(Part 2) Best products from r/CPTSD

Practical tips. Well, I've ended up where I tend to think of my healing as two main areas: one is self regulation and the other is regulation in relation to another.

1. For the self side, stuff that has been useful for me are awareness or mindfulness stuff like these:
   
   Awareness/Mindfulness.
   Say you're in a classroom or gymnasium that has a clock or framed picture that's on the wall opposite you, a good 10 yards or more away. If someone directs your attention to the clock, points at it and tells you to look at it, it's almost guaranteed that your gaze goes zipping right to the clock/picture. Often, along with your gaze goes a part of yourself, your attention. If you consciously decide to notice yourself in this and put your attention on you as the doer of the action of gazing--so your attention straddles both you as the gazer and the clock on the wall opposite--you can/may feel that you can control how much of your attention goes out, and you can learn to not send it all out all the time. I realized that I had a tendency to kind of throw attention/awareness across the room to the clock. Even more so if it was a person I was seeing across the room. Like it's a baseball for someone else to catch.
   
   This is just an awareness exercise to feel the different possibilities--throwing 100% of your attention to something vs. releasing a limited portion of it. A similar thing can be done looking at classic Chinese paintings that have a path winding up a mountain and somewhere on the path is a person or group of travelers. Most people's eyes will track along the path and lock onto the person or group of people--we naturally identify with the (often very tiny) people in the picture. If you observe yourself, you may notice how your attention flows, where it goes, and how much awareness you retain of yourself as your gaze reaches somewhere outside yourself.
   
   Book.
   More exercises that are related to wielding your attention and putting more of it on yourself can be found in Become the Most Important Person in the Room. I don't like the way the author frames all of this as being special, being an empath, etc. In my opinion, the ability/tendency to merge with people is a capability all humans have, but I think there are two ways to "be an empath" for lack of better words. One is having grown up abused such that one's self didn't develop a normal thickness of bark and so other people's crap flows right in, and merging and weirdness and unhealthy dynamics ensue. The other possibility (I believe) is to access this capacity through deliberate development, from meditation practices or the like. This is just my impression from my own experiences. Take with a grain of salt. I'm guessing here.
   
   Anyway, the book has quite a lot of useful experiments/exercises to play around with (despite the way the author creates a kind of mythos around it all). They are all various ways to explore paying attention to oneself, and then seeing how differently you get treated by others. And this is part of having a point of view that resides inside oneself, which is the essence of occupying the space in your own body.
   
   Meditation, etc.
   The third thing I've found useful for this is stuff like meditation, especially metta, and tai chi. In related but different ways, these have helped me learn to relax and open inside. In fact, I often have to remind myself to bring my mind/attention inside my head and body in order to get my body to respond to directions I give it (directions like telling the muscles to let go or soften). Metta helps me learn to like myself, and that makes me less anxious and more relaxed with myself, and within myself. For Metta, I've used [A Gift of Loving Kindness] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auS1HtAz6Bs) and within the Insight iphone app, there's a Loving Kindness meditation by Bodhipaksa that I like.
   
   
   
2. On the relational/interpersonal regulation side, which has been crucially important for me:
   
   I've been really fortunate to have a great SO. I'm convinced this relationship has been possible mainly because my primary abusive parent was not the gender that I'm romantically interested in. I think that's why I've had reasonably healthy romantic relationships. (My friendships are another matter.) We see each other, trust each other. Over time, I've thawed.
   
   The second critical element on this relational side of things has been getting people out of my life who were narcissistic and who made me feel self-conscious. And including people in my life who can actually see me. This has often been with teachers--taking classes from an art teacher who "got" me and leaving situations with friends or teachers who were exploitive--usually in very subtle ways. But if I feel self-conscious around someone, that's often a good sign that I should get out, even when I can't put my finger on what is unhealthy about the dynamic. Basically, replacing relationships where I am not seen with ones where I am.

I want to encourage you and say your CPTSD won’t affecting your parenting and you providing her with love and security is enough, but I also don’t want to delude you into a false sense of security. To answer your question as to how I do it: Firstly, I put in a massive amount of effort everyday to keep myself grounded and mindful and conscious of how I’m acting/reacting towards my child. On top of that, I never let myself slip into depressive states. On top of that, I have learned to manage and control all of my triggers so that my emotional states never negatively affect my child.


