(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best self esteem books

For anyone suffering from depression or mental illness, please know that there is absolutely help out there. Yes, maybe you have tried a lot of medications before, but maybe you’re new to this battle and need a little bit of help. Here are some things that have helped me:

-Friends and family
-seeing my doctor and being open with them about my feelings
-Reading (I’ll link some wonderful books down below).
-Being outside. Whether you’re walking, running, gardening or whatever. Being outside especially during a sunny day is wonderful.
-podcasts: The Hilarious World of Depression is a great podcast to listen to.
-meditation
-Believing in and being consistent with my medication.
-decent diet
-getting enough sleep

Here are some amazing books that have helped me:

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250077028/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_F6kZAbDERXVNH

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425261018/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_86kZAb5RJPPGJ

You Are Here: An Owner's Manual for Dangerous Minds https://www.amazon.com/dp/125011988X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_o7kZAb6QVETZH

Here is a link to the authors blog: http://thebloggess.com

Theres a lot of self help involved in mental illness. That’s the only way we survive. We can’t expect someone to be able to fix us. We can only try to understand and be kind to ourselves and know most importantly that depression lies and deceives us.

“Without the dark there isn’t light. Without the pain there is no relief. And I remind myself that I’m lucky to be able to feel such great sorrow, and also such great happiness. I can grab on to each moment of joy and live in those moments because I have seen the bright contrast from dark to light and back again. I am privileged to be able to recognize that the sound of laughter is a blessing and a song, and to realize that the bright hours spent with my family and friends are extraordinary treasures to be saved, because those same moments are a medicine, a balm. Those moments are a promise that life is worth fighting for, and that promise is what pulls me through when depression distorts reality and tries to convince me otherwise.”
Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

“To all who walk the dark path, and to those who walk in the sunshine but hold out a hand in the darkness to travel beside us: Brighter days are coming. Clearer sight will arrive. And you will arrive too. No, it might not be forever. The bright moments might be for a few days at a time, but hold on for those days. Those days are worth the dark.”
Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

Hey,

I love to talk but it wasn't always this way. I would highly recommend just practicing. I have found the following books to be really useful aids in my learning to be a better conversationalist:

• How to talk to anyone
  
• Drop the pink elephant
  
• How to win friends and influence people
  
  Here are some really basic tips for getting people to talk.
  
  
• Ask 'How do you spend most of your time' rather than asking about work / hobbies. They will tell you what really interests them.
  
  
• If you're stuck how to follow up on an answer, just repeat the last bit. For example - Them: 'O, I love making songs in my spare time' - You : 'Songs?'. They will then tell you all the songs and you can follow this up in more detail.
  
  
• Don't go on a date without having read the news. Know whats happening in the world. No one likes to talk about the weather, so make sure you've got your fallback.
  
  
  As for you last point about 'I actually don't know what to bring up to even trigger a question about myself.'. There is a great quote :
  
  > “No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.”
  
  You should get away from this notion. I try to not talk too much about myself, you want to show interest in them rather than trying to impress them with yourself. They will naturally ask you questions when they think of them, try not to focus on steering the conversion to a interest of yours. Another big point is, if you find a common interest, don't let them know instantly with a 'ME TO!'. Keep quiet, ask them about it and at some point drop a few subtle hints that you know of the subject. They will be much more impressed that you share an interest but don't feel compelled to scream it instantly.
  
  I hope this helps a little :)

I don't think it is necessary to give a gift card for a lowkey care package, but if you know they are struggling financially or they have a favorite grocery store or clothing shop then it sounds like a great idea. You can utilize things like Groupon, Amazon home services for cleaning and home repairs, BlueApron or equivalent food prep boxes. I have heard that many people like those type of subscription boxes.

My personal favorite care package goodies are shared below. I would wrap a pretty scarf around a small bundle of goodies. And to make it all pretty, I would pin artificial flowers and a thoughtful card to the front.

HotHands Hand Warmers

[Nature's Approach Aromatherapy Neck Wrap Herbal Pack, Celestial Indigo] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0027VH7GK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_VuuYBbQY3GTYH)

Handcrafted Goat's Milk and Olive Oil Soap Bar with Attached Natural Organic Sea Sponge - Sweet Strawberry Scent

Tervis Sunflowers Tumbler

Power Thought Cards

But in terms of "adulting" you could give them Groupon vouchers for cooking classes or yoga/meditation. But if they are strapped for cash, I would definitely include a gift card to their local grocery store.

