Reddit mentions: The best stress management books

Let me first of all congratulate you, as you should yourself, on recognizing that you are having some difficulties and for seeking some form of help. Admitting that to yourself allows to you do something about it.

Be kind to yourself. We are all human, and we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people struggle with anxiety and low mood more than others, but that's ok. It doesn't make you any less of an amazing person, it just means that you have to find some healthy mechanisms with which to deal with it and try to nip it in the bud when you feel you are on the edge of the downward spiral. It's like learning to put a plaster over a sore heel before it becomes a blister, and then to change your shoes to something more comfortable whilst it gets better.

Sometimes you may fall down the spiral a little. That's ok too. It's like getting a cold. It sucks, but it's treatable and it won't be forever. You are stronger than you think and you have the power to pull yourself out of it (although it may not always feel like it). This will sometimes be harder than other times (some colds are worse than others), but you are strong, smart and resilient. Your brain is plastic enough that you have learned all the things you've learned since you were born, to get all the way to uwaterloo. Processes like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) use that plasticity to change the way you think about things and make you less anxious over time. There are self-guided books to help with this and sometimes courses offered by counselors/psychologists.

Find some things that make you happy. That sounds like a standard, throwaway line, but hear me out... I know this is not easy when you are feeling anxious - but think back to a time when you remember being happier and less anxious. What did non-anxious you enjoy doing? What relaxed non-anxious you? Do you have a cool photo of non-anxious you smiling and doing something you loved? One of the symptoms of anxiety and depression is that it sucks the motivation out of you and stops you remembering the joy of things. Do one of those things that you remember making you happy. At first it will feel like a grind, but over time you may find that the joy of those things starts to come back, if not slowly at first.

Do something that engages your senses. Anxiety can make you feel like you are stuck in the space between your brain and eyeballs. That's the space where overthinking happens - it's like having your eyes open but not seeing the world around you. There are a few things I would suggest to try and get yourself out of that space...

1. Sit in a space where there are people around. You don't necessarily have to engage with them. Hear their voices. See people coming and going. Feel the change in temperature when the door opens and closes. Notice things. Feel them. Smell the coffee being made.
   
2. Do some exercise. I don't just mean lift weights, although certainly do that if that's what you like. Do a sport that you enjoy. It doesn't have to be competitive. Go throw a basketball. Play soccer. Do yoga. Exercise also makes your body produce happy hormones.
   
3. Do some mindfulness training/meditation. There are many guided mindfulness meditations on youtube. There are also a number of books (e.g. https://www.amazon.ca/Mindfulness-Based-Stress-Reduction-Workbook/dp/1572247088/ ). Turn off all other phone notifications whilst you listen to them. The trick is to concentrate on your body - something the majority of people don't ever do in our fast-paced lives. It can really help alleviate anxiety. I believe counselling services also offer courses on mindfulness - this is well worth looking into.
   
4. When you are doing day-to-day things (e.g., taking a shower, washing dishes...), really DO them. Concentrate on how the water feels and how it sounds. Listen to the dishes clink against each other and how they sound different to one another. Smell the soap. Hear the bubbles popping.
   
5. Get out in nature. Remember how big and incredible the world is, and the infinitesimally small probability that it came to exist at all! Hear the birds tweeting. Watch Spring slowly taking over. Not too many thousands of years ago, out ancestors roamed the plains outside. We are still built for that environment and our concrete jungles can make us get stuck in our own heads.
   
   Life is a lot bigger than university, exams and interviews. Whilst getting rejected from interviews or not showing up for them is painful now (and I am in no way suggesting that it isn't), maybe future-you won't even remember these interviews in a few years time, so give present you some kindness and care.
   
   We can do our best to set ourselves up for success, but the world is full of randomness and things out of our control. Try not to stress about things you can't control. Be healthy, try your best (but not to the detriment of your well-being), do the things that make you happy and care for the people you care about.
   
   Please do not give up on seeking professional help. Continue to seek help from medical professionals. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist if you can. Talk to family and friends if you can. Continue to try counselling services and the workshops they offer.
   
   I'm not a professional, but I hope some of my personal advice may have been useful to you. Another book that may be worth a read is: https://www.amazon.ca/Depressive-Illness-Curse-Strong-Cantopher/dp/0859699749/
   
   Do not hurt yourself. You are more important than you can possibly know. Look at the way you are feeling as a 'blip'.
   
   Try to remind yourself that you WILL feel better.

Hi there, I'm glad you posted! Hopefully I can offer something. My partner and I both have anxiety and related conditions so here are a few things we've found that have helped:

• Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. It's old, but I honestly think it is one of the best things out there. We were skeptical when it was suggested for a very similar sudden onset anxiety. However, it has been worth the $6 many times over. Dr. Weekes writes in a very personal manner and somehow just reading it seems to help ease some of the physical symptoms as she explains how and why the body is acting in this way. It sounds silly but it helps rewire the brain a tiny bit. Honestly so worthwhile. All credit goes to the lovely /u/surfwaxgoesonthetop in their comments here.
  
  
• Exercise: Whether it be a walking, dancing, lifting some weights, or yoga we've both found that creating a regular exercise routine (nothing too strenuous) has been really helpful. After
  
  
• Medication: We're not big fans of medication, but have both found relief on small dosages of SSRIs or other anxiety meds, even in the short term. We have both tried many and I'm currently on Wellbutrin and have used Celexa in the past. Everyone has their own SSRI or med that works best, or perhaps no medication but it can definitely help level things out while you work through other aspects of the anxiety and create a long-term plan with or without them.
  
  
• Medical Marijuana: Obviously not for everyone, but for many it is extremely effective in stimulating appetite, calming nausea, and relieving some anxiety, including physical symptoms. Everyone reacts differently and there a strains that are better/worse for anxiety so one must proceed with caution, but it is worth a mention. If you live in an area where you can get a medical card, and access medical marijuana that has higher levels of CBD, and lower levels of THC.
  
  
• Omeprazole: After recovering from an illness I found I had constant, debilitating nausea. Omeprazole was a lifesaver for me, and there are very few side effects. The nausea definitely had different roots so it may not be of much help, but I thought it was worth a mention. It's also used for animals who have nausea due to medications.
  
  
• Propranolol: This was something that can be effective for specific situations in the short term. It is often used for anxiety related to things like public speaking as it is fast acting and helps calm the nerves by slowing the racing heart and similar bodily symptoms. Also not for everyone or every situation but might be something to look into to help you through the next little while when you're faced with specifically anxiety-provoking times or tasks.
  
  
• Chamomile Tea: Not scientifically significant but can have a nice calming effect especially in the evenings.
  
  
• Vitamin B12 (B100 complex is ideal), Cod Liver Oil/Omega 3 Fish Oil, L-Theanine, Valerian and More: There are lots of specific vitamins and supplements that are effective in the treatment of anxiety and great for overall health and well being. This blog post has a great overview!
  
  Just know that in time, you will gain control of the anxiety and that this state will not last forever. Feel free to PM me about any of this! :)

Won't disclose my exact age but it is similar to yours <21.


Snacks: If you get hungry, drink water first then go for something to eat. Depending on your height and weight, you will need a different amount of water. I use an app called 'Water your body'.

A good healthy snack I would recommend is granola or seeds. If you have a blender or a food mixer then you can try making yourself smoothies.

I used to drink 5 cups of coffee a day. Coffee fueled me, if I didn't have coffee I just shutdown. It was not good. Since completely giving it up (completely cold turkey), I have found I have better natural energy levels and just feel better in general. It's really great.




Getting fit: Gyms are expensive. If you don't want to shell out for one, order yourself some weights, such as the one here and start doing curls and other weight based exercises. You can also try some of the work outs on this website, there are lots of workouts for abs, biceps etc. Also check out /r/Fitness





Code: Get stuck? Use stackoverflow, your question has been asked a million times, trust me.
I'm not sure on your ability, but many have suggest codecedemy. I would recommend this too but also coursera.org and udemy.com they contain hundreds of free (or cheap) courses.
You can also try youtube, there are lots of channels dedicated to programming, such as this one here. He works on Game programming (which is a really good way of learning), he includes the resources and the videos are very well done.





General: If you just want to generally improve then try learning a new language. I am currently learning Spanish (using Duolingo) and Korean (using a variety of resources, such as memrise, koreanfromzero and koreanclass101), I've made new friends because I'm learning these languages using an app called 'Hello Talk'. It makes you a more interesting person.

You can also try picking up a hobby. Sounds generic but try playing the guitar or another musical instrument, this will also improve your hand-eye coordination. Kill two birds will one stone and start cycling lots.

Another huge thing, is get to sleep early. I speak as a bit of a hypocrite on this one but going to bed at around 10:30pm really helps my energy levels through the day and helps me to be sharper.




Skin care: You didn't mention this specifically but thought I'd throw it in anyway. I have found that drinking 2L of pure water each day really helps with my skin. I also highly recommend vitimin B5 (found in most B multi-vitimins. sometimes listed as Pantothenic acid) as well as Omega-3 (I use a tablet but you can use the liquid).
Another good tip is to change your pillow cases every couple of days, if not every day.

Obviously I do not know your skin type, but these are things that worked for me.




Getting things done: Again, didn't mention this but I often find this a problem.
I have recently starting using Trello to coordinate all of my todos. Keep a very detailed to do list or you will forget it. To not have to remember anything about what to do is satisfying because rather than worrying about what homework you forgot or whatever, you can simply look at your todo list and work through it. Here is a good read on this principle. (You can find the pdf online).
A principle I use is that if it takes 5 minutes or less, then just do it now. Tidy your room for 5 minutes, it may look like a horses stable but it really doesn't take long.



I hope this helps! Obligatory wall of text apology.

We found that our adult son probably has been dealing with Aspergers and we didn't fully realize it. Also, pretty sure my father does too, so I was raised by a man with these same challenges. My son is working through it, but after my dad just got married, he got a factory job and then abandoned hope of having friends, and pretty much stopped talking to people at 25-30 years old.

>people talk shit about me or just be nice to my face

This is not unique to you or to autistic people.

We all deal with it, but you are probably more "aware" that it is going on and in many cases you might suspect it's happening even when it isn't. Either way, these thoughts or observations are things that you have to learn to ignore or at least suppress because the reason people even do this is out of their own insecurities.

>I can feel the condescension and relegation of them.

There are things you can do, almost mind tricks to pressure flip.

It's difficult to answer without a specific instance, but one thing that my son has a hard time with is to assert himself in situations. For example, let's say you are at work and two employees have to watch and close a gas station. If you allow the dominant person to decide what to do, they will always say they will watch the till while you clean the bathrooms and sweep. What you need to do is start recognizing when these moments of decision are taking place and do something possibly very difficult, you have to speak up or actually be the person who decides what you are going to do first. Get used to push back and confrontation too. This new behavior will get resistance, so learn to stand up for yourself without being mean.

>I can't fit in anywhere I go

This is a basic human fear we all deal with.

If it weren't so, there would be no Red Pill theory to teach men "how to" be confident, alpha, manly, admired, and respected. This is literally why we are all here brother.

>I am starting to think I just have a shit personality.

You might, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way.

You can learn to communicate better, lighten up, be confident, and relax. This actually is the crux of your issue. If YOU think you are shit, no one else is going to like you either. I suggest HIGHLY that you stick around this forum, and read the sidebar books and update your belief system as you learn and develop new patterns of behavior.

Things that have helped my son.

There are some great books out there that everyone can use to improve social skills and to cultivate a positive self image. Here are some I would recommend that either have helped ME develop a personality from being raised by parents like this or provided to my son to help him in his condition.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

Great tips and outlook to stop worrying about what people may or may not be thinking of you.

Top Performance: How to Develop Excellence in Yourself and Others by Zig Ziglar

Become the best version of yourself in the workplace and how to transition into a leader people want to follow.

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

This is actually part of the Red Pill side bar recommended reading and self explanatory.

Power Hold'em Strategy by Daniel Negreanu

This isn't as obvious, but learning to play poker has helped my son a lot. This is a game where it's socially acceptable, even advantageous to be quiet, not show emotions, and to have extraordinary ability to read other people. Through this, my son has learned to like who he is and see how he has special ability. Also, he can practice small talk at the tables in little doses as he gets comfortable in the setting. We play in a free poker league here and after a year of playing in 2 tournaments a month, he's really starting to open up and enjoy the results he is getting at the game and more importantly at the social aspect of playing cards with some people he knows and with new people.

Geez! I just typed a long response and lost it all when I refreshed my page. Argh!

You are smart and have your parent's financial support. Imagine feeling the dread you feel now AND not have any money or stability. You are safe under a roof and seem to be monetarily comfortable. This should make you feel at least a little bit better. The fact that you don't have to worry about money allows you the time to really hit this anxiety thing head on. Just like anyone else, you can squash it. It will take dedication, but it's all worth it.

Regarding your college's counselling service, that sounds like a great idea to me. I know that your anxieties are preventing you from making an appointment, but this is something that you shouldn't think about and just do. They are paid professionals that deal with this stuff on a regular basis. You will be in good hands. I Promise.

Your submission up above is filled with so much negativity. If you read it back to yourself, you'll notice that you put a negative spin on everything. Being positive with yourself can go great lengths in making you feel better. Spin things in a positive light, so you won't continue to get so down on yourself. Here is a nice, helpful article for you.

Another thing I noticed is that you did not mention anything about any sort of exercise. I know, for me personally, exercise goes a long way in making me feel better. I shattered my leg a few months ago and have recently been given the green light to run and play sports again. I too have anxiety, although it seems to be a much different kind, but when I broke my leg, I thought my world was going to end as I couldn't really exercise. I started running and whenever I complete a run, I get this natural high that makes me feel awesome. I suggest trying something like this.

You did mention that your parents are there to help you financially, but you didn't mention anything about moral support. Are you transparent with them? Do you let them know how you feel inside? Their support can most definitely go a long way.

I am not sure how keen you are on reading anxiety self help books, but THIS BOOK has been awesome for me. Just look at the reviews. Dr. Claire Weekes understands anxiety to a T and does an awesome job explaining everything about it. This book is highly suggested.

I hope this all helps and if you need anything at all, please feel free to PM me.

No. 1 - do not try psychadelic drugs especially if you are feeling like this. If anything, it could make your anxiety worse and it just isn't worth it. People do stupid things on drugs. I don't really recommend them at all, but you should be in a really good state of mind before even thinking about them.

