Best products from r/offmychest

(Edit: This is long, sorry, but I hope you can read it. At the very least, try the two links, I think they can help)

"If you don't want to live then why are you here wasting our time with your rambling".

The grave mistake you're making is that you assume the rest of us as are (don't mean to hurt your feelings by putting it this way, but..) self-centered as you are being. Nobody but a totally heartless and emotionally disconnected person would turn away a person contemplating suicide. In this tough world it would appear that everyone only cares about themselves, that the strong revel in their success and despise the weak, but look around and you see that it just isn't true. We are all human and have human needs, and most of us have some form of compassion for those suffering. Or at least, we ought to.

You assume that everyone here is perfect, and doesn't have problems? I'd say that MOST people on Reddit have just that. It is easy to objectify yourself when you're depressed, but neither you - nor others- are black or white; we all shades of gray that we are juggling.

The good thing about you is that you are self-aware and humble enough to admit that you have mistakes, but would like to overcome them. Particularly, 'don't want to be average' and 'wish I was naturally great' caught my eye. This means that some part of you understands that there's something more that life has to offer, and wants to go for it. So nourish that thought. It's far better than the millions of lazy folks who just coast through life eating, drinking, and making merry; the ambitious ones who think of greatness are the ones who live the inner life of kings, enjoying far greater things than the average person can think of.

So you have some seeds within you, but you just have to bolster your self-esteem and define yourself so you don't let life get you down.

The first thing I'd recommend is to try to think beyond yourself for a bit. It is hard to do when you are depressed, but the fact is that depressed people (I was one of them) are actually quite self-focused and have a hard time understanding others' feelings, or even their own. So try to make some effort to connect with others and be selfless in some way. Maybe volunteer to the less fortunate, or at least play with and love a pet (that won't judge you like a person will).

Another thing that I will mention, is a little personal, but it helped me a lot - I don't know if you are open to it, but hopefully you can at least consider it. It is opening up a relationship to a Higher Power/God. Again I'm not trying to convert you to a belief system, but just try it on your own terms. It is so easy to have a warped sense of self-esteem in this relative world where we are always comparing ourselves to others. If you can know your divine self-worth, you can have an assurance that is absolute, and not relative or subject to comparison. That will work wonders for your self-esteem. Then you'll realize that no matter what others think about you, just the fact that you are ALIVE and are living life through your own point of view, makes you worthy of loving yourself.

To really feel the presence of the divine, I've found, you really have to work on (what they call the) intuition, or spiritual feeling in your heart. This feeling is how you can naturally sense the life in another person or living thing. For example, if you have a dead body in front of you that, even if it felt warm to the touch and the face was smiling, you would still sense that it was dead, instinctively. The same way you can instinctively tell if someone is alive - it is not just your 5 senses, but an innate connection you make with their consciousness.

If this sounds too hokey or hard to understand, there's a wonderful book I can recommend to you. It's actually so good that it reads like a novel, and I honestly couldn't put it down the first time I read it. It is by an Indian monk who wrote down his life experiences, talking about how he started the spiritual path as a child, met his guru, and eventually taught in America. It also details the amazing miracles and spiritual experiences he lived, and also gives a very scientific explanation of spirituality and inner life. Even if you don't like spirituality or understand it, I'd highly recommend you read it, as it can really help you understand yourself and your self-esteem better.

Just give it a try for a few chapters at least; you have nothing to lose, right? Here is a free, online copy you can read:

https://www.ananda.org/autobiography/


---
I also wanted to recommend this book to you, since you mentioned you 'try hard to be great' and 'don't want to be average.'

There is also a wonderful and time tested book written in the 1930s that is now considered a hallmark book of self-development and success: "The Master Key to Riches" by Napoleon Hill. It is written by a man who spent many years researching the most successful people in America at the time, and the common principles he discovered they had- he not only lists them but goes into good detail about WHY they work and HOW anyone can use them to better their life. It's a really good read, and if you apply the principles you can really change your life. On Amazon, if you download an online Kindle reader, it's only a $10 e-book download, which is a really good deal in my opinion. Here's the link:

https://www.amazon.com/Master-Key-Riches-Napoleon-Hill-ebook/dp/B002AU7MU4

Read the user reviews - they're pretty telling!

