You have overlooked the only person who can help you; it's you. You are intelligent and perceptive and most assuredly sentient. You are a piece of the universe that can see itself. Through you, the universe can become self aware. This incredible experience is your birthright. Self-loathing is a very narrow-minded stance to take for a being in such a position. You are able to escape from your box and claim all that is yours, and it is spectacular beyond reckoning. Nothing can stop you except yourself.

Your state of mind is not something you should entrust to other people because you have no power over them and how they behave. You do, however, have power over your own mind, so clearly, this is the place to start.

I suggest you save yourself by allowing your mind to travel in a direction that is so fantastic and overwhelming that your attention will automatically change its focus from your family and all of their demoralizing troubles to something much greater and interesting: the search for the Big Picture.

By the Big Picture, I mean having some understanding of the true nature of the self and of reality. What exactly is this thing you call "I" that is not an object? What is going on in this space/time? What is being experienced and what is experiencing and how does it take place? What is real and what is illusory? How does all this fit together?

There are many ways to study reality. The academic or intellectual path is useful up to a certain point, but is inadequate in this case, because it necessarily objectifies and conceptualizes experience and experience is, by definition, completely subjective. Thus, the Big Picture must be sought from within. The goal is to see things clearly, just as they are, prior to conceptualization.

There are ways to train the mind for this journey. One of the best road maps I've come across for exploring the Big Picture is Zen Buddhism. The practice is very simple. You are not asked to believe in anything that deviates from your own experience. You are discouraged from relying on dogma or on the words and teachings of others because they won't help much. Zen is the see-for-yourself guide to insight. Meditation is the most important part of Zen. I'll give you the briefest peek into how it works.

You sit in a position that allows you to be relaxed yet alert and to be still without muscular exertion. Most sit cross-legged but it's of no consequence. Sit with your back straight and your muscles all relaxed and, instead of thinking, simply watch your breath. Watch your body breathing as if it were the most important thing in the world. Without going into further detail, as you watch your breath you discover that something you are able to observe cannot contain you. You, the observer, is not the body. After a while, you learn to observe the thinking mind instead of your breathing. You will find that you are able to observe your thinking mind without becoming involved in its context. Eventually, you will see that the thinking mind also doesn't contain the observer.

You go onwards from there; searching to discover where the observer is located and what is its nature. This path takes years but there are mind-blowing insights and experiences all along the way.

This, I think, is the most important pursuit a sentient being can undertake and the most fantastic. I won't go into further detail because I've already produced an embarrassing wall of text. Suffice it to say that Zen is a way to train the mind in such a way that it ceases to torment itself. This kind of practice is not only helpful for dealing with life's problems, but is also the source of a great deal of wonder and deep insight into how things are. Best of luck saving yourself from yourself. [Book suggestions: The Dhammapada, Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book. I haven't read the 2nd book but I like its table of contents and, from a quick glance, it seems legit.]

First of all... I can totally sympathize with you. I feel this way so frequently. My daughter (12 yo) also has ODD and suffers from PTSD. I also have a son (8 yo) who is very trying at time. I also knew after my daughter I wanted no more kids, I honestly wasn't sure I wanted her but I was married and it was the next natural step... Anyway, by the time my daughter was 6yo she had been kicked out of as many daycares. She was a tyrant. Violent, short fuse, and in her mind the world revolved around her and her only. She never did anything wrong, it was always someone else's fault etc. when my daughter was 9 she was completely out of control and had to be put into an intensive outpatient therapy program at a hospital. Every day for 2 weeks I drove 40 miles one way to drop her off and then hang out in the area for 6 hours while she was in the program. After she completed the program she was on medication (Prozac 10mg) and I found her a regular therapist that we went to every two weeks for an hour per session. And I was that person that always said medicating children was not necessary and kids just needed a good ass whooping, but there we were. We still have issues and have our ups and downs including upping her meds with her psychiatrist but seriously... you need to get him some help. Talk to the school administrators, the social workers there, your doctors, his doctors, anyone who will listen until you are able to get him the help he needs. Call your health insurance provider (even if you are on state aid) and ask them if they can help you find someone. You might also want to check out the book "You can't make me, But I can be persuaded". He needs a psychiatrist and a psychologist. If you help him, it will help you.

