Reddit mentions of California Divorce: Plain and Simple

First, let me say that I am sorry for your misfortune. But rest assured, it is temporary - keep reminding yourself of that.

The best scenario is for you and your husband to tell your son together. He will be confused and any loss he feels might not show up until later - and even then, it could show up repeatedly.

Here is the gist of what he needs to know.

1. Mommy and Daddy love you.
   
2. Mommy and Daddy are dealing with some problems together right now, and we won't be living together anymore.
   
3. These problems are not your fault.
   
4. You will NOT lose Mommy or Daddy.
   
   I have had clients say, "Is it that simple?" The answer is yes, it is. If you were facing an issue like cancer or bankruptcy, chances are you would tailor the message for your child to match their age level and so as not to alarm them. Same thing here.
   
   By the way, I cannot emphasize enough #3. Children are very sensitive to this as they are immature (they are children, after all) and start thinking if only they were better, Mommy and Daddy would not be getting a divorce. You and your husband can help by attending a parenting for divorced parents together, or just you go if he is not willing. Remember, divorce is the death of a marriage, but it is NOT the death of a family - there are just new dynamics that have to be learned. You and your husband need to learn now how to co-parent your son. And yes, one may be better at it than the other - but you can only be responsible for yourself.
   
   Now, that does not mean your child won't still be confused. And sad. That is normal. If those feelings start manifesting in destructive behavior (e.g., bed wetting, inattention at school, trouble sleeping), find someone qualified to help him. But for now, don't get too concerned. Divorce is not a light-hearted matter, but it is also not a time for your child to cue off your stress. Keep his routine going as much as possible (for you it's just Taco Tuesday, while for him it is something he takes very seriously) so he can see that change can come into his life but it does not mean the end of the world.
   
   Hang in there, Mom! And remember, divorce cannot keep you from your job as mother.
   
   Best regards,
   
   Stephanie A. Richer
   
   Co-author of "California Divorce: Plain and Simple"