADHD. My current hypothesis/understanding is that willpower is possible with ADHD, but it's hard. It's easier with medication, but in my experience, you also have to be proactive, and practice willpower with medication.

Eventually (hopefully), this will slowly change the brain so that the new, good habits you implement won't require so much willpower anymore. Exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, and all that other healthy stuff helps too- and in my experience, mindfulness meditation is huge. Meditation helps me to pause a bit more before making decisions than I would normally, where I would just act automatically- or in other words, actually allows me to make a decision, and not just act on instinct haha.

The book is called the willpower instinct, and it's available on [available on Amazon.com] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583335080/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1583335080&linkCode=as2&tag=urgez-20&linkId=76O6T7ESPPS7VRVY) :)

Here is the mobile version of your link

I wanted to add on to the already helpful comments bro that motivation is short term most of the time. Become disciplined and you will not need motivation ever again.

Here is a book that helped me quite a bit. I highly recommend it if you're willing to read.
http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425450322&sr=8-1&keywords=the+willpower+instinct

I recommend reading (or listening to) the whole thing and taking notes at the end of every chapter. There is a summary at the end of each one. There are simple and effective willpower challenges as you go along. It probably took me 3 months to read and complete most of the challenges. At some point I felt strong enough to jump back into Keto and I haven't looked back. I still listen to the book when im cleaning sometimes. :) http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

It depends. For something like how to stop a negative habit or form a positive habit, I don't think there is any single "how it all works." I really enjoyed The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal because it would give different explanations along with suggestions. So, for instance, one of the reasons someone might continue smoking is because when they try to stop, they may have extra cigarettes thinking of it as "just this one last time" instead of the 365+ cigarettes they're implicitly choosing over the next year by not stopping now. And the parallel strategy for quitting is to try to be as consistent as possible -- if you smoke an extra cigarette today, you should then smoke an extra cigarette for the next 3-5 days (I can't remember precisely how it worked but something like that). It removes that illusion that it would only ever be this one extra cigarette. I like those kinds of theory and suggestions in parallel.

On my own, I often have serial sensations of, "Oh! This is the thing I was missing! Oh! I have it figured out now!" along with a number of ideas for how to do things differently...

Some things, I want the action steps though. For instance, writing my dissertation, I am a bit overwhelmed by the scope of the project. I need to pick an idea that is circumscribed enough, and I only get to pick the one idea, and I can't pick an idea and keep changing my mind every month... and I need to write a dissertation around it. So for that, I looked up LOTS of suggestions for how to pick dissertation topics and how to go about it, and I compare/contrast and look for the overlapping steps and strategies until I have a model in my mind.

Edit: Ultimately, I think I would want to understand how it works, but most of the things I am interested in (and looking for solutions to) don't necessarily have easy answers to that question. And many things can only be learned experientially, so for those things, action steps would be necessary to guide someone to the experience because all the theory in the world isn't going to help.

Kalau meditasi yg gw lakukan sih bukan ngontrol nafasnya tapi bernafas seperti biasa saja tapi diperhatikan (konsentrasi attention ke) nafasnya itu (biar membantu secara mentally sebut inhale, exhale, inhale, dst). Terus kalau otak udah mulai kena distracted, jangan merasa udah gagal meditasinya, take note aja kalo kena distracted terus bawa konsentrasinya balik ke pernafasan.

Tujuannya meditasi ini untuk meningkatkan/menguatkan will power (resource kita untuk mengontrol banyak hal termasuk emosi) kita. Karena seperti otot, will power ternyata bisa diperkuat/ditingkatkan kapasitasnya. Kedengaran seperti cocoklogi sih, tapi meditasi ada scientifical backingnya. Kalau sempat coba baca buku ini, lumayan pendek bukunya tapi berguna (setidaknya bagi gw yah)

I think I read in [Willpower] (https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080) that the benefits start at 5 minutes, grow until 12 (which is why I picked it) and then it's diminishing returns after that. That said I've had incredible experiences meditating for longer periods- it's just not practical to do more that 15 for me on a daily basis.

Thanks for your words. I will remark though that I think I might have given you the wrong impression of what I meant by that. I know that in fitness you shouldn't overwork yourself, that will only lead to harm. But when you are new to fitness you will feel "bad" some days, by that I mean is that you will think "This is impossible. I'd rather stay home and watch TV. I will never make it.". On these days you still have to do it. A good way to keep at it is to know that although you might not feel like doing it right now, you will feel better about it in the long run. This mentality of thinking of your future self when you feel apathetic is supported by research, I think

I apply the same principle in meditation. Even if I have a couple of good days I'm not gonna quit.

