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I am so sorry about your dad. My dad also passed away about 5 years ago, and my mom passed away 2.5 years ago. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do for them at my wedding so I have a lot of thoughts on this.

First: on a more meta level: I know it's so much easier said than done to ignore everyone else, but I think you should ignore everyone else. This is your grief, your wedding day, your decision. No! You are not wrong if you want to ignore the dead! You are arguably one of the closest people to the deceased in the ring theory of grief, and that means everyone else needs to back off and respect what you want. Support goes in. Dumping goes out. They need to manage their own grief and not push it onto you. Again though: like you say, that's easier said than done. Maybe you'd like to spend some time thinking about whether you want to mass email everyone and ask them to please keep their comments about your dad to cards? They really need to get that their way of grieving is not the only right way and that they absolutely need to follow yours. You know best, though.

Second, on a more practical level: for me, what helped was looking at different ideas and going with what felt right to me. I didn't want a memorial table exactly because I have so many people, so instead I just picked a bunch of family pictures that included those we had lost and put those on one of those frames with lots of little hooks for pictures (sort of this this. I didn't put a sign or anything. I felt like picking pictures of happy times rather than portraits was nice for me, and it let us pack a lot of people into a small space. I can find a picture for you of our table if that would be helpful!

You do have other options, if you want them. I wanted to incorporate my parents' personalities into the day, so I served my dad's favorite dessert, played my mom's favorite music, made the table numbers out of my mom's favorite craft, that sort of thing. Also got shoe charms with their pictures so that they could 'walk' me down the aisle and wore my mom's necklace. My goal was to have things that were obvious to me or anyone who knew them, but sort of faded into the background and were not noticeable to anyone else. Lots of ways to do this, if you're interested! I felt pretty comforted by this actually, since I got to think about who they were and memorable parts of them and figure out how to include it. Made me feel like they were involved, somehow. The empty seats weren't for me, but everyone is different! This thread was about honoring lost loved ones and may have some other ideas for you, too.

I just want to re-iterate again that you are not wrong if you don't want to do anything to include your dad. However you want to structure your wedding day is the right thing for your grief and therefore the right thing. It's lovely that you're being thoughtful of others, but ultimately, it is 100% not your job to manage other people's grief, especially not on your wedding day. They need to pull it together. EDIT: To be clear, I mean your family about your father, not your future spouse's family over their losses; that's his job to decide what he wants and navigate that accordingly.