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Yoda is wise, but Yoda needs to practice what he preaches, yet to the INTP (that Yoda was), those things are the most scary, yet to other people the same forces would not be scary at all.

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Relax, find your center, and realize that if its meant to be and often INTP and ENFP relationship can work, if the INTP wants to be happy with an ENFP and an ENFP wants to be happy with an INTP.

Well these relationships work for the ENFP and INTP often sees their "soulmate" ^(I do not believe in soulmate, but lets use that word anyway) their finance, their wife / their husband should take on the archetypal role of a Tribesman a person who share a sense of culture, but with different interests and abilities. Aka a playmate who does not mind that their playmate likes other things than they do, and in fact rejoices that their tribesman / playmate likes different things, and in the process some of the time they learn via the tribesman hey X is really fun, even though Y, Z, are boring, and Q, R, S, T, U, is definately not for me but I understand why my partner likes doing these things even if I do not like them, perhaps I hate them, I repulsed via them, or I am indifferent, but X is really fun but Y and Z are boring.

 

Now contrast this to when an INTJ and ENFP work out and they find each other soulmates. Instead of taking on the Tribesman Archetype, they take on the archetype of Pedadogue each is both the other's mentor and student: has a "parent to child" feel. Note this is not being deragtory when it says parent to child feel, but in some matters to the INTJ the ENFP seems so wise, so smart, almost godlike, like a parent sometimes seems to a child, but also not just parent, but also a mentor, or a wise master. And the INTJ feels like they can learn from the ENFP. And the same energy also works in other ways where the ENFP also sees the INTJ as their pedadogue but in other areas of daily life. And in the process of the marriage both of them feel reborned.

 

Now can you the INTP compare and contrast the difference between the INTP-ENFP Tribesman relationship with the INTJ-ENFP Pedadogue relationship? In both relationships when it works, there is a sense of continous rebirth, that grace happens, that a snake is like shedding his skin and is becomming younger when he does so, and thus he feels immortal. But how the process occurs is different. The ENFP finds the other energies the INTP does not possess, or the ENFP finds the other energies the INTJ does not possess via other people in their daily lives. Aka the friends, the family, and so on.

Maybe this link of a fictional ENFP I do not really like can help explain it.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/04/a-ranking-of-who-carrie-bradshaw-should-have-ended-up-with-based-on-myers-briggs-psychology/

Some ENFPs are attracted to the INTP, some are attracted to that INTJ, and others are attracted to another INTJ, and so on. There is no right match for all ENFPs, but instead each individual ENFP needs to find the right match for them, and who that right match may be different than another ENFP would have chosen.

If you are not familiar with the show, this ENFP ends up with the INTP (Mr. Big) and still keeps her bestie (The INTJ red head woman) even though she is not sexually attracted, they compliment their soulmate with other friends and family to provide the energy they need in their lives.

Oh the author of that piece (and honestly that is one of the worse Heidi pieces, but it was a good illustration of my point) is the author of this book

https://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide-ebook/dp/B012DP87ZO

I would also highly recommend reading her free posts on that website. So go INTP and research.

Research and be smitten with your ENFP finance.

 

Be smitten and always asking Ne, aka Exploration, what could be while balancing it out with Ti why it is but do not forget that you need to learn more and incorporate more the 6 other functions in your daily life.

Haha, I guess it was because all the girls were just jealous of me having longer hair than all of them (until last summer)...

On a serious note: percentually there are simply more female ENFP’s than male ENFP’s. The most prevalent male personalities are also S/T, and on average there seem to be more introverted men than extraverted men. So ENFP is almost the complete opposite of the male archetype.

Second question: I have a few female friends/acquinances that I get along with very well without wanting anything ‘more’ from them. Why do you think that is a typical ENFP thing by the way? I also have male friends who have female friends that they’re not into, and they’re not ENFP...

Third question: If I try to read between the lines of your post, you don’t really like the idea of the ‘classic male’, as I understand you apperently do/like things others would rather not see you doing/liking. That smells like inferior Si, aka “how everybody does things is exactly what I won’t be doing”. That would thus mean you’re more of an ENFP than an INFP. Another way to know is if you often do things without thinking them through first. That’s more of an ENFP thing, because we lead with a perceiving function instead of a judging function. Also remember that Ne is in many ways an ambiverted function. Your intuition is aimed ‘outwards’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be around people to do it. I can sit in complete silence and still think up crazy ideas and plans. That’s the reason ENFP’s are ‘the most introverted extraverts’. When I read through r/infp I can actually relate to a lot of their stuff too, so I think maybe ENFP and INFP might be a bit closer together than other types. If you’re still not sure, read this book.