ACoA literature is really wonderful if you''re into spiritual stuff and things like healing your inner child. their daily affirmation book is lovely

https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Affirmations-Adult-Children-Alcoholics/dp/0932194273

these are the ACoA "promises"

1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
   
   
2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
   
   
3. Fear of authority figures and the need to "people-please" will leave us.
   
   
4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
   
   
5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
   
   
6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
   
   
7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
   
   
8. We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
   
   
9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
   
   
10. Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
    
    
11. With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
    
    
12. Gradually, with our Higher Power's help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.

So as the author of that article: I do hold that I've had reduced procrastination, and that a major part of it seems like it can be traced to meditation and mindfulness practices. That said, at least so far meditation alone hasn't felt like it could fix everything, though it's possible that it would be even more transformative if I was further along the path (I'm around TMI's Stage Five at the moment).

According to procrastination researcher Piers Steel, your motivation for some task is affected positively by your expectancy (how much you believe in your ability to pull it off) and the task's value (how rewarding the task is to do, and what you expect to get out of it). On the other hand, your motivation is reduced by the delay (how distant in time the rewards for doing the task are) and your impulsiveness (which covers both your personal impulsiveness and situational factors that might distract you). [See also](http://lesswrong.com/lw/9wr/my_algorithm_for_beating_procrastination/I feel that meditation has helped me reduce procrastination by decreasing impulsiveness and making my subconscious more aware of what the true value of doing different tasks is.

But my suspicion is that for people who have big problems with procrastination (including some of my past selves), their main problem is with some kind of internal conflict, with different parts of their mind having various deep emotional needs and conflicting ways of achieving them; which may manifest as conflicting evaluations of expectancy and value. TMI says that eventually, meditation will lead to a unification of mind where different parts of your mind become united behind a single goal, and others on this forum may comment on that. But my experience as a Stage 5-meditator is that this seems to be a pretty long process, and I'm not there yet. When it comes to procrastination reduction, what's been more useful for me has been to apply techniques that address internal conflicts more directly.

I described this in my recent post on self-concepts; apparently a big part of what was going on was that I had an unstable self-esteem and kept feeling bad about myself, and a part of my mind wanted to prove myself by being productive and accumulating positive evidence about myself. At the same time, the exact nature of my insecurity was such that no amount of additional evidence that I accumulated was going to fix it; the problem was with some particularly negative memories and ideas that I had about myself, which had to be dealt with first.

In terms of Steel's research, you might describe this as a part of my mind thinking that productivity would have a high value (since it would fix this gaping emotional hole in my mind), whereas another part kept sabotaging my efforts to be productive by assigning the plan of "feel better about yourself by being productive" a low expectancy (as it had correctly previously noticed that this wasn't useful for actually making myself feel better).

It's possible that sufficient practice with meditation could eventually have fixed this, by healing those emotional wounds through a different route; but the techniques that I used fixed the biggest problem much faster.

On the other hand, I do still stick with what I wrote in my original article as well: meditation and mindfulness has also continued to produce major gains in reducing procrastination. Notice that the article you were referring to was written several weeks after I had fixed my self-concept: mindfulness has made it much faster to really take advantage of all the changes that have been happening on their own after I fixed that emotional wound in my mind. And on the other hand as well, I believe that the improved introspective ability that comes from meditation, made it easier for me to be able to apply those techniques which did heal the emotional wound. Both meditation and the techniques for changing self-concepts, have worked better for me together than I expect either would have worked alone.

I described the self-concept tools I used a bit in my self-concept post, and they're described in much more detail in this book (yes I know, the cover doesn't exactly inspire confidence in its contents). You may also want to look at other techniques which aim at fixing internal conflicts directly, such as Gendlin's Focusing, aversion factoring, and Core Transformation. (Necessary caveat: while several of these techniques have been developed by e.g. psychotherapists, there hasn't been very much - and in several cases no -
rigorous scientific research on validating their usefulness. I'm suggesting them because they have been useful to me and other people that I know, but you should give such a recommendation the same skepticism as any other anecdotal evidence. I can't make any promises of whether they will work for you, or whether the cause of your procrastination even is what I think it might be.)