One major element of CPTSD is that it is an attachment disorder. This attachment disorder WILL affect your ability to provide a consistent sense of safety and security to your little one unless you learn how to manage and counteract those insecurities. Another element of CPTSD is that it causes you to develop a distrust/distaste for humans, and a desire to avoid human interaction. This will be absolutely detrimental to your child as he/she ages. All children rely on their parents to provide them with safe, healthy and consistent family and friends. It’s a very tiring and very difficult job, but it creates a ‘safety net’ of security on which your child can lean. How you interact with and value others will turn into how your child interacts with and values others. You will have to spend lots of time around other moms, letting your child play with their child. It’s a strain on you emotionally and mentally, but it’s necessary for healthy child development.


The best advice I can give you as a fellow parent with CPTSD is to start searching for a trauma psychologist and get an appointment scheduled ASAP. Of course anyone can recover from CPTSD without the aid of a psychologist, but when you add a child to the mix, quality and speed of recovery becomes a very important factor. Getting a psychologist to help you process your trauma and learn newer and better ways to do things will save you a lot of time and heartache. A psychologist will also teach you the importance of obtaining and maintaining friendships, and how to better manage all the triggers that parenting will bring up for you.

In the meantime, here is a short list of my all-time favorite parenting books. I’ve read probably hundreds of parenting books at this point: most are bad, a few are great. These are the best, most knowledgeable books I’ve found for ‘people like us’, at least in my opinion:

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering our Children

ParentSpeak: What's Wrong with How We Talk to Our Children--and What to Say Instead

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

The Parents We Mean To Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development

The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind


Feel free to PM me anytime :)

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage ending and your alcoholic home growing up. That's a lot of pain to deal for anyone to deal with.

I empathize with what you are going through and validate your pain. I also commend you for not wanting to fall into drinking again and for having a period of 18 years of sobriety. That is so commendable and I believe you are a special person to be able to do that. Don't beat yourself up if you had a slip up. Last year, I lost what I felt was the love of my life and it has spiraled me into a pit of despair. While every situation is different, I can relate on some level.

I don't know if I can specifically give you an answer to your questions on how to stop obsessing over a lost love and stop a feeling of panic as everyone's situation is unique. However, I can relate to your feelings and can share what I have done. If something resonates with you, please try to adopt it in your life. I'm sure others in the group will share as well.

To me, now is a time to grieve and focus on yourself and healing. In that, I would suggest to try to have self-compassion and empathy for the little girl in you that did not get the love, compassion and empathy she needed growing up in your alcoholic home. I say "now", but in reality, now and moving into the future and always is a good time to have self-compassion and self-empathy for that little girl in you.

I've also been seeing a therapist (that I connect with ... took a few tryouts to find her) for the past 9 months and plan to continue this process as I have improved a lot.

Sharing your emotions, crying your tears with a therapist can be therapeutic. It's a process. There are good days and there are bad days. In my journey, I discovered that I didn't receive the emotional nurturing growing up from my parents (they were not alcoholics, but nonetheless I've had a similar upbringing to many children of alcoholics).

If you can't see a therapist, try to find a nearby or local support group of AA or children of alcoholics. Sharing with others who can understand your pain is beneficial and therapeutic. In the short term, focus on good self-care. Try to eat good foods, get enough sleep. Exercise (cardio) if you can to burn off some energy. Be gentle with yourself. Take a hot bath before bed if you have trouble sleeping, etc. Do you have any true friends, family, siblings you can confide in and spend time around? Not necessarily to do the therpy work with, but just healthy, supportive people to spend time with. That can help tremendously. Important is quality not quantity of people.

Looking back at my situation and past relationship, I realize that who I was and who she was (I'm a guy) in the relationship ... it was not going to work out. I used to beat myself up for what I did and my role in the relationship not working (self loathing and beating myself up was a defense mechanism I developed during childhood when I didn't receive the love I needed from my parents. Every child idolizes their parents and when you get punished or do not receive the love you need, a child can turn to self blame of feeling like something is wrong with them because as a child, you can't comprehend that there could be something wrong with your parent(s)). My therapist has taught me self-compassion and self-empathy and there were many sessions of intense tears around grieving what I never had in childhood. In this process, the self-loathing for me has lessened greatly and now, it's a focus on being a loving energy source for all of me. I can sense a lot of changes in who I am now as opposed to who I was at the time of breakup. It's been a tough road, but a worthy one.

I am starting to see and recognize healthier behaviors from myself as a result of this work and therapy (loving myself more, standing up for my needs/wants, creating healthier boundaries, etc). I believe this work will help me in my future relationships, who/what I'm attracted to. I believe the same can and will happen for you if you can continue the work and therapy with yourself.

