Reddit mentions of The Knight in Rusty Armor

Exact same thing has happened to me. We're pushing year 3 of reconciliation. Forgiveness has taken me a long time to get to, but I am there. Unfortunately it also makes the conflict in this scenario much more complicated, as you no longer have that need to punish them looming over your thought processes.

The act of coming to terms with the infidelity as a symptom of your relationship troubles (rather than the cause) helps, and that was a step in reaching forgiveness for me. It gives you a lens through which it's easier to distinguish the difference between the person you thought WS was; and the person that they are.

All that said, I think it's perfectly normal to come out the other side and realize that -- no, unfortunately I do not love this person as much as I loved the illusion. There's all kinds of heartbreak and potential negativity from the WS in coming to that conclusion -- especially after a heartfelt attempt at reconciliation -- but it is what it is.

Take it from me: You cannot will those feelings to come back. I highly recommend talking with a therapist about this, as they can help you come to terms with what you really want. There's also a fantastic little book mine recommended. You can read it in about an hour. https://www.amazon.com/Knight-Rusty-Armor-Robert-Fisher/dp/0879804211