----
Another thing:
The other person here commented that you need therapy and medication. I've had depression and tried therapy, and it didn't really work for me because we went at the therapists' pace, which dragged on longer than it should because they wanted my money. What helped me (I'm not perfect still, but am getting there) is a commitment to self-change and introspection, specifically meditation. People assume you can treat the psyche just like the body; a doctor can fix a broken bone and you're set. But the body is mechanical, the psyche isn't; the mind can't be fixed with a quick pill or bandaid. If you want a long-term change, you have to be willing to pay the price for it. It takes work, but it is very fulfilling in the end, and you get to keep the results forever.

If you take responsibility for the effort you have to put in to succeed, no matter how much work it seems, you will feel great about yourself because you empower yourself - you know that you have the power to accomplish what you want by your effort, and not just from natural ability. When you have that, you can literally control your destiny and accomplish anything you want.

Good luck. There's so much life has to offer if you can just think and feel outside of yourself for a moment, and also discover how to succeed.

You're a little bit of a kiss-ass, aren't ya? I like it. That will work very well for you in the future. :P

As for the reading, try reading some fiction about people who are your age or a little older. In my experience, that can give a more subtle lesson. Sometimes subtle is good. Something that's not really mainstream (that I know of), but that I read a couple years ago (at the recommendation of my dad, who was in his early 60's when he read it) is Deadville by Ron Koertge. It wasn't mind-altering for me or anything, but it was really enjoyable. I didn't think it was one of those YA books that's dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. It deals with drugs and popularity and relationships and friendships and how easily everything can change. I just thought it seemed very true to life without throwing around a lot of preachy morals. It might not be something you'd enjoy, but I did...in my mid- to late-twenties.

As for your parents, I completely understand what you feel about them not understanding because things are so different. Here's a secret though - things really aren't THAT different. I'm not telling you that you should just suck it up and listen to what your parents say, because I know that I didn't when I was your age. My parents were the enemy. The information I gave them was only to be used to gain some advantage in the game of chess that was me trying to be a grown up and them not letting me.

However, as I've gotten older, I've learned that Holy Shit, my parents do get it! I was about to dwell on it, but it's kinda pointless. Fact is, if you really need help getting through something. Talk to your parents. They may not understand 100% where you are coming from, but they can give you good advice and make sure you are thinking through the things that need to be thought through.

Hell, here's a story for you. I had an off-and-on boyfriend my senior year of high school. Very off and on. As in, neither my parents nor my friends could keep up with whether or not we were in love or hated each other. Ahh, hormones. Yay! Anyway, when prom started to get close we were broken up and I wound up going with another guy. I kinda dated the guy but felt badly about it because I knew I wasn't ever going to be serious about him because I was in love with the other guy. My mom told me - and I specifically remember these words, "Fluffy, sometimes you just have to play the game." Are you kidding me? My mom was supposed to be all about true love and happily ever after. Not dating someone just for the sake of playing the game. Turns out, she was right. I went to prom with guy B. I talked to guy A at prom for a second. Asked him if he was having a good time. He wasn't. I told him it sucked to be him because I was having a blast and walked away. We were back together...umm...been a little while now...maybe the next week, maybe two weeks. Doesn't really matter. Turns out, I just had to play the game. Like I said, most shocking advice I ever got from my mother. You'd be surprised what your parents will tell you to do if you give them a chance.

As for your friends not getting it, meh. Talk to the ones who will talk back to you. The ones who will share what they're going through even if it's not what you're going through. I had a great guy friend when I was 15. I had a huge crush on my best friend's older brother. I obviously couldn't talk to her about this. One of my guy friends liked my crush's girlfriend. We could talk about that stuff together because we understood that neither of us could say a word about it to anyone else. You have a girlfriend, so obviously that isn't going to be the way you make that friend, but I could talk to that guy about everything. I knew he couldn't and wouldn't say anything or try to be spiteful about it and so we became free to talk about all sorts of stuff that we wouldn't share with just anyone. I was also fortunate enough to be an athlete on various teams that were all fairly close knit. Teamwork is all about trusting each other. I think that trust really goes a long way in being able to be open with each other. Plus, you spend a lot of time together, so you can't help but know each other really well. My life changed when I joined a club rowing team. That might not be an available option for you, but that team was so much closer than any basketball or tennis team I had ever been on in my life and it was 85 people. If you don't already have something you are passionate about, then find something. It will change your life for the better. It will introduce you to people and things you otherwise never would have known about. Having a shared passion with someone can open up all sorts of floodgates of communication.

