Reddit mentions of Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Turn off the internet. Tell him you could care less if he pouts for three weeks and stays in his room. He can grovel in his own filth for all you care. You're done with his shit, and he needs to man up. If he wants the internet back on, he better start to get his shit together and help you out and if he doesn't, I'd cut his cable in his computer. He's not a 19-year-old boy in college, and neither are you. Have more self respect for yourself to let some little boy treat you like that. You have to put up with him the rest of your life and if you set the boundaries of your relationship to let him do whatever he wants, he will continue to do whatever he wants. Alslo, if you can't seem to understand this, buy this book >> http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560 it's been a life saver.

>So we dont have alpha males, however the alpha in humanity is the one with the best social strategy?

In case it wasn't clear, that point should be: In socially intelligent species (like us) [which have alphas], the alphas are the ones with the best social strategies.

The alphas that I talked about were ones from socially intelligent, non-human species. Hierarchies do not exist in all human societies and, in our society, many of those who are leaders gain their strength through social manipulation rather than strength/being an asshole. Look at Obama.

>If you look at the seduction community these are the principles we use in order to become "alpha" and desired. We may not be the greatest looking, richest, big muscled meat heads, but we pride ourselves on reaching "alpha" status. (take a look at /r/seduction and I think you will find the content interesting if you can get passed some of the objectification of women.)

I laugh at much of /r/seduction (although there are good things on there) simply because they divide people up in ways that have no evolutionary basis behind it. The thing is, acting like a jerk to gain a mate only gains you certain kinds of mates. The 'douchebag' theory isn't just limited to men; there's also a book for women called Why Men Love Bitches that basically calls for women to act like 'alpha' males. Guess what? It works just as the male 'alpha' strategies work. Milder versions of these mate selection theories work for both sexes, not because humans inherently like jerks, but because the vast majority of people don't want someone needy, clingy, etc.

By reading the “bible”.

I'm a woman but my advice is not that you should dump him. Some of your comments give me pause.

The fact that you're giving him blowjobs at approximately 2x the rate of sex, plus:

> he says I often "try too hard, or want it too much. " he says he feels like im forcing him into it. And never give him space.

> He also works 50-60 hour work weeks on a regular basis.

> He says the 3rd and most hurtful reason is because of my weight gain, which is true.

Any one of these things might cause a decent slow-down. All taken together they are plenty reason for bed-death. He's infuriating to me personally but I think you need to read the posts by /u/D_Hamm35. His reasons for losing libido sound very similar to what you are doing.

1 - get your weight under control. For YOU, not for him. But it will help your self esteem & confidence is sexy. You are at the height of your sexiness for your entire life. Stop ruining it with fat. You will be 32 in the blink of an eye and you will regret what you did to yourself.

2 - stop trying so hard. I'm currently reading Why Men Love Bitches, which was recommended on here recently. It is a very easy & straight-forward read. Go get it, and read it. You need to find some things to do that are just for you. Leave him home alone sometimes. Encourage him to take back up an old activity that he is interested in. Or just leave him home to figure it out. Say no to him when it is not convenient for you. This is NOT game-play. This is for your own self-esteem and worthiness. Stop being so accommodating. Everything you've written here indicates you're losing touch with yourself, and that is the opposite of sexy.

Re-establish your OWN life separate from him. Have things to do and people to see that are NOT about him. Don't ask if he is okay with it. Don't clear your schedule with him or get his permission before you make plans. The best possible situation is one where you are able to sometimes say to him, "oh, sorry! I can't! I have plans." This is verrrrry attractive behavior.

You might have other guys hitting on you, but the caliber of guy who will hit on a woman who has gained weight and currently has low self esteem (which you will be broadcasting with your behavior, whether you like it or not) is very low. Trust me on this. You deserve better than those guys who are aiming low. Get yourself put back together, period, whether your current relationship works out or not.

You are sending out a strong signal that says I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. Well, he believes you. Stop that!

All of these things will help your relationship, but more importantly, they will help YOU. You're giving yourself up for him, and your dead bedroom is evidence he doesn't like it.