Good luck!

OYS: Men of March Part Deux

Anyone else doing Men of March again? Last year u/thefamilyalpha gave us an incredible set of challenges. There was a list of don'ts and then a new list of do's every day.

> 1 You will not masturbate, edge, or touch your dick for pleasure during the entire month. You can have sex, but not with yourself.

On it. Last year this had a huge impact on me because I realized in order to get off I had to game my wife. This year it's not even an issue.

> 2 You will not watch porn, any sexy gifs, look at provocative photos or anything of the sort as this will lead to you breaking rule one.

Last year I went a step further. When browsing Instagram or whatever, instead of clicking on the hot girl photo I would click on the ripped dude photo to inspire me to "not focus on getting the girl, but on being the man". Around this time I started following r/progresspics - highly recommend this to everyone here.

> 3 You will do 100 pushups every day. Don’t give the ‘time’ excuse, or any excuse as I don’t give a fuck, just do them. Break it up however you have to, but before you sleep at night, 100 must be done; chest day or not. Maintain proper form to prevent injury.

He also added that this is in addition to your normal exercise routine. I'm somewhat overdeveloped in the chest, so instead I do 10 minutes of planks, usually in sets of 2, 2, 1.5, 1.5, 1, 1, 1. I do this every night before bed and I watch FailArmy videos to make myself laugh, it makes planking that much harder when you're laughing. Also associates good feelings with the pain.

> 4 You must start reading a book. Even if it’s just a few pages a day at first, you must be reading a book. During Men of March I read ‘New World Ronin’ by Victor Pride as well as ‘One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich’ by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. You don’t have to finish the book in the month, just actively read a few pages every day to build the habit. With that said, I finished two books by making the time (usually before bed) to read free from distraction.

The first thing I do each day is drink my coffee and read. Right now I'm reading a biography of Oliver Stone. I also have Meditations and Sex God Method loaded up on my Kindle for when I'm in a waiting room or in transit.

> 5 You have to start giving genuine answers to people. If someone asks if you’re busy don’t say, “No” when you are. You have to stop avoiding conflict at the expense of your true self. If your wife asks a question, give an answer. Responding with “I don’t know/care” is not an answer a leader gives to those whose lives are his responsibility. Start knowing, start caring, and start telling the world your true opinion.

This is my biggest struggle. I was raised to be independent, but I was raised by a badass, take-charge, single mom. So for too long I expected my wife to be a badass. My wife doesn't want to be a badass, she wants me to lead, she wants my opinions because she can't always trust her feelings. So I better have a opinion but that only comes from having a strong direction in life. Opinions without a valuable direction are stupid, arrogant and often hostile. A man with a mission will have an opinion and it's attractive. Yesterday a girl messaged me asking to come over for career advice. My wife came home to find me giving advice to a young woman. Huh...

> 6 If you have a vice, remove it. You have to be honest with yourself; if you’re overweight and drinking to numb the pain or are smoking pot and being unproductive, that shit has to go. This isn’t a ‘dry’ challenge, if alcohol or pot isn’t a problem good to go. If it’s more than that, leave it be for the month.

Last year I had a ton of vices: porn, video games, sugar, social media. None of those are causing problems in my life right now. Moderation is key. A year has changed a lot.

> 7 This is not a story book, it is a program designed to strip away the layers of fake, generic, and counterfeit behaviors and lies you’ve been living in order to discover who you truly are. Read one day at a time, do not skip ahead.

Again, I highly recommend buying this book. Unfuck your life one day at a time.

> 8 Every day there will be a challenge, you must complete it.

Great challenges last year that resonated with people were:

• Put together a budget of income and expenses, track all the shit. Do this with, or show it to, your wife.
  
  
• Toss out everything in your house that you don't use. Again, do this with you wife. Show her that you lead.
  
  
• Run for your life. Get up and run until you feel like you'll die, then run even further.
  