No. 2 - if you take your benzos and become productive, why are you taking bigger doses? You should be using them purely as needed and not to feel high. Keep using them to be productive if you can't be productive without them, but NEVER EVER abuse them.

Thanks for sharing your story. I think it would be better if you really detailed out how you are trying to improve yourself. I see that you have tried to learn new skills, but what skills?

For me, it all started with making some lifestyle changes. Exercise is one of the changes I'm referring to, and a big change at that. As I'm sure you know, it releases endorphins that make you feel good. You are what you eat, so diet can be equally important. These 2 items can help you big time because they will increase your self-confidence by just making you feel better. Vitamin D, fish oil, and vitamin B should be taken. They are all known to help battle anxiety.

Taking care of your issues the moment they arise is another idea for you. Do not let things fester and be placed under the rug. Write down what is giving you anxiety and try and stay organized. The less clutter you have in your life, the less likely you are to have anxiety.

You are doing a great thing by letting out your thoughts on this message board. We are here to help you!

One other thing, then I'm done rambling. THIS BOOK. I think it is (excuse my French) fucking fantastic. The author has been in our shoes before and explains everything perfectly, IMO. I think simply sitting down and reading the book has a similar effect as the benzos. Give it a try, it's only a couple of dollars. If for some reason you need some help purchasing it, please let me know. I'm be glad to help!

If you would like to chat more, feel free to PM me.

Cheers!

They are not the same in practice at all in my experience. What sacca said is highly inaccurate in terms of teachers. I found a significant difference in the approach of vipassana/zazen instructors, but they may represent the recent spiritual history of my area as much as anything else.

However there also is significant difference in practice regarding using a mantra/counting versus just focusing on your breath. I don't know if there's a strict psychological basis for this but it just seems like using a mantra/counting is very effective for occupying the 'monkey mind' and keeping it busy, for some reason it just makes focus a lot easier. Sorry I'm a little groggy now too so not sure how much sense I'm making.

Personally I would recommend a bit of a kundalini/qi gong approach as well. Become aware of how the breathing process affects you energetically/emotionally. Take sighing for example -- I find there can be a definite sense of emotional release from sighing. That's just one example of how breathing affects our emotions. To me, emotions and 'energy' are synonymous. I realize this language tends to scare off the more mechanistic adherents of vipassana but I don't know how else to describe it.

As always, the key first step: relax. The last step: relax. In between....maybe you should relax a little bit.

Here's some instructions that might help. From The Relaxation Response, a classic on the physiology of tranquility:

>1.
Sit quietly in a comfortable position.

>2.
Close your eyes.

>3.
Deeply relax all your muscles,
beginning at your feet and progressing up to your face.
Keep them relaxed.

>4.
Breathe through your nose.
Become aware of your breathing.
As you breathe out, say the word, "one"*,
silently to yourself. For example,
breathe in ... out, "one",- in .. out, "one", etc.
Breathe easily and naturally.

>5.
Continue for 10 to 20 minutes.
You may open your eyes to check the time, but do not use an alarm.
When you finish, sit quietly for several minutes,
at first with your eyes closed and later with your eyes opened.
Do not stand up for a few minutes.

>6.
Do not worry about whether you are successful
in achieving a deep level of relaxation.
Maintain a passive attitude and permit relaxation to occur at its own pace.
When distracting thoughts occur,
try to ignore them by not dwelling upon them
and return to repeating "one."

>With practice, the response should come with little effort.
Practice the technique once or twice daily,
but not within two hours after any meal,
since the digestive processes seem to interfere with
the elicitation of the Relaxation Response.


I'd say even five minutes is enough to help.

This book by Marcus Aurelius has transformed my life from one crippled by generalized anxiety into one that is still troubled, but with a definite method to press on. It is easily the most important book I've ever read. (Make sure you check out the Hays translation, the others are quite stiff. This is normally $10 so it's on sale on Amazon.)

What you are talking about is more properly called mindfulness, which was the first tool I tried. I had some success, in particular with Full Catastrophe Living, and if you find mindfulness effective then I would recommend simple mindfulness meditation (just sitting and letting thoughts pass through you--noticing that you have them and not responding to them or labeling them as good or bad, just resting in the moment and accepting that you have certain thoughts or feelings but also watching them pass by).

However, stoicism takes these ideas further and embues an element of self-trust that was much more effective for me. While mindfulness emphasizes the importance of the present and minimizing your immedate negative emotional responses, stoicism includes these elements but also says: there is nothing that can harm you. All I can do is act best I can, and not worry about the rest. Control what you can, but accept what you can't control. External events are uncontrollable and with practice you can remain completly resilent to them--metnally and emotionally accepting that you are in a certain situation but retaining the ability to deal with it in the best way you can.

It is difficult at first, but your everyday difficulties with anxiety are a perfect opportunity to practice. When you face situations and get through them, you hold the realization in your mind that that situation did not harm you--while it may have been unpleasant, you survived and moved straight through it. The unpleasantness was bearable, and you are no worse a person for dealing with it, in fact you are much the better. You can trust in this realization as you look forward toward future events. These little successes can accumulate in a big way if you take the first big step to accept your current limitations and trust in your current ability.

A fantastic example of the will's ability to persevere in impossible situations is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Frankl faces this daily horrors without anxiety because of his complete trust in his ability to face it squarely and overcome it.

So a stoic isn't someone who is passive or emotionless, but someone who is resilent and extremely proactive in response to difficulty. In terms of specific negative emotions like anxiety, anger, or fear, it's important to remember that you are not trying to ignore or not feel these things. That is a misconception about stoicism. These feeling are natural and in fact necessary for life. However, you want to domesticate these negative emotions and remain in control in spite of them, as much as you can. Everyone is overcome by anxiety at times, but the Stoic bounces back that much quicker.

tl;dr I have recommended a lot of books but everything I wrote is firmly based on the many times I have read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. It is truly worth your time.

I'm a serious introvert myself, so this is a topic of some considerable interest to me. :)

Introversion is not necessarily associated with anxiety, in that the traits are not that highly correlated and lots of introverts are not anxious. However, many people who are both introverted and anxious find that the two are intertwined. When that is the case, then getting better at coping with the anxiety can help you be more flexible in being introverted. There are a million self-help anxiety books, and most of them are pretty good because they are based on cognitive-behavioral principles. Personally, however, I am more intrigued by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, as described in books like Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, The Happiness Trap, and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety.

While we're on the topic of reading, if you haven't found it already, I'd suggest The Introvert Advantage -- a great book focusing on accepting, accommodating, and even feeling pretty good about your introversion.

Introversion appears to be very genetically-based and resistant to change, so accepting being an introvert will be an important first step. Introversion is not, in and of itself, healthy or unhealthy, although when you are surrounded by extroverts and a culture that values extroversion, it sure can feel like being introverted is unhealthy. IMHO, traits are only a problem when people are inflexible about applying them... that is, when they can only behave one way regardless of the situation. When people are interested in changing who they are, I often suggest, instead, trying to change how flexible they are about how they display the trait they are interested in changing.

To do that, you could think about the situations in which you are less introverted, and trying to figure out what it is about those situations that allow you to be less introverted. For me, I do better in situations that are structured, familiar, and relevant to my interests -- in those types of situations, you literally cannot shut me up. So, I can be more extroverted when I'm with a small group of good friends, or when I'm meeting a new therapy client for the first time (which is structured because I know exactly what I'm going to say), or when I'm commenting on reddit, or even when I'm teaching a large class or giving a talk to a huge audience. In contrast, in a small group of people I do not know well, when meeting a new person socially for the first time, or when doing something spontaneous that would cause a lot of people to pay attention to me (e.g., something terrible like karaoke), I am not able to be extroverted. But, if I wanted to be more extroverted, I could work to make those types of situations more structured, more familiar, or more relevant to my interests. Does that make sense?

Oh, and one more thing -- please join the Neuropsychology Book Club I am trying to start... I'm hoping it will be really interesting, especially for us voracious readers!!

It can be quite stigmatising. You can get stigma from other people, but you can also be self-stigmatising as well, so I would suggest that you don't read a lot of stuff online about BPD, particularly stuff that's written by embittered ex-partners of people with BPD, because there's a lot of hate out there. It's a trap a lot of us fall into. Don't absorb that stuff and start believing it about yourself. Not everyone with BPD is the same, and you're not your BPD. You are so much more than your BPD.

It's important to remember as well that, although it's called a "personality disorder", your personality is not disordered. I really wish they'd call it a behavioural/mood disorder instead, because it's true that we have disordered moods and behaviours, but you, as a person, at your very core, are not disordered. At your very core, you want to get better, and that makes you a good person. You know? Keep that thought, if you can, because that's how you get better (in my view). If you focus on the good things about yourself, and embrace those things as much as possible, it really helps with recovery. Thinking in this way also allows you to believe that you can recover, which is really important.

A lot of people with BPD make fantastic recoveries. I mean, when I say "recovery", what I mean is good life-long management of BPD. It is a life-long illness, but, with the right support, you can get to the stage where you don't meet the criteria anymore. With that said, you'll have to keep up all the good habits you will establish and cement in recovery in order to stay well. But you can do it.

Now you know what it is, even if it's got a shitty, stigmatising name, you can get access to the right medical treatment. Have you looked into getting DBT? That's meant to be really helpful for people with BPD; I'm waiting on it myself at the moment. In the meantime, you could look up some DBT strategies that might be able to help you alongside your current therapy. I've also found that this planner, The DBT Wellness Planner, really quite helpful while I'm waiting for therapy: it helps you keep track of your needs - physical, emotional, interpersonal and spiritual (if you're that way inclined) - which all help you to sustain wellness. It also helps me to not "lose time", by keeping track of the things I'm doing.

Welcome to our sub! Just so you know, AD(H)D can absolutely be a factor in causing hoarding behaviors. Research shows that hoarders tend to have higher rates of ADHD (inattentive type).

I suggest that you take a look at these resources:

1. You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly, et. al.. Written by adults with ADD for adults with ADD, the is arguably one of the best books about ADD ever written.
   
2. ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life - recommended by the parent of one of our Redditors; the parent has AD(H)D and hoarding tendencies, and found this book extremely useful. They said it was a relief to read a book written for the way their mind works.
   
3. Organization Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan C. Pinsky.
   
   Also, ADDitude Magazine has some helpful articles geared towards folks with AD(H)D:
   
   
4. Stop the Slide from Clutter Into Hoarding
   
5. Find hoarding help in these 13 ADHD-friendly rules to organize your home for good.
   
6. Listen to Organization Solutions for People with ADHD with Susan C. Pinsky. In this hour-long podcast, learn efficient systems of organization, why adults with ADHD should strive for good enough rather than perfect, how to reduce clutter, and more.
   
   And see also:
   
   ADHD Podcast: ADHD Support Talk Radio - Clutter, Hoarding and Adult ADD / ADHD
   
   /r/ADHD is a support sub for people living with A(D)HD and may be able to offer advice on decluttering.
   
   Some folks with A(D)HD have found that using phone apps to tidy and stay organized helps, so you might try these:
   
   
7. UnF__k Your Habitat has apps for both the iPhone (listed as "Unfilth Your Habitat" to get around the iTunes naming rules) and Android. And the Weekly Challenges on their web site are a great place to find cleaning goals, as are their Basic Cleaning Lists.
   
8. Chorma - iPhone only. The app is specifically designed to help you split chores with the other person or persons living in the home. If you live with somebody and want to divvy up chores, definitely check it out.
   
9. Tody - For iPhone and Android. VERY comprehensive approach to cleaning.
   
10. HomeRoutines - AFAICT, this app is iPhone only. Again, android users should check out Chore Checklist (which is also available for iPhone) and Flyhelper (which is from r/hoarding favorite Flylady). These two apps are very routine-focused, and may help you with getting into the habit of cleaning.
    
11. Habitica turns your habits into an RPG. Perform tasks to help your party slay dragons! If you don't do your chores, then a crowd of people lose hit points and could die and lose gear! For iPhone and Android. There's a subreddit for people using the app: r/habitrpg/ (since the name change, there's also r/habitica but it doesn't seem very active)
    
    As a general rule, you want to START SMALL. You didn't get into this mess overnight, and you won't get out of it overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Etc., etc.--my point is, it's admirable if you want to sail in and tackle it all at once, but that's a very, very tough thing to do, and not a recommended strategy.
    
    Big successes are built on top of little ones, so focus on the things you can do in under a few minutes. You'll notice that most of the tools listed above have you doing 10, 15, or 20 minute tasks. That's because bite-sized tasks are what help you feel a sense of accomplishment, which in turns helps you stay motivated.
    
    Personally, I'm a fan of the 40 Bags in 40 Days De-Cluttering Challenge. 40 Bags in 40 Days is a forty-day period where you declutter one area a day. It's an easy goal that's also easy to remember. The official challenge runs annually and coincides with the 40 days of Lent, but some people find it useful to schedule the challenges for themselves during other times of the year. See this post to learn more.

Hey friend - praying that you would experience the love of Christ, deep in your heart right now. Praying for the peace and joy and comfort of the Holy Spirit to rest upon you.

If I could encourage you, it would be in this. Sit back and receive the love of God spoken from His Word:

• "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:13
  
  
• "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength," - Isaiah 30:15a
  
  
• "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3b
  
  
• "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:20b
  
  
• "I will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:5b
  
  And when it comes to the anxiety, I too have walked that path before. I found amazing freedom through this book right here. Truly a gem - through this I learned how to have a peace that surpasses all understanding.
  
  https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0736900721/

The comprehensive resource is The Relaxation and Stress Management Handbook, put together by doctors from Kaiser Permanente.

I use progressive muscle relaxation to enter a relaxed mental state. Sometimes I also use self-hypnosis for a deeper effect, especially during a panic attack. (I didn't have the patience for yoga, and meditation scripts were too active for my mind to relax, but those might work for someone else.) I do 2 sessions a day of 20 minutes each, more than 20 minutes and you could fall asleep during the session, which is bad. I do one session upon awaking when my body is already very relaxed, and the second at lunch or after. I sit upright and put my feet up (if this fails, I'll get into the autogenics pose, sitting forward, head bowed, arms at sides.) I put on a Brain Sync track like this one. Then I clench my toes for five seconds, then unclench them and force them to relax, until I have them in a fully relaxed state, then I repeat with other muscle groups all the way up. Once my body is relaxed, I try to pick out the deepest note in the music. In an anxiety or panic situation, I'll skip that and run through a self-hypnosis protocol; I use this because the context automatically lightens my mood. The relaxation effect is always stronger when I'm mentally envisioning myself commanding the body parts to relax.