So coming back to the feminine/manly and ENFP/INFP thing at the same time: it seems like you want to achieve things verbally but aren’t able too (e.g. convincing someone of something, making new friends, I don’t know?). I honestly didn’t have a great time in high school, and I felt a lot of anxiety just like you do.

First tip: start walking upright! Point your toes in-line with your knees, slant your hips forward, lift your sternum up, push your shoulders back, straighten your neck and keep your chin down. Boom! Instant self-confidence. Practice in front of a mirror and don’t ever walk like a hunchback EVER again.

Second tip: stop feeling embarassed for the stuff you love. Do you like crocheting? Own it! If people ask you about your hobbies, just tell them straight up what you like. show no fear. If somebody is calling you feminine, buy yourself a really girly phone cover or an agenda for pre-schoolers. Stick it in their face as if it were a big middle finger. Would you mess with a guy who tattooed disney princesses on his arms?

Third tip: use your Fi and ask yourself how you truly want other males to perceive you. For example, read through r/seduction and ask yourself whether or not you would be comfortable behaving yourself like the folks on there. Do you want to be the cool guy picking up ladies like they come out of a vending machine, or do you want to stay 100% true to yourself and keep your every bit of your ENFP discussion style (seeing everyone’s perspective, nicely asking everyone for their opinion before doing anything, etc.). If you’re anything like me, you’d want to be somewhere in the middle. It’s the same for other aspects of your life other than dating. At some point I realized that it’s simply quite annoying to people to be the guy who always wants to weigh in everyone’s thoughts and wants to be accepted by everyone. If you want others to respect you, sometimes you just have to say stuff like “I want to...”/“I’m going to...”/“Come on, let’s...”/“I have other plans” etc. In short: society’s cruel, and will be like that forever. ENFP’s are prone to being used by others because they’re always willing to help, and because they see mostly good in others. Stop wanting validation for everything. Start setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and the rest will fall into place.

Fourth tip: generously sprinkle some Si over your life. Don’t try to be ‘different’ just for the sake of being different. Wear some decent looking clothing during the day, you can still wear whatever you’d like to when you get home. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it. Sleep consistently, exercise consistently. If you feel like you need to put up a mask around some people to keep your life moving forward, just go for it. You’ll find enough people around whom you can be yourself along the way, just don’t bother so much with the rest.

Stay strong brother ;)

Hey! I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over a year ago. I used to think I was INFP but now I think I'm ENFP.




Anyway, I find that my biggest challenges are with concentration, persistence, and emotional regulation. Some things I've found that help me:

• I have the Time Tracker Mini Timer which I keep on my desk at work. I use it when I have to do a long boring task so I can break it up (basically use it to do the Pomodoro method). With the job I have I can't do it all the time because of how my tasks are broken up, but I do it when I can. Any timer will do, but I like that timer in particular because it has a light on top that changes from green to yellow to red, and you can choose the time that it changes from green to yellow. The only thing I don't like about it is that it doesn't count down (i.e. you can't see how much time is left).
  
  
  
  
  
• Writing things down!! I have a tendency to think I can remember WAY more for way longer than I actually can. I have a Leuchtturm1917 pocket notebook and a pen that I always keep with me. I kind of do Bullet Journaling but I've modified it to a system that works better for me. But keeping paper and pen with you is essential! And it's better than notes in your phone, in my opinion. The hard copy is a better reminder.
  
  
  
  
  
• Write down 5 positive things about myself every day. We ADHDers can be our own worst critics and can tend to get down on ourselves when we don't do the things we want to do. It's good to remind ourselves of our positive qualities.
  
  
  
  
  
• Try to practice mindfulness, especially in moments where I'm feeling especially distracted or emotional. I at least try to take a few deep breaths and just clear my head. My counselor always tells me to practice mindfulness, and I think it's a challenge to us as ENFPs and as ADHDers to focus on the present moment and not get caught up in our thoughts. But I definitely notice a difference when I consciously try to practice it.
  
  
  
  
  
• If you haven't already, pick up Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley and Delivered From Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey. Learning all I could about ADHD made all the difference for me. It helped me to understand what's going on in my brain, why certain things are harder for me than most people (like concentrating on things that are boring), and some of the positives of ADHD. Now I can recognize when something I'm doing or thinking or feeling is because of the ADHD and that makes me feel like I have some measure of control over it.
  