One book that has helped me a lot is "12 steps to self parenting". It is a short book, but it has some helpful affirmations that we can internalize to help give us the things we didn't get as children. Even though the book is short, I reference it as different things come up for me. A lot of wisdom to digest over time.

https://www.amazon.com/12-Steps-Self-Parenting-Adult-Children/dp/0932194680

I just want to say that I empathize with the pain you are in. I also want to say that you are worthy of love (your own love and that of others). You are worth it for the work and healing that can take place. I'm hopeful and optimistic for you even in this moment of despair that may be difficult to see or fathom. Much love and sending positive vibes to you!

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s perfectly understandable after enduring abuse and neglect.

I’d like to share some information that really helped me, that may give you a fresh perspective. If it doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to disregard it.

Communication is like any other skill. We can improve our skill set through learning and practice. We have the amazing neuroplasticity of our brains on our side here! (neurons that fire together, wire together). When learning any new skill we move through four stages as we build new neural pathways;

1. unconscious incompetence
   (we don’t know what we don’t know)
   
   
2. conscious incompetence
   (we acknowledge that we have a lack of experience, knowledge, and understanding)
   
   
3. conscious competence
   (we have to actively think about and mindfully practice our new skill; over and over again, learning from each experiment and iteration)
   
   
4. unconscious competence
   (we no longer have to think about using our new skill, it becomes effortless to perform)
   
   Like riding a bike, or driving a car. You had to move through all the steps until you get to the level where you don’t have to think about it anymore. You just get in and drive.
   
   You are past step one already! You know what you don’t know. To get to step 3, you’ll need some knowledge and tools. Here are a few that I studied, learned from, and started using in my step 3 practice:
   
   

• The 5 Love/Appreciation Languages and The 5 Apology Languages These tools taught me the ways in which we are different and unique from each other in how we like to be appreciated and communicated with. I will have friends take these quizzes so we can discuss them together and learn how to communicate more effectively with each other. Then we get to practice together.
  
  
• 16 Personalities This is another Quiz I like to do with friends. We share our results with each other and discuss where we feel the results are applicable to ourselves, and how they’re not. We discuss how we are alike and how we are different. I also discovered that I tend to get along very well with other folks that share my intuitive/thinking characteristics from this exercise.
  
  
• Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High This is a book I recommend to everyone. It really helped me learn and understand non-abusive communicating skills. Main takeaway: It is critically important to develop and maintain an environment of psychological safety to facilitate healthy communication. Otherwise, things will devolve into silence or violence.
  
  So, that psychologically safety thing, was a huge missing piece of my puzzle. My parents aren’t psychologically safe to be vulnerable around. So now I need to learn how to make it safe. And there are been some amazing tools I’ve consumed along the way.
  
  
• Everything from Brené Brown:
  
• The Anatomy of Trust. The BRAVING acronym is gold for practicing trustworthy and respectful relationships.
  
• Fitting-in, is the Opposite of Belonging
  
• The Power of Vulnerability book
  
• Power of Vulnerability TEDTalk
  
• Listening to Shame TEDTalk
  
• Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count
  
• Another video on The Power of Vulnerability
  
• and there’s tons more...
  
  
• Francis Frei’s How to Build and Rebuild Trust Her trust triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic(what you say and how you say it) is gold.
  
  
• Shawm Achor’s hilarious TEDTalk: Secret to Happiness The tips on practicing gratitude are gold.
  
  
• Susan David’s heartfelt TEDTalk on The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage Her concept of emotional agility is insightful. Her frame that “emotions are data, not directives” and her journaling advice to “Write what you feel, tell the truth, write like no one is reading.” are gold. The “emotions are data, not directives” line helped me identify and manage all my emotional triggers and exiled emotions; bringing them from my unconscious mind into my conscious mind, where I could see them and then meditate on them using internal family systems until they resolved and I reconciled with myself.
  
  Armed with all this knowledge and multiple strategies, it becomes easier and easier to practice step 3 - conscious competence.
  
  Now we’re into the real deal. We have new knowledge and new strategies, time for some new experiences. This is where we have to be brave and learn to embrace what we don’t know and do it afraid, surround ourself with good people, and abandon our expectations and expect the unexpected. We get to play. And when we play, sometimes we make mistakes, accidents happen, and people get hurt. That’s okay. We use our apology skills and work on building trust again. We set, hold, and embrace boundaries to keep it psychologically safe. We practice. And eventually it will seem to come naturally to us. It just takes time, patience, and practice. You got this!

