Reddit mentions of 95 & Still Farting Fearlessly: Funny Men's 95th Birthday 122 Page Diary Journal Notebook Gift

Once upon a time there was a Mod-ern Girl who went on a date with someone she Met on the Internet. He sounded like a nice enough guy, and his profile suggested they had things in common... like a desire for A Little Less Conversation. He was handsome enough when they met, but he wore that dreaded symbol of "Nice Guys" everywhere... a trilby.

It was the first warning sign, but not the last.

It was at the cocktail bar they stumbled across while Lost on Lombard that it became clear they were ill matched.

"No, I'm not interested in going back to yours," she said with a sigh. They were barely through their first cocktail. "Honestly, it's not like you Swept Me Off My Feet at our Dinner for Two. I can't imagine how dull your Pillow Talk would be."

"Hey," he said wiggling his eyebrows, "Don’t be Koi With Me. My Daddy’s the King of this city, and let's face it, you're in your thirties, sweetheart. I'm as good as you're gonna get, so Deutsche you Want me Baby?"

"So what?" she scoffed, knowing when she was being negged. "I mean, Who Needs A Prince? I have my own startup. I Only Drink Champagne, I Don't Do Dishes, and I have My Private Jet. My life's pretty great. I just went on a date so you could Wine me and Dine me, since you kept emailing me on OkCupid. Before you start telling other people what they need? You need a real Attitude Adjustment. Because you're cute? MAYBE I'll let you Call my Cell-ery if you get it together."

Her frog of a date pouted. "You're Such a Budapest!" he said, and fled the bar... leaving her with the bill, of course.

"Well," she shrugged, "that's what I get for Dating a Royal. I guess it's true what they say, A Good Man-darin is Hard to Find, and Love is a Racket. I'd rather be a Hussy".

She downed her bourbon and opened up Tinder.