I completely understand that you feel misunderstood. Again, everyone does as one point or another. Maybe you should start looking into taking some classes at a local college or community college as part of your schoolwork for your senior year. I get that you are probably a rising junior, but it's not too early to start looking into that. Maybe you just need to surround yourself with people who are a couple years older. You seem pretty smart, so I would think this could be an option.

I'm really happy you found strength in my first response. It makes me so happy to feel like I might be helping you in any way at all, even if it only lasts tonight/today/whatever time it is for you. I was once a psychology major who switched to accounting and wound up with a Psych minor. This is adding to my desire to go back to school and get the degree in psychology. You might be helping me out more than I'm helping you.

Look, this may not be what you are looking to hear, but you should check out SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I can relate to everything you are saying. Maybe you are a sex addict and maybe you aren't, but going to a meeting (you don't even have to talk) will show you there are others who can relate to everything you described.

I'm 45 and I've been struggling with this crap forever. I've tried everything; therapists, self help books and tapes, hypnosis, NLP, seminars and plain old white knuckle self control (ultimately the least effective- I've had some wild binge and purge cycles). Getting around people who know what you are going through from their personal experience AND WHO ARE IN RECOVERY is really the only thing that works.

I guarantee that at least half of the problems you listed are due to the fact that you know you are not living a satisfying, meaningful life. It really is true that you can run, but you can't hide - the bad feelings, procrastination, etc... is all about you knowing the truth about yourself and that truth is that you have something inside you that is valuable, unique and worthwhile, and you don't know how to get there from where you are right now. Being able to share yourself with others who get you without your having to explain (or defend) every little detail and who are also on the right path is like a fucking miracle.

I'm recommending SAA because everything you said is soooo familiar. Like I said, I'm 45 and I started with this shit sometime between preschool and kindergarten. It has affected EVERY aspect of my life and one of the things I think about these days are all the things that could have been.

I'm guessing you are probably still fairly young (teens or twenties?). You have a good life in front of you, start living it now.

I imagine that you have concerns as to whether this is really for you. Don't worry, you'll know. A life coach I went to described me as a "dry alcoholic" and gave me the AA bible. I read the stories and didn't relate to them at all. When someone handed me the Green Book of SAA and I read the stories, it was like they were talking about me with just the specific details changed. Get a copy of the Green Book and read through it, you'll know if it's for you or not.

If it turns out that I'm wrong, my advise is still the same. Find a group of people who understand where you're at because they've been there AND who are making or have made SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE PROGRESS in their own lives. They will be able to help you, and remember the second part is VERY IMPORTANT! Don't join a pity party circle jerk where you can feel better by wallowing in your misery with others.

Anyway, I hope I've given you something of value.

This my first post on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the links policy is, but I've included two links for you; one is for the SAA site, go there and just check it out, and the other is a pretty good book I've been reading on how we form and change habits. It draws from the latest psychological and neurological research and I think it's really good.

https://saa-recovery.org

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398850299&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

Just remember that even though you may not feel it all the time, you always have the capacity to grow and change and our darkest, most difficult challenges give us our greatest gifts when we turn around and look back at them.

Imagine yourself in the future, look back, and see the gift.

What is it?



I'll pop back in in a few days to see how you're doing. Remember you're not alone. God bless.

Hey Friend,

I'm just a stranger passing by and what I say may mean something, but at the worst, it'll mean nothing, so no harm done

I can empathize with what you are going through to a certain point as I've dealt with similar issues. If I may offer some bits of thought that I've picked up over my life:

What made me really optimistic reading this was this little part you put in: "I've since stopped smoking, started going to bed before 3 am every night, and cut down on my drinking significantly. I've made some progress over the last few months: I'm finally leaving for school, I volunteered to help disabled people exercise throughout this summer (which was extremely daunting due to my social anxiety), and I'm starting to get back in shape."
You seem to have started making attempts to make yourself feel better and that is great, since it is usually the first step to getting happier. but as you continue on your journey just remember that change is one of the hardest things that we as humans can do and it takes time to see results so don't get to down if things don't get better quickly, just keep grinding.