Some people experience a shift in thinking -I did and have witnessed it in others- when understanding the ramifications of the C-PTSD construct and what follows from integrating its supporting science into one's aware interactions, perceptions, cognitions.

CPTSD is NOT just another diagnostic construct. CPTSD is putting a name to what has been most frequently referred to throughout the last millennia as 'the human condition', specially so in the West.

C-PTSD is the name put to the mass dysfunction that's spread almost world-wide (I'm not sure how it began; there might be some History there..); you know how everyone seems to have an intuition that things are not quite right anywhere, that humanity as a whole is in an unnecessary state of self-inflicted pain and things like this; C-PTSD is finding the whys and hows of this so-called 'human condition', which I'd best describe as the [post-]'traumatic human conditioning'.

C-PTSD comes into the diagnostic world as just another diagnostic construct, but the science that supports this is by no means 'ordinary' -recently overemployed- profit-driven pseudo-science; not only that, the science behind this leap in understanding human physiology and human experience in general means a revolution in the Paradigm on Self, Other, and World, as one will probably understand upon reading (and 'testing') the Polyvagal Theory as well as anything coming from the 'somatic therapies' side. Not to mention all the previous revolutions that this supporting research has brought about such as the Structural Dissociation model, endless insights on human physiology and psychology, or said somatic therapies.

Final thoughts on this, the whole global mess of 'emotional oppression' has needed this long wreaking havoc in order to catch the researchers' attention, and over 50years of dedicated research to start being unveiled for what it is; but, let's make no mistake: people from 'radically' different cultures are able to easily see this dysfunction as it occurs, being transmitted interpersonally and intergenerationally without need for any 'science' whatsoever ('crazy white man' is a phrase I've sincerely and spontaneously muttered many many times, by which I mean I've been able to see it AND experience it directly, and I was only a kid; I'm 'white' btw); we've needed this science crutch because we gave away our own Observation and Deduction rights -and use- as we were acculturated; mostly every human being in this society has lived blind right from the start. But one doesn't need science to know this, nor to understand what things work towards helping with it and which do towards destabilizing a person further. The good thing is that now this wisdom is 'manualized' and even the skeptic modern mind will then be likelier to benefit from it; it's what happens in a society where 'official' institutions approve of what one's been told –and one relies on it to validate one's own experience.

There's all the needed science to understand it, and change it. And yet...

​

Look at the global picture, you'll see that the common element in every household regardless of culture, period, economic status, etc etc etc, is the emotional oppression upon newborns and developing 'children'. That is the core of this thing that 'modern' science comes to call 'C-PTSD'. That's how frequently the phenomenon you mention occurs.


The latest science is also coming to see the link between addiction and trauma. I spotted this when I was around 6y.o. and was sure beyond possible doubt by age 14; started smoking at 25 after a parent almost died twice. Good that science is catching up, though.

This is to say: TRUST YOURSELF EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY. Trust what your body-mind reveals or implies, trust it in why/how it conceals and distorts what it does. You'll find it was -all of it- in order to protect you, to care for you(rself), and guide you, all along. Therapists and peers can be lifesaving, though ultimately it's all up to you and your determination to creatively resolve whatever challenge this journey brings along. Your intuition (your body's ancient built-in system to make you aware of what the body truly needs) is a 'skill' to nurture; first by listening, a lot, without acting or interfering; eventually you'll just know whenever your organism is kindly requesting you to this or that.

​

Who knows how long it'll take you, but yes it can -and likely will- get better.
Please make searchs for specific questions since there's a lot of invaluable information and conversations in this sub. Best wishes on this journey.

Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.

The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.

Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.

Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.

Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:

• Reinventing your life: The breakthrough program to end negative behaviour and feel great again This was the first book a therapist had me read and told me that she thought exploring other therapies (the ones above) would be of better benefit to me at the time being. She was right - this book really helped me understand the 'lifetraps' I was caught in.
  
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma great for explaining all the different types of therapies out there that can better help you - especially in terms of CPTSD.
  
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
  
• F**k It Therapy really was a good read to say fuck it and that I am in control of my own happiness - nobody else. No matter what they do.
  
  Good luck!

> I got a bit stuck once I cracked the mindfulness thing - I was like, so now I've stopped flashbacks taking up 90% of my existence, now what?

Haha! This so much. I have to find my next job and I realized a couple months ago that the reason I physically can't search for jobs is a combo of anxiety triggers (not just one, several!). It's like I was precisely groomed to be unable to become an independent professional, it's absolutely scary.

