(Part 2) Best products from r/Adoption

It's only been three months. She's probably lost more than one caregiver, and she doesn't know if you're sticking around either. I mean, you still have work to do re: attachment, but don't stress too much, because this isn't that unusual.

I don't have personal experience with getting a child to attach, but I've heard of some books that are pretty good: Attaching in Adoption, Parenting the Hurt Child. Hopefully you get some tips from adoptive parents here!

I was adopted, as a kid i thought that the book "Why was I Adopted?" Was good because it covers pretty much every aspect of adoption and is really inclusive.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0818402571/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481988812&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=why+was+i+adopted

>Whatever book you think I am selling, or whatever website you think I am trying to lead traffic to is all in your head

All in my head? How about this. The very post you made is to a blog post on your site that has donation links all over it - so does your facebook page, so does your YouTube video (the only one).

Books for sale? How about this one - or this one - both of which are featured right at the very top of your website and were also in a post that you had right here in this forum before you conveniently deleted them, telling a user that they should buy your book to understand - something or other. I saw the post, as well as the ones linking to your blog. Funny how they have disappeared now.

In my head....and right there on the page.

>All I was doing was trying to get people to realize that fathers need a voice

Then why on earth couldn't you simply do that here by posting the relevant text here for us to read? Because, that wouldn't have given you click or given you a change to get a donation.

>take your ego aside and just help this dad

I have no ego, but yours seems to be plenty hurt. Why don't you take some of that great book money and hand it right to him?

Honestly, you come here and post this and what do you expect - that we will just blindly open our wallets up to you? Awareness is fine - I am all for you, but you need to seriously change your methods at least here in this sub. You may be doing great things, I am not judging what you do away from here. I don't know you. But I do know you brazenly came here with links, books, blogs, etc and you have judged me for calling you out on your methods, questioned my upbringing, my parents, my childhood, called me names, and generally acted like a damn spoiled brat that isn't getting their way.

The only thing you are asking us for is to blindly give to these causes - a gogetfunding that doesn't seem to be verified in any way, a site (yours) that doesn't seem to be affiliated with any legitimate organization at all. And you judge me (and perhaps others) and my skepticism? Ridiculous.

We are all damn well aware of some of the unlawful, unethical, and downright diabolical stuff that goes on in this world. Your fight needs to be more locally. The way to fight isn't to ask strangers from thousands of miles away for $20, your time needs to be spent enacting political and legal changes in those areas - that is where the pressure needs to be put.

But again you post for fundraising. Why am I not surprised. Take some time to think of some more names to call me and feel free to respond. Believe me, it doesn't hurt.

This was my favorite book after we adopted: Wish by Matthew Cordell
https://www.amazon.com/Wish-Matthew-Cordell/dp/148470875X

Live Empowered!: Rewire Your Brain's Implicit Memory to Thrive in Business, Love, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N2YN1GK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_rQyACb2H5WFK4

Your black child shouldn't be your first black friend. Go seek help from the black community. Buy black dolls, books, connect with people of color.

Read books. https://www.amazon.com/Their-Voices-Americans-Transracial-Adoption/dp/0231172214

Join transracial adoption groups online and in real life.

Learn how to do their hair. Don't say you're color blind. She should be raised as a black child

We will continue advocating for adoptee rights and family reunions regardless of whether or not you "approve."
BTW: More great drama: https://www.amazon.com/Child-Catchers-Rescue-Trafficking-Adoption/dp/1586489429
And these books: http://adopteereading.com/

Completely personal but the book "Yo, Yes" was a favorite in our house when my son was little -- partially because of the interracial context.

Highly recommend this book
.written by adoption lawyer covers state by state laws, different types of adoptions and what to look out for. I got it at my local library but its available on Amazon and kindle.

Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year (2018-2019 edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0983942552/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-hKUCbNAA1VVM

I liked "An adoption story: Little Stork's New Home"

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0993115349/

Talks about the struggles of the bio mom and the adoption process in a child friendly way.

This book was really helpful from a young age.

a) My family was supportive of adoption in general, but terribly ignorant about the difficulties that kids from the system have.

b) Do one, do both, do neither. It is your life, live it as you wish ;) Maybe that is glib, but I'm certainly not in the position to tell you how to populate your nest.

c) Kids who come from the foster care system have generally experienced pretty tough things, often from extended periods of time. Ultimately, these kids need a new home, a new family, a forever family because the court has decided that their biological family is unable to provide a safe, healthy environment - AND - that there are no other family willing or able to take the kids.

The training that you receive as a foster partner will hardly scratch the surface of what is required to deal with the kids and their sometimes extensive needs. Just the logistics of it all can be overwhelming. And the behaviors they exhibit can be downright terrifying or just make no sense. Most of these behaviors, in one way or another, can be attributed to chronic exposure to abusive, unsafe, environments. Kids develop ways to cope with these situations that are unsafe, unhelpful or downright bizarre outside of that context.

I would suggest starting down this path by reading a few books, in particular:

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing

http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook--What/dp/0465056539/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377749374&sr=1-1&keywords=the+boy+who+was+raised+as+a+dog


Good luck.

You're welcome! One thing that really made a difference in my being able to pump my milk was the type of breast shield that was on the pump. Most pumps have a hard plastic suction cup that fits onto a breast to suck out the milk. These are very painful and forceful to me. It felt like I was putting my boob in a vacuum cleaner! If those were the only options that
I had, I wouldn't have succeeded at pumping my milk. I prefer a soft silicone breast shield. They gentle apply pressure to the breast all around and adapt to the individual breast shape. They can be hard to find. I am including some links on Amazon that I looked up for you. I put two links in here. The first link it to a hand pump...which can be exhausting and it's less expensive. The second link I believe is just the shield for a medela pump. It can be used with an electric or a manual pump.

https://www.amazon.com/Manual-Breast-Silicone-Massaging-Shield/dp/B00CFM67PI/ref=sr_1_21_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1519501020&sr=1-21&keywords=silicone+breast+shield

https://www.amazon.com/Medela-Soft-Fit-Breastshields-24mm/dp/B000A88JZ0/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1519501405&sr=1-4&keywords=medela+soft+breastshield

When I was little I was a fan of [Are You My Mother] (https://smile.amazon.com/Mother-Bright-Early-Board-Books/dp/0679890475)

http://www.amazon.com/Is-That-Your-Sister-Adoption/dp/0961187263

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Add-One-Chinese-Sister/dp/1563979896

http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption/suggestedbooks/books-to-help-prepare-children-for-the-adoption-of-a-sibling.html

Is he seeing a therapist?

I would highly suggest any/all of these books:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0972624465/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245131/ref=oh_details_o09_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572249544/ref=oh_details_o09_s00_i01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159385143X/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post.

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451913113&sr=1-1&keywords=beyond+consequences+logic+and+control

http://www.amazon.com/Birthright-Reunion-Adoptees-Birthparents-Adoptive/dp/0140512950

We found Parenting the Hurt Child quite good, even though our son did not experience any abuse or neglect.