My progression went like this. Initially, I did not even know what relaxation felt like. Progressive muscle relaxation works directly with that, it's a gateway technique to help you master the other ones. Once I got the body relaxed, I had what is called "monkey mind". I would go through my techniques, but my mind would be in full ADHD mode, imagining every possible thing in a mad stream of consciousness. This is not failure, it's actually success- the mind needs to get these off its queue. Eventually the flow became slower and I'd reach a creative state, where I'd have good problem-solving ideas during my session, and I'd have to stop and write them down. But now I've got to a state where the ideas are just mild and I'm disciplined enough to just sort of let them go.

I also use progressive relaxation to fall asleep in bed at night in cases of insomnia.

These techniques should not interfere with anxiety/depression medicine.

To test whether these really work, I trained myself in this protocol over four years while taking various health supplements and being on an allergy-reduction diet. Then I quit everything, and within two and a half years I was in a very terrible state mentally and physically. Since then I resumed the protocol for five years without doing anything else. Based on my health condition and reactions to real world stress, I feel I am now stabler than I have ever been. The only other thing I am doing for my health is taking a daily multi vitamin/mineral pill.

I measure my progress by my reaction to real world events, such as whether I'll grab for the dash when someone else is driving clumsily. There are still things that set me off, I still have room to grow.

> Right now I am doing my best to dive into that flaw and try my best to understand why I feel that way.

It is a common type of thinking with ADD! We trick ourselves into tying self worth and productivity together. Growing up, many of us were told that we were lazy, stupid, or crazy! There is a great book on exactly this topic designed for those of us with ADD that I would highly recommend! It is easy to read, which I loved because I have a very hard time reading!

> I don't think my future self would be proud that I took the easy road. I don't want to die a failure.

My biggest regret in life in failing out of college. Not because I failed, but because I made it harder by not taking the easy way out. I could have passed, and am even successful in my career today aside from my career because I swore to never allow that failure to define me. There is nothing wrong with taking the easy path if it will improve you as a person and is more healthy for you in the long term. Sure, sometimes you will need to take the harder path, but don't force yourself past your limits.

> I wish it was different but it is what it is but I can't afford to be easy on myself.

You don't think you can, but there is a difference between being hard on yourself and being unfair to yourself! Mental health is important too, and if you're killing yourself and pushing yourself to the limit 24/7, you will burn out. You don't deserve that, and don't need to live that way, I promise!

> I wish I had supportive people like you and others on this sub in my life. Thank you for the kind words. I wish I knew a way to tell you how much that means to me.

You will find them in time! I once felt the same exact way, and often felt paralyzed with anxiety and fear over these types of thoughts. Things get better, but it takes baby steps! :)

I believe in you, and hope that you find the answers and help you are looking for in your life outside of this sub. You can do this, it just takes a little patience!

Depends on how old you are.

• Middle school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but I don't think I can read those books now (29) without cringing a little bit. Especially, Getting Things Done because I already know how to make to do list, but I still flip through all 3 books occastionally.
  
  
• High school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but if you're a well adjusted human and responsible adult, then I don't think you'll find a lot of helpful advice from these 6 books so far because it'll be pretty basic information.
  
  
• College: I really enjoyed this, this, and started doing Malcolm Gladwell books. The checklist book helped me get more organized and So Good They Can't Ignore You was helpful starting my career path.
  
• Graduate School: I really enjoyed this, this, and this. I already stopped with most "self help" books and reading more about how to manage my money or books that looked interesting like Stiff.
  
  
• Currently: I'm working on this, this, and this. Now I'm reading mostly for fun, but all three of these books are way out of my league and I have no idea what their talking about, but they're areas of my interest. History and AI.

Number one, take a deep breathe and tell yourself that you are still you. You haven’t suddenly changed into someone else, you haven’t lost you’re identity. You aren’t bpd. You have bpd.

Number two, but these two books: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_Uk80Ab8EPAW4R
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for You... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1936268868/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_tl80AbV4W8531

They will be super useful for your dbt. And make sure you do dbt! It’s life changing and is honestly the biggest, best treatment.

Number Three: ask yours loved ones to do their research. There are tons of great books out there, if they can understand your disorder they can be a support for you.

I hope this helps. I just know those are things I wish I had known a lot sooner.

There are a blizzard of meditative techniques and guides to consider. I tried one in great detail (1) and am considering resuming it in part to improve this problem. It is essentially a close variant of a better known older guide (2).

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-Through-Depression/dp/1593851286

http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415294573&sr=1-3&keywords=MBSR

The guy who developed these meditation techniques for western therapeutic application, Jon Kabat-Zinn, started with Olympic athletes and visualization in the 1970s. I was first introduced to it as an athlete in the 1980s. Ignore the titles. the exercises are the same whatever you seek to accomplish. The meditations help unlock parts of your mind that you don't directly control and free them to solve problems. These skills and the focus you can develop will aid you in absolutely everything you do. Daily practice of 25min a day over 8 weeks has been shown to change both brain function and even physical structure in both novices and experts (no ashram required all can benefit quickly).

It is not a religion. It won't try to sell you on anything. It will seem odd, but if you do it daily you will get valuable results. (They may be realizations regarding anything, so keep an open mind.) if all this sounds too flakey or new age for you, consider that the muscles we hope to better control are involuntary. The study showing the link between meditation and physical brain changes was so groundbreaking it made the cover of the NYT and the researchers won a prize. The studies are out there.

It is the cheapest therapy you will have tried to help with this problem. From my experience, I would expect it to improve awareness of muscle state and activity, from there, you could train yourself to relax the muscles. To build strength, physical exercises will be needed.

She may not want to talk about what is going on (especially if your parents/mental health professionals have been asking her to reveal things that she may not feel comfortable revealing) but I think just being reminded how much you care about her and giving her lots of distractions are so so helpful.

I think it is FANTASTIC that she journals and I think that she should be encouraged to do so, but as much as your family might want to find out what is going on inside of her I think it is important that journals are kept private. I would share this with your parents. Speaking from personal experience, my parents read my diary when I was 18 (and again when I was 20) and what was a really good outlet for me then became something I was nervous about my parents finding and reading and it was so hard for YEARS to get back into it. I so can't stress this enough - journaling is tremendously helpful to work through difficult things that you may not feel like sharing with others but the privacy is something that should be respected. If she is concerned at the privacy of her journal, I would suggest one that comes with a simple lock/key mechanism. If anything it might give her piece of mind.

My first psych gave me a book once that was super helpful with depression/anxiety called The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety I would look into getting it for her and seeing if it is helpful. If anything, if she is struggling with working through difficult feelings it can help make sense and organize thoughts and emotions with prompts and better help her relay these things to her mental health professionals and family members.

Hi, I'm a therapist by day job but don't take this as substitute for the guidance of a professional that actually knows who you are and has assessed your needs effectively. =)

I'm curious how serious and pervasive anxiety is for you. If anxiety prevents you from living daily life, keeping a job, or doing the activities you love, the potential side effects may be worth the improvements to your life. Also, some people experience anxiety all the damn time and others just at certain times - like at jiu-jitsu or especially competition! The fact that you practice jiu-jitsu is a good sign and a strength to remember - despite anxiety, you're out and doing something that most people on the planet are neither courageous nor humble enough to do!

If you haven't worked with a therapist that specifically treats anxiety, I would recommend considering whether learning new ways to try coping would be less intimidating than a psychotropic treatment. Between coaching jiu-jitsu and working as a therapist, I've seen how practicing thinking changes and using mindfulness technique can make anxiety manageable! I personally have some biofeedback techniques that I use to manage competition anxiety during training camp and on competition day.

Again, nothing beats having a treatment team that you trust and feel heard by. If you don't, I recommend looking for a therapist that uses the ACT model for treating anxiety in your area. I can also recommend the self-help book The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety ( http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572244992 ) Good luck!

Thank you for this - this is a very thoughtful reply. I can tell you've put in a lot of thought, consideration, and prayer into this. This might actually be worthy of a post all by itself if you're wanting a variety of perspectives on this. This said, I'm going to field a suggestion here and what has worked for us.

In our marriage, it was actually the opposite of your situation - I had a pretty strong depression going into our marriage and had anxiety disorders that lasted about 4 years into marriage. My anxiety and depression were so strong that I completely gave up sexual pursuit of my wife. I had fears which basically crippled me and sapped my sex drive to the point of crushing my wife. I would often come home and just lie in bed - completely bombed from depression and not wanting to get up else anxiety strike me.

The only way I broke free from all this stuff was from spiritual treatment. In particular, I read this book. It gave me extremely practical guidance for casting my cares on Christ and for the first time in my life, I experienced the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding. The book literally broke a 15 year pattern of anxiety issues over the course of a day or two. It's been 3 years and I'm still free.

The basic message I had to internalize is that fear and faith cannot co-exist and that through consciously trusting in God, we will experience peace. When my wife has experienced anxiety, we've had quite a few sessions where she lays on the bed and I'll just walk her through trust exercises. I'll lead her in a simple prayer of "God, I trust you and I cast this anxiety upon you right now. Thank you for forgiving me for my lack of faith. Will you please free me from this tension and worry?" And I'll do this with her for every anxiety that comes to mind until she is relaxed and feeling free from fear and worry. It's been a pretty freeing exercise for us.

Just some thoughts - that's been what works for us and a resource that really helps. Happy to hear more of your thoughts and bounce ideas off of you if you'd like - regardless, I'm praying for your breakthrough in this area. I know how hard it can be to feel like your wife is just accommodating and not really into it - I understand that pain.

Re: probiotics, it's possible the benefits I've experienced are placebo effect. I'd have to look at the actual criticism you're talking about to make a judgment, but pretty much everything I've come across regarding the gut bacteria-mental health connection seems to be pretty solid. There are, of course, always flawed or compromised studies out there, though.

Based on what you're describing, I think mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) or mindfulness meditation in general might be a good fit for you. Ashwagandha may help you, but if you haven't noticed much effect by now, it probably won't do what you're hoping it will do. There are a lot of resources for learning meditation. /r/meditation is a good place to start, but I would recommend a more structured program, such as the one in this book or this free online program. Alternatively, many people have achieved similar benefits from reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.

The reason I recommend MBSR over other forms of meditation is because it's streamlined for modern-day life and addresses everyday stress/anxiety. Tolle is a bit more mystical/religious, but some people find he speaks to them more. Mindfulness can help you let go of whatever is unnecessary for the task at hand. You can only live one moment at a time. When you're only living in the moment, and not worried about the past and future, this takes a lot of the stress out of demanding situations.

Sure- I found that orderIng CBT and anxiety workbooks helped me a lot. This is actually very easy if you can put down a little money on this. Go to Amazon and simply search the most highly rated books on anxiety and CBT. You can also watch videos on YouTube on CBT and anxiety management.
If that's out of the question right now, just head to your library and check out whatever books you can find on anxiety and CBT. I haven't found a book on anxiety that hasn't helped. This book was the first i read for anxiety and I found it helped me.
From there, keep therapy in mind. I know you aren't quite ready but next time you do feel lost in panic and guilt, please consider giving it a chance. Get those lists of people eligible on hand so making this step is easier when the time comes. Therapists eagerly help people like you and I all day so don't worry about sounding crazy or burdening them. The reality is they are highly trained in helping you. Like our reaching out to you to comment over this Reddit post, they enjoy helping others who suffer from anxiety because they know there are effective ways to get better.
Another reason therapy is important is the need for talk therapy. Being able to just talk about what you manage with someone who wants to listen and help might be huge in your getting better. Holding this stuff in without any genuinely direct sounding boards can increase the severity of the attacks.

Sooo I'll preface this by saying that I shamelessly crib my vitamin/supplement regimen from my mom, and do little-to-none of the reading she suggests. But, as someone prone to anxiety & depression who (due to a separate chronic health condition) can't do prescription psychotropics, she's pretty exhaustively well-informed. Based on what I've retained of her advice, here are some additional mood impacters you might wanna look into:

-Ashwaganda: Taken at night. I didn't feel it did much for me, but my mom swears by it.

-GABA: Here's a specific lozenge formulation that I really like for acute anxiety. It also has L-Tyrosine, which I've never taken separately, but she does.

-L-Theanine: Taken in the morning, as like D3 it boosts energy. I do find it makes a difference for me.

-L-Tryptophan: Huge upgrade over melatonin for both of us. Melatonin gives me sleep paralysis, weird dreams and a sort of druggy hangover afterwards. Tryptophan has none of those downsides (tho of course YMMV) and has a mildly positive effect on my mood/general sense of wellbeing the following day.

-SAMe

-5HTP

-St. John's Wort can work wonders but be very cautious with it. Basically research, introduce and monitor it with the care you would a new prescription medication.

There's a book you might find helpful called The Mood Cure that discusses all of this in depth. Have I read more than 10-20 pages of it? No. But IIRC those 10-20 pages were pretty user-friendly and my mother the expert consistently refers back to it, so I'm recommending it anyway. Good luck!

Edit: Wort not wart.

Man, that's the kicker, isn't it? I think that's one of the most difficult things to do, especially when you don't understand exactly what's going on yourself.

It helps if you can find a doctor who is an expert in ADHD, especially in adults (which presents differently than in children, and differently in women than men). They know what to look for that isn't as well known and are less likely than a general practitioner to pass it off as someone else. They should actually administer a series of questionnaires to help diagnose you. With kids they often have ones for teachers or parents as well. I'm not sure how they handle that with adults.

Remember ADHD is like a lot of spectrum disorders in that there are a lot of symptoms and not everyone gets all of them (in our case probably only most of them) and what you do get varies in severity (and that itself can change over time).

If you haven't, I suggest finding a list (or lists) from reputable medical sources of ADHD symptoms, print it out, mark the ones that qualify and take it with you to your appointment. Be ready to talk about each one and things like how frequently it's a problem, anything you notice that might trigger it and how it's affecting your life. Not all symptoms happen all at once, so maybe give it a couple weeks working on the list until you feel like maybe everything is covered. Take notes about all with you if you feel like it'll help. Maybe even keep a dated diary with notes about symptoms each day. It'll help legitimize your claims.