$12 on Amazon. It might be at your local library too. https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

I am an adult who was diagnosed with ADD in the 80s. I took Ritalin for about 3 years and then stopped in Highschool.

I took Aderall again as an adult for about a year but stopped because it helped me focus but could not direct my will power towards specific tasks.

I am deep into this book on the science of will power and am really fascinated by how my impulse control functions. Highly recommended and written for lay people.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

Well, I don't know much about Peter Lynch books, but how about one on Willpower? I'd recommend this read for 90% of the sub, for when the temptation to panic sell hits.

But also, the best book on willpower is this

But also, just stay away from sugar. You don't do that anymore.

Had a mate, went r/keto, was a real desert fiend. Stopped all carbs. No longer craves sweet stuff (he does if he falls off the wagon though)

It just so happens that one of my favorite mental health books is on this very topic. It is highly rated, widely acclaimed and is actually a pretty fun/easy read: The Willpower Instinct

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

check this book out it's got some good stuff in it too. The will power instinct Try the 10min rule force yourself to stay up for 10mins after your alarm goes off if you still want to go back to bed you can just have to wait ten minutes. (bit hit an miss at first but it takes practice)

Well I'm no expert, I mean I still have trouble with my game-playing and my nail-tearing and my distractions (typing this at work, the irony), so by all means do what works for you :). Distancing yourself from the game (by vowing not to play today, by uninstalling it, by unsubbing from /r/factorio, etc) is a totally fine strategy. To me though, the end goal is only indirectly to limit how many games I play; it's more about feeling control over how I play, so I can choose whether I play for 4 hours, or 30 minutes, or not at all, based on whatever else is going on in my life. That way if I hit some stressful or unhappy times or something I'm not gonna cave and fall back into bad habits.

The Willpower Instinct is a fantastic book on habit-breaking in general; I'd recommend taking a read!

By saying "It's one of the best self-help books out there" you lost me, for you can't have read them all. Neither should you promise anything to gain the confidence of strangers -if you don't rely on it- nor should you hail science as ultimate truth.

Please do not consider this to be bashing, for I'm very grateful for this recommendation.

Amazon:The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It

For example, readers will learn:

• Willpower is a mind-body response, not a virtue. It is a biological function that can be improved through mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sleep.
  
• Willpower is not an unlimited resource. Too much self-control can actually be bad for your health.
  
• Temptation and stress hijack the brain's systems of self-control, but the brain can be trained for greater willpower
  
• Guilt and shame over your setbacks lead to giving in again, but self-forgiveness and self-compassion boost self-control.
  
• Giving up control is sometimes the only way to gain self-control.
  
• Willpower failures are contagious—you can catch the desire to overspend or overeat from your friends­­—but you can also catch self-control from the right role models.

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If you read the Willpower Instinct you'll understand why this behavior is so difficult to stop and develop techniques to help.

In the immediate I would suggest "precommitment" have someone you trust reset your Facebook password and have them log you in every time.

Interesting note about not tying NoFap to other self improvement goals. I've found the same thing. You fail at one, you figure, "What the hell", and let yourself slide in the others. But... the opposite can also be true. You succeed at one, and you reward yourself with some slack in the others, and the slide starts. Your brain will seek ANY rationalization to give in. Kelly McGonnigal talks about both kinds of relapse in THE WILLPOWER INSTINCT. Good book.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

A habit tracker like Habitbull so you can feel some pride looking at a streak of good behavior in the calendar (I literally put "don't eat garbage" as one of my habits). In general you can find a lot of stuff on habit hacks online; there appear to be several subreddits like this one, though I can't vouch for them: https://www.reddit.com/r/habitdesign/

I can however vouch for this book, which has real science and lots of practical tips:

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

This is how I got over depression for good. I read this book and heard that meditation increases your willpower. I figured what the heck, the book says doing things you're not used to like flossing boosts your willpower, so I'll try sitting for an hour. Turns out 95% of my depression disappeared just like that, by sitting and identifying with my body more than my head.

And you know what, there is a video on cosmic energy out there on youtube. It says that this energy is what we use to get things done, and when we are thinking constantly it blocks rejuvenation. We get cosmic energy from sleep which is forced meditation. The other way is meditation, which is waking sleep. Make sense? Anyway, it's a good way to describe a concept I don't think we have a concept for here in the west that could help with depression.

It was interesting to note that running did not beat my depression, but sitting and being present and still had a dramatic effect. Just thought you should know.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080