I'm getting better at noticing triggers (I have like 5-10 a day!!!! ARGH!) and I am aware of the anxiety, but I don't know what I want to build with that knowledge.

> Best of luck and if you've got any recommendations on meditation/mindfulness I'd love to hear them :)

I read different books and stories about meditation. But with the hinsight I got from CPTSD stuff, I think that I need to go through it again. If you want a fascinating read, Carl Jung wrote Man and his symbols at the end of his life to explain his research to high-school-graduate level people. It's very easy to read and blew my mind quite a few times! Lots of stuff to think about.

I think great thinkers should have made books like that, explaining themselves what they think to non-experts. I'd love to see a curation of that type of content (no intermediaries, no word of mouth, just the author saying what they want).

Happy to meet you <3

First, you're welcome. It helps - often! - to have an outside observer.

So, her PTSD and your CPTSD are going to be different: hers is a single incident from an untrusted stranger; yours is repeat incidents from somebody you are supposed to be able to trust. So, she will need help understanding that.

> I'm just scared. I want to tell her all of it.

Do it!!

> I want to give her my diagnoses but it feels dumb why should she need to know or care?

Because she loves you.

I know that I felt so .. trusted and treasured .. when my partner told me.

It almost broke my heart, because I could see that she expected me to leave her in response.

> She said I could always look to her for help. She says that now but does she mean it?

Neither of you can know that until she knows the entire picture. So, yes, its a risk, but it also allows her to make an informed decision:

If you tell her this, and she opts in to loving and supporting you ... then you know she chose you as you are, and knowing what the costs will be.

> I want to care for her.

You do care for her.

> I want to touch her and be affectionate but my dumb brain stops me and tells me she doesn't want it.

I all-but-guarantee that she wants it.

I know I do, with my partner. I pine for her touch. She is almost unable to -- but knowing how hard it is makes those times that she does touch me very impactful:

She was hurt by something, and walked away hurting one night, and I was afraid that I'd lost her .. but she came back, knocked on my door, and when I opened it, hugged me .. it may have lasted five seconds, and then she had to pull away .. but knowing that she chose that discomfort for herself in order to tell me that she still loved me even if she was hurting ..

God. Unless your partner is touch-repulsed, she wants your touch.

> Ugh. You're right I'm just so fucking terrified vulnerable and feel like I'm asking too much a lot from her no matter what I do.

FTFY.

Yes, you are asking a lot of her.

Being the partner to somebody with CTPSD and a history of CSA is not easy!!

It isn't for everyone.

Here's a book you might recommend for her:

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child

I'm wishing you all the courage and love in the world ... it is tough to tell somebody.

You can do it!

<3 <3 <3

p.s., either of you are welcome to PM me any time

Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.

One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.

There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.

It does sound like you're dealing with severe dissociation. Whether it's DID, OSDD, or something else similar this book Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation is a really good place to start. The first few chapters will explain the basics and help you recognize the symptoms of DID/OSDD, which can help you figure out if these disorders might be what you are dealing with. The rest of the book is really focused on skills for coping with and living with severe dissociation. It's mainly written for people with DID/OSDD, but I think it would be helpful for anyone who is dissociated and has the experience of feeling like there are "parts" of themselves.

I have DID and CPTSD. If you want to talk or ask any questions or anything, I'd be happy to answer.

Here are some resources I found. I hope they are helpful.

Books:

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3KJOS5MCJHDF6&keywords=will+i+ever+be+good+enough&qid=1569021426&s=gateway&sprefix=will+i+ever+be+%2Caps%2C231&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Mother-Understanding-Narcissism-Daughters-ebook/dp/B07X7XKZBY/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=npd+mother+daughter&qid=1569021762&s=gateway&sr=8-6

https://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Who-Cant-Love-Daughters/dp/006220436X/ref=pd_sbs_14_3/135-2861419-6173028?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=006220436X&pd_rd_r=2f646092-d474-4db0-a196-5ff21f95c08a&pd_rd_w=qAhbz&pd_rd_wg=fguag&pf_rd_p=d66372fe-68a6-48a3-90ec-41d7f64212be&pf_rd_r=CA0JTDDMD9K4CB14CT14&psc=1&refRID=CA0JTDDMD9K4CB14CT14

Articles:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201310/mothers-who-are-jealous-their-daughters

https://greatist.com/live/mother-daughter-jealousy#5

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2016/10/dealing-with-the-jealous-mother/

Podcast:

https://player.fm/series/the-narcissist-in-your-life-podcast/narcissistic-mothers-corrosive-jealousy-of-their-daughters

Great list!