It's possible if you're asking for adderall or stimulants specifically, that's part of why you're getting brushed off as just drug hunting. It is a problem but some doctors are worse about not paying attention than others. Do some research into non-stimulants (which like I said if you've got anxiety might be a better choice anyway - I've done both - and guanfacine has been my lifesaver) and bring that up and it might make you seem more genuine.

And maybe I'm totally wrong here and nobody string me up, but perhaps don't mention the PTSD right away, especially since so many doctors are focusing on that. While it's important to disclose stuff like that to your doctor, and it's possible it's triggering anxiety that's making your ADHD worse, it's a separate thing entirely caused my trauma and not and not from biological factors, therefore I think for the sake of proper diagnosis, not incredibly relevant.

Once you are diagnosed, getting a good therapist really does help. I put that off for way too long. Mine is an expert in ADHD (and actually has it himself, though he didn't drop that bomb on me until I'd actually been seeing him for like 9 months). He's been great about helping me feel like diagnosis is valid, helping me understand what's going on (including things I never knew were symptoms or caused by symptoms) and suggesting coping mechanisms to help me deal with it in addition to medication. I'm in my 30s now and was diagnosed in college, and I just started seeing mine about a year and a half ago. In hindsight I should have done it sooooo much sooner.

And I've not actually read it, but I've heard good things about this: https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy-ebook/dp/B003719FSW

Hope that helps.

Just wanted to tell you you are not alone. Alot of us understand what you are going through. I've realized that I have alot of my own anxiety issues and trying to help an addicted loved one exacerbates it further of course. My loved one tries to medicate his anxiety/PTSD with alcohol. However, I also have maladaptive coping mechanisms too. Alls to say, I started to research how I can help alleviate my anxiety/stress through nutrition/exercise etc, and found a wealth of information regarding biochemical repair. Alot of the "dry drunk" syndrome can yes be, the fact the person has issues they need to address, ideally in therapy, but also, sometimes it's partially due to a lack of nutritional support/repair after they stop drinking. As we know, alcohol does so much damage to a person's mind/body, and continues to affect long after the substance is gone. The following are resources I found for myself and my loved one that goes more in-depth about biochemical repair as it pertains to anyone suffering with anxiety, stress, mood, and addictive behaviors.

I'm not trying to trivialize or say a vitamin will cure things, just wanted to bring up a nutritional/medical reason why some people present with these mood behavior issues, especially AFTER ceasing drinking. These books give solid advice/guidance that can benefit anyone.

Goal is to keep prioritizing our own health/well-being. You deserve all the health, happiness, and love that you seek OP. Sending you a hug!

Seven Weeks To Sobriety: The Proven Program To Fight Alcoholism Through Nutrition By Joan Larson, Ph.D., Director of Health Recovery Center

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0449002594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_nnRhDbBC9H82M

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross, M.A.
The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142003646/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_FpRhDb3QM6TBM

The Anti-Anxiety Food Solution: How the Foods You Eat Can Help You Calm Your Anxious Mind, Improve your Mood, and End Cravings, by Trudy Scott,
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249250/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ssRhDb246CCEF

“Biohack Boozing: Your Complete Guide,” By Dr. Zandra Palma of Parsley Health Functional Medicine Practice

https://www.parsleyhealth.com/blog/biohack-your-boozing/

Fit-Recovery Website: Biochemical Repair/”Drinking Sucks” Book by Chris Scott

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvFjmm07ax1YrrFCiWkNAMg

https://fit-recovery.com/

Dr. Mendelson with Ria Health
Www.riahealth.com

Heal Thyself: A Doctor at the Peak of His Medical Career, Destroyed by Alcohol -- and the Personal Miracle That Brought Him Back, by Olivier Ameisen, M.D.  French Cardiologist Who Discovered Baclofen For His Own Alcohol Dependence, Also known as “The End of My Addiction.”
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0374532206/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_cxRhDbRJVETD9

I don't have as severe problem as yours. I have urges to pick and mess with stuff, but I'm lucky I'm able to usually stick to things that wont actually harm me. One of these things is nail polish. So I always have my nails painted but never use chemical remover, just pick at it myself! :) This probably won't completely solve your problem, but if you find yourself having the urge, try picking at your nail polish in a way that won't harm your fingers.


I also do Mindfulness Meditation. There's a good intro book called "A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook" by Stahl & Goldstein.
It's only like $16on Amazon. It comes with a CD of guided meditations which is the only way I can do it. It helps me center myself. I think if you take the time to learn it it will help you. For example, when you get in the "zone" type thing you describe, like if you pick at yourself before bed when you would rather use the time for sleeping, as soon as you notice it, you will put on your headphones and play the 3 minute Mindful Check-in from the CD and the guy's voice will help you "bring awareness to your experience of the here and now".


Http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Based-Stress-Reduction-Workbook/dp/1572247088


GOOD LUCK. Please stop hurting yourself. hugs

I had TERRIBLE PMDD. You described exactly how I was 3 weeks out of every month. The pill helped the cramping, but ultimately I think it caused the PMDD by screwing up my hormonal cycle. I now work with a neurochemical nutritional therapist, who has been a LIFESAVER (literally, cuz I was suicidal). She's put me on a diet of 120g protein per day, progesterone cream 15 days before my period to help hormone levels, and about $70/month worth of herbal/vitamin/mineral supplements. I HAPPILY spend the money because it helps so noticeably. I still have more "ups and downs" about a week before my period (like, my dog being super cute might make me slightly teary in joy), but no more suicidal/depressive thoughts.

There's a book on it (LINK TO THE MOOD CURE on amazon), but I found that I couldn't figure it out on my own with the book. The therapist did a series of quick tests and took quick action that made me feel WAY better.

Good luck. I know what you're going through is brutal. You're gonna get through this.

Bullet journaling really works for me. I find that normal agendas look stressful and don’t make me feel accomplished. They don’t have to be an art piece either, r/bulletjournal is a good place to start. All you need to start out with is a notebook you’re excited about, a good pen you like writing with, and a few highlighters. a link that might be helpful.

You can also just pick one hard thing to do per day, or one step to take in a multi-step process. That’s 5-7 steps per week, which is more than enough to get the ball rolling. Maybe it’s a hard phone call, a chore, an appointment, a draft of your resume, etc. Just do at least one thing. When you do the hard thing, write it down and cross it off so you have a log of what you’ve done. I even give myself little shiny stickers so I feel more accomplished.

As others have said, if you haven’t reached out for support I would encourage you to do so. Counselling can be really helpful. If money is an issue, there’s workbooks available in regular bookstores under the self-help or mental health sections, or on Amazon. I have this one and this one . They’re designed to be worked though on your own or with a counsellor over a period of 8-10 weeks per book, but you can go at your own pace. They really helped me. These two specifically are one type of therapy style (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - DBT) that I found helpful, but some people like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Practitioners usually specialize in one of these styles as well. If one style doesn’t work for you, then it might be worth it to check out the other.

In my experience, a good medication has been tough to find for me, but I know it has helped for a lot of people I know. If it’s an option you have the resources to explore, I would recommend reaching out to your family doctor (GP) and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist if they are not comfortable treating your anxiety. There’s lots of options out there, so don’t be afraid to tell your doctor if a medication isn’t working for you or is giving you side effects. It’s their job to find you options and it can be bad for your health long term to stay on a medication that isn’t a good fit.

I know it’s cliché and probably a little r/wowthanksimcured to talk about things like exercise and sleep hygiene, but in my personal situation I have found exercise to be a massive outlet. It’s exhausting to think about some days and it’s really hard to do, but even a short lap around the block to clear my head has really helped during hard times. It became a big part of my self regulation when I was overwhelmed on campus or needed to make those hard phone calls. A regular sleep schedule is also important, since too much or too little sleep is very stressful on a physical and psychological level. It’s hard as hell, but even just planning to be in bed before a certain time is a step in the right direction.

I wish you the best of luck, you’ve got this.

Some practical points now some for the future:

Avoid indulging the temptation of the "I will never list"
Make a new bucket list

Change your self talk: " you can do it, you can do it, you can do it"

Mantras work: "every day in every way, I'm getting better and better" (Google Emile Coue)

Conscious Gratitude: before you go to sleep each night, run through your mind and try and think of 3 things (literally anything big or small) that you are grateful for right now. (Seriously try this)

Do things that make you happy

Chase down friends and family experiences proactively

Get outside and exercise in any small way.
Best thing I invested in was an electric bike
Swimming pool is a must

Write a journal: Learn Dragon dictate for the PC
Invest in a decent touch screen phone, tablet/laptop, Bluetooth headset

Get some therapy asap

Listen to your body. Don't try to do things it can't.

Listen to your physio they are magicians

Understand the drugs (nerve pain) are essential early on but you are going to want to keep an eye on them and try to get off them some day (took me 4 yrs, still on bladder pills)

Get serious about your diet. Bladder and bowels are the hardest thing to contend with. Fresh fuit n veg.

If possible get or maintain your career

One last thing: read this book The Chimp Paradox
The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/009193558X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_uOCRCb2BJFG8X

This is a very personal list. As practical as it may be for me. 90% of what's going to help you understand what works for you will be hard earned through your own experiences.
You can do it! 🤓

So I took an Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction class, which are offered at a lot of colleges, psychiatry clinics, etc. throughout the U.S. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I would have been able and motivated to learn on my own, but I think some people are capable of doing that. If you want to try it on your own, the book I received as a part of taking the class is here on Amazon for $16.31, and it comes with a CD of guided meditations including three body scan meditations of various lengths (15, 30, & 45 minute versions.) However, I wouldn't be surprised if you could find free body scan guided meditations on youtube, although I'm always wary of freebies for starters because you can't always be sure the qualifications of the teacher. Both of the authors are PhD's. The workbook sets up a good structure for learning by yourself, but I think I needed the class to feel held accountable for practicing, and make me feel like I was "doing it right." Which you later learn is sort of a silly thought, because there's really no right or wrong way to do it except to let it happen... I know that probably sounds weird, but I'm sorry I can't elaborate more, I'm still learning myself.

I hope that answers your question. I wish I could send you the mp3 of one of the guided meditations to test the waters, but my computer with the file is broken.

I promise I'm not paid to say any of this, by the way. When I was first looking for something to help me, I was worried about people claiming viable treatment who were really just preying on those desperate to get help. Which are the worst sort of snake-oil-peddling jerks...

If you have any more questions, you can pm me and I'll answer to the best of my ability. I hope you give it or something like it a try :)

The other posters in the thread have some very good advice. In general, by noticing the thoughts and actually seeing them for what they are (impermanent) you will come to a different relationship to them. This could take a little bit of time but if you practice every day you should see some relief.

With that said, I'd like to recommend you look into doing some self-directed ACT/CBT work to help you work with and out some tricky emotions around specific thoughts. It's amazing what just a little time doing this can do. Here's two books you should try:

Feeling Good by David Burns

Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman

When you get the books, don't worry if it looks like many or most of the situations don't apply to you because there will be one or two chapters that are indispensable!

My 2p:

• A new anything will always be harder initially - you have to learn new stuff and build new routines. No autopilot to start with.
  
• If you're sure that you are asking clearly for direction and it's not forthcoming then you may just have to accept that you aren't going to get any and will need to look elsewhere for it / advice. Can you go to colleagues - is there a support system you can create there or already in place that you can join?
  
• Do you know what it is that's causing you the stress - ie: have you had a chance to sit down and work out the specific things that are the triggers? It's much easier to address and make plans when you know that. (Also - I found The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters really helpful in terms of understanding myself and managing stress amongst other things - recommended - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1449850102&sr=1-1&keywords=the+chimps+paradox)
  
• It's great that Destiny can be a distraction and a positive but if there are elements of it that don't help then for the time being - don't play them or find a way to remove the stress from them - again this comes back to knowing exactly what it is about crucible causes the stress. If it's something you can address then great - if it's not, leave it until your head is a little less full of the new work demands and keep using the bits of Destiny that help.
  
  I hope the racing is good for you ;)
  
  Hang in there ref the new job - it will absolutely get better and easier as time goes by.

Mindfulness doesn't just help with reducing anxiety - it actually helps with experiencing life more fully! That sounds corny, but you know all those moments that seem so dull that you just end up day dreaming or problem solving in your mind while you perform tasks x, y, and z on 'auto pilot'? Mindfulness will help you find enjoyment in even those moments, and feel more real and connected in the moments that are actually exciting, too.

I have had issues with anxiety for years and just in the last couple years have been practicing meditation... specifically mindfulness.
I've found this particular workbook to be especially helpful in learning the 'skill' of mindfulness over the course of a few weeks:
http://www.amazon.com/A-Mindfulness-Based-Stress-Reduction-Workbook/dp/1572247088/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370452813&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction

Also if you're looking for something more immediate and 'more free' to summarize mindfulness, this is an excellent introductory PDF:
http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf

Since this seems to be an emotional eating issue, your best bet is to practice mindfulness based stress reduction (meditation) when you get those snack urges. Look up meditation videos on youtube. I have had great success with Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Every time you feel that out of control urge to snack, try 5-10 minutes of meditation first. When you feel quiet inside, you can allow yourself small, portion controlled snacks.

You can get a lot of mileage out of roasted seaweed for low carbs and calories. I like Trader Joe's Wasabi flavor, because the spiciness slows me down. An entire package is 60 calories and no net carbs.

You might also try replacing your coffee and soda (which can be agitating) with something calming, like green tea or holy basil (tulsi) tea, which have calming properties.

Additionally, with any snacks you are already eating, make them as spicy as you can handle and garnish with fresh herbs, green onions, vinegars, mustards, etc. This will help slow you down and appreciate your snack, and feel fancier and less deprived about it. Good luck!

The almost euphoric experience was interpreted by OP to be that his Mother had chosen to believe the lie about any productive progress to complete the goal of "reaserched, drafted, checked, finished, re-checked gammer and spelling, and handed-in assignment paper by a certain set date".

I believe that recalled memories by people with ADD, like myself, of frankly awful moments and times whereby I have been stumped and flumuxed by prior tasks occur with greater ease than any fantastic positive memories of any prior goals. I became overwhelmed with simple tasks, that the only way to complete productive tasks is to be in a state of fear and anxiety with an almost unmeatable deadline.