So I started a summer job at an Amazon warehouse and shipped a book titled "Why Men Love Bitches" the other day. Apparently this shit goes both ways and people believe it enough to write and read books about it. So I'm not surprised if OP's creep saw a random video and was inspired.

There's a whole book about it.

Of course. Each relationship you have is a learning experience to teach you what you think you want and what you actually need. In the past I have immediately gone after an ex and mouthed him up and down about what a loser he was and it feels good in the moment but it also makes them feel like "Happy I don't have this bitch in my life anymore" and it in turn makes it easier for them to get over it. I wouldn't recommend this path.

I'm in the same boat, just got out of my 2nd serious relationship though and I feel exactly the same way - a lot of anger about the amount of crap/time/money/quality time I put up with. However, after some introspective thought, I'm sure he put up with a lot of my crap too. I also didn't communicate effectively the things that made me unhappy. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have sabotaged our relationship.

However, the way I feel is, I put in a lot effort that I knew wouldn't be returned, but did it anyway out of the love I had for my ex. It sucks, but now I know that I love hard and I need someone who can ask themselves: "If the shoe was on the other foot, would she do this for me?" and is willing to make the effort to do things that they don't want to do. I wouldn't have been able to come to this conclusion without my ex.

What I recommend, which has helped me tremendously, is every time I have a negative or positive feeling about my ex, I write it down. Get it out of your system so you aren't lamenting about it. It's very cathartic and truly helps you deal with your emotions and vent without projecting anger on your ex and saying things just to be hurtful. An additional benefit to writing it down is that it's personal. You can say whatever you want, doesn't matter how extreme it is.

When you are ready for your next relationship - or maybe working things out with your ex - you have a collection of your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants that you can review. It helps remind you of how far you've come, what you have gotten over and what you haven't. When you are contemplating giving your heart away again, you have an amazing resource to help you decide if the new boy is suitable or not. It'll also help you when you talk to your ex to get closure because you can calmly, and nicely, discuss the aspects of your relationship that made you unhappy.

Be patient, wait for your moment to feel vindicated. It will come. You can't change the past but you have control over your future. Be smart, and continue to be the fabulous woman that you are. When the next lucky guy comes along, you already have a set of standards that you are confident in to enforce with a zero tolerance policy.

But don't beat yourself up too much. We all learn in our own good time. A book I recommend for you is Why Men Love Bitches

In my early 20's, I was having issues too. I was the proverbial "good girl" which really turned me into a doormat and I totally didn't understand the whole dating game. I know, games suck, but human nature tends to like games or you seem to get labeled as boring (which is what life becomes once you're actually in a healthy relationship- not boring, but very predictable). In the beginning, people are generally looking for excitement, and games are exciting. I read two books that I feel like helped me:
The MANual (pdf)
Amazon's copy of The MANual

And

Why Men Love Bitches

Bitch does not have a negative connotation here, it simply teaches you how to respond to the games men play in the real world by SETTING BOUNDARIES and teaching you how to respond to the games. As Christians, the only boundary we were ever taught to set was to be a ball busting gatekeeper (at least I was). This book will help you weed out guys who are looking for easy sex (unless that's what you want- in which case, use Tinder), and help you gain a sense of confidence and respect for yourself.

This was about 10 years ago for me, but I ended up landing a former "bad boy" using the principles in these books. We've been together for 6 years, married for a little over a year.

Words of caution:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Character flaws don't go away. I feel like I was taught to see potential in people as a Christian and I fell in love with potential rather than the actual (deeply flawed, unwilling to reach for it) person. My sister married a man who she saw potential in and he hasn't changed in 7 years. They've been in therapy for two so they can learn to get along.

Everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning, but time will tell you who they really are. Some people are super charmers- if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. These guys are known as narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) and they are deeply wounded, LOST CAUSES. I know, we were taught to believe everyone deserves a chance, but these guys will use you up and spit you out and use an abusive technique called "gas lighting" to make you think you're crazy. Trust me on this one.

Sex will eventually get old, so you'd better enjoy talking to them. My mom told me this a long time ago. It's not that you don't enjoy sex anymore, but you end up spending more time together not having sex and actually interacting. My husband actually makes me laugh, I respect his views and values, and we get along. I've dated the hottest guys in the world who I had absolutely no respect for in the past and was miserable when we weren't having sex.

