(Part 2) Best products from r/howtonotgiveafuck

I'm 30 and still working that out, but have made progress.

For me, the journey has heavily involved psychology books, through which I have come to understand myself and my hangups better. Karen Horney was great for me, Our Inner Conflicts and Neurosis and Human Growth are works of genius. Firestone's The Fantasy Bond has helped me out a lot as well.

At the end of the day, it becomes what everybody else says: you jump in feet first and do your best. Start hitting on girls in more situations. Start being more honest about what you want, instead of thinking you have to be all roundabout. Etc. If a man pretends to be disinterested in sex, a woman will assume he is disinterested in sex.

But getting to the stage where I could even begin to do that has involved a whole lot of fucking psychology, for me anyway.

Would you be willing to read a book that might help? Healing Your Emotional Self might be really good for you. The subtitle is "A powerful program to help you raise your self-esteem, quiet your inner critic, and overcome your shame." And those sound like good things, right? Imagine if you didn't have that inner critic kicking your ass after every interaction.

The main point that stuck out for me is that when we're children we treat our parents as mirrors for who we are, because we don't have the self-awareness to know ourselves at a young age. So if mom and dad are loving, that means you're lovable; if they act like you're a nuisance, it's because you're a nuisance - as a child you're not equipped to see the situation any other way. Sometimes we carry that into adulthood, and the book talks about how to heal from that. I think you mentioned shitty home life, so this might be useful. (By the way, good for you being so honest in this thread.)

Brother, brother, brother, I feel like I was MADE for this thread. I went on medication for acne, minocycline, shortly after my 21st birthday. It cleared up my acne, but it gave me the WORST facial blushing I've ever had. When it first started to happen, I thought it was just a weird side effect that would go away when I stopped taking the medication; spoiler alert, it didn't.

What followed was three of the most painstaking years of my life. Obviously, not all of it from the blushing, but it definitely destroyed my confidence at the age when I should have been out having fun. A few things I learned:

• Learn to love yourself. In the grand scheme of things, facial blushing is not a big deal. There are people walking around with disfigurement that have confidence; why can't you? The less you let it embarrass you, the less you will blush overall.
  
  
• Get healthy. Drink a lot of water. Exercise. Eat better and take care of your diet. I found I would blush a lot more when my stomach was upset or I was experiencing acid reflux symptoms. This led me down a path of acid reflux meds that I should have never been on, and led to more problems down the line.
  
  
• Cover it up. Buy this and use it. Grow a beard. Wear a hat. It will help distract others, and yourself, from thinking you're constantly embarrassed.
  
  Anyways, that and time are what worked for me. I know how bad it can suck, as I went from a confident guy that loved attention and would look everyone in the eye to a recluse that shied away from life. I can never get those years back, but you can learn from my mistakes. It's really not a big deal at all. I went bald two years later at 23 from my doctor overprescribing an acid reflux med. Then facial blushing didn't seem too bad.
  
  Live long and prosper my friend.

I've lost a lot of my life to social anxiety but gotten a lot better through steps that were gradual and not so gradual over the years.

As for actual professional treatment, I can not state enough how valuable cognitive therapy can be. If you have any access to this kind of service use it immediately. Its almost like the therapy was designed with this particular illness in mind.

Even if you can't see a therapist, or don't want to do it right away, there are a lot of good books you can buy with real steps to help you. Here's one-

http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259

As for personal advice I can share with you a breakthrough I had around four years ago that seems to keep improving my outlook. I realized one day that I spent so much time analyzing each individual encounter I made that I wasn't giving myself a chance to see the big picture, or wasn't acting on it.

Now I just allow myself to mess up and be myself in the moment because I know that over the long term it will lead to me having the most real connections. Its all about changing the perspective of time through which I look at things. I allow myself to relax, and even for certain people to dislike me, because I know the people who really count will be more likely to come into contact with me this way.

I've also improved my self image and see myself as a likable person in a way I never did before. It was hard for me, I think, because I grew up with a speech impediment that in the early years biased me as to how I thought people naturally reacted to my personality.

Its hard to put into words exactly what I realized and I don't think I've done a very good job here. There's a lot more to it, I constantly have to readjust my theories on the world and how I'm framing things to stay ahead of the condition. PM me if you want to hear anymore.

There is hope. The worst part of the illness is how it isolates you, which can severely obscure the reality of things, when you're just stuck inside your own head. The world and other people are much friendlier than your brain is telling you.

It boils down to personal responsibility. Sadly, this is not something taught anymore in the home for whatever reason.

Cannabis is something I enjoy fairly regularly and it is no secret to anyone in my life. I make sure all of my responsibilities are done for the day before I sit down to relax (I love to write music, program, or play the uke when partaking) so I can be 100% in the moment. This provides me clarity about things that I may otherwise have had an extremely biased take on. I, however, do not put myself at the point of being a blabbering idiot if I am going out into social settings; it's not cool to do that to anyone who just wants to hang out. The point someone reaches where they appear unable to handle basic tasks is when they should be alone, lost in thought...not trying to function :) Introspection is such an important thing, shame more don't appreciate what you learn from it.

I had a friend, F, who used to be baked to the point of having the spins and passing out almost daily. He was great for playing video games with and that was about it. I hated his usage patterns but it was his choice and I made mine and broke off our friendship.

