(Part 2) Best products from r/exmormon

Congratulations on reaching a compromise between the two of you. It's a great start.

There are lots of resources out there to learn about world religions. Many are tailored to educating children. There are sites with interactive activities, like this for example:

http://www.hindukids.org/index.html

There are sites that have lists of books to look into reading, I'm sure there are DVDs out there too. Think 'Living Scriptures' for non-LDS. One example might be:

http://www.buddhistchildrensbooks.com

Amazon even has books geared towards kids that introduce world religions, such as:

http://www.amazon.com/What-Do-You-Believe-Publishing/dp/0756672287

Hit up Google and start searching for kid-friendly ways to introduce different paths and belief systems. I'm not sure where you live, and I know you mentioned that you don't want to start going to another church regularly, but Utah has a large number of non-Christian worshippers. There are a few beautiful Hindu temples in Utah (one in South Jordan, another in Spanish Fork), a few Buddhist temples (SLC for example). There is even a strong Islam presence in Utah. If you're trying to avoid worship maybe check into activities or events each community has which are open to the public.

Where ever you live, just start with Google.

Your children are young enough that I'd imagine your time could be spent just teaching ideas that encourage them to think for themselves. You could choose to talk with them about being spiritual instead of religious. Its a great thing when you're discussing religious concepts with kids - you don't have to know the answers they may ask. It's a great time to introduce ideas such as "Some people believe... others believe... but no one knows for certain. What do you think?" The fact that Daddy doesn't know the answer reinforces the concept that these are all mythical/philosophical concepts instead of hard truths.

Talk about being grateful for ___ in your life (such as being grateful for our health, grateful for the ability to have food) instead of thankful (which often refers to thanking god for things). This can also lead into discussions that not everyone in the world enjoys such things we may take for granted.

This website has a few great ideas of things to do with children to teach spiritual ideas instead of religious traditions:

http://www.parenting.com/article/teach-spirituality-kids

I think you're on a good path in that you want to teach your children to learn about other ways of doing things. It can only benefit them. Good luck!!

The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.

Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.

Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:

• Philosphize This! podcast. Start with episode 1 and just listen all the way through. It's great and he even mentions Mormonism a few times.
  
  
• The Power of Now by Tolle.
  
  
• The Happiness Trap by Harris.
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  
  
• Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  
  
• The Alchemist by Coelho.
  
  
• A New Earth by Tolle.
  
  
• A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  
  
• What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.
  
  If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:
  
  
• Start with this easy article for a nice overview. The rest of this blog can be helpful, too. For example, here's a great recent article.
  
  
• This book. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.
  
  
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The Audible version of this is really good, too, if you have a daily commute, etc.
  
   
  
  Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!

Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.

I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.

Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:

• Start with this easy article for a nice overview. Then continue to read other articles on the How to be a Stoic blog. It's a great resource.
  
  
• I'd recommend this book as well. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.
  
  
• Finally, you should also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I have an audio version from Audible that's excellent and I enjoyed listening to it much more than reading it, but there are free copies all over the place to download and read in Kindle if you just Google it.
  
  Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:
  
  
• The Power of Now by Tolle.
  
  
• The Happiness Trap by Harris.
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  
  
• Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  
  
• The Alchemist by Coelho.
  
  
• A New Earth by Tolle.
  
  
• A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  
  
• What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.
  
  All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!
  
  
  

You may already be familiar with this, but I can't recommend enough Steven Hassan's books and website. He's probably the country's leading expert on cults and getting people out of cults.

The BITE Model demonstrates how cults get their hooks in you; and from this, it's clear to me that a mission is like a cult-within-a-cult, similar to the Sea Org with Scientology.

His book Combating Cult Mind Control fleshes out the BITE Model and does a great job helping us understand how the whole process works. For me, having this understanding has helped me to be kinder and more compassionate toward my TBM loved ones, and just help me to not go crazy when dealing with them. His explanation of the divided self (indoctrination creates a second, "cult" personality that suppresses, but never fully destroys, one's true self - even with people born into these groups) also gives me hope to rescue my family before too long.

Freedom of Mind, which I've only just started, appears to show the process he uses to help get people out. He goes into some of it in this excellent video.

I really hope this helps. Best of luck.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I can empathize. My fiancé and I are in the middle of planning our own wedding to take place later this year. We've extended invitations to all of our TBM family members and while it seems like most are going to come, there are a few who refuse. It's frustrating because I know that they feel like their decision is justified and that they are "taking a stand" but really, shouldn't family come first... ALWAYS? Attending a gay loved one's wedding to show your love for that member does not necessarily equal an endorsement. I wish they could see that and realize that they need to start owning their religion instead of letting it own them. The one small token of advise I can give you is to get your hand on THIS BOOK. It's cheap, and you can even get the Kindle version if you prefer. I bear my unholy exmo testimony that this book will change your life for the better (way more than the BOM). After you've read it, I encourage you to share it with your family that may be struggling with you and your future wife. I know it sounds like I'm proselyting like some missionary but I can't help it. I am so passionate about this book. I gave it to my parents and other family members and it COMPLETLEY changed their perspectives. It also helped my fiancé and his family, as well as friends we know. Please take my word for it and get yourself a copy of this book. The beauty of it is that it is written by an active LDS woman, who is known by many older Mormons for her poetry. She also wrote that primary song "I'll walk with you" (and she didn't write it in reference to the handicap like I was taught growing up). Sorry for rambling a bit here at the end, but the point is the author, Carol Lynn Pearson, is viewed to be a non-threatening, credible source for TBM's. They'll actually give her a chance. :)

You're getting a lot of suggestions for a French press, but I'd recommend an Aeropress instead. Don't get me wrong, the French press makes good coffee, but for me it makes way too much and inevitably you get some grounds in your cup. If you're only going for a single cup and want something a little bit more espresso-esque without the grounds in your mug, the Aeropress is great. Combine that with a nice little burr grinder and a good electric kettle to boil your water (which your DH can use to make cocoa or Crio-Bru) and you're set. It's also nice because it's small and doesn't take up the kind of counter space that a Keurig does, so it also travels well (and it's plastic so you don't have to worry about it breaking in your luggage).

If you do go the Aerporess route throw out the instructions they send you and use the inverted method. I like my coffee a bit stronger and tend to do closer to 1:13 coffee to water ratio. I'd also recommend using a kitchen scale (which you can also use to make yourself a better cook in general, if that's your thing) as you'll get a more consistent cup that way.

Unless you have quite a bit of money and counter space to shell out for a quality machine, don't waste your time with any of the home "espresso" machines. Most of them can't actually get the pressure necessary to make a proper espresso and will either give you something you can make similarly with the Aeropress or French press or they come with pods with pre-ground, coffee, which is shit. The extra time to make a good cup "by hand" rather than using one of the automated machines is well worth the effort.

Regardless of the method you go for, whether you get a French press, an Aeropress, a Chemex pour-over, or a Mr. Coffee drip machine take the extra step of grinding your own beans at home. Coffee beans start losing their flavor as soon as they are roasted, but that can be mitigated by storing them in a cool place in an airtight container out of sunlight and grinding right before brewing. I buy my coffee in bulk at Costco and then vacuum pack my beans into about 1-2 weeks worth packages, but I'm pretentious. Most people will say get a burr grinder, and I tend to agree, but America's Test Kitchen tested to see if you could get a good cup with a blade grinder and it turns out you can (thought they only tested with a really high quality drip coffee maker and no other methods, so it isn't safe to extrapolate their results to other brewing methods).

Happy drinking!

Edit: Apparently I didn't finish a sentence.

The Oxford Short Introductions Series has a great volume on Mormonism that covers the faith in a very even-handed and neutral manner. If you're pressed for time, this would probably be the best thing to read. The Dummies and Idiot's Guide are actually not that bad in their presentation of the faith; they're both by what would be termed "liberal Mormons" and do a pretty good job of being realistic in their presentation (though both still being very positive, of course, but they're not conversion texts).

To understand the different faiths in the Latter Day Saint movement you need to understand the history of the faith as so much of the faith claims are rooted in historical events. Books like Rough Stone Rolling and No Man Knows My History give a good overview of Joseph Smith's life. The upcoming Brigham Young biography by John Turner seems like it will also be a good source for information on Young's tenure as president of the Church as it will discuss some of the darker/stranger issues like blood atonement and Adam-God. If you want to go in depth on the history of the Temple ritual, I'd recommend Buerger's The Mysteries of Godliness.