Also, when my mind has an ideal version of the final perfect document and I can't plan on how to achieve it, I switch to not doing anything; it's not worth the mental anguish.

This felt papaple relief was that OP with an ADD brain had not been forced by a trusted loved one to have to explain and justify his perceived fear of doing, offer bizarre and very boring tasks, that nurotypical people seem to complete with ease. For example:

• try all cushions to make seat comfy again.
  
• what was that noise outside ... it remind of that time on the beach with ... ohh forgot her name, let's check Facebook...
  
• my left armpit smells, I must have forgot to put deodorant on it, I need another shower and clean T-shirt, oh no...need to do washing.
  
• etc.
  
  This is all before a PC has been switched on, and half of day gone !!
  
  The fear of doing something constructive for OPs future, like completion of all tasks required to finish assignment in time, outweighed the need to confront the complex reasons for a mindset laced with these complex fears.
  
  The very complex mindset, laced with fear, of OP, in effect, lied its own self. Whereby, any future costs to lost of trust within the inter-personal relationship with Mother was less than having to confront the fear mindset that has to date seemingly hobbled OP.
  
  I would argue, that the lie was not actually to Mother, but, as the cost was to great to confront own fear mindset, was direct lie to OP's own self !! The euphoria experience was because OP had not had to confront complex fears of angush and failure; not because Mother believed OP story.
  
  This situation is a complex version of Loss Aversion.
  
  From wiki(Loss Aversion): Note that whether a transaction is framed as a loss or as a gain is very important to this calculation: would you rather get a $5 discount, or avoid a $5 surcharge? The same change in price framed differently has a significant effect on consumer behavior.
  
  I have recently graduated with a PhD and have battled, mostly unrecognised, with ADD my entire life.
  
  One strategy to overcome the first rush to negative memories is it to surround your work environment with bright fun physical evidence of prior completed goals. Mount those returned papers, whatever the grade they were still completed, and photos of you achieving daring adventures.
  
  Also, I can not more highly recommend this book:
  
  The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/009193558X/ref=cm_sw_r_fm_apa_i_BOlIDbCHNSGH

Dude here.

And I can relate to a lot of what you said, minus doctor visits and pills. Quite frankly, and I don't mean to sound condescending, but you don't need pills to treat anxiety. I could sit here and explain the ins and outs of anxiety if you'd like through PM, (it's therapeutic for me, especially when helping others), but it's good you found a level of catharsis where it doesn't disrupt your daily life.

I strongly, STRONGLY, recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228

It is the anxiety holy bible, I'm telling you. It truly puts anxiety under the microscope and unmasks it for what it is. It is a fantastic utility for addressing your anxiety, and how to overcome it. It's hard to implement her methods at first, but trust me, it's the CORRECT way to nip pestering and unnecessary anxiety in the bud.

I'm in my 40s. I didn't self diagnose until my mid 30s, until then I was that guy that graduated high school with a .08 (not a typo), but got a full ride scholarship to a local college for my ACT scores. I knew the material, I simply couldn't do the work. (it took me 20 years to realize that word "couldn't" wasn't "wouldn't") I dropped out after 5 months.

If I had a friend or support like you back then, letting me know I'm not a failure by nature, I can only imagine how my life would be different now. Don't get me wrong, I've been lucky, I was able to forge a career as a consultant because of my hobbies (IT), but not everyone else has that opportunity.

Understanding is key. The book "I'm not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid" was my saving grace.

*EDIT: That book is not a recommendation, it's outdated for today's standard.

The Confidence Gap

The Chimp Paradox

Mindfulness

These are some great books, by some fantastic psychiatrists. All these can help with anxiety. The Chimp Paradox book especially is written by Dr Steve Peters, who worked with the British Cycling track team and helped Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton, etc become the top in their sport (though his book is not specifically for cycling).

Althought some people will be saying 'don't worry about it' or 'just enjoy it', these are particularly useless statements and (through not fault of their own) generally come from people who have never delt with mental help issues. If it was as easy as 'don't think about it', then you wouldn't have made this thread. These books are based on real scientific evidence and help you deal with the anxiety and not just push it away.

I would say that The Chimp Paradox is best for understanding why you're feeling anxious and the other two books are really good for practising how to deal with the anxiety.

I've been going to counseling for several years and been through several therapists. It's hard to find a good fit. It should be a good balance of you talking about your everyday and long term problems and your therapist offering ideas and solutions to them.

I also see a psychiatrist as therapists can't prescribe medication. I take Xanax for panic attacks and have GAD. I'm currently on my 4th doctor as well. They should be trying different medications if you're having undesirable side effects. A lot of them should be stopped gradually.

And while I understand about not wanting to be on medication some people need it. When functioning on a day to day basis becomes too difficult it becomes harder to treat your problems at the source. Especially if you are just struggling to get through your day one hour at a time.

Please don't give up on your behavior professionals. Keep searching until you find a good one and they can recommend others.

I don't know how much you like reading but even before my first counseling appointment they suggested a book which helped me quite a lot. Relaxation and Stress reduction workbook and since then I found Feeling Good Just do yourself a favor if you do decide to buy them and not get workbooks on your Kindle. Much easier to copy pages than print screenshots.

Hope it helps and best of luck to you :)

It is midnight and I am sitting alone laughing. Never thought of that connotation. I should probably be more clear next time.

From Steve Peter's book listing

The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This book will help you to:

—Recognize how your mind is working
—Understand and manage your emotions and thoughts
—Manage yourself and become the person you would like to be

Here’s my little slice of advice that stems from my experience of dealing with anxiety issues my whole life. You can’t fight or battle it. You have to submit to it and recognize that it is nothing more than physical reactions and sensations in your body. The more you fight, the more adrenaline is produced.

I highly recommend this book. It helped me a great deal in learning how to treat my anxiety. It’s an older book, so some terminology is a little outdated, but it’s the most helpful anxiety treatment book I’ve ever read. The first half of the book has helped change my life. Here’s were you can find it if interested - https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228.

The other general advice is to train yourself to learn that “whatever happens, it will be OK, and mean it.” This is something that takes practice, but truly being ok with the worst case scenarios, even if they’re not in anyway ok, is freeing. The real idea being to not let what ifs to steal current or future happiness.

Best of luck to you.

It does get better! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Internet hugs to you.

There's a really great book called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" that's about how to heal and deal with narcissistic mothers. I have one, can confirm it completely, utterly sucks. But hang in there until you can get out of there.

You sound very self aware even through your exhaustion - this is great! Please talk to your therapist about setting boundaries with your mother and friends. It can be very challenging to take on another task when you're already overwhelmed, but it is a very beneficial skill to have in every aspect of life.

If you don't feel that your therapist is helping, perhaps switching to another would be more beneficial, or talking to your doctor about medication.

Find some time to spend some time in low-stakes activities, like a simple walk by yourself, or doing some mindfulness exercises to give your brain a break.

You got this. Don't let the bastards get you down (but it's okay to cry about it). :)

I'm not knowledgeable enough to really expound on the differences, but I'll throw down some resources that helped me:

• Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  
• Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (JKZ is like the father/grandfather of the Western Psychology Mindfulness based stress reduction movement. Of these two, Wherever You Go is easier to read, but I find JKZ's writing to be a bit dry overall.)
  
• Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach (A good next-step once you have the basics of Mindfulness down.)
  
• Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook, this is the book my teacher used in her MBSR (mindfulness based stress-reduction) class. It's nice and easy and comes with a CD of guided meditation.
  
  If this all piques your interest, I really recommend attending a MBSR class to learn a bunch of different techniques and to discuss it with other people who are doing it at the same time. It's similar to exercise in that you can get started on your own, but if you want to get more "skilled" you should look to find a mentor to help you process and suggest new techniques that might help you improve.

I'm a meditator as well and have been dealing with anxiety over the years, I'd like to offer some suggestions which have helped me:

• Keep meditating, every day. It's great you're making a habit of it, keep at it and try to sit 35, 40, or 45m once you feel ready.
  
• Read Mindfulness in Plain English, even if you feel that you understand meditation well. It's a fantastic manual and has a lot of practical wisdom that will help with dealing with anxiety.
  
• I would highly recommend reading through The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook and putting its various tools into use. It has a huge number of exercises you can learn to train yourself to relax at will, and is very applicable to dealing with anxiety-related issues. Meditation is a fantastic tool for learning to work with anxiety but it's not the only tool.
  
• Exercise and get healthy. This has a number of benefits, but in particular this can help with the physical symptoms of anxiety which will otherwise create a feedback loop that's frustrating to try and manage. If you are able to, try jogging/running for at least 20m 5 days / week. Eat healthy (more vegetables and fruits, whole grains) etc.

I dont know you but I know that two things about you: 1. you are hungry for more life. 2. you are not good with mediocre, you want to go to great.
With that said, the most practical advice i can give you is to read this book. there is a case study of person who was exactly like you and they showed him how he made changes in his life and completely transformed his life. The book is titled: The Power of full engagement
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Full-Engagement-Managing-Performance/dp/0743226755

The question you ask is a very important one and it sounds to me that your priorities have shifted and you have changed. that is a great thing. in order for you to take it through. remember that life happens FOR you not AT you. Be grateful that you are where you are because your lowest point in life is very often your highest point later on.

I think everyone reacts different to drugs, etc...

As I've gotten older, I'm 32 now (dinosaur!) I notice anything mind altering negatively effects me for DAYS afterwards.

Also with certain drugs I just lose energy :( And that's no fun. One of my favorite books is Power of Full Engagement: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Full-Engagement-Performance/dp/0743226755

And maximizing my energy with people, activities, drugs, etc is what I try to be aware of.

One thing I'd encourage any entrepreneur to do is create fun / NON-WORK activities for work. Huh? Yea, one of my best ways of getting ideas is playing disc golf, biking around, showering, working out, etc... When I try to just sit down and "think" of the solution I hardly ever get it.

Fellow black female INFP checking in! So glad I'm not the only one anymore! It's nice to have other people that know what it feels like when people assume that you're mean/stuck-up just for being introverted and not like the extroverted black people in the media. Also the struggle of trying to overcome stereotypes surrounding black academic performance under the added burden of ADHD.

I don't have a lot of real-life resources; everybody suggests therapy but it's hard to find a non-black therapist that understands how your different struggles intersect, or a black therapist that you can trust won't judge you like other black people have done your whole life. Here are some resources that I've personally found helpful and maybe you will, too. My favorite book about adult ADHD is You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! It talks about everything, from social situations to treatment options. The website IntrovertDear is pretty heavily focused on INFX types and has helped me feel less lonely and more understood. There's also a nice podcast called "Therapy for Black Girls" that focuses on issues that affect the mental health of black women. You can also PM me if you need to talk/vent!

I’m almost 35, and have been considering getting a diagnosis for a couple years now. I know that almost every year of elementary and middle school my teachers encouraged my parents to get me evaluated, but my parents didn’t want me medicated so it never happened. My wife’s degree is in elementary education and she says it’s obvious from my family movies, and my current issues, that I probably have ADHD or am high functioning ASD.

I constantly wonder if there is a medicinal treatment that would help me, but haven’t gotten around to seeing a doctor.

All that to say. I can totally see where you are coming from. If you saw a doctor as an adult, and they diagnosed you with ADHD then go with it. If you’re feeling better with your prescribed stimulant then keep taking it.

I thought this book was really good, and might help you and your husband to get a better grasp on what you’re going through.

I found this book and this concept to be very helpful in explaining to myself what is going on in my brain.

​

1-Sentence-Summary: The Chimp Paradox uses a simple analogy to help you take control of your emotions and act in your own, best interest, whether it’s in making decisions, communicating with others, or your health and happiness.

​

Here are 3 lessons that will help you exercise control over your emotions:

​

1. There are two competing forces in your brain, so learn to recognize them.
   
   
2. Humans have four modes of communication and knowing which one you’re in will help get your message across.
   
   
3. The chimp’s sneakiest trick is wanting more. Since the chimp always wants more, it can become a fundamental obstacle to your long-term happiness.
   
   ​
   
   The Chimp Paradox

TL;DR: food/brain/mood interaction and dopamine info may be relevant

I agree that the possibility of diet playing a role is a good thing to consider. I was suffering pretty dramatic shifts for many years that my husband and some doctors suggested was bipolar (similar to what you describe but without the anger/lashing out). Eating differently turned out to be the key to finally getting free of that (discussed in this thread).

Vitamin D and iodine are other good topic to explore, in addition to omega-3 which other's have already mentioned. The books "The UltraMind Solution" and "The Mood Cure" have interesting things to say on the topic diet/brain/mood interactions.

Another good topic to explore is dopamine. What you describe sounds very consistent with dopamine levels perhaps being too low during the "depressed" times, too high during the "happy" times, and more than usually affected by the sorts of events which cause it to slew downward.

I wrote a blog post about dopamine that might be helpful. I tried to summarize and link to some of what I found about how dopamine status affects and is affected by various factors.

Edit: grammar repair

Mindfulness is mindfulness. All it is is being in the moment you are in. Say for example you're mindfully walking down the street, you aren't thinking about the past or the future, you aren't daydreaming or lost in thought. You will be, for example, paying attention to the feeling of your feet hitting the pavement, the feeling of your arms and legs moving, looking around and taking in your environment, etc.

You get better at mindfulness by practicing, so the pain ones and any other ones you can do, are really to your benefit. I started with doing the body scan meditation after reading Full Catastrophe Living from Jon Kabat Zinn. There are plenty of shorter ones as well. Check out these 1-minute mindfulness exercises if you're already feeling overwhelmed.

Mindfulness is training your brain to stay in the here and now and not jump around to everywhere else but the here and now. :)

Take good care! :)

Some things you can try

From the book The Depression Cure

>6 steps

• Brain Food - Fish Oil - 1000mg EPA / 500mg DHA
  
  
• Don't Think, Do - Avoid rumination, stay busy
  
  
• Antidepressant Exercise - Get daily exercise
  
  
• Let There Be Light - Exposure to sunlight, supplement with Vitamin D3
  
  
• Get Connected - Connect with others. Do not isolate yourself even if you feel like you want to
  
  
• Habits of Healthy Sleep - Get quality sleep
  
  From the book The Mood Cure
  
  
• 5-htp or L-Tryptophan can help boost serotonin levels; promotes feelings of well being & improves sleep
  
  
• GABA can help reduce anxiety
  
  
• L-tyrosine can help boost dopamine levels
  
  You can get more specifics on all of these by reading those books.

