Reddit mentions of True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals

lol. I'm an adult but I transitioned without telling my parents. I saw them all the time. We never discussed it although it was obvious. I go to dinner with them in a dress, makeup and a D cup and they still say HE to the waiter. Fuuuuuk! My therapist thought it was hilarious that we all ignored the elephant in the room. Eventually, I gave them two books to read.

Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals

They were more accepting after that although we never did discuss it. They bought me earrings & stuff which was nice. After my mother passed, my father went to visit his sister who is a retired wealthy doctor. When he came back he seemed more accepting. He also gave me a bunch of my mom's stuff he thought I could use. I suspect my dad and Aunt Wealthy Doctor talked about me and she explained things to him. One other thing, her kids all have mansions, yachts and shit. I don't know if I'm going to make rent this month. Boy was I born into the wrong side of the family. Life sucks then ya die. Time for bed. With my luck I'll wake up again.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0787967025/ref=redir_mdp_mobile is apparently quite good ... Don't know of any for pirates though (sorry couldn't resist small joke based on typo in title)

Here are some of the resources I've read, and what I think about them:

• Transgender 101: A good introduction covering a lot of what you mention above. It's more focused on the transsexual experience, though. Non-binary identities and others under the "transgender" umbrella get their own chapter, but it's stuck at the back of the book. Chapter 6 has a really good section on whether transgender should be considered a mental disorder, and talks about the insurance issue.
  
  
• Whipping Girl: Although it's not too hard to get through, I'd consider this to be "advanced reading" for those who already have a grounding in basic trans thinking/terminology. I really enjoyed it and agree with many of Serano's arguments, but it's less textbook and more opinion piece (although Serano has also written a number of academic papers for respected journals). It's mainly focused on the MTF transsexual experience.
  
  
• True Selves: You might hear this one mentioned in lists of good trans books, but it's now 20 years old, is very heavily weighted toward a limited view of the transexual experience, and it defends the gatekeeper mentality. I'd honestly avoid it, unless you're interested in reading about how things used to be, in which case I'd highly recommend Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon (who knew that people used to be arrested just for crossdressing?). Don't show that one to your professor!
  
  
• WPATH Standards of Care v7: Presents a good overview of gender non-conformity and dysphoria with references to contemporary research. Written for a medical/academic audience but easy enough for a general audience to understand too. Focuses significantly on mental health aspects of transgender and medical transition options. The standards of care seem to have become more liberal with each new version, to the extent that they're now presented as guidelines rather than hard rules and are approaching the "informed consent" approach. Still, they're an example of the gatekeeping approach, which some people are dead against.
  
  
• National Geographic magazine gender special edition: Has some good stories covering the whole range of transgender people (i.e. talks about non-binary identities as well as the traditional transsexual experience). Also interesting is the wide discussion of gender issues in various world cultures, although this is of less relevance to what you're looking for.
  
  Obviously there's a lot more out there, and I'm sure others can add to this and/or argue with my take on the above list. This is just some of my admittedly limited reading - please don't take this in any way as an authoritative list of the best resources!
  
  I'd be careful relying on websites and blog posts for information. You need to be critical of the authors' credibility and biases, and there is a lot of poorly-researched, poorly-written stuff out there, some of which is downright wrong, made-up, nonsensical or hateful (I've read a lot on Blanchard's typology and the paraphillia/fetish view of transsexualism, and I'd advise you to avoid it at all costs!). On the other hand, I'd say don't stick entirely to books and academic papers, because there are a lot of interesting thoughts/perspectives from those in the community who don't write books or publish papers.

I did not come out to my mother until I couldn't hide my voice changes or facial hair. It was rough at first; we didn't talk for a long time.

Part of what changed her mind was a book I sent her called "True Selves", as well as me blatantly telling her that she doesn't have to understand, but she can either accept me and be a part of my life, or she can't, there is no in-between or conditional acceptance.

The entire process of gender transition is usually a collection of steps taken under the supervision of a psychologist. The process is both complicated and varies widely depending on the psychologist and country you are in. Usually you can go to Google and get a very good idea of what the whole process is like. Start with the wikipedia article on transitioning then start looking up resources and books. True Selves is a good book to start with as well. Though beware, a lot of our understanding of transgender has changed drastically in the past decade.

