Reddit mentions of I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

I'm surprised she was honest and told you. I'm glad you know! Things will make a lot more sense as you learn about it.

These are my recommendations:

• Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder This would be helpful for everyone in your family.
  
  
• Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship This one I recommend listening to (much cheaper) or buying it used off ebay. It's a really hard one to get through though, at least it was for me, because of how real it was. I would recommend this for you, your siblings (if you have any), and dad (if he's still around).
  
  
• I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality Good for anyone in your family too.
  
  Good luck and welcome home! Let me know if you need any advice or anything. I'm here for you as well as everyone else here.

It's not always a conscious plan. When it is unconscious, I think it's me being bored or feeling like things are too calm or "normal" and I go do something stupid and impulsive which will make my partner upset and then I'll take the opportunity to lash out at them. When it is conscious, it's mostly me saying, "this isn't right, I'm not meant to be this happy, there has to be something wrong." I'll keep digging and digging and it's like picking at a scab, eventually you'll come up with something ugly, something that probably should have healed a while ago. And then I'll be like "AHA I knew you didn't really want to be with me!" or like, I'll push them until they say something they don't mean, and then I'll be like "That's what you ACTUALLY think, you've just been censoring yourself, but your true colors are coming out now". If they get angry and leave (me), I win because they just confirmed my suspicions (that nobody loves me or wants me and that it was just a passing fancy). If they beg for forgiveness or ask me to not get angry or say we'll work it out, I still win because they're staying with me (what I actually wanted all along).

I think there's a book that talks about this push-pull thing called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". I don't know how good it is, because I've never fully read it (it hit too close to home at first and it just upset me) but it might be worth a read. https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality-ebook/dp/B0046ECFIG

There is a wonderful book on the subject of getting better. I hate You Don't Leave Me

This book has done wonders for loads of people. You should read it. Your IDFK ex? should read it. Your parents should read it. Everyone that loves you should read it. It CAN help and it is a good start for recovery AND making amends.