Reddit mentions of Choosing a Jewish Life, Revised and Updated: A Handbook for People Converting to Judaism and for Their Family and Friends

> I tried to reach out to a local Rabbi, and she simply turned me to a
> website. (I understand she is busy.)

Not to defend a particular Rabbi, but it’s worth remembering that Judaism isn’t an evangelising religious tradition.

Judaism is a tribal religion (perhaps best thought of as an ethnos in the Greek sense: a ‘people’) and it rather shies away from universal claims.

So the tradition of conversion is utterly unlike that of an evangelical religions like Christianity or Islam. Lots of ‘are you sure?’. Absolutely no ‘you have to join us or everything is just awful’.

The standard story is that Rabbis will turn you away three times if you come to them seeking to convert. It’s not strictly true but it is true that Rabbis will generally start by asking why you want to join rather than rolling out the welcome mat and crying ‘sister!’.

The Rabbi you encountered may well have used ‘take some time to read [website address here]’ as her version of the ‘are you sure?’ question.

Once you’ve studied the site in question (and I recommend doing the study, BTW), go back to the Rabbi and say you’ve done the required reading and now you want to talk some more.

A serious-minded approach is probably best here, because conversion to Judaism is a serious commitment.

The figure to keep in mind is Ruth, often called the Mother of all Converts:

For whither thou goes, I will go;
And where thou lodges, I will lodge;
Your people are my people, and your G‑d, my G‑d.
Where thou dies, will I die, and there be buried;
— Ruth 1:16–17

Becoming Jewish is as much about joining a new tribe — ‘Your people are my people’ — as it is about taking on the tenets and practices of a new (to you) religious tradition.

> Resources

A few resources off the top of my head (including several web-sites; so sorry to go down the same path as your local rabbi):

Choosing a Jewish life: a handbook for people converting to Judaism and for their family and friends, by Anita Diamant.

Perhaps the classic book on ‘how to convert’, especially if you are in the United States. A little old now (it may be ‘revised and updated’ but this most recent edition was published almost twenty years ago) but still very useful.

Orthodox conversion to Judaism

The web-site run by the Rabbinical Council of America (the organising rabbinical structure for Orthodox Jews in the US) to ‘establish an improved and more dependable conversion process that would Be fully in accordance with Halachah (Jewish law)’.

Reform conversion to Judaism

The Reform Judaism sub-site on conversion. Include links to personal stories, articles on the process and an on-line study course.

Links returned by searching on ‘conversion’ at ReformJudaism.org

More than you probably want to read about converting in the Reform tradition, plus lots of personal stories of conversion.

Conversion to Judaism

An online study course for prospective converts, created and maintained by Rabbi Celso Cukierkorn of the Adat Achim synagogue in Florida. The aside from the study materials the site includes a page of Personal conversion experiences.

The Washington Institute for conversion and the study of Judaism

Another online resource and study course for people considering converting, this one run by Rabbi Bernice Weiss from Maryland. Weiss is also co-author of a book — [Converting to Judaism: choosing to be Chosen](http://converttojudaism.org/converting.htm) — which consists of personal stories of conversion.

Becoming Jewish

A web-site run by and for Jews By Choice (ie, people who’ve converted to Judaism). Aside from resources and places to look for more info, the site includes a collection of stories by others who’ve made the conversion journey

> personal stories

[Life with Ruth: your people, my people*](https://amazon.com/Life-Ruth-Your-People-My-ebook/dp/B00HFFAT3G), by Ruth Hanna Sachs.

A memoir focusing on the author’s journey to Judaism, haltingly started in the late-1960s and early-1970s but only properly taken in the late-1990s.

‘10 things nobody told me about converting to Judaism’, by Anna Thomson.

A 2014 article (or ‘listicle’ if you will) about converting to Modern Orthodox Judaism after meeting and falling in love with a Modern Orthodox Jew.

‘Conversion: a Black Jewish can-do story’, by Stephanie Ambroise.

A 2016 article about ‘[h]ow one woman went from having no idea what Shabbat was to celebrating it every week.’

‘From looking Jewish to being Jewish’, by Esther Hugenholtz.

A 2016 article by a cultural anthropologist about ‘going native’ (to such an extent she became a Rabbi and now serves a congregation).

‘A global conversion’, by Rachael Bregman.

A 2016 article about the formal conversion of a woman in her 80s who’d been living a Jewish life since she was a teenager but had not formally converted ‘because it would have hurt her mother deeply’.

The woman converting was in New South Wales. The Em Beit Din overseeing her conversion were in Tennessee, New York, and New Mexico.

The Becoming Jewish (see above) blog, Into the Jewish pool, includes multiple personal stories about, you guessed it, becoming Jewish.