Want to add one more if possible. The Polyvagal Theory! - explains neurobiological basis for cPTSD and how the vagus nerve is central to healing from it.

> I was just wondering how many people have CPTSD as a result of emotional abuse and neglect as a child.

My father was a narcissist. My mother was a sociopath. So the entirety of my childhood was lost to narcissistic and sociopathic abuse, which left me with CPTSD.

> I’m worried that as it’s gone untreated for 20 years that I may never get better.

This is factually incorrect. You might want to check your local library for the book titled The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. This book is rife with verified medical examples of the neuroplasticity of the brain. Neuroplasticity means the brain changes throughout life. The brain does not solidify like concrete once we reach adulthood. This is very good news for people like you and I, because it means the trauma we suffered in our childhood does not have to rule us for the rest of our lives, because our brain literally does change throughout our lives. We can assist it via several methods, such as psychotherapy, meditation and even exercise.

> I’d really like it if people could share their experiences with me and whether they’ve made any headway, recovery, partial recovery.

So if a psychologist with a PhD, who had practiced psychotherapy for the past 3+ decades terminated your therapy, telling you you have nothing left to resolve, would you consider yourself recovered? I do.

> How long did it go on for before you got a diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 21 in 1985. CPTSD wasn't even on the radar in those days. All total, I have spent 22 years of my adult life in therapy. However, that does not and should not mean you will require as much time in therapy to recover.

The science has advanced so far from 1985 when I first began therapy. Back then, psychology wasn't considered a hard science like chemistry or biology. Today, psychology is getting closer to a hard science. From viewing a brain scan, brain injuries like PTSD, or disorders like OCD & ADHD can be diagnosed now. Additionally, trauma therapy did not exist in 1985. It hadn't yet been conceived. So if you have CPTSD, get to a trauma therapist and get to work, because they KNOW what they need to know to help guide you out of CPTSD.

As far as how the therapy works to free you, there will be MANY moments in your life that you will look at in therapy. Each moment will be discussed & analyzed until you fully understand what happened in each moment. After a certain period of time, you will have hundreds or thousands of these analyzed and understood moments in your life which, when chained together, will reveal the entire story of your life. This is when you will understand every moment that you lived & EVERYTHING will make sense. That is when you will know you are free. Or at least, that has been my experience. DO NOT GIVE UP. It is so worth it in the end.

I've been working through this skills manual Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation and have found it helpful. There are worksheets at the end of each chapter and exercises throughout the book on mindfulness.

Here is the mobile version of your link

> Truthfully, I've never actually been seen by anyone about my PTSD beyond being prescribed Xanax and various antianxiety antidepressants.

You've treated the symptoms, but not the cause.

> I almost called a therapist the other day. But of course phone calls are too scary.

What about online therapy, via messaging?

> Also I've never had a particularly good experience with them. I was seeing one during my abuse and they didn't pick up on it.

Have you tried a trauma therapist?

> I feel like admitting I need help makes me weak and makes them the winner.

This is a false belief, not a feeling. If you need help, getting help will meet your need. You deserve to get your needs met.

> All this to say, I feel dumb. Specifically emotionally dumb.

This is perfectly ok. It's not a block to getting help. Seek rational understanding, if you feel your emotions are blunted.

> Like I'm stuck in the mind if a twelve year old. I just can't explain it other than sometimes I feel like a petulant teen-ager, but totally justified in my actions.

This perfectly ok too. A good trauma therapist can work with this.

> My brain is just WRONG.
>I simply tell him to treat me like I've got a brain injury

This is a result of trauma. It contains two sides;

1. In some sense, those of us who lived through trauma in our childhoods, suffer 'brain damage' of a sort. Our brains form in response to the trauma, which is not how the brains of those without trauma form.
   
   
2. It leads us to believe we are forever brain damaged. However, this simply isn't true. The brain is plastic and changes throughout our lives. We can heal ourselves from trauma. Although it isn't trauma focused, you might want to check out the book The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. This book is full of real life stories, as well as experiments, which repeatedly prove how capable the brain is of repairing itself, whether from strokes or far worse.
   
   > Will I ever feel safe again.
   
   This I can't say. I don't feel safe myself. I was born into trauma and suffered it from birth to age 18. We can create safety for ourselves, but ultimately, there is no such thing as 100% safety at all times.
   
   > Good god reading that last bit, I'm a fucking monster.
   
   You're no monster. You've been traumatized, for quite a long period of time.