P.cubensis have helped me reach a state of understanding myself that I would never have reached on my own. Now I don't view either cannabis or psilocybin as a drug but rather a medicine. Both allow me personal insight that I hold very near and dear. Perhaps this is because of the age I was when they found me, I don't honestly know.

I view a weekly mushroom trip as my church. While some use religion as a means to better understand life and circumstance, I turn to my own mind and the insight into my own mind that nature provides through fungus. I will eat a small meal around 6am, meditate in the rising sun on the beach, and when I know things are aligned correctly, I will make myself some tea and return to meditating.

I understand why people think all drugs are bad and detrimental but it does sadden me that such indoctrination exists.

As kids we are taught that all drugs are bad. As an educated adult I fully appreciate how the FUD machine works and wish they would teach kids that "you will most likely put a substance into your body so the best weapon to have on your side is education, not abstinence.".

Wanting to be in an altered state is not a sin, it is not a malformed behavior...it is part of nature. Some animals wait for fermentation to occur and get drunk while others enjoy a psychedelic experience (http://www.amazon.com/Animals-Psychedelics-Natural-Instinct-Consciousness/dp/0892819863 - great read btw).

Be respectful, be responsible, be educated...then become enlightened.

Realizing I'm a little late to this threat. However, I've long struggled accepting that I need much time alone to reflect. Finally took the courage to write about it. It's interesting to see how much feedback from like minded people I get now. So I guess I agree, stop seeking validation from others and do what you want to do.

I'm posting the link to my book here. Not sure if it's considered spam or promotion. It's free on amazon anyways. I hope you enjoy reading it. Maybe it helps you get started on your journey of not giving a fuck what others want you to do. Here it is: Alone Time

This is interesting, I'm reading The Willpower Instinct and one of the things the author talks about is how meditation and exercise are the two best things to do to boost your willpower. She also says that studies have shown that meditation can also help with things like anxiety.

She recommends just sitting cross legged on a pillow, closing your eyes or staring a certain point on a wall, and focusing on your breathing thinking "inhale" and "exhale" to yourself, and eventually not thinking anything and just focusing on your breathing.

It's not really a spiritual exercise, the point is just to get your brain to focus on something, and concentrating on keeping your mind from wandering.

Even though your method is slightly different, whatever works for you is the most important thing!

Your posts are what made me subscribe to this sub. I think it would be a great idea to create a challenge book. If you haven't seen ["This Book Will Change Your Life"] (http://www.amazon.com/This-Book-Will-Change-Your/dp/0452284899) it may help draw some inspiration. Congrats on completing your challenge.

There are always breathing exercises you can do too. I do more of those than actual yoga. A simple one is to just take a few big breaths with your eyes closed and breath into your stomach and breath out "into all of your limbs". Focus on not using your shoulders to breath as contracting those muscles can actually cause stress! I learned that from my counselor last time I met with her haha.

Right now I'm pretty into this stuff: Starbucks Dark Espresso Roast. I just make sure it's pretty watered down since it is a dark roast. I preferred my coffee iced too. I tend to mix it with regular whole milk and like a teaspoon of sugar. Sometimes I just drink it black to get an extra zing haha

You're welcome. I've fallen on my face many times in my life, and my life isn't perfect, but the more and more I allow the process of life to just work, the more at peace I become. If you are looking for a quick and inspiring read, pick up The War of Art. It is focused on being creative, but it has applied to many aspects of my life.

I highly recommend CBT; it helps you recognize and reframe destructive thought patterns. [Feeling Good by David Burns] (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1426032635&sr=1-1&keywords=feeling+good+the+new+mood+therapy) is a great introduction; if you want to go further, I would suggest a therapist certified in CBT. Meditation is also great for breaking thought patterns.

Actually I wouldn't be surprised if the replies are dudes either. Just because it's really easy to armchair quarterback someone else's problems, particularly when they're heavy on feelings.

Telling someone "just get over it and quit being so sensitive" is super fucking easy when it's not your own life, you know?

Also, you'd probably laugh a lot with this book (similarly themed to our discussion). It slayed me: http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Years-Well-All-Chicks/dp/0307717380/

This is the 101 in stoicism. If you want to be happy, you have to learn what you can control and what not. This book is a goog starter: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (English Edition) https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0040JHNQG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_EouqDbTJH6VM7

That's really cool. I love the book Finding Flow for applying this idea of flow to our daily lives. Thanks!

Surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman! (Link goes to US Amazon.com store)

Great autobiography about an amazing physicist.

Can I suggest this book?
http://www.amazon.ca/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0739341243
It's really special, you might have already heard about it. A lot of people have that 'alone confidence' that doesn't really translate to social settings, but it's a completely normal thing for introverts to feel uncomfortable by this. This book really helped me to have a healthy understanding of myself and carry around that alone confidence more regularly and comfortably.

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Really Are helped me a lot, personally. Fair warning, this can be some super esoteric shit. To get a good feel for it, look into some of these lectures starting here. The videos contain a lot of the same information and examples that the book has, so if you enjoy the lectures, buy the book. Both are full of frisson, epiphanies and new perspectives on life. Another disclaimer: Watts was famous for bringing Zen Buddhism and various eastern philosophies to the west, and while he himself claims not to be a preacher or missionary for these religions, they are an important underlying theme of his work.

A Guide to the Good Life describes number 2 and 3 pretty well (along with a lot more). Don't think I saw it mention the view from above strategy though.

I recommend checking out Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda if anything it was entertaining to read and helped me look at things differently :)

Autobiography of a Yogi