Finally, Rabbi Mark Kaiserman has an Amazon listmania page dedicated to Books about converting to Judaism. More than enough personal stories here to last a year’s worth of reading time.

> guidance

Joining a tribe isn’t easy. There are obstacles and challenges, some of them internal and some of them put in place by the tribe you seek to join.

My partner made the journey from Dutch Catholicism to Reconstructionist Judaism more than thirty years ago.

And they’ve been asked about this more than a few times over the years.

When asked by someone contemplating the journey their short answer these days is ‘it won’t always be easy, but it should always feel right.’.

Hope this is at least diverting, if not helpful.

As a person who converted through the Reform movement, I highly suggest that you take a holistic approach to your initial study of Judaism. Getting a better idea of where other movements are coming from will not only give you a better grounding in Judaism as a whole, but it will foster understanding between movements and also put you in a better position to decide which movement works best for you.

Personally, even though I converted Reform, I don't actually identify strongly as a Reform Jew, because it's a bit too free form for me (in particular, I became very frustrated when the response to any question I had about observance essentially boiled down to 'do whatever makes you feel good'). That said, like you, I don't identify completely with the theology or some of the practices of Orthodoxy (separation of men and women being one of them), so I wouldn't make a good Orthodox Jew even though I'm more observant than, oh, 90% of Reform Jews.

Take the advice of other people in this thread and try out several different synagogues and Jewish events in your area, if possible. And read a lot on Judaism from different perspectives. Even if you strongly identify with the Reform movement (which is totally fine--I am not knocking the movement, it just isn't 100% for me), it will still be helpful to understand other levels of observance.

Some books I suggest you check out:

• Basic Judaism by Milton Steinberg -- This book gives a brief and easy-to-read overview of the basics of both traditional (Orthodox) and liberal Judaism. VERY good place to start your studies.
  
• Choosing a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant is a good overview of the conversion process and some of the issues coverts face. Been a while since I read this, but it's definitely not from an Orthodox perspective--I think it strives to be more neutral as far as denomination goes.
  
• I also highly recommend To Pray as a Jew by Hayim Halevy Donin. This is an introduction to the synagogue service and its prayers. Very informative book. It is written from an Orthodox perspective, and will be easier to follow once you are further along in your studies, I think, but it's a wonderful resource.
  
  Particularly because you mentioned that you are a feminist, I thought you might also be interested in:
  
  
• How to run a Traditional Jewish Household by Blu Greenberg. This book is written from a Modern Orthodox perspective by a well-known Orthodox feminist. It gives a lot of background and information about Orthodox customs that aren't as well-known to more liberal Jews (like the concept of an eruv, for example). Though I don't identify as an Orthodox Jew myself, I found this book fascinating and it really helped me solidify my own practice and feelings about traditional Judaism.
  
• Life on the Fringes: A Feminist Journey Toward Traditional Rabbinic Ordination by Haviva Ner-David is an account of Ner-David's journey to becoming one of the first women granted the equivalent of Orthodox semicha (ordination) in Israel. I found it very eye-opening. It is definitely possible to be a feminist and be traditional. I don't agree with everything she says/does, but this is another great book to give you a perspective on how and why Orthodox Jews do things the way they do.
  
  Welcome to the path of Jewish study. If you ever have any other specific questions about converting Reform or need support in your studies or your journey, please feel free to PM me any time.

I think converts should read works from all across the Jewish perspective. Especially the "very different sort."

How else is anyone supposed to know what they believe if they don't know or understand what they don't? It's not an informed decision if you're not informed.

On that note...

Exploring Judaism: A Reconstructionist Persepctive.

Choosing a Jewish Life (liberal, leaning Reform)

To Pray as a Jew (Orthodox)

OP: Go wild. Read across the spectrum. Read things you agree with and things you don't. Read stuff you don't understand yet. Ask questions about what you read. Read, read, read!

I just saw below that you said you are converting reform. In that case, you might like Choosing a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant. It's more geared towards Reform, but I do warn whenever I recommend it that it kind of disparages the other movements of Judaism a little bit. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're 100% totally set on reform conversion. Otherwise, I think Becoming a Jew is more balanced (although talks a lot about observances that are most common in Orthodox and Conservative Judaism) in that regard.

>Me: So God makes good things happen to good people? But why do good things happen to bad people and vice versa? And if you're good, God will make good things happen?

You don't do this. Question 1 was good. Question 2 forced him to defend his position. Use questions to make him describe things, not to argue a point.

If nothing else, there's always books. Huston Smith writes wonderfully about religions of all types, and gets at what drives the practitioners. Also this book or this book are a bit more focused on the topic at hand.