The last information I would give is that most (but not all) books published by Christian publishers should probably be avoided. Nowadays most of them are factual in their content, but their presentation is not meant to provide an understanding of the LDS Church but rather is meant to provide a multiplicity of reasons not to associate with the faith. A few exceptions I'd say are most books by Sandra and Gerald Tanner, and By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus which is an amazing overview of Joseph's "Book of Abraham" and the history and implications of the papyri Smith used in producing it which were rediscovered in 1967 to the subtle consternation of the CHurch ever since.

You're allowed to want basically the same things the church wanted for you. You don't need Mormonism to fall in love with a great guy who's lifestyle and goals align with your own. It sounds like you may be very naturally religiously inclined and that's okay. As a matter of fact, you don't even have to believe in God in the traditional sense to have the same connection and focus on understanding God. Mormons do not have a monopoly on spirituality.

In some ways Mormons lead ascetic lives that aren't terribly dissimilar from monks or nuns. They abstain from much of the world's pleasures and concerns. They spend a great deal of time in religious worship and thought. They primarily socialize with each other. They live in a monastery of the mind, rather than a physical one. Unfortunately it's not a very good monastery, but guess what? Now you have choices.

I would recommend looking up Karen Armstrong and reading the Spiral Staircase. Armstrong was on her way to becoming a nun. Near the end of her Noviship she began to doubt, but her passion for knowledge of religion and God never left and she has spent her life studying it. You will probably be able to relate to her anguish and feeling of loss of the life she so deeply wanted to live. If you like it, read A History of God. Remarkably, Instead of remaining angry, though you certainly feel it, especially near the beginning, her intense passion for religious knowledge kept her intensely fascinated.

If you want to keep a connection to your pioneer ancestors you have to go beyond the CES letter. It's invaluable, but it's not designed or meant to take you beyond the point of disbelief. Instead or in addition to, read the works of believers who have studied the early church and it's people in great depth with both curiosity and compassion, rather than anger and nihilism. You don't have to believe what your ancestors believed to stay connected to them. Knowing Mormonism isn't true isn't the same as intimately knowing the truth of it's people and the time and place they inhabited. Put yourself in the mind of a historian who loves what and who they study and wants to get to know them, even in their flaws, beyond the faith promoting anecdotes shared at family reunions.

Start with Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, which is sourced from the RLDS archives and In Sacred Loneliness by Todd Compton, who is still a member.

edited to add: It would likely be too much for your family to handle now, but at some point you might look up the Unitarian church or the Quakers (underground railroad anyone). If you miss a religious community you can find one much more focused on actually doing good; not just self justifying busywork.

edited edited to add: Mormon Enigma and Sacred Loneliness should be okay to read in front of your mom so you also don't have to feel like you're sneaking around. Replace the fear with curiosity. It will be okay.

There's evidence even Mother Teresa seriously doubted the existence of God. It didn't stop her.

Daymon Smith is the best you will find, especially if your friend is the brainy type. This series of interviews is long but worth the effort. Also, if your friend is patient, I would recommend they listen to the whole Mormon Stories interview with Daymon, episodes 149–52. Even though these interviews are six years old, they are still the best in-depth commentary on correlation. Daymon's writings, including Book of Mammon, were instrumental in my throwing the TSCC out of my life.

You might also recommend the chapter on correlation in Greg Prince's book, David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism.

edit: Your friend may also be interested to know that these two sources—Daymon Smith and Greg Prince—approach the topic of correlation from a faithful yet analytical perspective. For another faithful/analytical perspective, I'd recommend reading Matt Bowman's chapter on correlation in this book, or this essay. PM me if you want pdfs of the chapters by Bowman and Prince.

This might not be what you're looking for but you need to take this in steps. The first step is just to study. Once you learn all the facts you're probably going to need a lot of support leaving the church. It's not easy but we've all been through it. Luckily, this sub is full of some of the kindest and wisest people I've met. You're in good company. It's a difficult but rewarding journey. I'm going to try to save you some time as I and many others here have spent hundreds or thousands of hours studying.

After (or before) you read the CES Letter and the FairMormon response, read the back-and-forth between Jeremy and FairMormon here. It's pretty damning stuff, IMO. Also, check out this. Once you realize how provably false the Book of Abraham is and the Kinderhook plates, it's not super confidence inspiring. Then you learn about all of the anachronisms and issues in the Book of Mormon and how no translation theory can actually explain the Book of Mormon while allowing it to be true.

But really, the quickest and most damning path to showing that Mormonism is false is just science showing Christianity is false. Keep in mind that the entire need for a Christ is based on the original sin of Adam & Eve. For that to happen, Adam & Eve would have to exist. However, at least three independent branches of science prove that they did not. Genetics shows that we did not come from single parentage and that our species DNA is orders of magnitude older than 6,000 years (or 7,000 according to D&C 77:7). Archeology again shows us that our species has been around for a couple hundred thousand years (and that America wasn't populated by transoceanic migration). And evolution contradicts pretty much all religion in some significant ways I've covered here (if you haven't studied evolution it's quite fascinating and despite what many Christians who haven't studied it seem to argue it's incredibly well established science).

And that's it! No original sin means no Christ (plus all the contradictions and outright falsities in the Bible). No Christ means no Mormonism. Hope this shortens your journey!

---

So, with all that said just enjoy the sex, live a good life and stick around here for a while. This place was my lifeline when I went through it all. Oh, and read this book! It's awesome. It'll help you with talking to family and friends about your disbelief and with boundaries which it sounds like you really need to set. You're a grown man and they have no business worrying about what you do in the bedroom. That's just creepy.

If it's a red you're after, I'd bet most heavily on a Pinot Noir. Lighter in body and softer on the palate than something like a Cabernet or a Merlot, California Pinot Noir's plush, easy berry fruit is just the right match for poultry and all your T-Day fixins.
Pinot Noir from Oregon is also stellar — I find it has a touch more earthiness and a little less forward, juicy fruit than its sisters further south.

For whites, a fuller-bodied wine will stand up nicely to the rich dishes on your dining room table. A great California Chardonnay with a bit of toasty oak in it definitely fits the bill with its round mouthfeel and slight creaminess, which just begs for some buttery mashed potatoes and gravy. If you’re not a die-hard fan and usually dislike Chardonnay, ask your wine merchant for one that's un-oaked, which will allow more bright, appley and citrusy fruit to shine through while the grape's full body will still satisfy.

And In the end, Thanksgiving is about celebrating our blessings.So whatever beverage ends up on your table, raise your glass and toast to the good things!

And if you are a serious wino I personaly suggest this awesome Corkscrew Set with classic wooden handled ergonomic designed corkscrew which is best gift under $25 exclusively available at Amazon with 30% off,
Visit this link

Studies of the Book of Mormon

Elder Roberts was the LDS historian I admire the most. Leonard J. Arrington, who is commonly called the "Father of Mormon History", once remarked that Elder Roberts, who was the assistant church historian for 21 years, was “the intellectual leader of the Mormon people in the era of Mormonism’s finest intellectual attainment.”

Some more from him: “If from all that has gone before in Part 1, the view be taken that the Book of Mormon is merely of human origin… if it be assumed that he is the author of it, then it could be said there is much internal evidence in the book itself to sustain such a view. In the first place there is a certain lack of perspective in the things the book relates as history that points quite clearly to an underdeveloped mind as their origin. The narrative proceeds in characteristic disregard of conditions necessary to its reasonableness, as if it were a tale told by a child, with utter disregard for consistency.”

“One other subject remains to be considered in this division… viz. – was Joseph Smith possessed of a sufficiently vivid and creative imagination as to produce such a work as the Book of Mormon from such materials as have been indicated in the proceeding chapters… That such power of imagination would have to be of a high order is conceded; that Joseph Smith possessed such a gift of mind there can be no question….In light of this evidence, there can be no doubt as to the possession of a vividly strong, creative imagination by Joseph Smith, the Prophet, an imagination, it could with reason be urged, which, given the suggestions that are found in the ‘common knowledge’ of accepted American antiquities of the times, supplemented by such a work as Ethan Smith’s View of the Hebrews [published in Palmyra in 1825], it would make it possible for him to create a book such as the Book of Mormon is.”

