Reddit mentions of The Master-Key to Riches

(Edit: This is long, sorry, but I hope you can read it. At the very least, try the two links, I think they can help)

"If you don't want to live then why are you here wasting our time with your rambling".

The grave mistake you're making is that you assume the rest of us as are (don't mean to hurt your feelings by putting it this way, but..) self-centered as you are being. Nobody but a totally heartless and emotionally disconnected person would turn away a person contemplating suicide. In this tough world it would appear that everyone only cares about themselves, that the strong revel in their success and despise the weak, but look around and you see that it just isn't true. We are all human and have human needs, and most of us have some form of compassion for those suffering. Or at least, we ought to.

You assume that everyone here is perfect, and doesn't have problems? I'd say that MOST people on Reddit have just that. It is easy to objectify yourself when you're depressed, but neither you - nor others- are black or white; we all shades of gray that we are juggling.

The good thing about you is that you are self-aware and humble enough to admit that you have mistakes, but would like to overcome them. Particularly, 'don't want to be average' and 'wish I was naturally great' caught my eye. This means that some part of you understands that there's something more that life has to offer, and wants to go for it. So nourish that thought. It's far better than the millions of lazy folks who just coast through life eating, drinking, and making merry; the ambitious ones who think of greatness are the ones who live the inner life of kings, enjoying far greater things than the average person can think of.

So you have some seeds within you, but you just have to bolster your self-esteem and define yourself so you don't let life get you down.

The first thing I'd recommend is to try to think beyond yourself for a bit. It is hard to do when you are depressed, but the fact is that depressed people (I was one of them) are actually quite self-focused and have a hard time understanding others' feelings, or even their own. So try to make some effort to connect with others and be selfless in some way. Maybe volunteer to the less fortunate, or at least play with and love a pet (that won't judge you like a person will).

Another thing that I will mention, is a little personal, but it helped me a lot - I don't know if you are open to it, but hopefully you can at least consider it. It is opening up a relationship to a Higher Power/God. Again I'm not trying to convert you to a belief system, but just try it on your own terms. It is so easy to have a warped sense of self-esteem in this relative world where we are always comparing ourselves to others. If you can know your divine self-worth, you can have an assurance that is absolute, and not relative or subject to comparison. That will work wonders for your self-esteem. Then you'll realize that no matter what others think about you, just the fact that you are ALIVE and are living life through your own point of view, makes you worthy of loving yourself.

To really feel the presence of the divine, I've found, you really have to work on (what they call the) intuition, or spiritual feeling in your heart. This feeling is how you can naturally sense the life in another person or living thing. For example, if you have a dead body in front of you that, even if it felt warm to the touch and the face was smiling, you would still sense that it was dead, instinctively. The same way you can instinctively tell if someone is alive - it is not just your 5 senses, but an innate connection you make with their consciousness.

If this sounds too hokey or hard to understand, there's a wonderful book I can recommend to you. It's actually so good that it reads like a novel, and I honestly couldn't put it down the first time I read it. It is by an Indian monk who wrote down his life experiences, talking about how he started the spiritual path as a child, met his guru, and eventually taught in America. It also details the amazing miracles and spiritual experiences he lived, and also gives a very scientific explanation of spirituality and inner life. Even if you don't like spirituality or understand it, I'd highly recommend you read it, as it can really help you understand yourself and your self-esteem better.

Just give it a try for a few chapters at least; you have nothing to lose, right? Here is a free, online copy you can read:

https://www.ananda.org/autobiography/


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I also wanted to recommend this book to you, since you mentioned you 'try hard to be great' and 'don't want to be average.'

There is also a wonderful and time tested book written in the 1930s that is now considered a hallmark book of self-development and success: "The Master Key to Riches" by Napoleon Hill. It is written by a man who spent many years researching the most successful people in America at the time, and the common principles he discovered they had- he not only lists them but goes into good detail about WHY they work and HOW anyone can use them to better their life. It's a really good read, and if you apply the principles you can really change your life. On Amazon, if you download an online Kindle reader, it's only a $10 e-book download, which is a really good deal in my opinion. Here's the link:

https://www.amazon.com/Master-Key-Riches-Napoleon-Hill-ebook/dp/B002AU7MU4

Read the user reviews - they're pretty telling!

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Another thing:
The other person here commented that you need therapy and medication. I've had depression and tried therapy, and it didn't really work for me because we went at the therapists' pace, which dragged on longer than it should because they wanted my money. What helped me (I'm not perfect still, but am getting there) is a commitment to self-change and introspection, specifically meditation. People assume you can treat the psyche just like the body; a doctor can fix a broken bone and you're set. But the body is mechanical, the psyche isn't; the mind can't be fixed with a quick pill or bandaid. If you want a long-term change, you have to be willing to pay the price for it. It takes work, but it is very fulfilling in the end, and you get to keep the results forever.

If you take responsibility for the effort you have to put in to succeed, no matter how much work it seems, you will feel great about yourself because you empower yourself - you know that you have the power to accomplish what you want by your effort, and not just from natural ability. When you have that, you can literally control your destiny and accomplish anything you want.

Good luck. There's so much life has to offer if you can just think and feel outside of yourself for a moment, and also discover how to succeed.

The Master-Key to Riches - no-spam amazon link.