(Part 3) Best products from r/aspergers

An interesting story with me is that my parens knew about my AS at an early age (~6), but they didn't tell me until I was 5th grade. The explanation was a good one -- I probably would apply it to myself in the wrong way that could offset other people around me. They did their absolute best to help me like a normal child in exchange, which was very good for my childhood. As the whole puberty issue was coming around the corner, they decided it was probably a good time to let me know about my AS diagnosis, as I was starting to piece together that something was not normal about me, but I couldn't fathom what.

OP, if you think your daughter is mature enough (which, judging by your description, probably is), then by all means, feel free to discuss it with her. Letting her know about her AS at an age like hers will prove beneficial. She's smarter than you think -- she can most likely apply her experiences to her diagnosis.

Also, read this: Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals. This will help you get a better idea about your daughters thoughts and feelings. Better yet, have her read the book herself and talk about it with her after she reads a chapter or two.

The important thing is to be there for your daughter. She's going to be going through a lot of physical and psychological changes soon, and the sooner she knows how to cope with her AS, the better.

I'm a woman, and I find that a lot of those traits are based off research on males (which was indeed the basis of Hans Asperger's work). I recommend you take a peak at the first chapter in this book book (free preview, yay!) and this blog if you're wondering if you might be on the spectrum. Girls tend to have different traits because of being socialized differently. I know of a great scientific article (with loads of solid references) about this in my native language, I'll PM you in case we share the same language. EDIT: Here's a google translated and shorter article based on the scientific article.

Otherwise, this is a list of common traits in girls. However, I don't think it's very scientfic. All of it applies to me, though (recently diagnosed adult). Maybe you find that you can indeed relate, and maybe this could be of some help to you in some way, or maybe only you will find it interesting. In any case, I hope you get something positive out of my tips. :)

Check Amazon. They have quite a few titles. I'd definitely start witht this one:

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

Here are some others that I've read at least partway through. All have been useful to me in some measure.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger's Syndrome (Very academic look at ASD. I think it's actually a textbook based on the price. Includes lots of citations to published papers and some insight into what you should expect if you seek professional therapy)

I Think I Might Be Autistic (good starting point for the diagnosis process)

Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate (Just an autobiographical account of the author's experience with ASD, but still helpful to read IMO)

The Journal of Best Practices (for ASD/NT relationships)

Here are a couple more that I haven't read, but are on my "to-read" list, and seem to fit within the bounds of what you're looking for:

Look Me In the Eye

Be Different

I know this one is controversial, but they have books like Aspergers in love that can help for adults who's partners don't get it.

Personally, I was highly insulted reading aspergers in love - I've rarely met people whom are as creative in the day to day as I am...but maybe your wife reading the book or similar will get something useful from it?

Sure! My book is called Dance at Work, the creative business toolkit and is aimed at anyone (especially aspies) wanting to run a creative company from a home based studio.

https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Work-creative-business-toolkit-ebook/dp/B00NQSUPRQ

Best,

MsBehaviour

http://www.amazon.com/Engine-Leaders-Guide-Program-Regulation/dp/0964304104/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375300733&sr=8-1&keywords=how+does+your+engine+run

Someone just shared this program with me and I am hoping it might help me to help my 10 year old. For the adults in this forum this could be a healthy means of managing their moods, thus their overall experience.

I don't know you, so it's kind of hard to recommend a book to make you understand yourself better. But here's a book I enjoyed: The subtle art of not giving a fuck.

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

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Its pretty good :p.

I would suggest reading a few books. First I reccommend this book for everyday challenges:

https://www.amazon.com/Living-Well-Spectrum-Challenges-High-Functioning-ebook/dp/B00GAPFJNW/ref=sr_1_8?crid=30V18LJ7KH55V&keywords=high+functioning+autism&qid=1568746165&s=digital-text&sprefix=high+funct%2Cdigital-text%2C145&sr=1-8

Also, why not read some autobiographies written by Aspies? I really enjoyed this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Pretending-Normal-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum-ebook/dp/B00N18C0OW/ref=pd_sim_351_3/138-1684073-4136869?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00N18C0OW&pd_rd_r=3647c18a-5e9c-4de2-a4b1-c23c1e9e6934&pd_rd_w=UBcpt&pd_rd_wg=YBuT2&pf_rd_p=5c130f77-a5ef-4ffd-9db1-c29a354f52f9&pf_rd_r=HVWK783EBPR40F7EKBGK&psc=1&refRID=HVWK783EBPR40F7EKBGK

There are dozens of books on Amazon. Enjoy!