This was an account of his meeting with other church leaders: “Richard Lyman spoke up and ask[ed] if there were things that would help our prestige and when Bro. Roberts answered no, he said then why discuss them. This attitude was too much for the historically minded Roberts…After this Bro. Roberts made a special Book of Mormon study; treated the problem systematically and historically and in a 400 type written page thesis set forth a revolutionary article on the origin of the Book of Mormon and sent it to Pres. Grant. It’s an article far too strong for the average Church member but for the intellectual group he considers it a contribution to assist in explaining Mormonism. He swings to a psychological explanation of the Book of Mormon and shows that the plates were not objective but subjective with Joseph Smith, that his exceptional imagination qualified him psychologically for the experience which he had in presenting to the world the Book of Mormon and that the plates with the Urim and Thummim were not objective. He explained certain literary difficulties in the Book….Instead of regarding it as the strongest evidence we have of Church Divinity, he regards it as the one which needs the most bolstering. His greatest claim for the divinity of the Prophet Joseph Smith lies in the Doctrine and Covenants.”

Bipolar individual here, who had a psychosis. Also a medical student.

Robert Anderson wrote a book that explores your theories called Inside the Mind of Joseph Smith: A Psychobiography. I think it would be well worth your time.

My assessment's disclaimer: The brain is ridiculously complex. We are only very recently beginning to develop adequate tools to analyze it properly to link particular biochemical processes/pathways with mood disorders/psychiatric disorders/personality disorders. Personality disorders/mood disorders all exist on a spectrum, it's not a binary issue. And diagnostic terms/labels are actually more descriptors, ex. "that looks from here to be blue mixed with green, caused by what appear pine trees; but we'll have to get a closer look." vs. other diseases "2+2=4" as is the case with many infections, for example. It is sadly/frustratingly still a very empirical discipline, though we're about to enter an era of transformation in our understanding of the brain. Very exciting.

My assessment: Smith was a narcissist with bipolar disorder. One trait of narcissism is the idea that you are the center of the world and if people don't assimilate into it in some form you burn bridges (SS quote of having to pick sides after baptism and then you'll fight the church if you ever leave comes to mind.) He would vacillate from thinking things like "I'm made to swim in deep water/No man knows my history" to "I'm the American Mohammad" (paraphrasing)... mania and depression. Toward the end of his life I believe he was in a manic episode with delusions of grandeur that caught up with him when he began to think he could get away with overthrowing the US government at some point and marry any wife he chose.

The question you raise though -- was he delusional -- I think is definitely up in the air, but in my estimation it probably wasn't the case. I think he was very creative (a trait that correlates with bipolar manic/hypomanic episodes) and charismatic (a trait that correlates well with narcissism). Many people believe that Walt Disney had bipolar disorder, for example, and I think some of his stories and storytelling innovations are much more creative than Smith's. ;)

Again, I can't stress enough just how much psychiatry is a discipline of description where disorders exist on a spectrum vs. something more concrete. Bipolar can slide into schizoaffective disorder, which has tendencies of schizophrenia mixed w/depression and occasionally mania, depression can exist in varying degrees and varying durations for varying reasons, but in many cases there are similar neurotransmitters involved etc. Many of these disorders people are finding have similar biochemistry mechanisms involved, and treatments classified for one disorder are very effective in others, ex. anti-seizure meds are found to be very effective in treating bipolar disorder in many cases. Labels tend to be more suggestions or the initial purpose for which the drug was designed, not an exhaustive list of what the drug can be used for.

_____

A side note: you may ask how I ever became a medical student. I had great medical care to arrest my psychosis within days of its onset and have had great medical care since. I hope to erase the stigma of mood disorders and get more awareness out there that it is an illness that is becoming less and less debilitating. With modern medicine though, not priesthood blessings.

Edit: if Smith had bipolar as I estimate he might have, it would be a very mild form. Delusions of grandeur and using moments of "no man knows my history" can be manipulation tactics. At any rate, I only say bipolar because of the degree to which his delusions at the end of his life became, but they could definitely be solely attributed to his narcissism as well.

Pro-Nazi



"Dec 9,1933 - [Less than a year after Hitler becomes chancellor of Germany,] 'Church News' article 'Mormonism in The New Germany,' enthusiastically emphasizes parallels 'between the LDS Church and some of the ideas and policies of the National Socialists.' First, Nazis have introduced 'Fast Sunday.' Second, 'it is a very well known fact that Hitler observes a form of living which Mormons term the Word of Wisdom. Finally, due to the importance given to the racial question by Nazis and the almost necessity of proving that one's grandmother was not a Jewess, there no longer is resistance against genealogical research by German Mormons who now have received letters of encouragement complimenting them for their patriotism.'



"Jan 25,1936 - 'Church News' Section photograph of LDS basketball team in Germany giving 'Sieg Heil' salute of Nazi Party."

"Many of those who felt the greatest anxiety about being able to carry on their religious activities are finding that at least one branch of their church work has received its greatest boon since Germany’s adoption of Hitlerism. It was always difficult for Genealogical workers to get into the archives of the recognized church to trace back family records. When the pastor learned of the intention access to the records was often denied. Now, due to the importance given to the racial question, and the almost necessity of proving that one’s grandmother was not a Jewess, the old record books have been dusted off and stand ready and waiting for use. No questions are asked. In fact, some of the Saints instead of being refused by the pastors now have received letters of encouragement complimenting them for their patriotism. All genealogical workers who are interesting in tracing back family history in Germany should take advantage of the present unusual opportunity." –Deseret News 1933

Moroni and the Swastika: Mormons in Nazi Germany http://www.amazon.com/Moroni-Swastika-Mormons-Nazi-Germany/dp/0806146680/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1424195771&sr=8-1&keywords=Moroni+and+the+Swastika

First, I want to make you aware of affirmation.org/. Learning the stories of individual people is critical in changing hearts. Get Carol Ann Pearson's No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones.

If you want to see some stories from the Community of Christ experience, look up Homosexual Saints: The Community of Christ Experience and Touched by Grace: LGBT Stories in Community of Christ.

Our prophet brought this message to the church (section 163)

> 3 b. Above all else, strive to be faithful to Christ's vision of the peaceable Kingdom of God on earth. Courageously challenge cultural, political, and religious trends that are contrary to the reconciling and restoring purposes of God. Pursue peace.

> c. There are subtle, yet powerful, influences in the world, some even claiming to represent Christ, that seek to divide people and nations to accomplish their destructive aims. That which seeks to harden one human heart against another by constructing walls of fear and prejudice is not of God. Be especially alert to these influences, lest they divide you or divert you from the mission to which you are called.

>7c. It is not pleasing to God when any passage of scripture is used to diminish or oppress races, genders, or classes of human beings. Much physical and emotional violence has been done to some of God's beloved children through the misuse of scripture. The church is called to confess and repent of such attitudes and practices.

If your son already hates the church then nothing is going to change in his life, except maybe he won't want to party as much if he knows it isn't a sin. Seriously though, just talk with him about all of that stuff and I am sure he will be fine. I would recommend not be overly restrictive with him. My mother did that to me and I went party crazy when I moved in with my dad and was free from her chains.

Also, just because your son may become an atheist along with you does not mean he is more likely to be a party animal. That is a non sequitur. The church would have you believe things like that. I would recommend picking up a book on how to raise atheist kids like this, or pick up some books on child psychology. I remember all the wonderful things I learned in my child psychology class and will be going through that textbook again if I ever decide to have children. Best of luck.

Thanks for mentioning us pre-internet pioneers of exmo-ness.

I left in late 1995. Made the mistake of reading Richard S. Van Wagoner's "Mormon Polygamy: A History"

I felt so guilty for reading that book. But, I just couldn't put it down. It was the first time I felt like someone was giving me a real picture of Joseph Smith the man, not the myth. Decided I needed to balance out what I was getting in Van Wagoner's book with something more "church approved." Went to Deseret Book. Asked the girl working if they had anything on polygamy. She said she thought they had one book- they did. It was the book I was already reading.

That was the moment I took the red pill. There was no turning back and the floodgates were opened. I then read:

• No Man Knows My History
  
• Quest For The Gold Plates
  
• By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus
  
• Salamander: The Story of the Mormon Forgery Murders
  
• Secret Ceremonies
  
• Where Does It Say That?
  
  And then I started checking out copies of Sunstone and Dialogue.
  
  I started checking out some of the articles at Utah Lighthouse Ministries and made one trip to their book store, but I was already becoming an atheist and I didn't really like how they weren't just trying to debunk Mormonism but also trying to sell born again xianity.
  
  By November of 1996 I was already attending a Unitarian Universalist congregation and also pretty much an athiest at that point.
  
  When stuff like MormonThink came along, I was already pretty much post-Mormon. And, when I discovered r/exmormon, I was suddenly surprised at how much I liked watching what was happening here.
  
  I'm always surprised at the announcements people make about being done with this place. But, then I found it when I was already over all the emotional rage at having been deceived. I think I just like watching the train wreck at this point. People's posts here really give me the sense that Mormonism is imploding at a rate faster than this stodgy institution is prepared to deal with- makes me happy.