Yeah! There's a book about a man who overcame social anxiety, I know it's not plain anxiety but I think it will help. He is a redditor. https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem/dp/0997460016

Also there are other books to boost your confidence and to change your mind like Models by Mark Manson, or The Six Pillars of Self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I haven't read them but they are heavily recommended.

Good luck on your journey! :)

Well, it seems that I have been unfortunate. I have a similar occupation, but I would not say I am a stylist but more a personal coach for men (I have had a few clients which also needed help in stimulating self-esteem and confidence). I have also written a book, which has been quite a hit in my country (I live in Poland)

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0056A5CG6

and I have put it on Amazon where it copes pretty well. As a redditor, I have been trying a few times to let you guys know about it here, but I have never ever got any upvote. Well, such is life. Maybe I should have made an AMA :) Good luck to fellow Mr.Gallichio!

Sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself. Here's a few thoughts from someone who was also pretty hard on himself:

1. Stay away from Red Pill / MRA / PUA, they prey on vulnerable guys. There is no value there.
   
2. Work on yourself, and I don't mean go to the gym. I mean stop beating yourself up. If you can afford it, a therapist is very helpful. Here are a few ideas of things you can do yourself:
   
   1. https://www.amazon.com/Men-Women-Worthiness-Experience-Enough/dp/B00D4APD3M
      
   2. https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
      
   3. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
      
   4. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
      
3. Hang out with friends, it's OK to not be in a relationship, even for a long time. Putting extra pressure on yourself isn't helpful.
   
4. Consider reading this: https://johntreed.com/products/succeeding. I've found it's a pretty good field guide to life. If nothing else it's an interesting deep dive on how someone else managed their dating experience.
   
   You'll be amazed at how hard women find it to find a great guy. You can be that great guy.

As a book you can read to them at bedtime, I really REALLY like The Book of Virtues which has stories from all kinds of place (including the bible) relating to themes like friendship, loyalty, honesty, etc. :)

There's also a PBS series (you might be able to find it on Youtube or Amazon Prime) called "Adventures From The Book of Virtues" based on the book. :)

I'm a big fan of anything Jessica Valenti

He's A Stud She's Slut - excellent read about double standards in society

Full Frontal Feminism - a bit of a younger read but a great overview

Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape

The Purity Myth - all about America's obsession with sex and being 'pure.' Not necessarily women's rights per say but my favorite by her

Enjoy!

• The 48 Laws of Power - Robert Greene
  
  • Animated YouTube version
    
• Dominate: Conquer Your Fears. Become The Man You Want to Be. - David De Las Morenas
  
• The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
  
• The Slight Edge - Jeff Olson
  
  All excellent books. I have personally met each author and they are amazing men that live what they write.
  
  Of course, good ole Dale Carnegie's book in How to Win Friends & Influence people comes to mind, but his book lacks the tenacity and ferocity needed to succeed. It's lessons are excellent, but often it's too nice.
  
  
  

Please try to develop a prayer life--this is very important. I found Understanding Scrupulosity: 3rd Edition of Questions and Encouragement and I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Thérèse of Lisieux very useful reads. Consider signing up and reading from https://scrupulousanonymous.org/ as well. Please watch this talk by Fr. Ripperger to better understand why going to Daily Mass and confession is good for us.

I don't know how to deal with dissociation, but I have much better control of my inner critic thanks to Gay Hendricks' Learning To Love Yourself. It's a pretty short book with a very simple message, I think it was one of Pete Walker's recommended books.

I'm right there with you man. I think you should give your self some credit though. You're well in to college life which is an insanely difficult thing to battle through in general, let alone doing it as someone who struggles with SA. No matter how down I get, I remind myself that we are some incredibly strong and resilient people who've endured a lot more than most people could stand.

Things that have helped me throughout my struggle:

• Meditation (strict form and dedication to daily practice is key)
  
  
• Look in to joining a CBT group in your area (was incredibly hard bringing myself to sign up initially but I know it's a necessary step for me)
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-Social-Anxiety-Self-Esteem/dp/0997460016
  
  [^ Not sure if that is going to link properly (on mobile and don't really know how to Reddit all that well lol) but it's a book by Tobias Atkins about his story of overcoming SA. Not affiliated in any way, just a recommended read.
  