Your parents care about you and want the best for you, but they're uneducated. It's normal for kids to go through weird phases that they outgrow, so your parents are assuming that's what this is. They're wrong but I can understand it.

Try giving your parents third party sources to educate them. It would be better if you give them information that doesn't look like it was written by trans people, which they may view as biased.

http://transequality.org/Resources/NCTE_UnderstandingTrans.pdf

http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2014/01/transgender-questions-resources (this one addresses the "its just a phase" comment)

Or http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism---Professionals/dp/0787967025/ref=sr_1_35?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414792211&sr=1-35

Wikipedia is also a good impartial source.

How is your therapist? Is he experienced with trans people? How did he react to you saying you are a boy?

I don't know how well this argues in favor of being trans, but this website has a good summary of trans studies regarding the human brain:

http://transascity.org/the-transgender-brain/

They include the studies mentioned in this review paper, which is one of my favorites (I gave my wife and my parents a copy of it when I came out):

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19955753

Finally, I also gave my wife and my parents a copy of the book "True Selves", which really needs to be updated but contains a lot of info, and was specifically written for the families of trans people:

http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-For-Professionals/dp/0787967025

Part of the problem, I think, is that many successful T people lead pretty normal lives and our transgender status doesn't really affect our day to day lives.

It's easy to see an out and proud gay or lesbian person lead a normal, happy life, but chances are that even if you do know a successful trans woman or trans man, unless you know them pretty well, you don't know that part of their history.

If you're looking to get an impression of what transgender people go through, there are some decent resources online (although there's a lot of nonsense too).

The book I recommended to my mom when I came out was True Selves. It explains a lot of the basics, and the process many people go through.

>I'm frustrated that I still haven't developed any strong personal and intellectual relationships with trans people I respect, as I'm absolutely certain they're out there.

I think you're going to have a hard time finding a trans person who is both very successful and vocal about their background. I'm not saying they don't exist, but they're rare.

If there's anything more specific you want to ask about, feel free to PM. I'm a bit hesitant to get too personal on a public forum.

I gave my family a copy of True Selves. I hear it's a little dated by now, but whatever.

I’ve given copies of “True Selves” to a bunch of relatives. You can get good used copies for only a few bucks (especially if you have Prime) and I think it’s nice to give someone a book that they can read at their own pace.

To be honest, there's always that risk. It's also possible that, even if they do appear to reject you at first, they may come around later. It took my mother a while to come to terms with it, but then she became super-supportive. Her sister disowned me, though. Eventually, though, it gets to the point where being yourself is more important than being accepted by people who can't comprehend what you're going through.

I believe my mother found reading True Selves helpful, although I don't remember getting on with it myself, as although it's a bit inaccurate and not worded in the most respectful way at times if memory serves, it provided advice for a friend or relative of a transsexual, whereas most books seem to help transsexuals directly.

My father is a very devout Catholic and is good friends with the priest at his church. My father found it really helpful to get guidance from the priest after I came out. If his parents are close to a leader in their church you could try going to that leader first. Tell the leader what's up and that you would love it if he/she could help the parents deal with it and become supportive.


If the parents feel like someone of authority is supportive of the transition then the parents are going to be more likely to be supportive as well.


It's also a good idea to have information readily available. Bringing a book, or providing websites with information, or movies, etc. can help. Also, offering the parents a chance to talk to specialist and go to dr. visits can be helpful, so look up therapists in the area that deal with family counselling or are LGBT oriented.

Hope this helped a bit.

True selves is a good book. Goes pretty in depth about everything. I gave a copy to my mom, and later when I sat down with the whole family, Mom gave a few copies to them. They all read their copies. It's a little dated but provides a pretty good POV on being trans and on having a trans family member.

http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-For-Professionals/dp/0787967025

My parents seemed to like " True Selves" by Mildred Brown. I'll have a look though my books box when I get home, I know there's a couple of others in there that they liked.