Reddit mentions of Deadville

You're a little bit of a kiss-ass, aren't ya? I like it. That will work very well for you in the future. :P

As for the reading, try reading some fiction about people who are your age or a little older. In my experience, that can give a more subtle lesson. Sometimes subtle is good. Something that's not really mainstream (that I know of), but that I read a couple years ago (at the recommendation of my dad, who was in his early 60's when he read it) is Deadville by Ron Koertge. It wasn't mind-altering for me or anything, but it was really enjoyable. I didn't think it was one of those YA books that's dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. It deals with drugs and popularity and relationships and friendships and how easily everything can change. I just thought it seemed very true to life without throwing around a lot of preachy morals. It might not be something you'd enjoy, but I did...in my mid- to late-twenties.

As for your parents, I completely understand what you feel about them not understanding because things are so different. Here's a secret though - things really aren't THAT different. I'm not telling you that you should just suck it up and listen to what your parents say, because I know that I didn't when I was your age. My parents were the enemy. The information I gave them was only to be used to gain some advantage in the game of chess that was me trying to be a grown up and them not letting me.

However, as I've gotten older, I've learned that Holy Shit, my parents do get it! I was about to dwell on it, but it's kinda pointless. Fact is, if you really need help getting through something. Talk to your parents. They may not understand 100% where you are coming from, but they can give you good advice and make sure you are thinking through the things that need to be thought through.

Hell, here's a story for you. I had an off-and-on boyfriend my senior year of high school. Very off and on. As in, neither my parents nor my friends could keep up with whether or not we were in love or hated each other. Ahh, hormones. Yay! Anyway, when prom started to get close we were broken up and I wound up going with another guy. I kinda dated the guy but felt badly about it because I knew I wasn't ever going to be serious about him because I was in love with the other guy. My mom told me - and I specifically remember these words, "Fluffy, sometimes you just have to play the game." Are you kidding me? My mom was supposed to be all about true love and happily ever after. Not dating someone just for the sake of playing the game. Turns out, she was right. I went to prom with guy B. I talked to guy A at prom for a second. Asked him if he was having a good time. He wasn't. I told him it sucked to be him because I was having a blast and walked away. We were back together...umm...been a little while now...maybe the next week, maybe two weeks. Doesn't really matter. Turns out, I just had to play the game. Like I said, most shocking advice I ever got from my mother. You'd be surprised what your parents will tell you to do if you give them a chance.

As for your friends not getting it, meh. Talk to the ones who will talk back to you. The ones who will share what they're going through even if it's not what you're going through. I had a great guy friend when I was 15. I had a huge crush on my best friend's older brother. I obviously couldn't talk to her about this. One of my guy friends liked my crush's girlfriend. We could talk about that stuff together because we understood that neither of us could say a word about it to anyone else. You have a girlfriend, so obviously that isn't going to be the way you make that friend, but I could talk to that guy about everything. I knew he couldn't and wouldn't say anything or try to be spiteful about it and so we became free to talk about all sorts of stuff that we wouldn't share with just anyone. I was also fortunate enough to be an athlete on various teams that were all fairly close knit. Teamwork is all about trusting each other. I think that trust really goes a long way in being able to be open with each other. Plus, you spend a lot of time together, so you can't help but know each other really well. My life changed when I joined a club rowing team. That might not be an available option for you, but that team was so much closer than any basketball or tennis team I had ever been on in my life and it was 85 people. If you don't already have something you are passionate about, then find something. It will change your life for the better. It will introduce you to people and things you otherwise never would have known about. Having a shared passion with someone can open up all sorts of floodgates of communication.

I completely understand that you feel misunderstood. Again, everyone does as one point or another. Maybe you should start looking into taking some classes at a local college or community college as part of your schoolwork for your senior year. I get that you are probably a rising junior, but it's not too early to start looking into that. Maybe you just need to surround yourself with people who are a couple years older. You seem pretty smart, so I would think this could be an option.

I'm really happy you found strength in my first response. It makes me so happy to feel like I might be helping you in any way at all, even if it only lasts tonight/today/whatever time it is for you. I was once a psychology major who switched to accounting and wound up with a Psych minor. This is adding to my desire to go back to school and get the degree in psychology. You might be helping me out more than I'm helping you.