  
• Similar to what you did tonight by submitting this, write your thoughts out about your SA. When you think it started, what triggers it the most, how you think it may have originated, who or what has contributed to it.. everything. It doesn't have to be on Reddit but it feels good to put something cohesive together that sums up your personal struggles.
  
  
  Wish you the absolute best my friend. Pm me if you ever need to talk

No problem. Good luck.

I highly recommend "The Myth of Self-Esteem" by Albert Ellis and "Overcoming the Rating Game" by Paul Hauck for good advice on liberating yourself from letting others have too much control over the direction of your life. It's a challenge everyone faces, but it can be done and, based on my experience, it's one of the best things a person can do to increase their well-being.

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Rating-Game-Self-Love-Beyond-Self-Esteem/dp/0664253105

https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Self-esteem-Rational-Behavior-Psychology/dp/1591023548

Here's a free worksheet (pdf) to help one clarify their values from a great book: The Confidence Gap

Two that I think are great without going back too far are Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth, and Female Chauvinist Pigs.

I'm looking at amazon.com and thinking of ordering a new one from bell hooks, who I've always liked. As an African-American woman, hooks has always had a broader perspective.

I'd also recommend Susan Faludi's Backlash.

Amanda Marcotte's recent It's a Jungle Out There was a quick read and good.

I'm currently looking at Valenti's Full Frontal Feminism and by Siegel and Baumgardner's Sisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild, but they're about 4th and 5th on my current reading list and I can't yet say how I'd rate them.

Also on my reading list is Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?: A Debate (Point/Counterpoint) by Warren Farrell, Steven Svoboda, and James P. Sterba on my list. Looking forward to that one. Warren Farrell is a former feminist and the father of the men's liberation movement. The movement had progressive roots, but I think Farrell's moved more center, and certainly the men's movement has some very conservative branches. I think it will be interesting splitting apart any anti-feminism from the pro-men's liberation stuff.

I personally don't think there's any conflict between men and women's liberation, but I want to be more informed as to the current arguments.

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of presentation does it have to be, and what is the age group? There is an awesome book written by Jessica Valenti called Full Frontal Feminism - it is less theory-heavy and more accessible. It is definitely written with modern women in mind, but it is an excellent and basic read (imo) about modern feminist issues.

Not very related, but...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Drop-Pink-Elephant-Ways-What/dp/1841126373

Read this if you want PR skills. My ENFJ sister recommended to me, and it helped me in uni. Because we have a lot of good ideas, this book helps to convey and convince people. You'd be surprised how many people would find our ideas helpful.

The magic of thinking big

[how to win friends and influence people] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B004U7G81O/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1421001053&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70)

go for no


the slight edge

psychocybernetics

Words that work

[The Magic of Thinking Big] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NGZIR92/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) So simple, but great for the right mindset

Life Without Ed https://www.amazon.com/Life-Without-Ed-Declared-Independence/dp/0071422986/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=life+without+ed&qid=1570768680&sprefix=life+without+&sr=8-1

14,000 Things to be Happy About https://www.amazon.com/14-000-Things-Happy-About/dp/0761181806/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=14000+things+to+be+happy+about+book&qid=1570768746&sprefix=thinks+to+be&sr=8-3

The Wish List
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0761107568/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_0761107568

Power Thought Cards: A 64 Card Deck https://www.amazon.com/Power-Thought-Cards-Card-Deck/dp/1561706124/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?keywords=louise+hay&qid=1570768837&sprefix=Louise+&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFLQUk5SktaRkFQMDEmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTEwMzk3NDVENTdNWUtINjJRNUomZW5jcnlwdGVkQWRJZD1BMDU1NzIwMzIyMzU4VEZZTllETUQmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==

Zen as Fck: A journal for practicing the mindful art of not giving a sht https://www.amazon.com/Zen-Journal-Practicing-Mindful-Giving/dp/1250147700/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?keywords=calm+the+fck+down&qid=1570769032&sprefix=fuck&sr=8-7

People make all sorts of claims about who does, or doesn't have the 33d degree of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry.

MPH did have the 33d degree as noted by the Grand Archivist and Principal Historian of the Supreme Council AASR-SJ.