Secondly, something I always struggled with was comparing myself to other people, however over time I've come to realize that comparing yourself to others, is one of the most self destructive behaviors a person can have. we are all on a different schedule with our lives, you mentioned that you feel bad that your hometown friends have gone out to see the world while you stayed and "withered" away at home. the thing is, what they are doing, does not impact your life. Focus on you and your needs and your goals, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing as long as your striving for something that really means to you.

Now when it comes to interacting with people, I have to fight the same battle, Its my worst nightmare to have to meet new people or go to social events. however over time I've gotten better, and If you are a book person i would recommend two books:

How to make friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie
Its a great resource on human psychology and offers great advice on how to deal with people and situations while also offering a great guideline on how to have positive interactions with people

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1504163698&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people

The Second would be "Models" - Mark Manson
While its technically a dating advice book, its far more than that. this book goes in depth about what it means to be attractive and have a fulfilling life, its a wonderful motivational book as it goes to a much deeper level then most. (It is absolutely not your typical dating advice book where it feeds you lines and teaches mannerisms, it is so much more than that its just really down to earth and honest)

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504163932&sr=1-1&keywords=models+mark+manson

The thing is, new adventures are scary, change is scary, and moving to a different place while exciting can bring forth feelings of insecurity. But in the end, we can either let those feelings decide who we are or we can take a stand against them and actively strive to improve ourselves.

You are doing great and I want you to know that Whatever you choose to do I'm over here rooting for you, you got this. sending positive vibes your way my friend :)

It's cool! I remember it took me a while to get going as well, and that was in University haha.


Firstly, the best program that you can use is called FRAPS, which is pretty much the industry standard. You can either buy an official copy here or find a torrent, it's quite easy to get ahold of. When you get it and download it, it's very easy to set up and use and is very user-friendly. Step to follow when first opening the program will generally be;

• Click on the 'Movies' Tab
  
• Check where the movies are being saved to
  
• Unless you have a VERY powerful computer, it's better to record 'half-size'
  
• Make sure it's recording Win7 Sound in Stereo AS WELL AS the external input....oh, definitely get a microphone too. You can use built in ones, but as an investment it seriously improves overall video quality! (I currently use this, but a cheap £12 one served me fine for a long time!!)
  
  When all of this is setup and he next opens minecraft, if it's working in the top left corner he'll see some big yellow numbers (the current framerate) and as soon as he presses record, that'll change to red. I think the default record button is F9 but you can check and change that in the program. You want this red number to generally be the same as what you set your frame-rate capture to be (30fps, 50fps, 60fps) etc but that all depends on the speed of the computer. Luckily Minecraft is quite easy so you can probably have it comfortably in at least 30 without any issues.
  
  
  As soon as he is done recording, he just has to press F9 again, the numbers will go from Red to Yellow and it'll all be in files wherever you set it to save them too.
  
  
  
  As far as it goes, this is all you really need to do! It's very easy and basic and is one of the reasons Minecraft has become such a big youtube hit is how easy and well it records through this method. Let me know if you have any further issues! :)

Hey,


Yeah, that's the green-eyed monster talking. :) Don't worry, not judging you! It's what makes you human! We all suffer some jealousy because that's what happens when we notice others around us. Feelings are just that, feelings. You don't control how you feel.

What matters is how you deal with them.

A good trick is to question how you feel. And question your assumptions.

> They're so effortlessly perfect.

Is that so? Sure that they wake up like that every single morning? You sure it's effortless? I bet each of them spends some time in front of the mirror, doubting their own looks.

You only see them shine, but you're not living 24/7 in their skin. They are confronted with their own appearance constantly. Just like you. And that warps your entire view of how you look at yourself. You can't run away from yourself, right? And even when you are told you're beautiful, you might feel complimented, but also feel weird about it. Because that's not how you feel. And this is also true for them.

It's not because they look like the part, that they entirely 100% feel like that too. On the contrary. You just don't know what they really think about themselves. Because you only share your insecurities with someone you really trust.

> But no one will ever choose an ugly girl over a pretty girl. And most girls are wayy prettier than me.

Most guys sooner or later discover this truth: character is just as important as appearance. Why? Because you can look very pretty, and still not be the right match for the next 5 guys you meet. Chances are you have different life goals, different beliefs, interests, political and philosophical views, interests, personality traits,... And most of those are big dealbreakers.