I still don't always want to be a mom (single mom at that) but, I get through it. Some days I don't want to get out of bed, but I do because I know they need me. They are just kids who need help and if I'm not willing to help them, who will. I still wish I had never become a parent but I did and that is the way it is now so all I can do is try to make the best of it. And that is what you will do too. You wont know that is what you are doing but you will. You will get up everyday get them where they need to go and someday you will look back and be thankful that you experienced it all because it will make you a stronger person, maybe even a better person. Best of luck to you.

Man, I've felt this one before. You're brave, you know. Many people hide behind anger or resentment so they dont have to feel these feelings. The intensity never waned, for me. But it changed, from heartache, to like remembering an old friend. Still big and bright in my mind, but with a diffrent tone. God, I love that feeling when you meet someone who's like gravity. So basic and powerful. Even the wound seems beautiful.


Here's to having the courage to feel your feelings.


🍺 cheers.


Also this book is fairly great for letting go.

Entering the Diamond Way Tibetan Buddhism Meets The West

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0931892031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_clNNDbSN60BF0

Alright OP. Here it goes. While we're not exactly the same, as someone who suffers from depression, when i'm in a depressive spiral it's very hard to keep clean and hopefully some of my methods can help you as well.

Designate a weekend to fully clean your spaces, start with your bedroom and then designate another weekend to clean your car. I'm talking all trash gone, every surface dusted, including ceiling fan (if you have one), and vacuumed.Ask for help if you need it from willing family members or friends, but make sure you're the person doing most of the work. Here's a flow chart I use as kind of a guideline to help me not get overwhelmed when I have to deal with a disaster zone http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gpKfZpIMZ0w/UGpOLlsXQnI/AAAAAAAAFSk/-W-HBcafHYI/s1600/WS_cleaning.jpg

The purpose of fully cleaning your space is to make the next step easier. Designate a schedule to clean up a little bit each day, and then designate a day once a week to vacuum and dust. Getting into the habit of picking up even just a little bit every day will help minimize the total mess, and doing a full clean once a week keeps it from turning into a disaster.

For some people keeping a daily "to do list " helps, for others, setting reminders on their phone helps. I'm more of a "check list" person, being able to physically see what I need to do that day and checking it off helps keep me on task.

There is a cute daily to do list book that i use that doesn't have dates so you can start it whenever you want and if you fall off track you can always start back up whenever you want as well. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00S8K14L8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 this company also has a lot of great organizers and things.

Good luck OP!

I watched as a similar situation (Not an accident, from a disease which I was never told) took place with my Grandfather. In my adolescent years, he was so full of life for a man his age. Some of my favorite memories are sitting in my grandparent's basement, building birdhouses with my grandfather. Not long after the passing of my grandfather on my father's side, my mother's father was put into a special care home for temporary observation and treatment. At first we had noticed he was unable to preform certain tasks on his own, but then as it got on, he had trouble even formulating the most basic of words. I looked on for 5 years as my grandfather's mind deteriorated. He was in and out of care facilities for 2 years. Whenever I was there, his once large muscles were reduced to useless appendages jutting out from his chest, which had shrunken down due to his lack of physical activity completely. The most strenuous thing he would do in a non-physical therapy day was to make one trip down and one trip up the staircase with the help of my saintly grandmother. He would sit in the chair he always "rested his eyes" (running family joke, he never slept in the day) in. And if there was any family gathering, he would sit there and gaze off into the unknown. It would take multiple calls of his name to snap him back. And don't get me started on feeding. What whole foods he could eat, he would go to town on. He was like a 4 year old who had just been introduced to ice cream. We would at times have to remove the plate from in front of him to stop him from gorging himself, and then puking it all back up. Eventually, his eating abilities deteriorated as well, and he could no longer eat whole foods. Around then, maybe a bit earlier, was when my grandmother hired a wonderful full-time nurse named Rosy. She was one of the most caring people I'd ever met. She quickly became a regular member of the family, and after my grandfather's passing, we still keep in contact with her. With Rosy, we also turned my grandparent's old bedroom into a hospital room. We had a hospital bed, multiple machines he would need to have used on him daily, one like an oxygen mask but with special chemicals which assisted with his breathing (I was kept in the dark about this, because at 16 I was "too young" to be concerned about these things, meanwhile I'm at the top of my class in Chemistry and find these things interesting. But anyway...). Eventually, my grandfather's condition really started getting to his head. My family had gotten use to his new and very simple communication. Short grunts, sometimes the word no, or long grunts and maybe the word yes. We could sometimes get two-word answers from him, but they were rare. One night, he said a full, coherent sentence without fail, for the first time in 5 years. "I don't want to die." He said it to my grandmother. And it was one of the most heartbreaking things to me. Because I was of the belief that no human should be forced to live like this. His entire life was revolving around medical exams, procedures, liquidated food, and an inability to do anything for himself. Which is why in November 2013 when he went into the hospital for the last time, I firmly believed it would be his last time. Either because he would pass naturally or because we, as a family, would decide to remove his life support. Near the end of his life, his conscious moments grew shorter and shorter. At this point, we all knew he would never leave the hospital again. But my grandmother and Rosy stayed with him to the end. And it was heartbreaking. He passed on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013. May he forever rest in peace.