The book Recovering Agency could be helpful for you and your friend to read, it would be from an outside perspective of a different church which your friend may be more willing to listen to. It's really good, as is using logic and reason. http://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937

The other book is The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine one of America's Founding Fathers. you can get it free online or for not much on amazon, it is a very excellent book and a good read.

Yeah, I actually do feel like I get equal time. Early on my wife and I compromised on church attendance - I keep one of the boys home with me every week and we do something fun, like spending some time winning prizes at the nickelcade or seeing a movie.

I also bought a book for my boys, What do You Believe, which is a pretty high level survey of belief for kids. I wouldn't recommend it for really young ones, though. My 5 year old thinks it's pretty boring. But it has been the prompt for several discussions about what I personally believe, which is cool.

We had a very similar experience! 4 years of treatments, when another IUI failed we called it all off for a break. At that point we were truly at the "not ever going back to church" decision. One month later, preggo! Our son is now almost 17 months, not blessed, will never be involved in the church himself, and I have formally resigned. Its AWESOME! May I recommend two great parenting books I've loved reading and that have helped me a lot on my way out of Mormonism and in learning how to raise my boy without the church?

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376170920&sr=1-1&keywords=parenting+beyond+belief

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Freethinkers-Practical-Parenting-Beyond/dp/0814410960/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376170920&sr=1-2&keywords=parenting+beyond+belief

Best wishes and of course CONGRATS!!!!

Along with Cosmos, there is a fantastic episode of Stephen Hawking's "Genius" that is a great intro to evolution. https://youtu.be/Gcaep3KER-o

My favorite entry level book is Dawkins "The Magic of Reality". https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Reality-Know-Whats-Really/dp/1451675046

The best youtube series is this one https://youtu.be/zZlrNtB1NXU, episodes 6 through 12 cover evolution.

The best overall documentary showing how it all comes together is this,
https://youtu.be/RQm6N60bneo

Home teaching started in 1963 when TSCC underwent correlation. Harold Lee gave a talk in the priesthood session of conference explaining correlation, and in that talk he announced the start of the home teaching program (starts on page 86, second column, Chart #6. It was basically a way to make sure everybody got the word out about this new-fangled correlation and to enforce priesthood hierarchy/keep tabs on all the priesthood holders.

If you don't know much about correlation (the period in the 60s when the church became completely centralized, started white-washing its history, and got rid of inconsistent/contradictory doctrines/teachings) I would recommend the work of Daymon Smith. He has an entertaining blog as well as some great books (one about his experience working in the COB), and did his PhD in anthropology studying the history of Mormon correlation. His dissertation is long but completely fascinating. For a shorter account of correlation, see the interview he did with BCC. Also, here's a hilarious video the church put out in the 60s about the "importance" of home teaching (cue the loser, inactive dad, and the clean-cut home teacher who is a better father-figure to the confused, but faithful, young man).

I think visiting teaching started in Nauvoo when the Relief Society was organized as a way for the sisters to go around to collect donations to then distribute to those in need.

> You better believe I am going to plug it here for two reason: 1. This is my target audience…

Yes, /u/Porter_rockedwell, this is your target audience. Luna Lindsey plugged her book Recovering Agency here and even bought banner adds for the top of the page, and I remember much complaint but lots of praise. I suggest that you make your book available for kindle, which is easy for amateur self-publishers and how most people here would buy it.

As far as /u/daysofapostacy goes, it's seriously bizarre that anyone would claim that /r/exmormon is a lucrative place to gain followers for a fashion blog instead of sticking to bourgeoise TBM Utah Valley-girls. If /u/daysofapostacy was chasing fame and profit she would gone on pretending to be TBM. Choosing to come out as apostate is probably going to hurt her business.

They are a corporation the same way that the Vadican is a corporation.

There is a for-profit company named "The corporation of the President" that owns the trademark "The church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints". It has a non-profit arm.

All proceeds from members go directly to the president of the "Corporation of the president"; which means tithing goes through the non-profit, directly to the for profit; where they put it into accounts for 3 years, spinning interest; and then can buy private companies with the interest.

Details exist in Damon Smith's "The book of Mammon"; but you can get a pretty good feel for it [here] (http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/03/03/correlation-an-uncorrelated-history-part-1-the-mormon-underground/) or here.

Also the charter for the corporation of the president is here

Also you can look at the supreme court case that ended the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a church Here

Oh god yes. I confessed all the time. I went on my mission without a whole lot of conviction but during it did my best to obey so I could be worthy of the spirit and a testimony. Boy, was this a perfect recipe for psychological distress. I constantly wondered whether my thoughts were prompting from the spirit or not and I always wondered why I wasn't getting the testimony and burning conviction I'd been promised. "Well, better step it up," I'd think. Probably because I spent 45 minutes instead of 30 minutes writing email. Probably because I thought sexual thoughts. Probably because I had Josh Groban on my iPod. And later, probably because I have an iPod. I kept stepping it up. I wanted so bad to be worthy of god's prompting and dod everything I could to merit it. When I didn't measure up to these unrealistically high expectations, I would step it up. I was ALWAYS confessing and whenever I felt a huge wave of relief, I would think it was the spirit. Nope. Just OCD. I would "sin" like maybe seeing something scandalous on late-nite TV that was sexually arousing. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, true contrition. So I took seriously D&C " 42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
43 By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." So I would confess in order to create embarrassment, shame and guilt so that I could feel godly sorry and truly repent of my seems because after all "...our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence." (Alma 12:14)

OCD/Scrupulosity can be a real bitch but it is possible to overcome.of this, I testify (without hesitation). : ) It will take work. Expect to do a lot of reading. In addition to these books below, I recommend finding a therapist.

Learning about mindfulness really helped. I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic-ebook/dp/B005NJ2T1G.

I also recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-Go-There-Are/dp/1401307787.

This: http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Brain/dp/1583334831

This: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

And this one:http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

That Mormon Stories podcast really helped me. I think there's a few of them. It put a name to something I'd just thought was normal. I just remember thinking "That's me!" If only someone had had the wherewithal to say "Young man, all this confessing isn't ok. Let's get you some help." I was consumed by guilt and shame all the time, never measuring up. So I'd step it up. The idea of "worthiness" was incredibly harmful to me. We are all worthy of love, of respect, and acceptance.

I also struggled with assertiveness so for what it's worth here's a discussion and some book recommendations and a discussion from last week.

Recovery is possible. I have completely gotten over all that guilt. I learned o get over that nagging guilty feeling or even that feeling like "oh shit! I left the stove on". I've had so many of those. But now I don't. I just started ignoring them. "Fuck it. Let my house burn down." What I once thought was the spirit, I now know was just my brain. Now I don't feel that. My brain has rewires so that those feelings don't come up anymore. And now I have done everything I always feared and "far worse"--I've had sex outside marriage (I was never married) and so broke my "covenants" from the temple, I've smoked weed, drank (though I don't anymore). No guilt, no shame. I'm not saying you need to do those things to get better, I'm just saying that if you'd known me a decade ago, you'd have not believed I would have ever done anything so "wicked".

My point is there's nothing objective about that guilt and shame we felt. It's only because it was instilled in us from an early age. It's a learned response and can be unlearned. We just took the Church and its truth claims and hell and punishment seriously.

Best to you. Feel free to PM me any time. Know that there's hope.

Rough Stone Rolling is good but soft-pedals some things.

Some of the stuff from the church historian's press looks worthwhile: https://www.churchhistorianspress.org/publications?lang=eng

Greg Kofford Books has an extensive history line. I've enjoyed what I've read and found it to be well done. https://gregkofford.com/

Natural Born Seer is good, more of a critical lens on Joseph Smith's early years, really intriguing.

Joseph's Temples regarding the Freemasonry connection.

People highly recommend D. Michael Quinn.

Leonard Arrington's stuff is supposed to be classic, Great Basin Kingdom.

David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism by Gregory Prince.

First off, welcome! I'm glad you're here. But I'm sorry for what you're going through right now, and for the loss of your parent. What a hard situation. I'm not exactly sure what to say for each of your three points (except I totally agree with you on the 3rd - those thoughts pop into my head too). But I just suggested these two books for someone else on here, and I'm going to recommend them to you too. They were both helpful to me in sorting out what I was feeling, and why. Good luck!

• [Leaving the Fold] (http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464644226&sr=8-1&keywords=leaving+the+fold), by Marlene Winell.
  
  
• [Recovering Agency] (http://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464644338&sr=8-1&keywords=recovering+agency), by Luna Lindsey.