  
  
  
• Go easy on yourself!! I feel like this is the most important and also the hardest tip to follow. The previous tip will help a lot. Once I learned about ADHD it made giving myself a break a whole lot easier. I don't know about you, but I tend to expect a lot from myself. It's important that we give ourselves permission to take a break, take a walk, or to fuck something up (it's life, it happens...most mistakes are fixable) and not be hard on ourselves over it. It seems like you're in the honeymoon phase with your diagnosis - you just got diagnosed and it finally explains so much about your life. This is a wonderful phase and I don't want to cast a shadow over it. But I'll tell you that you'll most likely eventually hit a phase (especially if you decide to get medicated) where you grieve how much of your life you "wasted" not knowing about your ADHD and not having your medication. There are also times where having the knowledge and the medication only give you the realization and the perspective of how much more it seems like everyone else in the world can do than you can. This is when it will be so important to practice self-compassion. Other people are good with organization and sticking to their budget and paying their bills on time and remembering their appointments and getting places on time. And people like us are good at empathizing and reading people and problem-solving and thinking outside the box and forging our own path. Different isn't always bad, sometimes it's just different.
  
  
  
  I hope some of this was helpful and what you were looking for!
  
  
  
  Edit: To add to that, I just watched this beautiful TEDxTalk: ADHD sucks, but not really

/u/jugglegod, are you female? I ask because female ADHD plays out a lot differently than what has been generally assumed/stigmatized as typical symptoms. Here is a helpful article discussing the gender bias in diagnosis & how many go undiagnosed under the radar-- like I had!

To answer your question, I am an ENFP with diagnosed female ADHD. This was a good read for me yesterday that /u/sonofkratos submitted to the subreddit-- its about ENFP but you will be able to draw some similarities between behavioral attributes in this article and attributes of female ADHD.

I wasn't formally diagnosed until 2011 (age 21), so I have only been on medication for it since then. It has been extremely helpful in addition to methods I use to approach my symptoms.

• I am somewhat glad that I did not take Adderall during my teenage years-- although I would have greatly benefited from it with regards to my academics, home relationships, goal setting, and depression; stimulants are pretty hard on the body, fuck with your sleep/eating habits, and can be easily abused. As an adult I am able to distinguish my personal limits and truly use it for my disorder, and not just heavy studying/partying :)
  
  
• I'll add that if my child were to have it too, I would focus on more cognitive therapy in place of initial medicating during their developmental years. (my opinion) Not only to encourage healthy coping mechanisms, but there are none, if any then not enough, long-term studies that have been released about ADHD medication (stimulants) and the effect on the developing brain/body.
  
  A really important point I want to make clear is that in NO way did a diagnosis give me an excuse to use in my interactions with others for the way I am. It empowered me to approach my behavior (INTERrpersonal reactionary & INTRApersonal empathy) with cautionary methods to keep me on track.
  
  The diagnosis helped me understand WHY I was frustrated/depressed--
  
  
• I wasn't reaching the goals/expectations in work/school/extracurricular that I had all intention and motivation to complete because of my inability to focus and stay on track.
  
  
• I was negligent in my friendships with others (has to do with ENFP qualities too) because it was hard to organize myself in a way that kept my committed plans and maintained reciprocal contact
  
  
• I learned to map out micro-goal setting on a structured timeline, and to be forgiving with myself if I still didn't reach it-- more focus on staying on the track, not as much on hitting benchmarks
  
  
• A lot of post-it notes, scheduling reminders (Apple iOS Reminders app is super annoying, but annoying in a way that is effective for me-- features that remind you of certain things when you arrive at certain destinations)
  
  TL;DR I guess my coping methods are ways of constantly nagging myself-- but my biggest gain has been in developing personal empathy and emotional intelligence. As an ENFP, we're highly emotional/passionate, overthink things, and have trouble with relationships by reacting poorly to those that are close to us when we hold them to our often high (and perhaps unrealistic) expectations.
  
  These two books (here) and (here) have recently helped me a lot in the areas where my ADHD and ENFP collide.
  
  Good luck and sorry for the lengthy post!
  

It sounds like you have an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style, which is why you probably get jealous more easily than the average person. If it gets to a point where he is spending more time with her than with you, I'd probably be concerned, but it doesn't sound like that is happening.

It also sounds like you're focusing a lot on Laurel and her intentions, but ultimately the issue is between you and your boyfriend - and comes down to how much you trust him. Because if he's a trustworthy and loyal guy, it wouldn't matter even if she tried to seduce him (which sounds extremely unlikely anyway). A trustworthy guy will do the right thing regardless.

I'd recommend checking out 'Attached' by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, as well as 'Insecure in Love' by Leslie Becker-Phelps.

I found this book helpful: Love Me, Don't Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships

Another one specifically about jealousy is 'The Jealousy Cure' by Robert Leahy.

This article is also a good starting point: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship

Right down to the fucking core.

