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Reddit mentions of Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair
Sentiment score: 1
Reddit mentions: 3
We found 3 Reddit mentions of Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair. Here are the top ones.
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There's a secular book that may be of help here because it deals with more of the technical side-effects and healing which seems to be what's holding you back currently.
Healing from Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis
It's got multiple sets of chapters for the cheating spouse and the cheated spouse and how to rebuild trust and move forward.
So as far as "worthy of an affair," of course you are worthy of attention from people from the opposite gender. But definitely stay strong and resist any such urges. It absolutely will not help ANYTHING AT ALL IN ANY WAY and will just bring more drama and misery into your life. Can't stress this strongly enough, and good on you for resisting your recent propositions. I DO think that wanting your wife to go through what you did is unhealthy.
Nowhere in here have you mentioned therapy. Infidelity is one of the most difficult things to overcome in a relationship. I would really really recommend you spend some time with a therapist, perhaps alone at first and maybe ultimately together. At the VERY LEAST, do some self reading on forgiveness and infidelity in relationships (maybe something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Infidelity-Busting%C2%AE-Rebuilding-Marriage/dp/0998058416/).
You already know this, but relationships are HARD FUCKING WORK. And you're now in an especially difficult situation if you two really want to keep this thing going. It's going to take hard work and renewed commitment on both of your parts.
If you want to stay in this relationship, you need to find a way to forgive/heal and move on, because in the long term continuing to bring it up in fights and at random times is just going to put your wife on eggshells dreading the next time she gets whipped for her sins, and ultimately you will both end up miserable despite the progress you seem to have made. Part of getting past infidelity is the one who cheated owning up to the hurt they have caused. But another part of it is getting to a point where you the one who cheated doesn't get beat up in revenge for the rest of the relationship.
Good luck man, I always pull for people trying to turn things around!
I went through something similar OP, including catching minor stuff and giving her every chance to turn left before it turned into a full-blown affair, and discovering the proof myself.
You say that she's remorseful and she'll do anything and she wants you and wants your marriage and your family. Anything to keep your marriage alive. And you say that you want the same, but you're worried you'll never trust her (and you're afraid of what this affair will turn you into).
Your world is spinning at top speed and everything's fallen apart. Something I found helped put everything into words as well as provide tangible advice is the book [Healing From Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis.] (https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Infidelity-Busting%C2%AE-Rebuilding-Marriage/dp/0998058416) If reconciliation is the route you want to try to take (even if only to say you tried), you'll find it helpful for getting your head back on your shoulders and coming up with actionable steps you can take to give it an honest go.
I can't tell you how my story ends, but I've found the book helpful so far. If that's the route you want to try, read it, and make her read it too.