I have not found one specific book that caused a huge improvement in my social skills, rather small bits from lots of different types of books have slowly helped me improve over the years:

• The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Temple Grandin and Sean Barron
  
• Difficult Conversations -Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
  
• The Green Zone - Joel Shaun - I've had people laugh at me about this one, it is a resource for children but it helped me to visualise some of my own social problems better. It absolutely may not be helpful for other people.
  
• Essential Listening Skills for Busy School Staff - Might seem very specific, but it's a short book (97 pages) and I found it quite useful because it really offers simple advice for handling what can be quite emotionally charged but brief conversations. The advice is not just limited to school staff.
  
• Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life - Marshall Rosenberg
  
• Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships - Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon
  
• Been There, Done That, Try This! - Tony Attwood and Various

I work out of my home and admit that I don’t sit still as long as I should. I’m pretty fidgety. I still get my work done but do allow myself plenty of interruptions. I sit on an inflatable cushion that was designed to help “calm anxious kids.” It’s SO much better than sitting on a regular chair. They sell them for around $15 on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Isokinetics-Inc-Balance-Disc-Pre-Inflated/dp/B000WQ4Z94/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=isokinetics+balance+disc&qid=1568728412&s=sporting-goods&sr=1-7

To build on that:

Autism and Asperger's Syndrome really aren't the names of disorders. They're names for groups of symptoms. There are experts who think that "autism" is probably more than ten different disorders with the same name.

So, a lot of what you read simply won't apply to her. It's much more important to pay attention to your girlfriend and what she tells you than what some expert has to say.

Now, there is a book that is written for people in your situation (link below) but I think it's complete overkill for you right now.
https://smile.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Aspergers-Syndrome-Understanding/dp/1608820777

Good luck!

I tend to have the typical aspie trait of having an intense 'special interest' in something for a period of time (some things as short as 6 months; other things, my whole life thus far). As a child, my intense interest was the philosophy of mind, so I think this helped shaped my early development of this particular skill.

> Keep up the work, oh and write a book.

Thanks... and I did (but on a completely different topic).

I have a pair of EarDial earplugs (see here). They work pretty well. They're comfortable. They're subtle enough that most people won't notice you're wearing them. Plus, the carrying case is tiny and unobtrusive on a keychain, so I can just carry them with me wherever I go without having to remember to bring them.

I liked the book Thinking In Pictures , the movie Temple Grandin , the documentary Dad's in Heaven with Nixon and this novel The Rosie Progect . I don't recommend the books Socially Curious and Curiously Social or Look Me in the Eye .

[I found this :)](Oranurse 50ml Unflavoured Toothpaste https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0085AOSU0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_6UDwybNWES6N8) and [this](DenTrust 3-Sided Toothbrush :: Specialty Toothbrush for AUTISM & Special Needs :: Autistic ASD :: Made In USA https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008C3UBD8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ZWDwybBQPKX40). If that's not what you are looking for there is a toothbrush they use at the dentist, I think oragel, and it's really soft. I personally like it and think it's a lot better than hard bristles.

This book right here: https://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Guide-Success-ebook/dp/B016WWZO1Y


I have ADHD (not the same thing AT ALL but in the executive function family) and it's been fairly helpful. Also- Facebook groups. Tons of those, like this forum, some of which are run by professionals.

While this book is for parents with kids it has a lot of great info on exec skills and functioning, migh be helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Revolutionary-Executive/dp/1593854455/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420913265&sr=1-1&keywords=smart+but+scattered

There is this one too
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Teens-Executive/dp/1609182294/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

Join the club, grab a sit. Try this book, might help. (https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Habits-Smaller-Bigger-Results-ebook/dp/B00HGKNBDK)[https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Habits-Smaller-Bigger-Results-ebook/dp/B00HGKNBDK]

I started reading it a few years ago and it sounded promising.

