(Part 2) Best products from r/bdsm

Do it before she arrives. It is more difficult to set them yourself but once you have them in place you can hide the straps easy. And I don't recommend leaving the room, but I do recommend a blindfold. I've listed below some cheap starter equipment if you are looking for more tools to play with. Generally I will start slow and work up to something be it an orgasm, or paingasm and then start the cooldown.

So start slow, build up, climax of some sort, then aftercare. Remember the aftercare. Seriously, aftercare. I generally will take some virgin coconut oil and give my sub a massage after we play.

• Blindfold - Cheap version ($10 http://amzn.com/B001E7BPPW) Expensive nice version (http://amzn.com/B003CGJRNK)
  
• Cuffs - Neoprene with velcro ($14 http://amzn.com/B0052Z8UUK) are the easiest but alot of people like handcuffs ($10 http://amzn.com/B001D4XSYM) but the metal is really taxing on a sub. Leather ones are the best IMO but not cheap (http://amzn.com/B007W52ACW)
  
• Forced orgasms/orgasm denial - The hitachi magic wand is best for this ($47 http://amzn.com/B0089175GE). It's expensive but worth it. Plus you can buy attachment heads for it down the road.
  
• Rope play (Shibari) - You can grab some soft rope for bedroom play ($13 http://amzn.com/B002UV70DM) and visit twistedmonk.com for some instructional videos. For serious rope work you might want to invest in hemp ropes from twistedmonk and sissors for cutting free (http://amzn.com/B001D6YXIU)
  
• Sensation play - feathers ($7 http://amzn.com/B0026I02JI), tickling, pinwheels ($10 http://amzn.com/B000B7N1DA), ice (free, check your freezer)
  
• Spanking/slapping - Using a hand and staying in roughly the safe areas (ass, tits) till you know limits and interest levels
  
• Nipple clamps - Get some aligator nipple clamps that are adjustible so you can start out light and work your way up to harder ($10 http://amzn.com/B002JVWZSI). If you like you can add weights to them down the road
  
• Wax play - You will want to buy special paraffin candles that melt at lower temp for dripping melted wax on your partner ($10 per candle http://etsy.me/18Gwv7b)
  
• Floggers - You can make a call on this based on your experience with spanking ($40 and up http://flogmebaby.com/)
  
  These toys should give you a good baseline on what you like and what you don't. From there I would look around at places like stockroom.com or extremerestraints.com and find out what interests you. Stockroom.com has some of the best selection but is expensive.
  
  Best of luck.
  
  *Edit fixed some links

> I've found a very willing sub who wants to sub for me full time.

How experienced is she?

> What I really need is some sort of newbie guide for doms.

You could try The New Topping Book for starters, or perhaps, The Loving Dominant. For a great discussion of power exchange at all levels, rife with subtle helpful tips, definitely get yourself a copy of The Control Book. Of course, we've got our /r/BDSMfaq which should help with most really basic questions and this community as well for complicated ones.

For new people, 24/7 is really not recommended. It's a lot more work and a lot more responsibility than you may realize. It is generally recommended that you start out slow - say an hour of service one day, followed by a few hours another day, slowly working up to a whole day, a weekend, and finally a whole week.

Only after testing the waters and knowing it's what you both really want is it really a good idea to go into 24/7 D/s, in my opinion. You can certainly rush it if you want, but you should be wary and aware that you are rushing it.

> I understand that I tell her what to eat, when to eat, and what to do at pretty much any time,

What gives you that impression? Is that what she wants?

> but I'm not sure how to reinforce and make sure it becomes lifestyle in a way that it hits that right spot in her brain for her.

Does she have a problem eating regularly and on time? If so you'll have to provide her a structure with rewards and punishments that encourage her to eat. Typically positive reinforcement is better than negative reinforcement. Punishments should not be enjoyable, reserved for serious infractions, and should always fit the infraction (soap in the mouth for improper speech makes sense, but not for not eating).

> She's all for it, and has given me lots of advice on how to dom her, but I'm worried that if I'm not training properly this could blow up in my face.

Training for what? You need to have a specific goal for training. Either you are training her for a general position (sexual service, domestic service, both), to learn specific skills (bottom or top skills you can teach her), or to become molded to your personal specific desires for a bottom. Which do you want, and which does she want? Do you agree?

> Sometimes we'll just kinda relax, hang out, play games, etc. Am I ruining the dynamic by letting her joke around with me? Where do I find that right "balance" ?

Is she having fun? Are you having fun? Stop overthinking it. There is no need to be any particular way. Just be the way you are with her, naturally, but with confidence that what you say generally goes. Don't be afraid to make mistakes either, because you're human and you will make them. Own up to them, and rectify them. Set an example.

