Reddit mentions of The Dangerous Duty of Delight: Daring to Make God Your Greatest Desire (LifeChange Books)

Sorry for the delay? Pfffft. What's the point of anonymity if it comes with expectations? Anyway, I'm having trouble sleeping, and your message came at a good time.

> It comes down to dealing with myself and the "unique" way I function...

Thank you for sharing that. I hope merely typing that out helped you. There are a great many factors which may contribute to this, and I have only played a psychologist on TV and the psychologist character was pretending, so I am pretty much stabbing in the dark here. Aside from general anxiety and extreme pressure to perform (Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off comes to mind), I've had bouts of what you describe, but haven't dealt with it chronically. That doesn't sound fun. But it does sound like the real impetus for why you posted your question to Reddit in the first place! Welcome. I'm sure you're not the only one who deal with insomnia. I certainly don't have that problem right now. :)

>... it often feels like I have a mini dictator living inside of me and really, it is because I lack the emotional know-how to conduct or "listen" to myself that I rely on the dictator.

I forget to do many of the things you went on to mention, but it's usually when I am engaged in a project; not seemingly disengaged in a frantic search for purpose as your writing implies (forgive me if I read too far into it). I tend to the nothing end of the all-or-nothing spectrum when feeling useless. At any rate, I get the feeling (see, they happen eventually) you have an insatiable desire to achieve, and it seems to be the source for great angst that you don't know what the achievement will look like or how to get there.

> I often tell a close ENFP friend of mine...

Good! Of my three closest friends, one of them is an ENFP. He introduced me to Reddit. The other two are INFJ and ENTJ. Heavy Ni users with aligned worldviews -- much like the last two friends I described -- are exponentially easier to relate to than any other types. My ENTJ friend is the one who challenged me many years ago to take my faith seriously (more on that later). My INFJ friend is such a godsend. We both perceive and interpret our worlds in largely the same way mechanically, but through opposite channels. Essentially, most of our time together is spent sharpening iron. He helps me get in touch with how I am feeling (and hilariously knows when I am feeling something before I realize it), and I help ground him in more rational ways. It is the best and most fruitful of friendships.

Bottom line here is, peeps with introverted intuition tend to be on the same wavelength. I've been blessed with fellow Ni users most of my adult life and have benefited greatly from it. I hope you have or can find a fellow NJ with which to confide in. There's nothing like it. Though as an ENTJ, you likely don't feel like anyone can handle what you have going on inside. Don't let this stop you. We fellow NJs can take care of our own. (Impressive you added that bit about NPs working from a past view point. You really delved into this Jungian pseudo-psycho stuff!)

I can relate to the notion of making things harder than they have to be. Getting older and wiser has mitigated this propensity, but I am still often reminded that people and the systems they use in the real world don't necessarily like to be treated like they are test subjects in a never-ending quest for peak efficiency. I am still learning to read increasingly subtle social cues and learn when not to prepare for death on my chosen hill. And while I can be very persuasive, things tend to go smoother when I am in charge and not part of a committee. Relate?

> When I set a vision, I can be a stickler on how to get there. When circumstances alter how to get there (I don't see it emotionally and yet I sense a disturbance to the original course), I stupidly make it more rigorous (kind of comedic actually when seen in another light) until I fall of the wheel completely... Sounds kind of scary, doesn't it?

Not scary. This resonates with me as well. I also tend to be a control freak enthusiast. The last five or six years have proven to be a gradual learning to let go of my ultimate plan. We work with people after all! However, the inclusion of your parents' cognitive types may offer a clue as to your personal expectations and possible anxiety. My, oh my. I would not have survived in your household, haha! But seriously, it sounds like your parents have/had such a heavy influence on you that you may be forcing their methods and perception to your life. This dovetails rather nicely with your question on how I reached a point where I became more open with things I can't control. Challenging my mother was a large part of it. I think there comes a time in everyone's life where they need to confront their parents and (lovingly) assert their autonomy. Whether or not you've done that yet, there may be vestigial, unrealistic expectations of theirs you continue to satisfy; and it's draining you.

You've only been burned out once in your life? Perhaps we have different definitions of burnt out. Or, maybe you've reached that point a few more times than you want to admit? SJ expectations and an indomitable will anyone? :)

Finding passion. Reddit is not built for such discussion, but you could do worse than start at a very fundamental set of questions: what do you get most joy/satisfaction/fulfillment from? And what makes your blood boil? Find a destination and route that gets you closest to the answer to those two questions. If your answers aren't specific, drop all your expectations and pressure on yourself to perform and begin exploring. Get messy. It won't take long to figure out.

> Who wears matching socks anymore?

Yeah, call me metro or whatever, but...

> The only reason I said "general terms" was because I thought you might find it too invasive otherwise.

Open book (within reason). No invasion found anywhere close to this discussion.

> Grace sounds like a Christian theme...

Drat, you found me out.

> I would like the detailed version please!

I grew up in a mostly Christian home. There were months my mother and I would go to church on the regular, and other times when we were Chreasters. Pretty much the same for my two half-brothers and their nuclear families. My NTJ-ness was apparent very, very early in my childhood, and I picked up on a few things at an early age growing up about my family. Not the least of which is we have severe pride issues. Many of us can be hypocritical in a depressingly predictable way. My family members would argue. A lot. And they wouldn't insulate me or the younger children when they did. I was introduced to adult thought and began noticing inconsistencies and lapses in rationality with all of them at around eight years old. This coupled with the fact that I didn't really identify with most of my peers in school led me to a place where I thought most people were stupid (hey, just being honest). I lumped this stupidity and their association with church together. When I turned 18 and joined the military, I took a break from God to explore the realm of... being rational? It wasn't all that exciting.

I actually woke up one morning and was sick of myself. It was a really visceral disgust. Palpable. I remember it exactly. This unsettling feeling drove me to the doors of a church with my buddy, Corey. Friend of a friend of a friend with a few female detours and I met Rusty, my ENTJ buddy mentioned above. The conversation started with a relationship problem with a gal we both knew, and he very quickly identified the issue in my life as a faith issue and asked me directly what my faith walk was like. This guy spent four plus hours with me in colder-than-normal northern California to discuss my frustrations, doubts, and insecurities. To a passerby during those four hours I imagine it may have looked like this, then this, and then this.

Rusty was there when God knew I needed him to be there.

Joy is also a Christian theme I often find neglected which is relevant to your situation. Pick up this book. Excellent perspective and I think it should be required reading for all believers. If the cost is an issue, let me know.

>> When I get involved in a project I love, nothing else exists.

> I aspire to get to this place!

Find passion. See above.

>> It never ends! This is a bright side of life.

> And this is where I (politely) roll my eyes. I am rather impatient to get to the other side.

Find joy. Also see above. :)

As a final thought (and you thought your reply was long), do something physically dangerous and fun. I find this often puts the trivial day-to-day things into perspective. We become quite insulated in western culture, and it's good to get out -- even alone -- for a little while.

Maybe have a little Thoreau excursion. A good camping trip by yourself or with one or two people can not only make you a bit more uncomfortable to shake you out of the negative feedback loop, but it can also teach you reliance on God for things which would go unnoticed in our modern lives. Things like trying to get back to your campsite with the sun setting and only a crescent moon to offer you help. Stuff like that.

Praying/fasting might be a good idea as well.

Thoughts?

EDIT: grammar/clarity