I have a full time job, but the autonomy allowed to me in my job is huge -- so it feeds my entrepreneurial urges just the same.

You will have grand ideas which will inspire the world around you. But outsource accounting work, legal work, and as much of the mundane stuff as you can. When you build your business, build processes - not services. You should be able to hand your business to a stranger and they can figure out how to run things without your help (think, McDonalds).

This is a book which was both a fun listen and a powerful lesson for me as an entrepreneur. It will speak to you as an ENFP and help you focus your vision for your business some: http://www.amazon.com/Built-Sell-Creating-Business-Without/dp/1591845823

Ok, take this suggestion with a grain of salt since I haven't read it yet, but it got good reviews on Amazon so I bought it, I Am That Girl. Of course, it's mostly directed at girls. :x

I also started partially reading The Happiness Project, which was rather interesting about one lady's attempt to improve one area of her life each month. Although, some of her tracking seems kind of tedious--I think I could do it for a short time, but then it would feel like a lot of work, but it did seem like an interesting theory to have a theme each month.

I'm going to suggest reading this book. I just got it last week and have been going through it. Just read the chapter on ENFP dating and it was a tremendous insight into some of the problems I've encountered, which are similar to yours.

The gist is that we are excitable and that's a good thing. We just need to find someone who can appreciate it. The other thing is we have "the grass is always greener" symptom, where we're always on the lookout for the next best thing, which can make it hard to commit.

Our enthusiasm is one of our best assets and the right person will appreciate that. There is a difference between a "healthy" and "unhealthy" ENFP though, and how we focus our energy and enthusiasm.

Actually I have been feeling the same for a few months as well, probably even for half a year. I wasn't really sure what triggered it as well, I just became quite moody and frustrated. There are only very brief moments when I return to the "good days me" like you.

But I think I might have some idea why. What's happening is the inferior cognitive functions of the ENFP taking over (I recommend reading Heide's book on ENFP). This is a result of certain stress that forces us to shun away from our primary cognitive functions - the instrumental parts that make up ENFPs like you said.

I attribute my stresses to the accumulation of my anxiety of the uncertainty, of the worry I have about what the future holds for me. I'm just entering this adulting thing and it is a pretty rough entry. So maybe you could think if there are any worry or stresses you have with your current life. But I mean, stress is inevitable in our daily lives, so you (we) must try to find to work around it so we don't feel so stressed and still get shit done. Is there anything you are holding back? - The fear of certain failures, not meeting certain expectations, not giving yourself enough space and alone time.

I feel like I need a breather, a respite from all of what I have lived with for the past 21 years of my life. And that is why I decided to take a 50 day backpacking trip like a true ENFP and meet people and hear stories from other people about their lives and share mine. I am really hoping that would help me; even if it doesn't, at least I come back with great experiences and even more stories to tell.

I know this travelling to "find yourself" thing is getting very popular and losing its meaning, but I'm sure I can learn a lot more about myself compared to just staying here at home doing the same things I have been doing.

This is getting long, but I really have to thank you for allowing a place for me to finally write down how I feel about myself right now, seeing that there are other ENFPs out there feeling the same thing as me. I hope I have been of help and perhaps you can share some of your insights with me as well :)

I'm not sure if I can phrase it better than this list can - here's a screenshot/excerpt from a book I read recently that gives you a better of idea of healthy/mature behavior vs unhealthy/immature behavior.

http://i.imgur.com/LsJ5gdn.jpg

It's from the book The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide

Hope this helps give you a better idea!

My introduction to the topic was Do What You Are which I found very insightful and helpful in my first few years out of college. I'd like to learn more about temperament theory though, so I'm going to check Keirsey out. Thanks for the recommendation!

If you are referring to this one:

https://www.amazon.com/The-Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide/dp/B017WFASR0/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1JMB0T38GE5KC&keywords=enfp+survival+guide&qid=1569882008&s=gateway&sprefix=enfp%2Caps%2C141&sr=8-1

I got it on Audible and it is truly illuminating. It pulls zero punches though, and know that going in. You will come face to face with the not-so-great parts of being ENFP. Just be ready because you'll potentially happy and sad cry within the same chapter. Absolutely loved it personally.

Get the survival guide for ENFPs. It has a whole section on what adult ENFP wish their younger selfs knew.

The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692532501/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4jyWDbV0NM1G4

If you read https://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide-ebook/dp/B012DP87ZO it discusses how people change and how many enfps emerge as they mature.

https://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide/dp/0692532501/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549821875&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=comprehensive+enfp+survival+guide&dpPl=1&dpID=41bJhxG2IAL&ref=plSrch