Now, why am I typing all this? I want to show you that you did the right thing. No human should have to go through this. At his advanced age, complications are to be expected. But he was not himself anymore. Everyday I saw him, I became deeply depressed. Seeing him with such life. Then seeing it all slowly drain away from him. It's the worst fate one could receive. You did not see this deterioration, though your situation is arguably worse, as your husband were so young and you were much more recently married than my grandparent's 53 years together. But having read this from the beginning, I have no doubt you would have been as good to your husband have you had brought him home to try and keep him with you as my family was to my grandfather. Maybe even more. But know that you have saved yourself, your family, and most of all, your husband, a lot of grief, despair, and money. I also type this for the pure catharsis it provides. This is the first time I've shared my view on my grandfather's condition. And this isn't the full story. My mother dedicated every possible moment to helping my grandfather and keeping him company.

I want you to think, as you did, about how it would feel from the other end. Your husband, or my grandfather. Think about watching as you are being changed out of a diaper you had just soiled, as you are fed spoonfuls of blended meats and fruits. Not even being able to eat the simplest of foods - bread. And watch as your family devotes your entire life to your well being, potentially hindering their own lives. And think about how you would feel as this happens. Helpless? Sorry? Because those are the first two that come to my mind.

I'd like to recommend you a book. Stuck in Neutral was a book that was assigned to me as my summer reading assignment in my transition from 10th to 11th grade. And I had no idea that it would change my views on these things as much as it did. I'll paste the summary from Amazon here:

> Shawn McDaniel's life is not what it may seem to anyone looking at him. He is glued to his wheelchair, unable to voluntarily move a muscle—he can't even move his eyes. For all Shawn's father knows, his son may be suffering. Shawn may want a release. And as long as he is unable to communicate his true feelings to his father, Shawn's life is in danger.

> To the world, Shawn's senses seem dead. Within these pages, however, we meet a side of him that no one else has seen—a spirit that is rich beyond imagining, breathing life.

Now at first it seems as if it is against everything I mentioned about how I felt with my grandfather's condition. But look deeper if you must. There is still such a vibrant person under there. In this case, it has been Shawn's entire life that was like this. But imagine the opinions he has if you decide to read this book from the perspective of one who had all the ability of a regular, everyday human being. And having it all taken away from him. Look at the situations Shawn is found in.

Finally, I'd like to wish you and your family luck in the future. What you are going through is hard. And though I was not in a nearly identical position, I know the pain of losing a loved one in this way is worse than anything you have ever felt before. For me it was my grandfather. And that hurt so badly. But for you, losing a husband? I do not envy your position. Again, I wish you luck in the future. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope my story brings you some reassurance that what you've done was the correct thing to do.

First of all, like others have said here, you're not a bad parent; yet that you aspire to be a better person and parent is amazing and unfortunately leagues past many parent I know.
Financially, life is difficult for many of us, but I have been reading this book and it really helps. Check it out if you can All Your Worth

Also I feel that I should say, I've always been a slow learner. I was convinced that I was stupid for most of my childhood. Through my mother's undying thirst for finding inspiring people to mentor me, one of them being my godparent, I was able to find ways in which I enjoyed learning and have become a life long learner.
One thing I wish I had done was to go to 'not back to school camp' it's a place for smart kids who can't learn in the industrialized schools we're shuffled through these days. It may be for later, but look up the Teenage Liberation Handbook sometime... and good luck. You're doing great, and it will only get better.