> So far she's been very good about asking permission, saying sorry, thank you, etc. How important is that I keep enforcing that? How sternly?

It's important only if it's important to her or important to you. Is it? Did you ask her? Have you asked yourself? You've really gotta ask yourself and her these things, think about them, talk about them, then think some more.

> Does sexual training help reinforce the domestic training? Should there be a schedule for sessions?

Domestic service and sexual service are two different things. Sometimes they can be mixed (nude domestic service in an apron and shackled heels, mmmm). Should there be a schedule is up to you; however, repetition of lessons always helps humans and most other animals with training.

> She asked me to reprogram her, to be her sir, and to dominate her life. I want to put the effort into making sure I do that right, because it's something we've both always wanted.

She seems like an idealistic newbie, and so do you. You both need to put a lot of work into writing essays and communicating with each other finding out exactly what it is she wants and what you want. All this vagueness isn't helping either of you. That's my assignment for you both!

tl;dr Make a list of what you are looking for out of a 24/7 relationship, find out what she is looking for, and make some goals for you to achieve through her submission to you. Write these goals out and create a list of rules to support meeting these goals.

I've been using this one for a little while and it works really well. It has three intensity settings and a couple of pulse settings. I haven't tested the actual range of the remote, but it'll work from a good 10 feet away at least, and it actually worked through a door. It's small enough to be discrete under whatever your gf is wearing, and as long as she's wearing pants or panties it'll stay in place rather well.

I only have a few complaints about it. It's rechargeable, which means it doesn't last too long, maybe 30 or so minutes of vibrating run time. It also has an auto shut-off feature, so the bullet will turn itself off after 15 or so minutes of inactivity, which is good for conserving battery but if you have a long outing you might have to turn it back on (meaning handling the bullet, which might work out if you enjoy the thought of your gf putting her hand down her pants to fix it for you in public). The remote also has limited functionality: just an "up" button and an off button, so you have to cycle through the speeds from low to high.

The intensities have worked well for us, as well as the range and function. For $30, I'd say it was a good investment. If you want something with more functionality or longer run times, then you might try something else.

Douglas Kent's "Complete Shibari", book one. It's part of a series.

The book gets lots of flack from some people for using only femme presenting, traditionally attractive models. But if you're logical like I am, and work best from clear pictures, it's got a lot of value. Definitely try to get a peek inside before purchasing.

This the the bottom
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B076VFR7FM?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_pd_title
Here's the top
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00QA1USC8?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_pd_title

They weren't sold together, I just figured they would look good together 😊

Get one of these: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001TJ6MWQ?pc_redir=1407651856&robot_redir=1

Seriously the best improvement for the wand. Also what I like to do is tell my sub that she cannot come without asking my permission using an exact sentence and then I put her on the edge for as long as I think she can take it before I tell her to come.

I had to dig through a million text messages to find it.

https://www.amazon.com/Hollister-Medical-Adhesive-Sku-HOL7730/dp/B0011FWT34

https://www.amazon.com/Hollister-Adhesive-Barrier-Remover-Category/dp/B003GQX5A2/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_121_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=GHCPGG5B1MNPVD3W3D6K

Obviously this isn't medical advice or any recommendation on fit for purpose from anyone. But I would love to hear about your experiences if you try it out.

There are a ton of infographics. I think bdsmgeek(.tumblr.com) has links to a good number of them. Honestly, you should just get either Lee's book or Doug's book

For long stuff like canes and antennae, I recommend an expandable art tube, like this: https://smile.amazon.com/Expanding-Adjustable-Waterproof-Light-resistance-Telescoping/dp/B01AJ569N2

For everyone asking where to find the collar and pasties, I found it off Amazon. 🖤

I'm not sure where else they can be bought.

Platinum4Play Real Leather Black Spike Collar w Nipple Pasties https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0762BZ9HL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jbFtDbB515HZE

Okay. So I looked and I can tell you the one she had before that sucked looked very much like this. http://amzn.com/B00QBI4VE6

I'm not 100% certain this is the exact same one we bought but it looks pretty much identical. If I showed the packaging I could probably tell you though. http://amzn.com/B00EKH6S4Q

Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes

shibari you can use

Here is a couple of reference book that I found really useful also, those 2 authors have a couple of additional books out also.

This is what I use to control the speed of my Hitachi. It works very well in my opinion.

We bought it on amazon here :)

Link dump!

Threads:
1,
2,
3,
4.

Instructionals: Two Knotty Boys,
Twisted Monk.

Books: Showing you the Ropes,
Back On the Ropes, Complete Shibari,
Erotic Bondage Handbook.

Must Know Knots: One Comlun Tie,
Two Column Tie.