Firstly, don't beat yourself up about it, now you know the truth and thankfully that your insecurities were deceiving. You can use this to establish an "autopilot" to use, reassure yourself and remember that when insecure thoughts enter your head, that things aren't that way in reality. This could be her telling the truth in this situation, remembering that she doesn't do that anymore, or a situation where you have truly felt that she loves you back. That is the reality of things.
....
For clarification, the term "autopilot" is from The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steven Peters. You may find it useful in taking control of destructive thoughts.

["Autopilots are all the positive, constructive beliefs, behaviours and automatic functioning that help us to be successful and happy in life. Autopilots could include, for example: riding a bike; staying calm when something goes wrong; focusing on solutions rather than problems; tying a shoelace; being organised and disciplined as a routine; having a positive self-image."] (http://mindfuldiscipline.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/mindfulness-and-chimp-paradox.html)

Thanks for your reply. :-)

1. No, she is not someone that I email with often, so therein lies my major obstacle. We are close when we are together, but since I moved 3 years ago I only see her once a year and we don't communicate outside of that (I dropped facebook years ago).
   
2. I know that she is searching for something to fill the hole that is inside of her. She has taken to reading self-help and inspiration books of late. When we were together over Christmas, she was really interested in the process that I had been through to get to the point I was emotionally, mentally and physically (it's quite dramatic for someone who hasn't been around me in awhile). No, she has not specifically asked me for help.
   
3. Mid-South. I checked, and there is a group in her city.
   
   I understand what you are saying about thinking whether or not you actually need help. That's why I didn't want to stumble on my first attempt to reach out to her about it. Sometimes once that wall comes up initially, it's next to impossible to get through again.
   
   I picked up Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff for her over the weekend at a used bookstore and I thought maybe I might send it to her to restart a dialog(?) Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm doing that's why I'm here! ;-)

I've been having mini anxiety episodes at work and today I realized it's because I kept trying to deny that I really am unsatisfied with my job. It's decent money but I know in my heart of hearts that I would like something else. Once I had that realization, the anxiety eased up a bit. It didn't go away completely, but that's expected.

So perhaps there's unattended ideas or beliefs that weed was masking. Think of the anxiety as you body trying to communicate some sort of message. Yeah, it's easier said than done, and it's probably best to let the worst of the feelings pass before trying to learn from I, but do try and find even just a sliver of information from it. And read this book:

Hope and Help for Your Nerves https://www.amazon.com/dp/0451167228/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_y6ORybQV1YP0R

I give this advice with this caution- I have depression, not anxiety, and I'm not completely "healed" and I would say my depression is moderate to severe. Although the book I'm going to recommend does say it has suggestions for anxiety, I myself cannot attest to the effectiveness of those suggestions.

Try looking into the book The Mood Cure. It has some information about changing your diet and using amino acid supplements instead of western drugs.

I took Zoloft for about 9 months. I did just Zoloft and counseling for six months, then a friend recommended this book. I started changing my diet (I eat a lot of turkey sandwiches and other mood power foods when I feel myself getting dark) and adding supplements slowly in. I had to go on antibiotics about 3 months later (so when I hit month 9 of Zoloft) and decided to go off the meds and rely on the counseling, diet, supplements and exercise as treatment. It's been six months now and I'm doing well.

But, like anything else, it took adjusting. The first few months I wasn't always aware when a dark spell was coming, so I did have a few depressive spells. Because my spells tend to be lethargic, maybe a lot more time in bed, but I'm not suicidal and am relatively functional, it was a risk I could afford. The last three months I've really found myself catching my triggers and treating myself with diet or exercise changes, or a supplement like GABA or 5-HTP when I feel like I need a bit more help.

I didn't have a problem with Zoloft- I wanted off of it because I gained 20 pounds while on it. And I'm trying to just "reset" my body. So, I think it's worth a read to at least see if it might work for you. As with anything, there are a lot of lofty claims in the book, take it with a grain of salt. But, for me, because I kept up with the counseling, both individual and group, worked some CBT, made daily exercise my prescription and work toward changing my diet- this book helped in compliment of all those other things. I would never suggest someone use the book as their only source, though.

You've got this! I worked non-stop for 3 years, 14-18 hour days for months on end without a day off. Do your best to recover when possible and make sure you're exercising. It will help recharge and give you more energy in the long run.

I really liked this book and wish I'd found it sooner in my small business career. It helps tackle some of those issues of not knowing when to do what when everything is something that has to be done!

Another anxiety battle! Lol. Try not to overthink your questions. Just ask simple ones. Almost like first date stuff. Do you like to travel, have any pets, hobbies, etc. Then once you find that subject to open yourself up, it just flows from there. It may take a few tries, but you will soon discover the good conversation starter questions. Always remember - it is more often than not the case where your anxiety is trying to convince you that you aren't doing something right, sounding stupid, appearing awkward. If you have any prep time before such interactions (and this may sound silly) but look in a mirror and tell yourself you are smart, you are funny, you are interesting and the things you have and want to say are important. Wash, rinse and repeat 😊

If you are a reader, I would highly recommend:

Change Your Thinking: Overcome Stress, Anxiety, and Depression, and Improve Your Life with CBT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1600940528/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_nuIiDbD9J76ZN

Some things that have helped me:


https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?adgrpid=55435576229&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI75qVt6zw5QIVyp6zCh1OHgFPEAAYASAAEgKpMvD_BwE&hvadid=274678486488&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9007179&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=b&hvrand=9901417112654074774&hvtargid=kwd-323874757874&hydadcr=22184_10176616&keywords=hope+and+help+for+your+nerves&qid=1573962830&sr=8-2

If you can find the audio of this book, it is worth it. Dr. Weekes made the tapes years ago from Australia and there is just something about her.


A great book on Meditation is Mindfulness in Plain English

Also, check out MBSR. Mindfulness Based Stress Relief. You can probably find books and audio online. It is an 8 week course with great exercises and tips.

There are several great apps to help with relaxing and meditation. You should check them out and see if one fits. Many that are subscription based offer free trials. My goto app is Insight Timer. You would think it’s just a meditation timer. It’s not, it’s a great app with a terrible name. A lot of free content.

Lastly, there are some great podcasts. One of my favorites is Mindful Minute. It’s a recording of a woman who runs a 20 minute meditation class but with themes. Each theme is 3 or 4 sessions. You can scroll through and pick something that suits you or start from episode 1.

I hope that helps. Take some nice, slow, deep breaths. If you aren’t belly breathing, look it up. Remember that panic attacks and anxiety are just sensations that scare you. Then you’re scared and you don’t like it and you start fighting the anxiety or panic. Guess what that does? Yep, more anxiety. Breathe.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

May you be safe, may you be free from suffering, may you be peaceful and at ease.

I do more yoga than straight up meditation but I do know that the Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook has a really thorough guide for mindfulness meditation in it.

I've heard a lot of good things about The Honest Guys, too. Can't vouch for much else. A lot of the guided meditations out there can get pretty new age mystical if you know what I mean.

Either, I have an anxiety disorder too, or what you described sounds pretty normal to me! I think it's perfectly reasonable to wonder about the things you described - I guess the important question is how does thinking about these problems make you feel. You mentioned that it makes you feel like you don't have your shit together, and I find when you have a lot of stuff on your mind it's easy to feel overwhelmed - like you don't have a grip on things. What I find helpful (and I really should get in the habit of doing this daily) is having a journal on my computer where I just pour out all my thoughts. Anything on my mind I just start typing and it really helps me explore the issue, and when I've done this for everything on my mind I really feel like I've a got grip on stuff. I suppose this only works if you can touch-type though because it means you don't have to think about what you are typing.

In terms of organisation, there are a number of books out there on time management, but tbh it sounds like most are just trying to make money without offering decent advice. There are two decent books though:

Getting Things done - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-free-Productivity/dp/0749922648

and the first things first section of this book - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/0684858398/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394873069&sr=1-1&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people

I see you are already doing meditation and working out which are apparently both great for dealing with anxiety on a physiological level.

If you look at some of the diagnostic criteria for different phobias or anxieties and things, it seems like there's always a line for "and these thoughts/fears cause the person significant distress." I think it's normal for most people to feel shy and awkward and fear judgement. But, if it's causing you distress or you think that figuring out a way to get past it would significantly improve your life, then it would probably be worth it to talk to the counselor. Some places pro-rate based on income, so it's worth looking into. When I was looking into treatment for a phobia, it seemed like it would cost ~$1000 which seemed like too much. But when I thought about it, I realized that if I could spend $1000 and never have to spend time worrying and feeling sick about it again, that would be the best money I'd ever spent.

So, it's really subjective in the end. If you think about your quality of life right now, is it pretty good or do you think it could significantly improve? If you think it could be a lot better if you no longer had to deal with anxiety, then it's probably worth getting help. The counselor is a good step. My university publishes the statistics for how many people talk to the mental health clinicians at some point and it is a huge proportion of the student body. It's not weird to talk to a counselor and it doesn't mean something is wrong with you, because it's absolutely normal to have at least some period of your life when you're confronted with something challenging.

If you decide that your life could be better if you were able to get over some fears, you should talk to the counselor before worrying about how to manage the treatment costs long-term. Until you start looking into it more, you can't predict how much it will cost. And, even if you do find out later that it's too expensive or the affordable places are inaccessible by public transportation, there are books and online programs that can be useful. I found this one to be useful in the time I was waiting to get an appointment. It gave me some strategies to use in the meantime, and it also meant that once I started seeing a therapist I had a little bit of a head start.

tl;dr You have to just think for yourself about what your fears are costing you and what your life might be like without them. If you think your life would be better without anxiety you should look into treatment because it will be worth it.

I absolutely feel where you are coming from. Seek alternate opinions, or better yet ask your professional why they made the call. Ask trusted others if they notice a difference in you post medication. My type A wife absolutely can tell and often informs me without prompting if I missed a day of medication.

You are feeling the impact of opinions and influences from a world where many think ADHD isn't even a real thing. How many of these have you heard? Slow down. If you just work harder and focus more, everything would be fine. Can you sit still please? Buckle down and stop being lazy. If you just applied yourself more... Get your head out of the clouds and get this done. Just be patient.

To some extent it is true, if we focus more and work harder things will turn out better. What many don't comprehend is that what many would consider "normal" focus is often very difficult for us to achieve, double for things that don't interest us or requires more mental effort.

Think about it this way: If you answered the questions honestly, and probably conservatively like I did for fear of sounding like an addict, and you were still given an ADHD diagnosis...you have ADHD. If you take the prescribed meds and you don't turn into a spastic/hyper mess? Also a strong sign.

The next whammie you deal with? Comprehending how much easier life is on medication and the realization of lost past potential. I was in your exact shoes until I tried Vyvanse for the first time at 38 and it revealed how much coping I had been doing all my life.

A book recommendation for you:
https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0743264487

And an entertaining video from a website with a lot information that helped me:
http://totallyadd.com/our-unofficial-adhd-test-video/

24yo F with ADD here.

It could be that your issue stems from phone communication? When I was in my teens, pre-diagnosis, I had a long distance relationship that didn’t go well because I had a strong aversion to phone conversations. I couldn’t remain engaged with them but didn’t know how to express it.

In aself help book I read recently, I recall a section talking about this particular issue for people like us. Non-verbal communication cues aren’t there in phone conversation so it’s harder for us to connect/stay connected with what is going on.

I’d recommend doing more research on this for yourself to see if this matches what you’re feeling (and also because my memory can be less than perfect). If that turns out to be the problem, and the “long-distance” part of your relationship is non-negotiable for both of you right now, maybe consider using webcam?

Hope that helps

I've been really busy lately and haven't been able to make much progress with it, but I was really benefitting from this workbook: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572244992

Go to the nearest bookstore and see if you can find it or a different one that sounds good to you. It's not the same as therapy obviously, as something that's kind of tailored for you specifically, but I think you may find some relief in working through a workbook like this. I was also able to find a free drop-in place for councilling here in Canada, not sure if they have anything like that where you are, but do look.

I can't say anything that can make this better for you, but I understand your fear and frustration; we all do. Take it one day at a time. Drink lots of water throughout the day and chamomile tea when you're starting to feel anxious. This will get better.

Everyone is different. When I started these exercises, I certainly needed more like 30 minutes. Only after I have learned to ride the wave of feelings and be ok with it, then it gets faster.

I recommend this book as a possible place to start, but all of these techniques work better with proper doctor helping you along. Don't self-diagnose. Don't assume just reading these techniques will help you without a doctor. I also recommend taking a licensed mindfulness course (not the hippie-dippy ones or the kind on youtube. Look for clinically trained mindfulness instructors. There's a good one at Hillsboro Yoga). but above all - you need to integrate it into who you are via lots of practice.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572249544/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1518480495&sr=8-3&keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy+skills+workbook

Can you purchase things for yourself? Without monitoring by them at all? If so, I would advise you to purchase a workbook called the http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572244992 This is a book of exercises that you do every day, thought experiments, mindfulness exercises, writing exercises to help you learn how to identify anxiety triggers, and how to control how you think and react to them. REALLY, really helpful. Under $20. It can help a lot.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/5-steps-to-reduce-worrying-and-anxiety/0006636 I hope this can help a bit, too. It's free. :)

It annoys me that it took me almost 3/4 of a page of comments to come to someone that actually describes symptoms of ADHD rather than the "I am just not motivated and get bored easily" crowd. I'm an impulsive ADD and it sucks, but a lot of people wear ADHD as a badge or get out of jail free card either because they are "self-diagnosed" or given a diagnosis by a physician that just wants that sweet sweet procedural pay that comes along with the therapy. Adderall has also changed my life and I'm able to be in situations that every-day people don't have to cope with and I've become a better person because of the drug. I no longer snap at people just because they interrupted what I was doing and I don't (always) say things without thinking about the consequences. Sure the concentration and motivation were always an issue but there are a lot of other problems associated with ADHD that are so overlooked that most people just don't realize they are part of the problem.

BTW if you or anyone else is interested in a great book to learn about what ADHD really is, I highly suggest
You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo.