I've been in your shoes man. It took me forever to realize, but I wasn't the best man to my wife. Looking back, I can clearly see how I wasn't keeping her satisfied in general; I wasn't meeting her needs so we grew apart. I worked hard, she worked hard, and things have gotten so much better, better than ever.

Find out what her love language is and show her you care by doing those things. Does she enjoy acts of service? Cook dinner, do laundry, vacuum, dust, make the bed, etc. Does she enjoy gifts? Surprise her with a new book, a necklace, a sweater, just because. Does she want physical touch? Hold her tight, caress her, keep her toes warm on cold nights.

Relationships aren't easy and they aren't a given. They require work but that work is worth it when you both come out happy.

Edit: Here's the link to the book on Amazon

Hide away any handheld mirrors, cut nails short, watch skincare routine videos or light, natural makeup tutorial videos of people with flawless skin to motivate you to want skin like theirs. There's this video, and this one, and this one.

Have a filled icy waterbottle next to you at all times and sip it periodically. Buy a fidget cube or get a chunk of clay to mess with whenever you feel the urge to pick.

To entirely lighten your scars, buy Esoterica cream, here's the amazon link. I absolutely swear by this stuff, it's lightened my severely dark scars to an unbelievably spotless face (I feel like I sound like an advertisement but I actually have no other way to try to convince you of the power of this stuff.) How I used it: smooth the cream over your scars, leave it on overnight (I would end up coating my entire face with it because my situation was that bad), you'll notice 2-3 shades lighter scars in under 2 weeks IF YOU'RE CONSISTENT WITH IT.

Throw away the gimmicky, cheap face washes infested with chemical filth that were designed by the lords of capitalism themselves, and buy an unscented, soap free face wash, here's what I use.

Also go to your local supermarket and buy two large Aloe Vera leaves. Keep the leaves in the fridge, and slice a slice of the plant every night, rub the jelly-like inner meat all over your face and sleep with it on your face like a mask. Wash it off in the morning and repeat the process nightly. (do not skimp out and buy aloe vera gel, it is not 100% natural).

I'm olive-tan toned by the way so when I scar, I SCAR.

The things I've just mentioned helped significantly. But without the "no bullshit; this is going to happen" attitude I had, the routine I created would have never happened. It is largely about the mindset. You want to be nice to your skin, your skin did nothing wrong. Treat your skin like a newborn.

And convince yourself that you are going to have good skin, enough of that acne scar bs. Convince yourself you're going to be better.

Congratulations on recognizing that you need help and deserve better than that! I'm going though a very similar situation. After I was cheated on, I struggled with self-image and setting boundaries for myself. It's really easy to feel like you aren't good enough after someone cheats on you and can really mess with your head. One thing that has been helping is that i made a small goal every day of something that would make me proud of myself. It could be really small like: I will register to vote or I will drink more water throughout the day. At first it was difficult to think of positive things about my day. After a couple of weeks of this my outlook changed. I was feeling more gratitude than depression and I was slowly accomplishing things that were meaningful to me.
If you find reading helpful, there were a few groups that helped after i left an abusive relationship. I'm assuming you're a woman but if I'm incorrect, please disregard most of my list of book suggestions.

These books really helped me get on track with learning how stand up for myself and find the relationship I deserve:

1 The Nice Girl Syndrome this book is an interesting look at the gender dynamic and how society tells girls to be compliant and quiet instead teaching them to set of setting firm boundaries.

2. [How to Spot a Dangerous Man] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0897934474/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475170298&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=how+you+spot+a+dangerous+a+man&dpPl=1&dpID=51qLu6M10CL&ref=plSrch) It certainly has an interesting title. This is not a man-hating book at all. It just shows what abusers, addicts or emotional predators look like and how to avoid them to find the good guys out there.

3.Boundaries This book is great for anyone. It helps you recognize your rights and teaches how to set boundaries in your life. Learning how to have this control was essential in my recovery.