The Book of Virtues was one of my go-tos when my son was younger. It draws from all sorts of cultures and different countries, which I really liked. There are some Bible stories in there too, but I didn't mind them being in there since we basically treat the Bible as a work of fiction that is an important part of our cultural history.

Have you looked for a online or inperson temple, teacher or meditation group?

I would suggest this workbook to help:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393712184/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

If this works for you and you want more information PM me and I can put you in touch with a temple. But I think this workbook will be quite helpful.

I see what you are staying and honestly I have not looked for specific books pertaining to men's mental health. I guess I just assumed they would be grunting tomes to traditional "suck it up" male outlooks and sadly a cursory search results in bullshit like this as the top result:

31 Days to Masculinity: A Guide to Help Men Live Authentic Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546796053/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Sa.DCbHXQ3HTE

What the fuck is an authentic life and who is this assholes to tell me what my masculinity should be. Ughhh. Sorry digression.

I will keep searching but men's lit is typically more of this garbage.

I guess I'm just a little jealous of the advanced perspectives shared in lit aimed at women. It just makes more sense to me.

I know this is a bit of a rambling, thank you very much for your reply.

Edit: something like this seems much more suited... https://express.google.com/u/0/product/8763870527485695515_3320832077735330034_7695788?utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=tu_prop&utm_content=eid-lsjeuxoeqt&gtim=CNae7-Hrrc3AHxDB5YzI4b_I_qkBGPCCyggiA1VTRCjgktDkBTCs29UD&utm_campaign=7695788&gclid=CjwKCAiAqt7jBRAcEiwAof2uK-MIvPrMV05Cjb6qwubxwdTYN1cmjtyjvp3fbZa86u-glKgvxHE1YRoCbbsQAvD_BwE

I've been through the same journey. The most authentic, the most effective and deepest "hack" that I have come across is from this book:

Learn to love all parts of yourself including thoughts, emotions and body unconditionally which translates to accepting and owning everything about yourself. It sounds cheesy and new-agy but if you get into it you immediately feel the results. My two cents.

Hi Phoolf,

In the sidebar, we have a link to a selection of books on feminism, should more books be posted here, I will make sure to update the list :)



From previous discussions:

By wave:

Mary Wollstonecraft; A Vindication of the Rights of Woman

J. S. and Harriet Taylor Mill; The Subjection of Women

(Second wave) Simone de Beauvoir; The Second Sex

(Second wave) Betty Friedan; The Feminine Mystique

(Third wave) bell hooks; Ain't I a Woman?

(Third wave) bell hooks; Feminist Theory

(Third wave) This Bridge Called My Back




By subject:




Law:

What is Feminism

Intro to 'Schools' of Feminist Thought

Post-structural / post-modern

The Laugh of the Medusa, Helene Cixous

Speculum of the Other Woman, Irigaray

Powers of Horror, Kristeva

General overview of feminist theory in the west:

The Feminist Mystique Betty Friedan

Sister/Outsider Audrey Lords

Feminist Theory, Bell Hooks

Borderlands, Gloria Anzaldua

No Logo, Naomi Klein

LGBT:

Gender Trouble, Judith Butler

Bodies That Matter, Judith Butler

Postcolonial

Under Western Eyes, Chandra Talpade Mohanty (PDF)

International/Transnational feminist topics:

Gloria Anzaldua- Borderlands

Chandra Mohanty- Feminism Without Borders and Under Western Eyes

Sociology works:

Resisting Vulnerability: The Social Reconstruction of Gender in Interaction JOCELYN A. HOLLANDER

Some Effects of Proportions on Group Life: Skewed Sex Ratios and Responses to Token Women Rosabeth Moss Kanter

The Retoric and Reality of “Opting Out” Pamela Stone

Literature

The Handmaid's Tale, by Margret Atwood



Other works:

Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir

Feminism is for Everybody, Bell Hooks

Full Frontal Feminism

The Politics of Reality, Marilyn Frye,


No Turning Back, by Estelle Freedman



Reclaiming the F Word by Catherine Redfern

The Equality Illusion by Kat Banyard


The Guy's Guide to Feminism, Michael Kaufman


The Purity Myth, Jessica Valenti

Backlash, Susan Faludi



Introductory articles

Why Women Aren't Crazy

Ted Talk: A Call to Men, by Tony Porter

What No Woman Deserves to Be Called, Yashar Ali

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Feminism But Were Afraid to Ask