Many guys make the mistake of going for a "pretty girl" only to the discover that they just don't match. Many romances just don't lead to long lasting stable relationships.

Many pretty girls have to deal with rejection, break ups and resentment too. Their appearance doesn't exempt them from all these.

Oh, and the "pretty girl" look, only lasts so long. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that women become "ugly" as the age, far from it. What I mean is that people change as they age, and this includes their appearance. And it's something each of us will be confronted with, and has to deal with through life. That's something you can learn. Some are better then others, and they aren't necessarily the "pretty girls".

> If a guy ever talks to me, I always feel like he just wants an easy hookup or something so I rudely end the conversation.

See above. :) Well, it's good to err on the safe side. If you don't feel comfortable, you're right about keeping a distance. It means they aren't the type of person for you anyway.

> It hurts me and it probably hurts them but I can't stop thinking about how they probably find me ugly.

Okay. Here's another truth: you're not responsible for how other people deal with their emotions. If guys hit on you, they made that choice, and this means that they also choose to face and deal with possible rejection.

Don't feel bad about rejecting someone you're not comfortable with. Far worst would be to allow them to indulge in their own desires, wants and feelings at your expense!

If they consider you ugly (Remember, very big if! You don't have telepathy! You can't read minds!) well, that's their problem. The value of your very own existence isn't measured by the validation someone else gives you. It's something you have to attribute from within yourself.

Who you are, what you do, how you choose to live, who you like,... all those things should come from within yourself. You do you! And this is important. Lead your own life, don't let anyone lead it for you. And this includes choosing who you let into your life.

Best of luck!

So what's your plan? Ok, that's kinda cruel. I'll help.

On a sheet of lined paper, grab a pen and draw a line down the middle. On one side (your choice. see, things are looking up already!) write "things I like to do". On the other side, write "things I'm good at".

Take your time, it's not a contest. Omit nothing. The smallest item may hold the key to your future happiness. Where the two lists overlap (hopefully) or approach each other is the area in which you will find the most personal satisfaction in work.

Start the rough outline of a one-year plan. You have NO plan now. So even the roughest set of goals is an improvement. Plans can be changed, altered, revamped, reversed, lots of things. But ya gotta have a fecking plan on where you want to be in a year. Now, a famous American Football coach once said "Once you set a goal for yourself, the price you pay is immaterial." Another way of saying this is "If you really want it, you can get it. I am proof it's true, but that's a story for a different time and mood.

Secondly, a five-year plan. Same story. Rough better than none. But have some goals. Challenge yourself. Do you want to work on becoming a "better, smoother version of you?" Of course. Now read carefully: What is it that makes a virtuoso violinist? Or makes Louis Armstrong sound so good on that trumpet? Yes. Practice. Are you ready for your challenge? OK

Do something every day that scares you. Nothing major. But you have a problem approaching women, yes? OK, here's the plan. In front of the mirror, work on your most genuine "Hi, There" face/smile. Get it? Practice looking friendly. You don't know what you look like to other people. So practice. And once a day, ask a woman if she knows what the time is. With your "Hi There" face. Usually she will tell you. You thank her and go on your way, no sideways glances, no staring. After a couple of dozen times doing this, you will no longer be afraid of approaching women!

Now start practcing some smiles, and just in case check out this book. It's probably available at the library.

Chin up.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like my past marriage. No one can tell you what is the right move. The question is, do you want this to work? Do you really really want to run or do you want to work it out? If you want to make it work, it sounds like you both need to go to marriage counseling. It will be rough for both of you but not impossible.

If you are truly ready to be done and never see her again. Tell her. Most likely she'll want time to work it out. Again, up to you. If you leave, it will be rough as well.

Another note, it might be worth reading "5 love languages" I know it sounds cheesy but it could help.

Best of luck. From my experience it got worse but it will get better. :D

27 to 30 were some of the hardest years of my life. Things will get better. I went from being homeless and hospitalized to making a six figure salary in LA in about five years. It takes time, but once you get some traction, things fall into place.

Here is some advice:

Read "What Does Somebody Have to Do to Get a Job Around Here?"