Stay strong.

Same boat here. Well, not same. Similar. I think everyone has "custom pain". You can "relate", but you can never really know what that person is going through.

I'm suicidal as well, but somewhere along the lines, I used to cry and get upset about it, but now I don't even flinch when it crosses my mind.

Have you tried therapy? Medications? For me, these never worked. For years I tried. But I think that isn't the case for most people. I understand the idea behind it all. I've had better results being on track with the gym, and eating right. Have you tried that?

I'm still struggling. I read a lot of self help books. One book I've recommended to a dozen people, and have even bought copies for people on hard times would be https://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-10th-Anniversary-Handbook/dp/1594488894/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485693756&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+happiness It's not really buddhist preachy. It's been a long time since I've read it. I need to go back and re-read it, I think. All I truly remember from this book is that I walked away with a smile on my face, when I finished reading it. And a smile in my life is a very rare thing. I haven't read that book since it came out, but I still remember how good I felt after I finished it. So I recommend that.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a religious person, and that isn't a religious book. It's co-written by a shrink, and it's written for "everybody", not just buddhists.

Other then that... Spend some time online looking up funny clips. You may not have my sense of humor, but here are a couple I like. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8VrxPrkkiA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vROdVsU_K80, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enOHraf3LEk,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabzGnu6w9A

Keep in mind, some of those are nsfw.

Good luck to you. I hope this helped.

Seriously I have shared some interesting offices and lived in some pretty horrible places, these are spendy but I can honestly say that in the past 6 years this has been one of the best investments I have made. They travel well & the sound you can't beat.
Sennheiser HD 280

There is more amazing head gear out there but I found this to be the best deal at the time & I still love them.

Put them on, crank the volume, and close the eyes.

I’m there as we speak. The stint between things happening can be so disheartening; leaving you with ample opportunities for doubting and succumbing to a sedentary lifestyle. But it’s just a transitional period. It is during those gaps that a lot of us give up. We put aside our dreams because they don’t happen when we’d prefer. I think that is part of the test. Are you willing to persevere? Are you willing to take it day to day? You have to be. Life doesn’t move as fast as our minds, so we have to adapt. We have to let ourselves fall into a pace. Each day take a step, no matter how small. Fill these voids with training and self proposed assignments. Delve further into your aspirations with each free moment.

I wanted to be in entertainment. I wanted to break into any part of the film/video industry right now. I fell victim to the expected instant gratification lifestyle that plagues western civilization. So I received a certification in broadcasting and got an internship. I worked it like a 9 to 5 paying job. After the better part of a year I was running out of money, homeless, and practically starving. I am proud to say that I was their number one go-to guy. I was the first person they called for anything. The president of the company even took the time to validate my efforts with a simple “you’re important to us here” once. I knew I was in. I asked to be put on the pay roll. “Just part time pay”, I said. No dice. I needed a college level education, not just a trade school obtained piece of paper. So I went to college. I got through one semester and fell dead broke. I left with good grades and got a job, got depressed, started drinking everyday. 4 years and 2 DUIs later, I hit bottom. I lost the dream. I ruined it. Now all I had to do was find a new job and reevaluate my piss poor existence. After 2 years, I was done with court. Writing had become my only outlet for that creative yearning that refused to leave my mind. I was pining away for my dreams to come back.

So I bit the bullet and went back to a community college to finish my associates. I’m still working on it today. But I’m almost done. I’ve had some things published in literary magazines and continue to work on some half-baked screen plays, you know, to keep up with that film maker dream I had. I’m even lucky enough to have people in California ready and waiting for me to finish school to come start an entry level position. Thinking back on it I don’t know how I made it through those times of uncertainty. I don’t know what I did, but I did it, even after giving up.

I suppose my point is this; it takes time. Your life is nothing more than opportunity amidst distraction. Those chances come and go in irregular intervals but when they arrive you have to be ready to snuff the anxiety, bite the bullet, and jump. They don’t come as often as you’d like, but they will. You’ve put yourself in the way of the train. Now you have to wait for it. When it comes barreling towards you, be sure to grab on. Just don’t be surprised when it stops at the next station leaving you wondering why things aren’t progressing. They will, so long as you don’t let go, slowly but surely.