Would highly recommend a psycho-somatic technique that approaches “correcting” posture from both fronts. It’s called the Alexander Technique, and, while used more commonly by actors, singers, and performance artists, it offers a great toolkit for everything from how you stand to how you sit (and the transition between):


How You Stand, How You Move, How You Live: Learning the Alexander Technique to Explore Your Mind-Body Connection and Achieve Self-Mastery


The meat of the practice is visualization techniques through specific mental cues - not of the “chin up! back straight!” variety - but under the headings of “conscious inhibition” and “direction,” that are meant to not only improve posture and movement, but to break you out of conceptual ruts of how you imagine the very self that moves (much in the same way Betty Edwards’ book on drawing tries to make you “unsee” the bad symbolic representations of objects that have been conditioned in your mind).

I know this sounds like a bad, overlong “one weird trick” advert...but it really was thought-provoking info for me. The book I posted is a great introduction to the method, though they do recommend the best way to achieve mastery is through the aid of a hands-on teacher. That being said, if nothing else, the things it talks about does help to open up that ever sought after increase in creativity and lateral thinking.

A book that might help you if you have generalized anxiety and panic attacks is Claire Weekes' Hope and Help for Your Nerves. It's an "oldey but a goody." You can also hear Claire Weekes reading an abridged version of the book here (scroll down to "How to Recover from Anxiety." I found her voice incredibly encouraging and caring. It's not soft or soothing, but it's forceful and compassionate, which I like.

https://ilovedbt.com/dbt-handouts-worksheets/

this site has so many useful worksheets.

https://www.freeprintablemedicalforms.com/preview/DBT_Diary

the dairy card has been super useful for me.

eventually i bought this planner diary thing. it has been very useful for me.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Wellness-Planner/dp/1936268868


if you cant buy something like that, either printing out diary cards are using them in something like GoogleDocs , also works too!

Hope it helps.

Hey, thanks for all your useful info! There's a world of supplements out there. My biggest advice to anyone interested is to research. Check out /r/Supplements/ and /r/nootropics.

Something to keep in mind is that some supplements build a tolerance (like L-Tryptophan and L-Tyrosine), so I found that it worked really well in the beginning and then it started to lose its effect once regularly dosing. Furthermore, I stress research again because trying to manually balance your brain is difficult. If anyone is interested in trying to improve their mood with supplements, I've heard good things about a book called The Mood Cure, so you might want to check it out (I haven't read it).

Personally if my diet, sleep and exercise are in check, I feel fantastic. So I don't really see a need for them and just take a multivitamin. If I'm having a shitty day I might pop some L-Tyrosine. Thanks again man!

This is an easy one!
You need to go speak to your boss. You need to leave all thoughts of self-justification behind. You can only speak to your actions and your feelings about them. You do not expect anything from your boss - abandon all feelings that he should also want to apologise. Your conversation should go something like this:

Boss, I want to speak to you about the other day. You were joking around and I got mad. I upset you and I want you to know that this was not my intention. I have been suffering because of this. I know that you care about me; I know that you have been a unique help to me. I feel really bad that I offended you and I really wanted you to know this

The exemplary Chimp Paradox points out the obvious fact that if we want to build bridges, we need to be prepare to build the bridge ourselves. Expecting the other party to join in may well be a reasonable expectation, but is also likely to lead to disappointment. In fact, one of the surest ways to happiness is to free ourselves of any expectations we might have of other people.

If you need the joking around to be a thing of the past, then be assertive. The common model for assertiveness has three parts:

1. Point to an instance that you didn't like;
   
2. Say how that made you feel;
   
3. Tell the other person what you want to happen.
   
   eg When you made that comment about X, it made me feel embarrassed and belittled. I want to be able to work in a place where people don't talk about X.
   
   If you get want you want, job's a good un. If not, you need to go somewhere where you are more likely to be happy.

Yep. I'd really recommend a book called Change Your Thinking by Sarah Eldermann.- http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Thinking-Overcome-Depression/dp/1600940528 It really helped me, but you do have to do the exercises, rather than just read it. Also, mindfluness meditation, which helps you 'observe' your thoughts without immediately reacting to them, is great. Give Jon Kabat Zimm a try, he has quite a few CDs and could really help you xx

Also, learning about yourself.

I suggest reading You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy +pdf or amazon

being aware is good. When you are feeling off, maybe write a list down of the things you're being distracted by. Or ask them to write what they want to talk about so you don't forget.

Google Keep is great for this because you can share notes and lists really easily with one another.

You just have to talk about it though. Good luck :D

Happy wednesday! Hope everyone has a great day!

QotD: I believe it would be, Hope and Help For Your Nerves it's a good book. After I catch the final Hunger Games movie I can finally read the first book than need to purchase the rest!

It's more of the whole process of being in therapy and doing that work. I was actually in therapy for a while before I decided to stop drinking.

Some things I have found helpful are the SMARTRecovery worksheets http://www.smartne.org/tools.html They deal with urges which might help you untangle the eating disorder urges.

If the ED is helping you manage anxiety, you might also want to check out the Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety which helped me a ton. https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety-Commitment/dp/1572244992

Ultimately, though, for me, getting into some kind of therapy with a professional helped the most. Books provide me with stuff to work on between sessions, but being able to have that hour of focus on me and what I need to work on has improved my life in so many ways.

Good luck, I remember how over powering the ED voice can be.

Happy to share my thoughts as this is something that interests me greatly. When not busy with mundane business stuff, I'm always thinking about how to get the best out of my team.

>Really what just scares me is that I panic easily

Well, fear triggers the primitive part of the brain which very quickly suppresses your PFC. Unfortunately, this is exactly the bit of the brain that you need to be working at its best. And the way to make your brain understand that the world will not end if the threat is realised is by experiencing it. For instance, deliberately failing an assessment that doesn't count towards the final score.

And shifting one's perspective on performance is critical to managing the amygdala. Therefore rather than saying "I must get an A grade" to yourself, it needs to be "I'll do the very best I can and will continuously improve." This way exam is not a threat but rather an opportunity to improve.

Good read: Chimp Paradox.

Lots of beginners have reported getting a lot of value from Missy Vineyard's book, "How You Stand, How You Move, How You Live". I've read it myself and it explains the concepts clearly, and really goes into the core of what Alexander Technique is, which is much more about how you use your mind rather than how you try to use your body.

The best way is to get some hands on teaching though, which can be challenging because of cost and proximity to a good teacher. If you can find a good teacher and can afford to do at least say 6 - 10 lessons then you'll probably notice is a big change.

I found this useful: The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters.

He's a sports psychologist, but the book is really about dealing with emotional responses like anxiety, fear, etc., and reframing your ideas of commitment, success, and failure so that you feel less anxious and more confident about challenges and performance and dealing with setbacks.

I'm usually quite sceptical about anything that looks like a self-help book because so many of them seem wishy-washy and vague, but I found this book more practical and useful than I expected. For example, he doesn't have much time for a 'positive thinking' approach if it doesn't prepare you for the possibility of a less-than-optimal outcome. He's more interested in rethinking what you consider a negative outcome and giving you techniques to overcome worry and negativity.

(If you're like most students, you'll probably find PDF or ebook versions on the usual sites ;)

I'll share my reading list for the next 12 months as it's how I plan to become a better learner:


 

Learning

• Learning How To Learn - Free online course
  
• Become a Straight-A Student - Book
  
• Make it Stick - Book
  
  
  Improving Maths
  
• A Mind for Numbers - Book
  
• Secrets of Mental Math - Book
  
• Vedic Mathematics- Book
  
  
  Improving Reading Speed
  
• Breakthrough Rapid Reading - Book
  
  
  Algorithmic thinking
  
• Algorithms to Live By - Book
  
  
  Understanding the Mind
  
• How the Mind Works - Book
  
• Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow - Book
  
• The Owner's Manual for the Brain - Book
  
  
  Productivity
  
• Getting Things Done - Book
  
• The Willpower Instinct - Book
  
• Willpower Doesn't Work - Book
  
• The Chimp Paradox - Book
  
  
  
  It's an ambitious reading list for the next 12 months as there is some heavy reading in there but hopefully you can get one or two useful suggestions from it!

When I was going through intense anxiety (around the exact same age fwiw) the physical symptoms were what made it most difficult. It's hard enough being afraid to express yourself. Shaking, shortness of breath, sweating just add to it. One of the best books I've ever read Hope and Help for Your Nerves helped significantly with that. It gave me a foundation to stand on while I worked on the other aspects.

Someone mentioned CBT in this thread, that was also huge for me. Treating the rise in "fear" or worry as a good thing rather than a bad thing really flipped it on its head. When I get anxious now I think of it as a good sign. I'm about to do something that I really want to, that will really help me grow.

I hope these things can be helpful. I'm still anxious but it's more manageable and I'm much happier these days. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm or whatever.

I was in exactly your situation. Driven to Distraction and You mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? both helped me.

Sleep a lot. Remove as much sugar as you can from your diet. Drink ALL the water. Have some loving support. Good luck.

Ooh, this is the post I've been waiting for! I've found bibliotherapy to be very helpful in my healing.

For understanding abuse: Understanding the Borderline Mother

This NPD website

For healing yourself: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Adult Children of Abusive Parents





And, what you were really asking for: Full Catastrophe Living

Complex PTSD



You wrote:
>Still, I can't maintain a positive or calm feeling state for more than a few minutes, I feel constant anxiety, I am easily provoked, I get easily upset or angry, and I stay upset for hours or days to come, despite all the work I've put in.

This sounds familiar. What I've learned is that it's hard to build new neural pathways when you're stuck in the old feelings of panic. Re-wiring the brain means practicing being in a state of calmness, and the more time you spend there, the easier it will be to get back. So anything that makes you feel calm, even momentarily, is something you should practice. It's ok if you can only feel it for a short time!

My therapist used to tell me, "Get yourself calm, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!" I think he was suggesting I get high. ;-) What worked for me was to a little meditation, yoga, and spiritual practice, and a lot of locking myself in my house alone with all the blinds drawn. It was the only way I could feel safe for a long time. I wonder if all the activities you've been doing are, paradoxically, stressing you out more? Maybe giving yourself permission to do less would help?

Hope my super long post is helpful! Good luck, OP.

I'm...working on it. I went to therapy last year for it and the first therapist I saw told me that with what I told her, I really needed to get on medication or I would never take control of it. I did not like that, so I found someone else that would be interested in working with me and doing cognitive behavioral therapy. I didn't want to get on medication and just call it a day. I wanted to learn coping skills and add tools to my mental toolbox to help me break down my cycles of binging.

After I got with another therapist, I was assigned a book -
https://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Reduction-Workbook-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572245492

And I also got this one - https://www.amazon.com/Binge-Eating-Compulsive-Overeating-Workbook/dp/1572245913

Brain Over Binge is recommended here quite often, but I haven't read that one.

As for recovery? Well, as I said before, I'm still working on it. Currently I am 5 days binge free. My longest streak so far has been about 65 days and I'm proud of that. Am I going to slip up again in the future? Maybe. Am I going to binge today? No. That's the important part. I'm not going to binge today and tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and do it all over again.

Books can go a really long way if you apply them and with the help of some imagination. I say that because a lot of coaches and actors are against learning from books thinking that you can ONLY learn in a class. I’ve learned SO many applicable tools through reading about acting. Check out Stanislaski’s “An Actor’s Work.” It’s a new translation of his original texts, and it’s amazing! He covers the craft in great detail, and he has chapters on muscular release, which includes finding your center of gravity, and chapters on the voice and physical embodiment.

An Actor’s Work:
An Actor's Work (Routledge Classics) (Volume 153) https://www.amazon.com/dp/113868838X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_E5F6AbB5V1JW3

And here’s a great but dense book on the Alexander Techniqe:
How You Stand, How You Move, How You Live: Learning the Alexander Technique to Explore Your Mind-Body Connection and Achieve Self-Mastery https://www.amazon.com/dp/1600940064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_U4F6AbTNM71Y4

Cheers!

I bought this book years ago and really like it. https://www.amazon.ca/Relaxation-Stress-Reduction-Workbook-Sixth/dp/1572245492

I also bought a book called meditation for dummies and it had great meditations that were super easy. http://m.dummies.com/how-to/content/meditation-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

thanks for sharing and reminding me to practice!! i use the john kabat zinn stuff there's some tracks on amazon (not for free but they have been a good investment for me. Here's what i use: https://www.amazon.com/Guided-Mindfulness-Meditation-Complete-Kabat-Zinn/dp/1591793599/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1498264238&sr=8-5&keywords=jon+kabat+zinn). I took a local 'mindfullness stress reduction class' at the beginning of pregnancy and its been great. Not pregnancy specific but solid mindfulness technique. of course it ain't a practice if i don't practice, i will try to get back to it tonight : D

zen meditation has helped me a ton.

as /u/BornOn8thOfJuly said, continue to steer clear of the booze. no matter what, if I decide to drink (even just a couple glasses of wine), my anxiety is higher and my mood is lower the next morning. Most of my emotional breakdowns occur after a night of drinking.

I also would highly recommend The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety

Best wishes, my friend!

I really like this planner

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and Spirit (The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1936268868/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oo3Lzb13E03A9

Apparently it's a Wellness Series so brb researching series.

I use the planner and I think it's pretty cool. I wish it had more pages to just write but I have a nice notebook for that

If you want to explore it more and learn about balancing that part of yourself with other parts, read this book


The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness Paperback – 5 Jan 2012
by Prof Steve Peters (Author)


I won't give any more motivations, comments here should be enough

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X

Alexander Technique. I learned a lot from Missy Vineyard's book, [How You Stand...](https://www.amazon.com/How-You-Stand-Move-Live/dp/1600940064). I noticed results right away, and the more I practiced, the more profound the results became.

I also find meditation helpful. I've done a handful of different types of meditation. The most relaxing by far, for me, was loving kindness (metta). I used this simple YouTube video/audio from Emma Seppala.

Edited for formatting.

The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/009193558X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-sqRCbJGENBWH

I recommend read a book called The Chimp Paradox. In this book the author explains how the mind could be looked at like it is in 3 different parts.

The first part is the Human, which is the person that you want to be. You want to nice, happy and in control just playing Age of Empires in this case.

The second part is the chimp... this part of you represents your more basic needs. Anger, needing respect, seeing things in black and white all come from the chimp inside you.