Identify companies that you want to work for and find the person is who is most likely to be your boss at that company via LinkedIn and then invite them out for coffee or for skype call depending on where they are to ask them about their career and do they recommend it, like it, how did they get there, etc. DO NOT ASK FOR A JOB. Just get connected keep in touch if appropriate.

Get active on the linkedin groups in your industry (or desired industry) to raise your profile

SEO the F out of your linkedin profile. google for details.

Couch surf until you get a job. Either with friends or family or airbnb (there are discounts for long stays) or anything you can.

Research job stats in different cities. Google "where should i live" and check out the options. Your career may be thriving in another town.

The next three years will see a lot of change, but you'll land on your feet. Do a lot of research, be open to anything, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

additional random resources:
www.superbetter.com (life habits)
www.thesimpledollar.com (how to live super cheap)

Get rid of the car if you live in a city with good public transportation, by the way.

Hey, I am not autistic, as far as I know, but I also lack some serious social skills sometimes. As a younger child I would take things very literal and made people sometimes very uncomfortable with the way I behaved, when I had no bad intention whatsoever. For me it helped when I found more people like me. A little bit nerdy and a little bit weird, but because we all were like that it didn't matter.

For body language, there is a book written by a former FBI agent which helped me a great deal to understand other people. https://www.amazon.de/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 Maybe it helps.

For friends maybe try to find a club, which suits your interests. It is easier to talk to people about things you both are passionate about and on the way, you might find a group of people you like.

As another option, there might be a club for autistic people.

​

I know, offmychest isn't actually for advice, but maybe it helps :)

It sounds like you're worrying a lot, certainly more than a 20-year old should. I'm really sorry to hear that.

It seems to me that a lot of the family pressure is being transferred to you, why that is could be for any number of reasons. This is called role reversal, and it is not a good thing. Parents (in any family) have the basic responsibility to provide physical and psychological security for their children, and provide positive role models that their children can look up to, and emulate to then succeed in life on their own. My parents did not provide much of these things, and it sounds like neither are yours.

It's not your job to make everything work in your family - parents are really the most responsible for setting rules, patterns, acceptable behaviour, etc.

Also try to consider that you have your own life to lead, and honestly at 20 years old you have an amazing amount still to discover about yourself and the world. A bit early to be agonizing over marriage & children! Again, if it was a critical thing for your parents (with regard to their age), they should have had children earlier, and so on. I really don't think it's fair that you should be worrying about those kind of things. However you end up leading your life is your choice, and that's the only way it should be. Good parents will love you regardless of your life choices, especially when 'who you are' is not a actually choice at all.

I would like to suggest you take a book called 'Toxic Parents', which I personally found tremendously insightful and helpful. You might get a lot out of it.

amazon - Toxic Parents

A great read [Lies at the Altar] (http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Altar-Truth-About-Marriages/dp/B001Q3M5GC). Basically the premise of the entire book is that your BF/GF who was a dick before you walk to the altar...is the very same dick after you say your wedding vows. You had misgivings with this guy before you decided to be his wife. SMDH.

Seek marital counseling. Both of you. If you both would like to save this marriage then you both need to gain tools to nurture this, and gain some skills in communicating better with one another. If he does not want to go to counseling then I am sorry, a marriage is a partnership and if one partner is unhappy and the other is unwilling to help or at least address or acknowledge this, then this is not a marriage that can survive happily.

Another good read Five Love Languages

Mom might have some mental health issues going on, but it's important to understand that it isn't (never was, never will be) your fault.


At your age, this book might be a little heavy for you, but please find someone to speak with about it. You don't want to hold resentment which will affect your life and health - best to purge it and get your life healthy and on track so that you can have a bright future, with or without her. There are plenty of places that you can go to talk to someone - try Kids Help Phone (if you're in Canada) 1-800-668-6868 - anonymous, free and non-judgmental.


https://www.amazon.ca/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436

If you haven't read it, the book Attached is a great layman's guide to attachment styles in romantic relationships. It focuses extensively on the avoidant-anxious pairing and speaks in depth about the challenges faced in such a relationship. I think you will find it extremely relatable. Even if $10 sounds like a lot to spend on a book, please consider all the relief that comes with not feeling alone and understanding what's going on.


Some people come into relationships with anxious attachment styles, but I've seen many secure people turn anxious after a long enough committed relationship with an avoidant attachment style. I recommend this book often as a basic intro to looking at relationships as a phenomenon.