"Delusions of Gender" by Cordelia Fine

"Gendered Society" by Michael Kimmel

"Click: The Moment We Knew We Were Feminists", Bitchfest

How to Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran

"Gender: A Useful Category of Historical Analysis" by Joan Wallach Scott

The Politics of Reality, Marilyn Frye

How Two Aspiring Pornographers Turned Me Into the Ultimate F Word, by Hank Shaw

"The Macho Paradox" by Jackson Katz


Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Feminism But Were Afraid to Ask

Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?, by Linda Nochlin

Disclaimer, I haven't read this yet but a friend suggested: The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook: A 14-Day Plan to Transform Your Relationship with Yourself

Yeah, it's nice that there's ways to get testing supplies for so cheap!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/125011988X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_Vnt-ybK80NBY8 That's the one I ordered, I can't wait for it to arrive.

I recommend checking out this article and seeing if anything resonates with you:

http://steveandreas.com/Articles/building.html

If you do find some resonance there, I recommend the whole book, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Transforming-Your-Self-Becoming-Want-ebook/dp/B009Y5HS7K?sa-no-redirect=1

I think tis might be helpful too...

https://www.amazon.com/Assertiveness-Stand-Yourself-Respect-Others/dp/1495446859/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1466294961&sr=8-2&keywords=assertiveness+training

I mean I'm certainly not unassertive, but hey.. a little more assertiveness won't hurt anyone.

Worshipful Master means they were the 'president' of the local lodge for at least a year. It's odd that you're being approached after doing something that wasn't a good thing? Really not getting the vibe of what you mean, but I figure that's intentional on your part.

It doesn't sound that strange that people would approach you, especially in a small town. Generally we aren't supposed to recruit at all, but I'd say your experience isn't totally crazy. At least the guys approaching you are good men.

I'd really recommend the book 'Is It True What They Say About Freemasonry?' to answer your questions about devil worship, etc. I'll spoil it a bit- none of it's true and most can be traced back to one hoax in the 19th century.

edit: Also, +1 on the username. Still not sure where to put my feet.

I picked up this book for roughly the same reasons (wanting to get what I want out of life), and I found it very beneficial.

https://www.amazon.com/Assertiveness-Stand-Yourself-Respect-Others/dp/1495446859/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521513767&sr=8-1&keywords=assertiveness

Being a child of an alcoholic is not easy and usually gives the children this exact feeling....a warped sense of self-worth.

They call this adult children....being the child of an alcoholic.

This book in particular helped me a lot.
http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Affirmations-Adult-Children-Alcoholics/dp/0932194273/ref=pd_sim_b_11

Its not really a 'self help' book...it has small daily affirmations that take no more than a few minutes to read and you read an entry each day.

I loved this because it would give me just a little something to think about as I went through my day. I would read one over breakfast and then think about it each day...while my sister liked to read hers every night before going to bed.

Check out "How to be an Attractive Man" http://amzn.com/B0056A5CG6

Do you have a kindle account? If not get one and read these books:

When Panic Attacks

Constructive Living

The Confidence Gap

The Dare Response

Just download the samples and see which one resonates with you most that you might like to read. Seriously potently life changing stuff. These have been invaluable techniques for me personally.

Sorry you're going through this, there is a lot there and it sounds like that one person is being allowed to consume you.

I'd seriously check out Brene Brown's work on shame. She equates rage and anger to shame, you'd not think it, but it could be really helpful. I listen to her stuff on audiobook because I'm an image type but helpful for anyone imo.

My library has this for free on hoopla, yours may too. https://www.amazon.com/Men-Women-Worthiness-Experience-Enough/dp/B00D4APD3M?SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duckduckgo-d-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=B00D4APD3M

If you don't already have it, I would recommend picking up Understanding Scrupulosity: Questions and Encouragement by Rev. Thomas Santa C.Ss.R., Director of Scrupulous Anonymous, based on 50 years of questions and answers published in their newsletter.

The above link is for the 3rd edition published in 2017. Earlier editions can be picked up used for $4-6 if price is an issue.

