Reddit mentions of Sex Woman First: How to teach him You come First - An Illustrated Guide to Female Orgasm

It's mostly your husbands fault. Mostly because you shouldn't expect a woman to work like "Hey, let's have sex!". As your example demonstrates it works some times. Only some times.

Seems like you have no communication problem, because as you write:

> 2) Say yes. Husband is excited. If I'm able to get into the mood, everything goes well. If I'm not, I'm stuck in the awkward position of either derailing the train and saying that I'm not up for sex after all (Husband is sad), or powering through sex that I'm not enjoying (Wife is sad).

But this "powering through sex" is pretty avoidable. It will ruin your relationship. You will feel like an object, he will first get disappointed because he can't pleasure you, then he might not give a damn about your pleasure and label it as your fault. So giving him a hand job is still better than "powering through". But it is still for the short term.

You should look for educational videos first. Don't go for "How to make her have the biggest orgasm of her life and pass out" kinda things. Look for something about how to turn a woman on. Like "
Nina Hartley's Guide To Making Love To Women
" Or even better, visit this website where people ask for any advice.

Look for amateur porn. I mean amateur, where the picture isn't professional, and the couple doesn't do it for a living like a fake cam couple. You're a woman, so you're the best to judge whether the woman in the video is having fun, or wants him to believe that she's having fun. Few good amateur ones:

• Some neck play
  
  
• Couple having a little morning sex
  
  
• Some czech amateurs
  
  There are also some female oriented professional ones where the women is built up and pleased:
  
  
• Dane Jones
  
  
• Or a pornstar doing her own BF
  
  
• Couples doing porn together (e.g. Miela/Marry Queen and her BF)
  
  
• Some actors can have good chemistry with the actress (e.g. George Uhl)
  
  
• Some FemaleAgent videos. Like this one with Gina Devine
  
  Or if you have more time read a book.
  
  Anyway, you have to find out what feels good for you. Then you can teach him what you like. From your description it seems like he isn't the adventurous type.