Looks like you got the guts to stand up for yourself. Be proud of that.

If you need to know more how to cope and get support, here's a good author for you

Good luck and godspeed learning how to spread your wings and fly without this emotional abuser trying to keep you down.

EDIT: Here's another book author that could be helpful.

I don't want to take it upon myself to diagnose anything, but I do want to recommend a book to you that you can check out and see if it is helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368672565&sr=8-1&keywords=narcissistic+mothers

How you describe your mom, especially how she spoke ill of you when you were working hard to take care of your family and doing the things she should have been, that really reminded me of the narcissistic traits/tendencies discussed in this book.

Anyway - hope it's helpful.

You should try psychedelics. In many test cases, subjects who use such substances (especially psilocybin mushrooms) in a clinical setting report greatly reduced fear of death. Please check out this book on the subject by the science writer Michael Pollan,

https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Mind-Consciousness-Transcendence/dp/1594204225

Here are some recent podcasts the author has appeared on to discuss the book. The discussion focused on the positive impact of medicinal psychedelic use amongst terminally ill patients:

From the Joe Rogan Experience:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tz4CrWE_P0g

From the Waking Up Podcast:

https://samharris.org/podcasts/127-freedom-known/

I really hope this helps. As humans we’re all united by the common struggle with our own mortality, and I wish you all the best in enjoying your life. Hang in there :)

Very helpful book recommended to my by my therapist. Check it out.

It's an easy ready, jargon-free, and started having positive effects by the time I had finished the first chapter.

There's a book that helped me. You may find it in the library. This is what it looks like. Hundreds of reviews here. It was recommended to me by my therapist. It's jargon-free, and an "easy read".

Give yourself a chance. Good luck.

If you have the resources, I would definitely look into counseling. Someone will help give you the tools to reshape your thinking for the better.

Or, purchase the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. It deals with cognitive distortions, which it sounds like you're having a difficult time with.

hugs

I hope things get better.

This book is really great. It doesn't give specific solutions on how to solve anxiety, but the author talks through his issues and how he improved on them, and it's really inspiring and relatable. I think this book has been the single most useful thing for me in fighting anxiety. https://www.amazon.com.au/Anxiety-Ally-Turned-Worried-Friend-ebook/dp/B00US3BR0G

You missed one.

Real mental health awareness means treating it like the rest of a person's health.

In Canada it blows my mind (pun unintended) that mental health isn't covered by our health care system.

I would like to recommend a book to a fellow introvert it's called Quiet, it's a very good book on introverts.

That's awesome you've working on the company. That's a pretty huge accomplishment and a great way to feel busy.

You asked if this was adulthood... like most things there's a range of "normal". I'm 38 and I've been like this as long as I can remember...sure I too miss the days of playing networked games till 2am in college but I'm happy with my life and where I am.

Have you seen this book on introverts? There's nothing wrong with seeking within...

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307352153

Finally, I know you said you don't like alcohol and I'm in no way telling you to start but I find that having a drink with friends tends to "loosen" me up. I'm one of those who never knows what to say or comes up with witty lines hours after they're appropriate. I don't drink at home alone and I hate beer. I usually have one mixed drink.

You definitely look hot enough to date to me. And I am white, but in general I don't care about race. IDK about other people or how it is like there. It may be due to how you approach relationships. I would recommend a good book on it called Attached : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-Help/dp/1585429139/ref=sr_1_1/260-2524764-8112836?ie=UTF8&qid=1538464459&sr=8-1&keywords=book+attached

I'm just some dude on the internet, so I'm afraid I can't offer you much.

I am a fan of Buddhist thinking. One part of that is the idea that you get too invested in how you want things to be, or how other people act in ways that you don't like. All the anger comes from inside your own head and ego and judgements you make. It's said that you have to let go of judging. Of course, as I've found myself, it's far easier to say it than to practice it.

I will recommend a book, though. I'm halfway through it and really like everything I've read so far: The Antidote: Happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking.

Someone in another sub suggested this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L5XQX74/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I just ordered so have yet to try but the reviews give me hope. You got this!

