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Spicy Boy Hot Sauce

Thank you /u/MarikBentusi for your Papa Scorch artwork. It did inspire me to try to make this hot sauce. I looked around the internet at three different recipes and people’s reviews about them in order to have an idea of what changes I should make. I’m pleased to say that this was my first attempt with this recipe and it turned out quite tasty and spicy. Stay safe out there Pilots.

First, get out your data knife and dice half a large white onion, four medium-large tomatoes, three garlic cloves, two poblano peppers, two large jalapeño peppers, and finally three chipotle peppers. Then take two Fresno chilies (for heat) and halve them.

Second, in a large pan upgraded with the Tempered Plating kit, pour in two tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil and turn the heat to medium. Add the onions, garlic, and the peppers and cook until the onions start to brown which takes about three minutes. Stir occasionally.

Third, add the diced tomatoes, one and a half cups of white vinegar, four teaspoons of salt, and four teaspoons of sugar. Lower Papa Scorch’s stove to medium-low in order to break down the tomatoes which takes around five minutes. Stir occasionally.

Fourth, carefully move the extremely hot and dangerous mixture to a blender (remove the Fresno chilies now to keep the spice level lower or leave them in the mixture if you like spice). Before turning on purée, for the love of God hold down on the lid with one hand or the entire thing could blow into your face like a Goddamn incendiary trap going off right in front of you. I’m not exactly saying that this has happened to me before, but I found out that I can jump pretty high in the air without a Jump Kit. Purée until the mixture is smooth throughout.

Fifth, take a fine mesh strainer and place it over a large glass bowl. Pour the mixture through the strainer slowly. It helps to pour a little at a time and stir with a wooden spoon to help speed the draining up.

Sixth, cover with paper towels (remember, it’s still hot so plastic wrap might melt) and put into fridge. Clean up the kitchen and don’t go to the bathroom before washing your damn hands. Trust me, Pilot. Then, go play Titanfall for two hours.

Seventh, add a tablespoon of lime juice once the entire mixture is cold. This recipe makes about ten ounces of hot sauce, or enough to fill eight of these.

Notes: You can substitute different peppers for different flavors. For example, instead of Fresno chilies, use habanero for more spice. It also matters if you wash the seeds out or leave them in. (The membrane around the seeds is very spicy.) This recipe probably rates a 4/10 in terms of spiciness but it has a lot of flavor. Feel free to play around with the different ingredient proportions.