There's a lot more, but you'll learn as you go. If your friends hate him, ditch him. Your friends know you and see things your rose tinted glasses prevent you from seeing.

Good luck out there!

It's a best seller

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1580627560/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship is a good female counterpart to NMMNG.

Quite the literature I found in the recommended section.

"why men love bitches"

Exactly. I'm a little surprised by the backlash I'm getting in this thread. I thought I was justified in walking away from the date, but I took her out and gave it my best effort.

She was angst-y, and told me how she hated high school and college and how everyone sucked where she was from. Coming out the gate with a negative attitude is a red flag for me. This tone did not come out in our pre-date text.

I should have also mentioned she admitted me to me she was reading this book: Why Men Love Bitches. I was a bit stunned when she admitted that.

Works for me!

> then they must also believe that men want bitches since according to TRP, apparently men end up in relationships with bitches all the time.

If it's this kind of bitch, then you may be right.

Men totally do that, keep women around as options or just to feed the ego. Make sure that you don't fall for it.

Enjoyed your anecdote, OP. Book suggestion below.

Recommended Read

I have a few that I think might be good possibilities for discussion:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl

30 Days to a Great Attitude: Strategies for a Better Outlook on Life

My Wife Is A Bitch (THE GUN AND THE BULLET)

Why Men Divorce Bitches - How to Know When It's Time to End Your Marriage

Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love

Big and Black and Not My Husband's

tbh he may just have something going on these past two days, but he also may have gotten back together with the ex-gf. My advice: do nothing. You're right that you shouldn't ask. Just play it cool, and live your life the way you normally would. This book really helped me when I was in a similar situation. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560. Title's problematic, but the idea is that guys are attracted to independent women who do their own thing and aren't hanging on someone else's every word. If he still has interest in you, then seeing that his lessened correspondence doesn't bother you will catch his attention. If it doesn't catch his attention, then congrats! You're focusing on things in your life that are productive and positive!

This one Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/1580627560/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PsW3BbHDZ80A8

You're doing WAY too much. Dial it back about 10 notches at least. You're assuming that because you would enjoy getting little notes, he does too. But it seems pretty clear that he just finds that annoying.

Most guys love the thrill of the chase. You've made it very obvious to him that he has absolutely no need to pursue you. He's got you. Now he's just testing to see how little he can get away with doing and still keep you as his girlfriend. Trust me, he knows it bothers you, but he doesn't care. Because he's certain you're always going to be there.

If you want to be appreciated again, STOP. Stop absolutely everything. No more notes, sexy texts, FB messages, etc ... As far as the chores go, don't ask him to do any (since he isn't anyway). You just do the things you need to for yourself - wash your own clothes, clean only the dishes you dirtied or that you need for your meal. Buy groceries that you want to eat. Let him fend for himself.

Don't explain to him why you've changed your behavior, just do it and act as if nothing is different. Find a few outside interests and spend more time away from him. Make it clear through your actions (not words) that you won't always be available at his beck and call.

If you really want to keep the relationship, this is the book you need to read: Why Men Love Bitches Every piece of advice she gives is dead-on accurate.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560

I'm gay (technically bi, but I mostly date men). Men come with their own bullshit. You don't have to pay as much attention to your figure, you don't have to worry that some guy is faking interest in a relationship just to get in your pants, etc. Men also like confidence in a partner. There are guides for women on developing more confidence to attract and keep men. It's a human trait to want individuals who exude confidence and those who are overly nice/giving risk being used as doormats by men individuals who prey on such people.

Women don't 'consistently test their man for any weakness in his confidence'. It sounds like you need to pick better women and assert yourself more. Asserting yourself doesn't mean that you have a be a jerk. It just means that you respect your self worth. If you don't value yourself, then why should your partner?

If I were you, I'd join toastmasters or some other organization primarily devoted to boosting self confidence. Start talking to women as friends and develop some female friendships because it sounds like you don't understand what most women are like or actually want in a relationship. Also, you are blaming women for your own problems. Women typically are more socially receptive than men and can pick up on that. Accept responsibility for yourself and work on improving yourself first.