You sure it's clogged? Try earwax cleaning liquid stuff.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XCZYSP2?aaxitk=f85-DXvl6Giibui-DVOe0w&pd_rd_i=B06XCZYSP2&pf_rd_p=3ff6092e-8451-438b-8278-7e94064b4d42&hsa_cr_id=6241751390101&sb-ci-n=productDescription&sb-ci-v=Earwax%20MD%20Earwax%20Removal%20Kit%20with%20Rinsing%20Bulb

Something like this

I'm not /u/bradiation but got here Ctrl+F'ing for Stoicism.

Try https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614/ as a starting point. It wasn't actually mine; https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0865479410/ was which is also really good, though not specifically about Stoicism.

I was just listening to a podcast the other day about this. They talked about this book. I haven’t read it, but maybe it could help you.

Someone recommended this book here, and I found it really helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Give the first few chapters a try, seriously.

You can do it!

Check out this book: Why Does He Do That? . It will strengthen your resolve to no longer put up with the way he is treating you and the kids.

maybe you can learn to. there's a book that could be very useful, and it's basically about learning to identify your thought patterns and see where they're leading you when you start to worry or ruminate on things (really the basics of cognitive - behavioral therapy, also known as CBT). https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 I

hey you should check out this Feeling Good by David Burns. It really helped me with dealing with negative thinking and low self-worth. Give it a try.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426205540&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+david+burns

Yeah!

My stepmom pulled that shit on me. She's obese and short. Around the time I was going through puberty I had an awkward, slightly chubby phase. I don't think I was ever considered medically overweight, though. I had always been self-conscious about my appearance, as I had been taller than all the other kids for years and got boobs and hips early and that shit was awkward.

Anyway, when I first met her, she would make really weird comments about my appearance. I was 10 or 11 or so, but she would tell me that I had sexy legs or that I looked hot in certain outfits. I don't know, the legs thing could have been envy/an attempt at a compliment do to her family being all Greek and stumpy, but it's still a really odd thing to say to a child. As I got older and began to develop further she would start suggesting that I was gaining too much weight. She told me that I should weigh myself every morning completely naked. The reason for morning being that apparently people weigh a little less in the morning than in the afternoon. She said the proper weight for someone who if 5ft tall is 100 lbs, and 5 pounds for every inch after that. For instance, I was probably about 5'4'' around then. If I weighed anything more or less it was the wrong weight. This is totally discounting frame size, acceptable ranges, body fat percentages, etc.

During middle school I became slightly chubby. Nothing spectacular. Middle school in an ugly pit and I still had a little bit more growing to do. My stepmother began buying me clothes that were way too big, and if I tried on something that wasn't a potato sack she would declare it too small. So I was not allowed to show that I had a shape besides "brick" and she wanted to convince me that I wore a women's size 16. Going shopping with her was awful, as she would make me try hundreds of things on and then pick apart exactly how they didn't fit and were too "clingy" and showed how fat of a tummy I had or whatever. She wouldn't let me go into the dressing room alone and would very forcefully "help" me get the clothing on. I didn't like shopping to begin with, but she had a special talent at making it worse. She would then start trying to convince me to go on a diet so that boys would like me and so I wouldn't have to shop at the "big girl store" like she did.

Eventually, I got obsessed with my weight. I was already depressed as fuck because I had no friends and middle school is shitty and I missed my real mom (blah blah blah sad) and started meticulously counting my calories in an attempt to lose weight. I would try to get less than 1000 per day and mentally beat myself up if I ate any more than that. I don't remember how much weight I lost and I never became underweight, but the whole thing made me even more tired and depressed than I was before and I stopped after a few months. My stepmom started obsessively commenting on that, too, and made a bunch of passive-aggressive "proud" comments. Of course, this didn't stop her from commenting excessively on how I had pimples or that she thought my teeth were too yellow or that she thought my hair was ugly or that I had dry skin or that she didn't like what I wore or that she thought I should wear makeup and get plastic surgery (My boobs are sort of asymmetrical and she thought that insurance would pay for a "reconstructive" boob job. She wanted me to be able to show nicer cleavage for my future husband.)

Essentially, she is and was jealous of me and yours is likely jealous of you. I have just about the same body type that you described for yourself, and you know what, we're fucking pretty. My stepmom shows a lot of symptoms for narcissistic personality disorder, and your mom might, too. I'm reading this. You might want to, as well.

Anyway, sorry, that was a rant. I could have done my own offmychest post with that! Sorry!