>When it comes to gay issues, most Mormons have only the muddiest understanding of what life is like for gay people or about the doctrinal reasons their LDS leaders say and do the things they do. In fact, most Mormons have only the muddiest understanding about what their church leaders are really saying about homosexuality. The message of understanding and compassion has not trickled down. And this is dangerous, because most LDS children who grow up to be gay are born and raised in families that feel they must choose between accepting and supporting their child and staying with the church that defines their lives.


This is why EVERY member of the LDS church needs to read Carol Lynn Pearson's books, Goodbye I Love You and No More Goodbyes. These are books which are written by a faithful mormon, to other faithful mormons, so they can be received without challenging a mormon too hard or offending them too deeply. But they also are the perfect education on what homosexuality really is. The first book is the story of her homosexual husband and their failed and tragic marriage. The second book is all the stories of homosexual people who have come to her and told her their story since the first book was published. You can't read these books without leaving ignorance and prejudice behind. It should be required reading for every single church member.

In fact...any of you who has a mormon on your christmas giving list, I would HIGHLY suggest giving these books for christmas.

It depends what you're looking for and what your budget is. Personally, I make my coffee with an AeroPress, which makes a beautiful, clean-tasting cup of coffee. I actually use a super fancy grain grinder leftover from the prepping days of Mormonism. Be sure that no matter what grinder you get that it's a burr grinder, not a blade grinder. A blade will give you inconsistent sizes which will lead to over- or under-extraction of the beans. If you want something relatively inexpensive but still good, you should get a manual grinder. The Hario Skerton or Mini Mill is a good place to start. But it really depends on your budget what you should get. Electric, you might go with the Baratza Encore. You might make your way over to /r/coffee for a better answer, but that's my advice.

Jaded Comments
----

>> next unto it is to say something disparaging about Sherry Dew (i wont go into that one, apart from saying that I may have called her a haggish old woman),

I find it funny, that the role model for women in the church is a never married CEO.

>> As time went on, because my employment was directly tied to my beliefs I spent many painful nights trying to get myself to believe

This is my theory on apologists.

>>I have never felt more at peace, happy and self confident as I do now that I have left the church behind me.

Congratulations! I'm happy for you.

----

Questions
----

1. Have you read this?
   
   
2. Do you have moderately relevant numbers on activity, tithing, expenditures, any of their internal studies, corporate expenses / losses, or other information long kept hidden from the public?
   
   
3. What were your "Wow, you're kidding me. This happens in the Lord's church!" moments.
   
   
4. How many of your coworkers do you think have completely drunk the kool-aid vs just want to keep their job?
   
   
5. How are women regarded by the COB?
   
   
6. How many missionaries did you see take the jobs of FTEs, or FTEs reduced to contractor status to keep their jobs?
   
   
7. Were there any pleasant moments working for the COB?

Thanks for the ping /u/vh65!

Hello /u/mckennahyoung! I'm Gileriodekel. I help run /r/LDSINC, which is the subreddit dedicated to the church's financial information. I run it with /u/hiking1950 (who honestly does more than I do now-a-days).

Another good resource would be /u/Mithryn's blog post "Structure of the Corporation of The President / Bishopric (Actual LDS “Church”)". He lists all the businesses that the church owns. /u/Mithryn himself is also a fantastic resource.

In regards to the mall, I made this spreadsheet. It is a year-by-year comparison of the church's humanitarian aid to the mall they built. I searched through thousands of archived documents to find all official financial information and humanitarian aid factsheets, most of which the church has tried to throw down "the memory hole".

 

Anyway, if you have ANY questions, please message me or /u/hiking1950 directly. We love talking and researching this kinda stuff. I actually used to help run /r/exmotalks (which is more-or-less dead), and I'd even help you write your paper if you'd like.

&nsbp;

EDIT: I forgot to mention, professional Mormon historian and former BYU history professor D. Michael Quinn is releasing a book called "The Mormon Hierarchy: Wealth and Corporate Power". The release date has been pushed back more than a couple times, but if it releases in time it will be an invaluable resource.

I answer timidly both because I am a TBM and because I don't know anything about the psychology involved, but I'd say the idea that a Mormon would think "well if JS is wrong that's on him, not me" is pretty far fetched to me. We are each encouraged to gain, through personal revelation, a testimony that (among other things) JS was a prophet. We are encouraged to take personal responsibility for our own beliefs and actions.

.

All that said, the LDS church is definitely authoritarian on belief.

.

Regarding Mount Meadows, look up the history before assuming it was a result of people acting in response to Church authority. I'd recommend this book, by a non-LDS author.

I was coming to say this exact thing! I'm about 1/3 into it and it's SO fascinating. I live in SLC, so I went to his author event when the book came out at Wellers Book Works. He had a lot of pictures and things on display, gave a great talk, and there was some really great Q&A and discussion. It's by David Conley Nelson.

Joseph made edits to the manuscript while it was at the printer. And from the time Joseph received the plates (1827) to the time the manuscript was completed (late 1829) was more than two years. That's plenty of time for Joseph to have the story completely laid out in his head. Read an original 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon and you'll see how different it is from today's version. And I'm not talking about punctuation, chapter headings, or verse separations.

Stephen King wrote Running Man in a week. Brilliant and creative people can write stories in a flash. BH Roberts, a former General Authority in the 1920's and 1930's, did a study on the Book of Mormon and Joseph's history. He concluded that Joseph had the necessary faculties and intellect to produce the Book of Mormon on his own. Read this.

The Book of Mormon is nothing more than Bible fan fiction.

I think it has gone pretty good considering how little I market it. I'm sure if I spent more time getting the word out or even some paid advertising, it would have even more success. It has sold a couple hundred copies on Kindle I estimate, with a few copies still selling every month by no effort of my own. 11 online reviews is a good start too. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00D31BNFY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00D31BNFY&linkCode=as2&tag=lifeaftemorm-20

Brigham H. Roberts was considered the best church historian of his age, (early 1900's). A brilliant man, faithful member of the church, and author of "The Comprehensive History of the Church". In my mind nobody knew the history of the church better.

He also authored a volume called. "Studies of the Book of Mormon" which was published after his death by 'Signature Books'. I think it is the most damning evidence for the book of mormon fraud that I have read.

"Studies" is available on-line for your personal library, or do what I did and just borrow it from the Local Library. A fascinating read, thoroughly footnoted and documented in the style of one of the worlds great historians.

According to D. Michael Quinn in his book, Mormon Hierarchy: Wealth and Corporate Power, he estimates that that church members payed $33 billion (with a "B") in tithing donations in 2010.

I did some back of the envelope math a few weeks ago, based on estimated activity rates in the United States, family size, and median income, and came up with just over $3 billion in tithing donations. If the United States is home to 41% of the global Mormon population, and if D. Michael Quinn is right in his guess, then I seriously underestimated my assumptions at about $7 billion in donations.

What's interesting though, is that the church is more wealthy as a corporation than a religion. They have investments in agriculture, real estate, properties, farming, stocks, and much more. Some estimate that the church is worth more than $100 billion, and if so, tithing is making up anywhere from 20-35% of its total revenue.

But the church is bleeding members, and to lose 1/3 of your income would be a serious financial setback for the church. With that in mind, it perfectly clear why the church leadership is spending so much time focusing on "stay in the boat", and other related topics.

But I prophesy that in 100 years, the "Corporation of the Presiding Bishop of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" won't be a religion any longer, at least not as we know it, but instead will be a literal non-profit, tax exempt, run of the mill charity. It'll be more akin to the Salvation Army than Protestantism.

My situation is very different, DH and I are both out. I do however worry a lot about Utah culture influencing my kids and my kids wanting to please beloved TBM grandma. One thing I do is read them children's books about different beliefs/science. Here are a few I ordered recently. My heart goes out to you. Keep doing your thing, being a loving father and talking to them openly.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1940051045/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0152017720/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756672287/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 (for older kids)

What I like about stoicism is that it is the philosophical basis for a number of evidence-based psychological therapies that go under the general rubric of cognitive behavioral therapy (C.B.T.).

This New York Times article provides a broad overview of modern stoicism.

https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/02/how-to-be-a-stoic/

I thought this book was pretty good if you're interested in a more in depth explanation of stoicism.

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493200369&sr=8-1&keywords=the+guide+to+the+good+life

I found out 3 years ago that my mom was a narcissist. I started reading all the self-help books about narcissism. Then one day, I re-heard about how Joseph Smith had run for President and crowned himself King of Nauvoo. My heart sunk as the good ol HG whispered "Joseph was a narcissist." A Google search produced tons of results, including this book, which I highly recommend: https://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Joseph-Smith-Psychobiography/dp/1560851252 Anderson diagnoses Smith as a narcissist and sociopath.