This turned out to be a lot longer than I anticipated; sorry for that. Since you have the time I’ll recommend a book that touches on this a little more eloquently then I can. It’s called The Alchemist. It’s a short read, but holds a lot of good metaphors for intentional diligence over a lifetime. Good luck.

This is the first link I came across when I did my google search: http://leavingabuse.com
from that site I found:
http://www.befrienders.org

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-help-support-and-recovery/

http://www.therefuge-ahealingplace.com (got that from an advertisement on healthyplace.com) I don't know your financial situation, but I think even just going on a nature walk with a meditative/spiritual book can be really healing, let me find some with good reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Worlds-Spiritual-Guide-PTSD-ebook/dp/B00DVCQPBM#customerReviews Not many reviews, but one reviewer had childhood sexual abuse

http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2015/10/17/ptsd-spirituality-suffering-alone-and-in-silence/ I think it can be good to read some of their blog posts.

http://www.finerminds.com/spirituality/spiritual-awakening/

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6894658-gentling

I've gone to online chat sites like blahtherapy and 7cups. But I think mostly, going to subreddits like raisedbynarcissts, lifeafternarcissists have been more informative for me. But I still have found some support on those two sites. However, there can be trolls, too-- and narrow minded folks (on blahtherapy-- which I've been on more than 7cups.)

Mostly, expand your mind to the possibilities. Then your brain can work more efficiently to see what you can do to help yourself. You've been "nurtured"/"raised" a certain way (I put them in quotes because you weren't ideally nurtured or raised.)-- put to your disadvantage. But at the same time, you are not completely at a disadvantage, there is still hope in you. To express that hope, and allow it to grow, there are things holding you back that you need to shed. It could be ideas of yourself (low self confidence), people (who do not allow you to grow or influence you in the right direction), habits (that lock you into place instead of growing).

Also, I just want to say, asking/reaching out for help is never a mistake and can never be done enough. Even if you don't know what you're asking for necessarily, better to ask than not to ask. Even if it means asking multiple times. At some point though, you need to find out what you need the most to move forward. What your number one obstacle is, isn't always clear. For instance, your "mother" (in quotes, because I don't think she deserves to even have that title.) She is part of the obstacle but not the main. If she were gone, you'd still act the same, because she already taught you how to function without her-- it's been instilled in you. But the one part she hasn't instilled in you, is your personality-- that will always, always be only yours. But the nuances of your personality are malleable, and have thus far been shaped by your "mother" without your permission. That you can not help, because you were a child. And you might not know all the ways you can "change" (not really change, because the core, untouchable part of you never changes,). And others may not know all the ways you can "change" either, because other people might not know who exactly is the core of you. But it doesn't mean that other people's input are completely useless. Other people may see things you can't-- but there is also the chance of them projecting-- which can hurt more than help.

For me, yoga really helped. Two phrases I heard in class that still stay with me is: "Breathe into the uncomfortable places" and "Be gentle with yourself", and that really applies to both the physical and emotional realm. It may not be comfortable, which means you're stretching yourself. And if you're stretching, you're growing. You're making a new possibility, paving a new road for yourself. Just because it's uncomfortable, doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. Unless they're the wrong size of pants or shoes or something like that.

But my main recommendation is to stay on helpful subreddits and continue to reach out and ask for help. And even on subreddits that may not seem like you necessarily would go to, but there is a bunch of really nice/wise people there, you could ask for help there. Again, there's raised by narcissists, there's a rbn network that has rbnfitness, rbnlegaladvice, rbnlifeskills (and not a part of the network, but financialadvice). But you could also, if there's lack of replies, do your own research on google, type straight to the point/key words.

What? Yes, very far back, Africans were not well-adapted to society when the Europeans began exploring the continent on a large scale. Europeans came to the conclusion that they were less intelligent, but these were the people who pretty much thought they were better than everyone because of the color of their skin (lighter must be better right?).