I've been using "The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook" after I heard the author, Tim Desmond, talking about self-compassion on a podcast. They also have FREE audio exercises to go with it/use on their own on his website.

Read this book; The Magic of Thinking Big, and do as it says.

RPW is a feminist-free space, and Jessica Valenti is a radical feminist.

Half the Sky

Full Frontal Feminism

You Are Here for quirky, light-hearted color days. Rosanes for serious color days. Mhm!

Hi Mr. Mod,

Some simple reading material I would recommend (off the top of my head):

Feminism is for everybody by Bell Hooks pdf

The guy's guide to feminism by Kaufman & Kimmel

Full frontal feminism by Jessica Valenti (yes it says "a young woman's guide" but really it is accessible to everyone)

The shakesville feminism 101 blog

This is my first time posting here, so I hope I didn't violate your rules, though perhaps my post may have been too hostile.

About 2/3 of people in North America are women, people of colour, and/or LGBTQ people. Yet in terms of media representation, or in terms of positions of power — in politics and business — way less than 2/3 is allocated to people in these groups.

Over time, the allocation will trend closer to 2/3. Social justice activism is about attempting to speed up that change.

As previously underrepresented and disempowered groups of people gain representation and power, it's going to be uncomfortable and maybe even scary for people outside those groups. Perhaps particularly for the roughly 1/3 of people in North America who are straight white men. The status quo is going to be disrupted. There is going to be change. It's not going to be clean or easy or comfortable.

The best we can do as this transition toward gender, racial, and LGBTQ equality continues over the years and decades is to try to soften. To empathize, to consider, to listen — to not react instantly, but to pause, breathe, and think it over. People with a different experience of gender, race, and sexual orientation tend to — statistically — have a different life experience overall. We can't assume everyone else's experience is the same as ours. That means if we want to understand where people different from us are coming from — why they're angry, for instance — we need to really try to understand a life experience that might be foreign to us.

A lot of conflict and distress around social justice issues really is down to just a lack of knowledge. It was easier to demonize gay people when the majority view was that 1) being gay has high comorbidity with severe mental illness (independent of the effects of discrimination and systemic inequality), 2) that committed, healthy, long-term gay romantic relationships were rare or just didn't happen, and 3) that gay people were much more likely than straight people to sexually predate on children.

Over time, as gay people organized into activist groups and gained visibility, these myths crumbled. New knowledge about what gay people's lives are actually like made inequality less easy to rationalize.

This same process is constantly unfolding, with different groups of people. At least until theast few years, most men were unaware of the pervasiveness of sexual harassment and sexual assault that women experience. As more men learn the truth, more men share the anger that activist women express.

There is a scientific humility and open-mindedness we can bring to this process. We know that different people have different experience, and we know (in large part from an extensive social science literature) that people statistically have very different life experience along the lines of gender, race, and sexual orientation. Knowing that, do we assume that we already understand everyone's experience, that the status quo must be justified, and if some people aren't happy with the status quo, it must be their fault? Do we resist and resent the discomfort that comes with 2/3 of people getting 2/3 of the representation and power?

Or do we reserve judgment, and try to absorb new information from people who have a different life experience? Do we soften into empathy, and accept that discomfort may be the cost of constructive social change?

Recommended listening: "Men, Women and Worthiness" by Brené Brown.

You're making a false equivalency. Breivik was thoroughly condemned by MRA blogs and on this reddit. Valenti and Marcotte are well-loved by millions of feminists, third-wave and otherwise.

Whether you yourself chose it or not, "the Poster Girl of third-wave feminism" who also wrote the #8 best-selling book on Feminist Theory ever (according to Amazon) is a horrendous bigot. And let's not forget about her BFF Amanda Marcotte, who has claimed that women never commit domestic violence against men, and the only reason why men care about false rape accusations is because they are real rapists.

Given this unfortunate reality it should be very clear why I have my suspicions about third-wave feminism.

I know your question was rhetorical, but Brené Brown’s Men, Women, and Worthiness touches on the subject of how and why emotions are tied to shame for men, and why men tend to avoid or ignore them. Basically full lifetimes of being shamed for any show of vulnerability or emotion.