If you enjoyed Fawn Brodie's book, I highly recommend the recent Brigham Young biography, Pioneer Prophet, by John Turner.

Brigham Young is incredibly fascinating in his own right, albeit for very different reasons from Joseph Smith.

Here are a few I can recommend:

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself

http://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418415604&sr=1-1&keywords=the+untethered+soul

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418415543&sr=1-1&keywords=stoicism

Mindfulness in Plain English

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Plain-English-20th-Anniversary/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418415648&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+is+plain+english

love those books, another great one and aimed at exmos Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control

I did join the new sub!

Switching to a better brewing method can cut a lot of the bitterness and acidity and an aeropress is only $30 and a French press would be just as cheap (and let you make more than one cup at a time).

Grad school is very busy so far, but in a good way :)

All three of your professors points are rubbish. If language had evolved as much as he it said it did then Egyptologists wouldn't be able to interpret the countless artifacts from the same period. Is he really saying that the BOA is the only artifact that is different than all the others? Look up the Book of Abraham on Mormon Think. But for an excellent book, and one that answers each of your professors assertions then this one is in my opinion one of the best. Even though it is from the 90's it still holds up today.

https://www.amazon.com/His-Own-Hand-Upon-Papyrus/dp/0962096326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539867049&sr=8-1&keywords=By+His+Own+Hand+Upon+Papyrus

A question you seriously need to ask her (and yourself) is if she is okay being in a mixed faith marriage. It is likely she is banking on you feeling the spirit eventually and getting baptized, and providing her the opportunity for a temple marriage.

Something I believe isn’t spoken about often enough on this forum is the concept of mind control, and the undue influence the church has on its members. If you seriously want to make things work with her, please look into the BITE model of mind control and/or read some of Steven Hassan’s books his updated version of his old book is great

This is the first post I’ve read of yours, but to be honest there are a LOT of red flags and alarm bells ringing right now.

If you are willing to speak with her bishop, ask if she is willing to read the information on LDS.org in the gospel topic essays. And further the CES letter

It’s likely that she is unable to objectively look at the truth claims of the church due to control over her mind. Maybe research the BITE model with her, get her to investigate it herself.

We still have FHE with our kids. Over time, we've sorted through our values, and what is important to us, and we'll continue to do that. But we teach kids lessons based on that. I also talk to my kids about some things on the news, things that happen to them at school, etc. It isn't hard to find ways to teach kids outside of the church.

For service, find some good service opportunities for them through local organizations.

Here's a book full of short chapters that are essays or stories from parents: https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268

http://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Joseph-Smith-Psychobiography/dp/1560851252

Check out this book. The author is Robert D. Anderson, M.D., (a nevermo) is a semi-retired psychiatrist in private practice whose studies at the Psychoanalytic Institute stimulated his interest in applied psychoanalysis. This is a great book.

I borrowed "The Magic of Reality" by Richard Dawkins (https://amzn.com/1451675046) from our local library and devoured it. It made me realize just how much religion had shut off my brain when thinking about people, history, science, and the natural world around me. The beauty and wonder of the real world as described in the book drove me to tears. There is so much left to learn and discover!

Now I can't shut up about it. I now talk about science and history with more passion than I EVER did about the Church. :D

I've read A View of the Hebrews. I recommend reading B.H. Roberts' Studies of the Book of Mormon first as a primer. There are significant historical knowledge gaps between the time View was published and our own and I found Roberts' work helpful in bridging those gaps. Roberts set out to answer a few simple historical questions about the BoM that a member had written in to a GA...

Reading View will get you:

• a firsthand read at what was probably the source of a lot of major thematic points of the Book of Mormon, rebutting FAIRs claims of no connection; and,
  
  
• firsthand read of numerous and very specific pseudoscientific linguistic and cultural theories that were considered credible at the time the BoM was written, which have since been discredited, and which were incorporated into the BoM by the author(s) of that work.
  
  Reading Roberts work provides:
  
  
• firsthand knowledge that when FAIR characterizes Roberts' work as a piece of "devils advocacy" they are lying;
  
  
• a well-articulated summary of early concerns with BoM anachronisms (linguistic, anthropological, metalurgical, and agricultural/animal husbandry);
  
  
• strong evidence to the theory that Joseph Smith incorporated material from his life/social milieu into the Book of Mormon;
  
  
• examples of overt and thinly disguised plagarism from the Bible;
  
  
• analysis of simplistic and superficial stories/teachings of the BoM;
  
  
• Roberts' retelling of how his findings went over with the 12 and FP when he shared them with that body; and,
  
  
• all of this written from a perspective of faith from a President of the 70 who died in full fellowship, was church historian, who literally wrote The History of the Church and was formerly a strident defender of the Book of Mormon.
  
  Your husband might read Roberts work with you or on his own, given that he probably has a copy of Roberts six volume History of the Church and doesn't consider that anti-Mormon (in fact it's quoted extensively in official church publications.)
  
  Best of luck.

By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus: A New Look at the Joseph Smith Papyri by Charles M. Larson

Quick read, great full color foldout photos of the papyri (best available anywhere, I believe).

No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie

https://www.amazon.com/His-Own-Hand-Upon-Papyrus/dp/0962096326

https://www.amazon.com/No-Man-Knows-My-History/dp/0679730540

You can go to the Marriott library Special Collections dept on the 4th floor...just ask them about the BH Roberts stuff, they will be glad to bring you tons of stuff...that I am sure that the church doesn't like people to know about. You can also buy his writings now. The book is called Studies of the Book of Mormon...here is the amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1560850272/qid=1091914132/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/104-3960798-7723963?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Get an Aeropress. Very easy to pack up in the cupboard and makes a fantastic cup.

And they are very cheap!

I would strongly recommend this book. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0814474268/ref=nosim/?tag=parebeyobeli-20 Its got some really good mixed marriage stuff.

I really enjoyed this one about the book of Abraham: By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus: A New Look at the Joseph Smith Papyri https://www.amazon.com/dp/0962096326/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_Fb.MwbRT8GJNH

I second the call for an aero press. Grab one, a coffee grinder, and a storage container (mason jars work fine too) for your locker or safe location.

After the initial investment (less than two weeks of your 5$ a day), this plus hot water gets you coffee at pennies a cup. The container keeps your beans fresh, and you only grind what you need every time.

I don't know of any AA type groups, but I know there are meet up groups in various places, especially Utah.

Also, the psychologist who coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome came up with this workbook to help people with the transition: Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_rQ5HDbTQVQ4X2

I'm considering giving it a shot. Maybe it could help you?

PS - Look for this book to be released very soon:

https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356

I highly recommend Quinn's work. Fascinating, documented, and studious reading.

I highly recommend educating yourself before delving into this territory. Brainwashing isn't what you think it is. This is an excellent book. Highly worth reading in it's entirety before you confront your wife

Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967068827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OKqwDb7CD69GR

See my flair.

Maybe some of these or books like these will help you explain things to your kids.

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326736652&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Pretend-Freethought-Book-Children/dp/1877733059/ref=pd_sim_b_7?ie=UTF8&refRID=1TST6CPCNP7RGVV1RVT7

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Freethinkers-Practical-Parenting-Beyond/dp/0814410960/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=1TST6CPCNP7RGVV1RVT7

http://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Yes-No-Dan-Barker/dp/0879756071/ref=pd_sim_b_5/175-5906093-8191060?ie=UTF8&refRID=161YVFZQ1AYMJBH8S80V

http://www.amazon.com/What-Do-You-Believe-Publishing/dp/0756672287/ref=pd_sim_b_2/175-5906093-8191060?ie=UTF8&refRID=161YVFZQ1AYMJBH8S80V

http://www.amazon.com/Older-than-The-Stars-Karen/dp/1570917884/ref=pd_sim_b_3/175-5906093-8191060?ie=UTF8&refRID=161YVFZQ1AYMJBH8S80V

I bought this book for my kids and they have had a great time learning about all different religions (if I recall it was recommended by this sub :))

What Do You Believe

http://www.amazon.com/What-Do-You-Believe-Publishing/dp/0756672287/ref=pd_cp_b_0))

*edit for spacing

It's on the book "by his own hand upon papyrus"

It's the first chapter. It mentions that people were starting to doubt Joseph Smith so they had to do something to revive the faith. When the mummy salesman came to town it was just what they needed: Show that Joseph could translate ancient documents.

