Reddit mentions of All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

My best suggestion, and the one that I hear the most from my other mom friends, is for you to step up and do it sometimes. Even if she thinks you're not doing it right - stand up for yourself! you gotta learn sometime! You're a grown man and you are capable of learning stuff, and you love that baby just as much as she does (regardless of whether you've bonded yet)!

The biggest thing most moms I know have said (also get this book for perspectives from even more middle class families) is despite that the dad is providing for the family, etc, they feel like he doesn't help enough with the baby. But they feel too guilty to ask for help (because they don't want to overload their husbands too much) at the same time that they feel resentful that they're not getting the help they need (because a newborn is more than they can handle, even if it's the "only" thing they have to do). Even if she thinks she's handling it fine - your post is proof, you can see that's not exactly the case. The baby may be fine, but she is not. Let me say that again - a newborn is more than one person can healthily handle alone. I have mad respect for single moms.

As far as some of her other stressors - perhaps when she's had a good night/day with the baby you could talk to her about how those other goals (keeping family updated) are putting extra stress on her, and you don't want her to feel like they need to happen. As far as the dogs go, maybe you could set up a baby gate that keeps the dogs confined to half the house? That way, she wouldn't have to do the work of keeping them away, and she also wouldn't have to do the hard work, psychologically, of letting her worry go right now.

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I would second others' points that the hormones are probably making her a little crazy. If you don't see a major improvement in a couple months / by the time the baby sleeps through the night, revisit this issue and assume she might have PPD.

I will also add this: I was in a horrible, horrible situation when my second child was born. 18 month old at home, brought home colicky newborn (she had reflux), husband had been unemployed for 11 months so we were dead broke, he got a job that same week working 2 hours away and commuted daily with our only car, had inherited a border collie who was causing problems and i couldnt get rid of, and i had no friends and family in the area to relieve the pressure. At the same time, I ended up with PPD which manifested as anxiety and attacks of rage - but we all thought [including me] that my unstable state was reasonably explained by the crap that was going on. "Of course you are stressed out!" It took 6-9 months for me to realize, and about that long again for me to convince others, that what was going on inside exceeded even what would be expected for the crap I was dealing with. Also, PPD does not always show up as sadness. So please keep that in mind.