I'm on the hold list at the library for this book, so I intend to read it but can't recommend it, per se. https://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Love-Maxine-Aston/dp/1843101157
But I can definitely recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511109289&sr=1-1&keywords=journal+best+practices&dpID=41D6MtJJxDL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

>I think aspergers people make less melatonin in their brains anyways

I read something about there being problems with 'body clock'. This could be at least related.

>I try to avoid sleep as much as possible

I think this is bad. There is a book about it

If you can't go completely without light, you might try dim red lighting. (No time on the computer) for 8 hours or so.

I'm guessing you live in the U.S., and healthcare is in flux, if not a problem in itself.

If you have any affiliation with a religion, you might test the ability of your local congregation (at least) to care for people in the community.

You might set up a cyber-begging website / page. Rich people might be able to donate anonymously through paypal or something.

Use your computer to find support groups (there are others besides this). Lots of soldiers are getting PTSD, so live 1-on-1 help regarding it may be hard to get.

Sinus problems might be helped if

• avoid dairy foods
  
  
• drink a glass of water with half a lemon squeezed into it, in the morning at least.

I bought the GSleeper 20lb weighted blanket off of Amazon. It has greatly improved my overall sleep. I fall asleep easier, wake up less at night & feel more overall rested in the morning. I've had it for 3 months now, no issues.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07F8RRZ9L/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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First tier recommendation, and this actually came to my SO through my psychiatrist:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Mr-Spock-Understanding-Aspergers/dp/1932565205

It's a first-hand account and an interesting analysis of relationship dynamics when one of the two has Aspergers.

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Secondly, can you actually get through this? Yes, you can. But only you as both of you, together, with a huge amount of struggle and understanding. His inaction is typical of his condition, as much as some of the other quirks you describe.

​

You might need a huge amount of patience and time, not to mention love, to guide him to become something better, but it eventually happens or, at the very least, it's worth a try.

I was wondering about these. Do they leave behind residue like the wax ones? Do they block everything?

OP: The foam things don't work very well. These are good for background noise and conceal well (but they've apparently gone way up in price... Plenty of similar options): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00P2NTVPA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_r8nvCbWZR9Y2E

Oh, and this book is also very good.

http://www.amazon.ca/Aspergers-Syndrome-Guide-Parents-Professionals/dp/1853025771/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1371136839&sr=8-4&keywords=tony+attwood

You might want to give Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner by Cindy N. Ariel a read.

Amazon link as well: https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Aspergers-Syndrome-Understanding/dp/1608820777

Yes. As has been documented before by people like Tony Attwood, it's a major problem for girls (and guys, to a lesser extent) who lack good lie detection and creep detection skills and who are taught not to trust their own instincts or their understanding of rules and social expectations.

Being naive, gullible, and socially clueless makes us easy victims. Also, unlike a lot of NT girls, many girls who are on the spectrum don't have a network of close friends watching out for us, warning us about creepy guys.

In my teens and early 20s I tended to miss red flags that should have warned me away from certain guys. And, once in a relationship, if a guy told me that doing certain things or acting in certain ways was normal or expected, I tended to believe him, gullible idiot that I was. I was targeted repeatedly by men I now realize were sexual predators, including a severe abuser and manipulator who completely gaslighted me. That ended in a depression that was nearly fatal, but also led to my diagnosis as an Aspie @23.

There are two books listed on the u/Aspergirls Wiki that are directly aimed at helping girls and women on the spectrum avoid this kind of exploitation and abuse:

• Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life, by Liane Holliday Willey. Foreword by Tony Attwood. "The focus throughout is on keeping safe, and this extends to travel, social awareness, and general life management. With deeply personal accounts from the author's own experiences, this book doesn't shy away from difficult issues such as coping with bullying, self-harm, depression, and eating disorders."
  
  
• The Aspie Girl’s Guide to Being Safe With Men, by Debi Brown. “This must-read book spells out the unwritten safety rules around dating, relationships and sex, informing and empowering them to live full and independent lives while staying safe.”
  
  I haven't read them, but other women on the Aspergirls sub have recommended them.