I recommend you pick up the book [Recovering Agency] (https://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484835604&sr=8-1&keywords=recovering+agency). It goes into depth on how the Mormon church controls its members, and the psychological, emotional, family and social struggles they can face in separating from it.

Thank you for being willing to support her.

I feel ya there. It's been healing to learn about the psychological manipulation the Church uses, and how my own cognitive biases played right into their game. This book has really helped me deprogram and separate my identity from the Church.

Remember, TSCC was just scaffolding. Your values, personality, memories, quirks, and strengths are your own.

Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control https://www.amazon.com/dp/1489595937/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LTe1DbDEDBCEQ

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2012-07-18/how-the-mormons-make-money

Like this?

And D Michael Quinn's book is coming out next week. I think everyone trusts him.

https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356

if she still wants to stay within christianity, I suggest UU or TEC (the episcopal church) both are fairly progressive non-indoctrinational churches. We go to TEC, and my girls love it the two oldest got to go to their first sleep away camp and they loved it, they are even open to the fact that even tho I am still Christian, my spirituality is more closely align with agnostic theist and my hubby is Secular humanist/agnostic atheist. but as with everything it would also depend on your parish, not all churches are made equal even within a particular denomination. also I suggest helping her develop her own critical thinking. have her read [the magic of reality] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Magic-Reality-Whats-Really/dp/1451675046/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406185178&sr=8-1&keywords=magic+of+reality), and [Philosophy for kids] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1882664701/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) also read [Raising Freethinkers] (http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Freethinkers-Practical-Parenting-Beyond/dp/0814410960/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406185579&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=raisin+free+thinkers).. Edited: for grammar and to add one more book suggestion..

I thought you were making some shit up but you are correct:

From Moroni and the Swastika Book Review

"Chapter Five focuses on how Mormons used their strong belief in genealogy, which they used to provide sacred saving proxy ordinances for deceased family members, to ingratiate themselves with the Nazis, who had a strong belief in genealogy, which they used to determine an individual’s racial purity and whether or not they would lose civil rights or even be imprisoned. Chapter Six is called “Mormon Basketball Diplomacy in Hitler’s Reich”. It covers the German hosted 1936 Olympic games and gives details on how Mormon missionaries were the early coaches and trainers for the German Olympic basketball team. "

Photo

Buy the book

"A History of God" is a great read. It really makes the bible make so much more sense. Warning: the evidence presented in this book may lead to a loss in faith of the Judeo/Christian image of God.

They are very affordable. I've used mine at least once a day for a year.


http://www.amazon.com/Aeropress-Coffee-and-Espresso-Maker/dp/B0047BIWSK/ref=sr_1_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1425765032&sr=1-1&keywords=aeropress
Buy a metal filter for even more delicious coffee.

My big "wow moment" that started me on this path was when I started reading Combating Cult Mind Control. By the end of the first two chapters my jaw was on the floor. The book so accurately described my experience with the church.

Here is is a classic:
https://www.amazon.com/Studies-Book-Mormon-B-Roberts/dp/1560850272

This video is excellent:
https://youtu.be/GAGasQ7j_ZI

I haven't read it, but this might be helpful. It just came out 3 weeks ago.
https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356

Here's a shelf cracker for you. I read this book in early 2000's and the similarities within these seemingly different religions are remarkable.

Gregory Prince would also be a really good author to look into:

"David O. McKay and the rise of Modern Mormonism" (https://www.amazon.com/David-McKay-Rise-Modern-Mormonism/dp/0874808227/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1480547134&sr=1-4&keywords=gregory+prince)

"Leonard Arrington" (https://www.amazon.com/Leonard-Arrington-Writing-Mormon-History/dp/160781479X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1480547182&sr=1-1&keywords=gregory+prince)

If you are REALLY interested in learning about correlation, Daymon Smith is the expert.

He earned his PhD in Anthropology at the University of Pennsylvania in 2007 and wrote his dissertation on the rise of the modern, correlated church. Here's a link to his dissertation.

If you don't feel like reading through his 533 page magnum opus, he did a 9 part series on correlation back in 2010 at bycommonconsent.com which is based on material from his dissertation.

If you want something even more succinct, he did a Mormon Stories interview with John Dehlin in which he discussed his book, "The Book of Mammon: A Book About A Book About The Corporation That Owns The Mormons" and touches upon the rise of the modern church and correlation.

Fiscally conservative...

Do you know how much they spent on City Creek? Did you know the cost of City Creek was about twice per square foot what the most expensive resort, per square foot, in Vegas cost to build? That's just one example.

Here is an in-depth read of the church fiscal responsibility. From what I understand, the author is still a faithful member somehow.

I've read this one and found it very interesting.


https://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937

No, I don't equate everything to Nazi Germany. I was recalling something I MIGHT have read in a book about Mormonism in Nazi Germany. And, yes, I do actively try to inform myself politically.

The reason you were downvoted is because you come across as uninformed.

It's like scientology + 200 years.

The Mormon Church started as a cult but has since slowly been absorbed by mainstream american society and has dropped some of the worst cultist practices.

It still works pretty much as a cult and includes subtle manipulation techniques capable of turning your head on itself. There's a very detailed book written by a former mormon on this. I strongly recommend it whether you join or not.

http://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937

It took me a while. I started with more sugar and cream, and eventually worked my way down to black as my tastes adjusted.

If you can't get past the bitter flavor, and you can make coffee at home, get an aeropress and an inexpensive grinder. It's $30, and makes almost bitter-free coffee, as the water doesn't sit with the grounds for very long. Takes about three minutes to make a coffee. One of the best inexpensive ways to make a coffee.

Aeropress

The grinder I got, $15

Interesting.

I see a historical parallel here between David O. McKay, Harold B. Lee, and Spencer W. Kimball.

Have you read this book?

Ummm I'd suggest just reading the actual book

That's how you're going to get the best answer. I read it and it was a huge factor in breaking my shelf because I think it's obvious he knew the BOM was bullshit (or at least that it wasn't literally/historically true).

I'm eagerly awaiting reading History of god when I get to it on my reading stack

A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam

Here is a quick synopsis.

Brigham Young: Pioneer Prophet. Written by a non-Mormon scholar. Well done.

Ask him if he has read the book of mammon:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Mammon-Corporation-Mormons/dp/1451553706

he goes into depth considering the quad and how it related to sales being the reason for campaigns pushing certain purchases.

TSCC was pretty chill with the Nazis in this life, so it doesn't surprise me at all that there was some love for Hitler after his death.

I mean it's not like he was gay or black or anything. Instead he killed gay people, black people, and Jewish people (I've even heard TBMs alive today claim that the Jews deserved the Holocaust for crucifying Jesus—and not just alt-reich nutjob TBMs).

Totally not a fucked up cult /s

One good, but longer resource would be Brigham Young: Pioneer Prophet by John G. Turner. This was not produced by a Mormon nor by the LDS church. A summary of problematic incidents from this book would be helpful if anyone has a copy.

Grab a new or used version of the book "No More Goodbyes" by Carol Lyn Pearson. Read it before you come out to the family (it's a quick read) and then handed off to your parents to chew on. When I told my parents about my better half (they already knew I was gay), I handed this book to my mom and told her she wasn't invited to meet him until she read the book. In my experience, it isn't threatening for TBMs to read this book because it is written by a very well know Mormon women who made her reputation with Relief Society women in the 80's with LDS poetry. She also penned the primary song "I'll Walk With You" which was secretly about her experience with ostracized members of the LGBT community like her ex-husband.

Edit: forgot to mention that you can also buy digital copies of this book and send then to their e-readers. My mom read a physical copy but I noticed that she would hide the cover because it had the word "gay" on it. I realized that E-readers are more low key and sent it to my dad and grandparents in that format.