Now I'm going to assume you're talking about sub-Saharan Africans rather than North Africans, who competed in the Mediterranean with Europeans for a very long time. If you read Guns, Germs, and Steel, you'll see that the conclusion Jared Diamond comes up with is that Africans were "behind" because of their lack of good domesticated plants (they had to do harder work for less calories) and their lack of work animals. North Africans had the advantage of trade with Europe and the Middle East for agriculture and the camel as a work animal, while sub-Saharan Africans basically had nothing of the sort.

I definitely recommend you read the book before jumping to any conclusions about the subject. It offers a lot of insight on the dominance of Eurasians throughout history.

> men do not have ticking biological clock

That's... not entirely true. The quality of your boys decreases after 35. That is, there's more chance to see genetic defects pop up.

> most of the men also do not want to be older dads and want to live long enough to see grandchildren in the future

The vast majority of discussions surrounding childlessness focusses on women, but men are just as affected by childlessness as women. Childlessness isn't just the result of biological sterility, it's also happens because men aren't able to find a suitable partner or are on a socio-economical level (wages, savings, job security, living circumstances) not in a place to provide for a kid.

The real issue is that modern life has made so many alternatives available to us. Enticing careers, travelling, friends, technology,... It's easy to get drawn into a world or a life like you encounter on YouTube. With so many choices, it's easy to think "What if I make the wrong decision?" We don't want to let that alluring career slip away. It's what we've been studying for. Yet as we do all that, we put off having children well into our 30's. Only to discover that we'll be pushing 60 and up when our kids will hit 25. And if they are anything like us, they'll be putting off their decision too.

As far as women goes, there are detailed numbers who display this trend. Educated millennial women are very aware of the costs they'll largely have to bear for having a child and many of them are opting out of having a kid because it's just not feasible in this economic, social and cultural climate.

As such, it only becomes harder with each passing year if you still haven't gotten out of the gate. The panic that ensues among 30-something's is real. It's because most realise, especially women, that they are running out of time.

I can only give this advice: if you are 27, male and single, understand that the question of 'Do i want kids?' isn't something you can postpone indefinitely anymore. Even if you only want them down the line, like when you hit 35, you need to start factoring this in financially today. Similarly, it's okay to have fun dating around for a while, but you need to factor this in right now when you hit it off with someone. You can't keep beating around the bush and pretend you're still 19.

You don't want to find yourself pushing 40 and all of sudden having to scramble to have a kid. I know a few people who have done just that, it didn't always pan out the way they thought it would be.

If you want a good read, I can highly recommend Selfish, Shallow and Self-absorbed: Sixteen writers on the decision not to have kids by Meghan Daum. I found it very insightful in how people come to the decision not to have kids. Turns out it isn't always clear cut as it looks on the surface. It's often paired with a lot of agony and misery.

My niece had a really tough lice problem last year. Her mom kept using over-the-counter stuff and combing like crazy but they kept coming back. It turns out, she just never really killed them all, because you can remove all the full-grown lice, but if you miss any eggs, they'll just start up again. I have a feeling you've had one long case of lice. But I have some great advice! It's so hard to kill them, but you CAN physically remove every bug and egg. It's possible!!!

1, If you don't already have it, you NEED this comb. It's the only one that works because the tines are spaced tightly to catch the eggs. The one that comes in the box isn't good enough.

2 - I know you already tried a professional, but I would highly recommend finding one that specializes in the "strand by strand" method, which literally goes through each strand of hair, with the Nit-Free comb. Some of these companies guarantee their services, so if it comes back, they'll keep doing it for free until it's done. My niece didn't need a second treatment and had quite a serious case.

3 - If you want to try the strand-by-strand method on your own, here's what they did. Get the Nit-Free comb, some Pantene conditioner (or similar thick conditioner), and a clear container of water. Working in sections, slather the dry hair with copious amount of conditioner and start working the comb through. After every pass, rinse the comb in the bucket and flick the tines to clean them off. You'll start to see the nits floating to the top. The conditioner holds them still while you comb them out. Change the water as needed. Don't miss any sections. When you're finished, tie up the hair for a few hours, and then rinse out. (Careful in the shower, it's slippery). Do it again about three days later and keep doing it every three days until you are sure there aren't any more bugs or eggs. The idea is that any eggs you initially missed will grow into a bug that can be caught on a second pass. The experts can get this right on the first run, so it's not impossible.

I hope this is helpful to you somehow. Good luck!