The third part is the computer. The computer contains pre-programmed almost like "macros". The human in you and the chimp in you first refer to the computer as a frame of reference as to what to do. So for example... if every time I ate an apple and got wildly sick after eating it, it would be programmed into my computer that apples make me sick. If there was a child who had an abusive child hood because her dad beat her might see all father figures in a negative light because of her terrible past in this regard.

I say this because it sounds to me like in the past maybe some kids bullied you or picked on you and maybe you played Age of Empires as a release from them or from whom ever it was you might have had negative associations with.

When you play age of Empires the human in you is going "Age Of Empires... Great fun game. The chimp in you refers to the computer as you do and both of you find that the computer says "Age of Empires equals Fun!". You play the game and you enjoy it. The chimp relaxes as you having fun gives him nothing to do but relax and chill the beans.

But then someone flames you, shouts abuse, just says negative silly stuff. Both your human and your chimp are alerted to this negativity. Here is the thing though, the chimp reads from the computer ALWAYS before you do. This is simply a feature of the chimp. So the chimp sees that the computer says "Flaming, trolling, picking on me equals negative". On seeing this the chimp goes wild. The chimp is offeneded. The chimp is screaming "who are these people thinking that they are better than me", or "they have no right to say that to me". The chimp in you looks at the screen and figured "the best way to stop all this is to stop the game... i want to put my fist through the screen to end the game".

Now of course, you do not put your fist through the screen because your human not kicks in and is rational, and nice. Your human says "no I will not put my fist through the screen as i need the screen for more than just Age of Empires. I need it for email, work and music etc." Your human is rational and writes to Reddit to look for an answer. That is where I come in writing this. I hope you read it, and keep and open mind to it. I do not know you but I know something about you. You are a kind, understanding, loving, smart and amazing person. You dealt with silly fools on the internet thats all. You are wondering why you reacted with the thoughts and feelings you did.

I would advise you to read the book below. I read it and lets just say it helped me too.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X

TL:DR
You dealt with silly people whilst playing a childhood game that triggered some feelings from your childhood I think.

I do not think getting Dx will hinder your hiring. First, in the US, health info is private, and you don’t have to disclose. Second, getting Dx can help you get medicated, which can do wonders for productivity. However, I don’t recommend relying totally on meds. Read and / or get a counselor to learn techniques to help your memory /organization. This book has helped me so much! you mean I’m not lazy, stupid or crazy?!

Good luck!

Exercise and sunlight can work wonders! (And Vitamin D if you can't get outside.)

OP, you may want to check out 'The Mood Cure' by Julia Ross. Excellent advice regarding neurotransmitter imbalances and how these can be corrected through diet and simple amino acid supplements. Sometimes it really is just about chemistry.

Good luck!

That's the silver lining, you can develop this control at any time, it's just very unlikely to happen spontaneously. But it already did for whatever reason, which is why you're here. Your prefrontal cortex is literally getting stronger, sending out stronger neural signals and developing neurons and connections to the rest of your brain. I found that this book, [The Chimp Paradox] (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X) framed all of this in a wonderfully well constructed and elegant model that could really help you with unwanted emotions and urges.

You gon b ok :).

You might also ask about seeing a psychologist for testing. If you're diagnosed, a psychiatrist can prescribe, but a psychologist can help develop compensating strategies. I found this book pretty helpful.

The Chimp Paradox By Prof. Steve Peters explains this nicely. I've had the pleasure of working with him a few times, and he explains the animal-primitive tendencies that we still have in our brain today. It's truly a great read... recommended.

You're welcome. My dad's a G.P. and he got copies of these for every one in my family. They are amazing.

Other good ones to look at are:

• Mind Over Mood: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1462520421/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011886&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=mind+over+mood
  
  
• Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244259/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011970&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=get+out+of+your+mind+and+into+your+life
  
  
• The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244992/ref=mp_s_a_1_10?qid=1454012036&sr=8-10&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=act+therapy
  
  
• Full Catastrophe Living: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345536932/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1454012108&sr=8-2&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=jon+kabat+zinn
  
  
• The Mayo Clinic Handbook For Happiness: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0738217859/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012206&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=happiness+mayo+clinic
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/080701429X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012401&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=man%27s+search+for+meaning
  
  
• Awareness - The Perils and Opportunities of Reality: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0385249373/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012475&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=anthony+de+mello
  
  And for a refreshingly new approach:
  
  
• F*ck Feelings - One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1476789991/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012259&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=fuck+your+feelings
  

That sounds like a great idea. I did the same, I got Marsha Linehan’s DBT workbook and did it with my therapist. I also found this day planner to be so useful in my early sobriety to track my moods and keep myself on track.

Edit: DBT is a type of therapy that was made to use with borderline personality disorder, which I don’t have. But I still found it super useful for my diagnoses even though it wasn’t specific to that.

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!

It's an old book, but it helped me out quite a bit when I was diagnosed as a teen (though it is adult-focused, not teen-focused). It addressed ADD in women specifically as well as adult ADD in general. Obviously the section about meds is going to be useless- but the biggest part was that it was so comforting to read. It truly made me feel, for the first time in my life, that I wasn't a lazy, useless slob. I read better books about the actual medicine/psychology, but this book helped me immensely on an emotional level.

The Chimp Paradox has a great way of explaining this feeling. I'd recommend simply because it's written in a way that's easy to understand (as I often find myself getting bored and sidetracked in a book with fancy neuro-jargon I don't understand due to my lack of a degree in brain science) but it also doesn't dumb it down and treat you like a child.

It sounds to me like you have a lot to deal with, which sucks, but a bunch of things you can work on, which means you can probably improve a lot of things about your situation.

Therapy was very helpful to me at a few critical points, but finding the right person and cultivating a helpful relationship was time-consuming and difficult.

I see my chronic problems as a daily challenge, so I live on a daily schedule. Good diet, meditation, lots of stretching, and lots of audio therapy for my tinnitus (which is a bigger problem for me than pain; thankfully my pain issues are not debilitating, the tinnitus can be -- though when it's severe it's like a piercing fire alarm and is physically painful).

Abusing narcotics recreationally can be "fine", but that's a big red flag in general about someone's lifestyle. Stealing drugs from someone you're supposed to love and respect is also a huge red flag. How old are you? This is sort of high-school drama stuff all around.

If you're open to actually making deep structural changes to your life, then pretty much any crappy self-help book will be fine (though I would say start here, personally: https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932... if you can't afford this but promise to actually put in the time to read it, I will mail you a copy, PM me).

Any kind of "self help" program is simple but very difficult. You've got to be ready to dig deep, challenge your assumptions about who you are, and try to change what's changeable and live with the rest. It's a tall order. It's much easier to have good intentions than follow-through and end up with a wall full of self-help books (hence my willingness to mail you one)

The two I found the most useful are This one which is the first one I started with. Once I went through that book I then got This one along with the manual. I then got myself this diary to keep track of using the skills.


I didn't find all the activities helpful, I think it's about picking and choosing what feels good/works best for you.

You're not alone. Menstrual problems are extremely common in vegetarians, and so are mental health issues. There's plenty of stories similar to yours over at the WAPF, Let Them Eat Meat, and Beyond Vegetarianism. Personally, I gained a whopping 55lbs, developed B12 deficiency (despite taking 1000mcg of methylcobalamin per day), and ended up with a bunch of other nasty things. I'm proud to say that I've lost all of that weight plus seven pounds. (Who would've known a slice of bambi's mom could be so satisfying?)

So, a lot of people have clearly experienced health problems as a result of a vegn diet. Why does the ADA still insist that a "well-planned vegetarian diet" (a clear oxymoron) is healthy and even beneficial? [Seventh-Day Adventists and vegns have so much influence on the ADA to the point that it's rage-inducing.](http://letthemeatmeat.com/tagged/American-Dietetic-Association)

The Vegetarian Myth, The Mood Cure, The Meat Fix, The Ethical Butcher, The Whole Soy Story, and Defending Beef are all worth giving a read. Were you tested for B12, iron, zinc, Vitamin A, Vitamin D, magnesium, and/or iodine deficiency during your vegn years? If you quit recently, it's very likely that you're still deficient in some of these vitamins and will need to supplement for awhile. DHA and EPA are also very important due to how poorly ALA (such as that found in flaxseeds) converts to these essential nutrients.

I was vegan for nearly six years. No cheats. I always had my doubts about it, but getting to learn what other vegns look like was my last call. Just keep in mind that some lifelong meat-eaters will insist that a vegetarian diet is healthier. And some people are really mean.

I'd recommend this book as recommended reading : https://www.amazon.com/Power-Full-Engagement-Managing-Performance/dp/0743226755

It ought to be said, muscles are broken down at the gym, they're built during the recovery phase. Good sleep, sunlight and room temperature water are vital for increasing T levels.

A life of productivity is another excellent blog resource for handling your time and energy. https://alifeofproductivity.com/

There is a relaxing meditation where you lie down and focus on every part and organ of your body and feel it relaxing. It will put you to sleep in mere minutes at first.

If you want to learn to process past pain and emotions, Eckhart Tolle or Adyashanti is what I'd recommend. Stuff like this is what keeps a man grounded when all hell breaks loose around.

You're probably overextending yourself because you think you "need" to do everything you're doing for the sake of some deferred happiness when it's obvious you're neither happy now nor will you be happy at the rate you're going. What are you going to do when your big raise finally comes and you really cash out? You'll have missed out on tens of thousands of hours to connect with other human beings and you'll blow your cash on some useless shit/drinking and you won't know how to enjoy a holiday and you'll just go back to working harder because it's all you know to do.
Furthermore, if you took more breaks you'd get more productivity out of your work-time anyways:
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Full-Engagement-Managing-Performance/dp/0743226755/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310284931&sr=8-1
I've done 19 credit semesters and I've also done 14 hour days of manual labor. If at the end of the day/week if you don't get re-energized/ a second wind from seeing other people and social activities you've got a lot of introspection to work on.

Oh, yes! I was recommended this book on the technique some time ago. I found it pretty useful!

I have both of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1936268868/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

The diary is really good for keeping track of how I feel and keeping healthy. The workbook is great for more in-depth work when I have time, I've learnt a lot from it.

Feel like I should say this obviously is no replacement for actual DBT. Unfortunately it isn't offered on the NHS where I live!

http://psymed.info/default.aspx?m=Test&id=64&l=3 <--- 6 question screening test.

take a few of teh screening tests. if you turn up likely for ADHD, chat with a therapist/psych. talk about behavioral screening and medication. see what mix of the two is right for you.

step 1 is talk to a dr.

if i could've been diagnosed at your age instead of 25 my life would've changed drastically for the better. i would've had a good gpa in high school instead of barely passing.

do some reading. do some research. make sure it's you.

this book helped me a lot: http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0743264487/

ask us lots of questions. we're here for ya. :)

Its very focused on smoking. You mention CBT...have you looked into DBT? Something like the following may be better: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety: Breaking Free from Worry, Panic, PTSD, and Other Anxiety Symptoms Paperback – November 3, 2011
by Alexander L. Chapman PhD RPsych (Author), & 3 more

No harm in trying everything. DBT approach does recommend being in therapy as far as I know. DBT also builds on mindfulness... which I imagine could be an extremely powerful tool for managing anxiety. Mindfulness is best learned with guided meditation.

I recommend Herbert Benson's The Relaxation Response on relaxation meditation. Especially if you want something far from New Age and based on research.

Yes I do.

Particularly helps when you are new to somewhere or something until some action becomes a habit.

Even after then if working on something important I'll often create a check-list to make sure I've thought of everything possible.

I've extended this way beyond software development though also. I have all kinds of lists for a variety of subjects.

See; http://www.bulletjournal.com/

Read; http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-free-Productivity/dp/0749922648/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398676861&sr=1-1&keywords=get+things+done+david+allen

Glad to hear that things can be slightly resolved. I recently heard of this book that could help with these sort of things (Linky to buy it on amazon. If you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to hit send me a message!

I recently got Jon Kabat-Zinns Guided Mindfulness Meditation and the first track is a great starter for meditation and might help you get back into it:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guided-Mindfulness-Meditation-Jon-Kabat-Zinn/dp/1591793599

When I'm breath counting I find it easier to count from 1 to 4 and repeat.

Here's a few I found handy.

Good Gut Healing by Kathryn Marsden.

Listen to your gut by Jini Patel Thompson (can also be found at her site as a downloadable pdf, well that's how I bought it.)

And for general anxiety : Change your thinking by Sarah Edelman

And Wheat Belly by William Davis (maybe not as relevant but examines the effect of the genetic changes to wheat, which can be a common trigger for some gastrointestinal issue sufferers.)

Hope any of these may be of help.

Mindfulness Meditation, is the most familiar form of meditation, which I mentioned in the original post. Here are some links to various mindfulness meditation recordings.

If you're new to mindfulness meditation, start with one like this, from the Secular Buddhist Association. If it's still too long for you at first, do not worry if you can't get through the whole thing. Try to work up to the whole 20 minutes over as many sessions as it takes.

The UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center, has a set of downloads which include breathing meditations, along with some of the other meditations mentioned in this post. They also have a podcast available on iTunes University which can be streamed on the website, or downloaded via the link.

Though the recordings on his site are the only ones I've listed which are for sale, and not free, I thought some of you might be interested in Jon Kabat-Zinn. His book, Full Catastrophe Living, along with his other books, are perfect for anyone dealing with the emotional disregulation, either themselves or as a person who cares for someone with BPD. He's known for being the person who brought the concept of mindfulness to the west, and in a non-religious way. He offers 3 series of recordings, all available as CD's or MP3 downloads, along with many books, which are available for purchase. I have not heard these recordings myself, so I cannot vouch for them, but I hope to purchase one or more of them in the near future.

Breathing exercises are good (you can just type that into YouTube) also progressive relaxation where you tighten certain muscle groups and then relax them. There are lots of cognitive behavioral techniques that are great for reducing worries. I have no affiliations with it but highly recommend this book and it goes over several techniques: https://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Reduction-Workbook-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572245492

You need to acquire the skill of picking outcomes that you want to achieve and then working towards completing them (even if you don't know how at the outset). Seems like you've got the vision / ambition side down. I would really recommend the book Getting Things Done by David Allen to help you understand the process of moving projects to completion: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-free-Productivity/dp/0749922648

I've been reading this one. It's helped me out a lot so far. I highly recommend it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1600940064/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1416896932&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40

Good luck!