The Mormon church fit in relatively well with Nazi Germany; it is yet another sad chapter in the history of the church.

https://www.amazon.com/Moroni-Swastika-Mormons-Nazi-Germany/dp/0806146680/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474484978&sr=1-1

Get started here. http://mormonthink.com/ Then check out this book. http://www.amazon.com/No-Man-Knows-My-History/dp/0679730540 Next I'd move onto http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563

and This is a big help for developing some critical thinking skills: http://www.amazon.com/Demon-Haunted-World-Science-Candle-Dark/dp/0345409469

If you are the only one partaking of the black gold, it's hard to beat Aeropress. Makes a fine cup of coffee and you don't need another appliance on the counter.

https://www.amazon.com/Aeropress-Coffee-and-Espresso-Maker/dp/B0047BIWSK/ref=sr_1_3?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1499874593&sr=1-3&keywords=aeropress

Amazon gives the date of February 15, 2017. https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356/

I'm not sure how reliable that is

Check this out if you want to up your coffee game. Makes one cup at a time Aeropress Coffee and Espresso Maker https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047BIWSK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_m4FFzb6SX9JNQ

I've gotten great stuff out of these books, especially the "What You Believe" one. It basically shows that all religions are founded on crazy myths, and how incredibly small and insignificant mormonism in on the global scale.

https://bookofbadarguments.com/

http://raisingfreethinkers.com/

https://www.amazon.com/What-You-Believe-Big-Questions/dp/0756672287

​

While you're at it, get familiar with stoicism

http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=1EWBR4AGCT49G&coliid=IDQPHD380QQ75

This one is legit.

http://www.amazon.com/Brigham-Young-John-G-Turner/dp/0674049675

https://www.amazon.com/Brigham-Young-John-G-Turner/dp/0674049675

Alao Emma Smith: Mormon Enigma.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0806146680/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467557842&sr=1-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=moroni+and+the+swastika&dpPl=1&dpID=51LtvDcQJnL&ref=plSrch

Most members/exmos don't know about it, because the church doesn't talk about it.

Like this one?

This is the next book on my reading list. Moroni and the Swastika I've heard focuses on Mormons in Germany at the time but it could touch on what you're asking. Anyone else read this that can shed some light?

Daymon Smith is the expert on this. His interview at BCC and Mormon Stories interview were big shelf-breakers for me.

You might also check out the chapter on correlation in David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism (another shelf-breaker). One biggie is that RS used to be basically autonomous with its own money and publications; then correlation made them subject to more male oversight—their money and publications were also taken away, as was there autonomy to appoint who they wanted to positions in RS or where to go for world conferences etc without having to ask male leaders.

That's supposedly covered in this book, written by an insider who got fed up with all the shenanigans in the penis building.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Mammon-Corporation-Mormons/dp/1451553706

https://www.amazon.com/Studies-Book-Mormon-B-Roberts/dp/1560850272/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=F9YXCS1912MC6H5QDGF9

Take a look at this book: https://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Joseph-Smith-Psychobiography/dp/1560851252/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=joseph+smith+psychology&qid=1567980764&s=gateway&sr=8-3

https://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Joseph-Smith-Psychobiography/dp/1560851252

I find that many of his motivations can be explained by a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder as discussed in http://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Joseph-Smith-Psychobiography/dp/1560851252.

https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356

$35.43 when you preorder on Amazon

D Michael Quinn is set to release a book on finance in November.

https://www.amazon.com/Mormon-Hierarchy-Wealth-Corporate-Power/dp/1560852356/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468545789&sr=8-1&keywords=quinn+d+michael+books

Yup, it was B.H. Roberts. The book he eventually wrote and published is called "Studies of the Book of Mormon."

Interestingly, the book was published by the University of Illinois, not the Church.

Choice quotes:

>In the early 1920s, Roberts was asked by the First Presidency of the LDS Church to develop an apologetic to explain difficulties in the Book of Mormon.

The book was published in 1985, which shows how long and hard he worked on it.

>Roberts was "torn by an internal struggle between his faith and a desire to be honest with himself.

A problem many at FAIR don't seem to struggle with....

>Roberts concluded that the "evidence I sorrowfully submit" pointed to Joseph Smith as the Book of Mormon's creator.

>Although Roberts's manuscripts were intended for perusal by the general authorities of the LDS Church, the authorities proved uninterested in examining them.

Funny how the very people who gave him the task weren't interested. They really aren't scholars.

>He also warned that the problems described would haunt the church "both now and also in the future" and, unless answered, they would undermine "the faith of the Youth of the Church."

Good read for under $20

It was what ultimately made my shelf fall. I held up everything on the fact that the BoM existed and no explanation made sense except for the Church's accepted history.

Learning that a prophet tasked with that specific task came to the conclusion that Joseph probably wrote the book was earth-shattering.

No idea, but some links for context:

February: http://signaturebooks.com/wealth-and-corporate-power/

June: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1560852356/

Have you read:

Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967068827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Q7x3Cb5J9XAB1

Alas, I believe it has been pushed back to August. :(

I've been out for 8 years now and I'm still struggling too, mainly because I have nobody to talk to about it either. There are no meetups near me, no therapists in my area who have ever heard of religious trauma syndrome.
The book Leaving the Fold has some really really good worksheets that helped me process things. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

https://www.amazon.com/Brigham-Young-John-G-Turner/dp/0674049675

I think this bio is equivalent to RSR. However, you can still kinda like JS after reading RSR, no such luck with BY.

Edit: Review from Bushman: "The story Turner tells in this elegantly written biography will startle and shock many readers. He reveals a Brigham Young more violent and coarse than the man Mormons have known. While lauding his achievements as pioneer, politician, and church leader, the book will require a reassessment of Brigham Young the man."

Bias breakdown, in my opinion:

• At least seven are written from a pro-LDS perspective.
  
• Five are mostly critical of the church (I'm combining CES Letter and Letter for my Wife as one; they are largely redundant).
  
• Four are remarkably neutral; a balance of supportive and critical LDS narratives.
  
• Three are about Christian theology and don't even mention Mormonism once.
  
  ***
  EDIT: Damn, I knew I'd forget some. Add these to the list above:
  
  
• Studies of the Book of Mormon (B.H. Roberts) - proLDS
  
• Educated: A Memoir (Tara Westover) - neutral

Hell yes they did this to you, and hell yes you should feel angry! Growing up as female IS HORRIBLE. I've been there. I know. A book that has really helped me undo the cultish mindset and work through my anger is called Recovering Agency:Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control.

Yes, I know the title is cheesy, and the cover art is worse, but this book really helped me deconstruct the damage that was done and kind of cognitively work through it like a therapy session. It really helped me feel free and to release the inner turmoil by working through my anger and frustrations.

http://www.amazon.com/Recovering-Agency-Lifting-Mormon-Control/dp/1489595937/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1416287286&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=undoing+mormon+mind+control

So maybe a copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, then . . .

Only you will know the best approach. The church has tons of weak spots. It's just that people place value on different things.

To discredit the Book of Mormon itself as a historical document, start with a couple of simple websites. I really find the Wikipedia page on BOM anachronisms to be a great starting point. It's an avalanche of evidence in short form. If this is her "one thing" have her go down the list and discuss each item on the page. How does she explain the elephants? The metal currency? The animals that shouldn't be there and the animals that should have been in a book set in the ancient US? If the Book of Mormon can be shown to be a work of fiction, the rest unravels.

To discredit Joseph Smith as a person who produced divine scripture, read By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus. It's not too long, and because we actually have the original text used to produce the Book of Abraham, it's very easy to prove that what Smith produced was a bunch of made up bullshit.

To draw attention to the fact that Joseph Smith was a serial rapist who abused his spiritual authority to have sex with women who trusted him, all the while going behind his wife's back, send her to Wives of Joseph Smith. In Sacred Loneliness is excellent and extremely thorough, but the book is also the size of a cinder block and can be off-putting to someone only willing to read one thing.

To point out historical spin on polygamy, you could discuss the following:

• Remember that awesome story about how Smith ordered Heber C. Kimball to give his wife Vilate over to him as a plural wife, and Kimball handed her over like chattel? The church teaches this as some kind of great show of faith, completely glossing over the fact that Vilate was not property to be given away and that just a few months later Smith was fucking their 14 year old daughter instead.
  
• Remember that tragic story of martyrdom where Joseph Smith was dragged out of his house to be tarred, feathered, and nearly castrated, and then one of his adopted twins died? Gee, why would they want to castrate him? Could it be because he was having sex with women he wasn't married to, putting them at risk for rejection by society? One of the mob members that night was a brother of a girl Smith had recently propositioned, so his actions were what caused the death of the baby. Chew on that for a while.
  
• Remember why Joseph Smith was in jail for that last time? Yes, it was for violating the First Amendment. He ordered the destruction of a printing press because it created the papers that revealed all of the fucking around he had been doing. The publisher of that paper was William Law, his counselor in the presidency, who had spent years defending Smith against charges of polygamy and only learned the truth when his own wife was propositioned. William Law was doing nothing but telling the truth about Smith's behavior, and Smith's own lawless actions in trying to cover up polygamy are what brought him to his death.
  
  The polygamy issue is a rabbit hole of ugliness that nobody can unsee. It's possible your wife is genuinely unbothered by it and wouldn't care how many women and girls Smith raped, but I want to believe if she has any conscience at all that her stomach will turn once she sees what is behind the curtain.