I read Why Men Love Bitches. The advice was pretty solid. I hear the Rules is good too, although at this point it's a little old-school.

I am going through the same thing.

This book wasn't exactly feminist literature, but it had a surprising emphasis on self respect and I -really- benefitted from reading it. Why Men Love Bitches

I'm five months out of a bad break up, and shit sucks, and I'm making poor decisions, but thanks to this book I'm slowly regaining confidence nad self-respect.

Disclaimer: Bitches is meant for empowered independent women, not like... nasty catty women. It's explained quite well.

PM me with your email if you like, I have a digital copy I can send you. If you have a kindle or Nook (I think it's compatible with both)...

I suspect she has read this

Funny you should ask, there's a book about just that...

You need to work on your self image a bit. Try reading Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

You don't want Nice Guys, you want kind ones. There is a difference.

Here's another one for your list:

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1417105962&sr=8-5&keywords=bitch

Funny - I went through a similar transition when I was only a year or two younger than you.

What you need is a goal outside of your relationship - a driving force for yourself and your career, dreams about what kind of kickass life you want to be living, ideas on where you want to travel and live, and plans to make those things happen. You need to be fearless about deciding what you want in life, and all the assertiveness, confidence, and self-reliance that are inherent in womanhood will come as a result of that.

You need to think long and hard about what you want out of life, and then decide to make it happen. Nothing is too grandiose - do you want to live in the South of France? It can happen. Do you want to eventually own your own company? It can happen. The luxury of your age is that you have time to make these things happen.

To me, being a "woman" means you don't give a shit what other people think about you because you've got your goals and desires figures out (but you are still kind and polite). It means that you're life isn't dictated by fear - and it means that you are self-reliant. Therefore, any man, any career choice, any group of friends that comes into your life is evaluated by you according to whether it brings good or bad to the table for you. You don't settle for anything out of convenience.

It comes down to assertiveness, confidence, and a willingness to shamelessly ask for what you want. You already sound intelligent, you just need to learn to be stronger; with strength, you gain sex appeal. Lots of it. All of a sudden, you're a hot item, because you need to be won, you don't seem to just settle for whatever comes your way.

Know your value, know your worth. I can guarantee you it's much higher than you think right now.

Regarding your partner: if you want to still be with him, do so, but it would be a red flag for me if I hadn't had sex for months with my BF - especially at 25. Why spin your wheels at your age with someone who isn't setting you on fire with excitement? I'll tell you why: because you're afraid to leave him.

Don't live your life out of fear. Ever. Dive in full-on, take risks, and push yourself to keep growing.

Read this ridiculous book: Why Men Love B*****s - just get it! It's great, it summarizes the idea of being kind, but also prioritizing yourself first.

Read and complete the exercises in this book: The Assertiveness Workbook - a wonderful, scientifically backed-up personal course in being more assertive.

Read this great book: The Defining Decade

Get better at socializing: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In terms of motivational books to figure out what you want to do with your life? Jesus - there's too many good ones out there. Google any list of "top motivational books", "books about planning life" etc. To start - the books Willpower and Grit were useful for me.

Additionally, there's Brene Brown for a softer approach to finding what you're about as a human being. Braving the Wilderness is a great pick - and for something a bit more direct, read Unfu*k Yourself.

This is going to sound nuts, but read all of these. If you play videogames, stop. If you spend too much time on reddit, stop. Read to pass your time now, and keep growing. These books will help you learn to be strong, sexy, and give you control over your life.

I was recommended the same book by two different friends, I read it and it really changed the whole way I looked at relationships, and I learned how to play the game...

I strongly recommend you check it out:

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560

> Ironic, isn't it then that the reason why men tell each other to act like assholes is to attract women

I haven't read these, but I guess they're the female equivalent:

Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches

Have you seen this book?

It’s a best seller. For almost two decades.

Surprise!

Women and men aren’t too different.

We’re all just people.

And we all want the same thing: sex, love, companionship.

Understand that powerful desire and your game will be good.

I appreciate that. It just seems bizarre that men are told to act like assholes while woman are told to act like bitches to obtain the interest of the opposite sex. Some of the bits in this article were really quite funny to me, though. I'm a single girl in a big city (happily). It was, overall, an interesting read.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560