(Part 2) Best products from r/selfhelp

Our society is incredibly unhealthy, far more unhealthy than it is possible for most people to understand. You are beginning to realize this and "wake up", and it can be scary. You have been programmed with all these unhealthy patterns that make living a sheer misery and a terror, but you are expected to act as if nothing is wrong. It's very tricky to climb out of a hole like this.

Where are your bright spots? Do you have any good friends? Any communities you belong to? What are your dreams and passions in life?

The best thing I can recommend is Chogyam Trungpa's three-part series The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma. It is a complete guide to all of the aspects of Buddhist practices to end suffering and create a happy life. If you read and master any one of these three books, your problems will end. Very practical:

• Hinayana: The Path of Individual Liberation is the basics of Buddhism, meditation, clearing the mind and letting go of things which harm us
  
  
• Mahayana: The Bodhisattva Path of Wisdom and Compassion is the "second turning of the wheel" of Buddhism (like Christianity adds on to Judaism), and it focuses on developing compassion and joy, purity and brilliance through empathy and devotion to helping the world.
  
  
• Vajrayana: The Tantric Path of Indestructible Wakefulness is full of advanced techniques for near the end of the Buddhist path of self-purification. These techniques are incredibly powerful but can be dangerous if practiced before first balancing the mind with the first two "turnings of the wheel".
  
  These books are not about religion, but are technical guides for how to handle your life and existential issues of suffering and love, motivation and joy, depression and alienation, etc. I would recommend getting the first two books and working diligently out of them. You will find your problems quickly resolving themselves if you do something like this.
  
  Another perspective that helps me relax is the Church of the SubGenius. Their parody religion is actually a very high quality actual religion. Their main books, The Book of the SubGenius and Revelation X are hilarious and full of techniques for getting through the day and living with the "normals" or "pinkboys".
  
  There is also a fun community on Telegram you can join. See the sidebar in my subreddit, /r/sorceryofthespectacle, for a link to join the Telegram channel. Say hi to me on Telegram and I will introduce you to the wizards there.
  
  P.S. It sounds to me more like you have found your spark, than lost it ;-)

Part 2

As for figuring yourself out, I am still in the process. I've been told its a life long one. But I've learned more in the past couple months than the rest of my life. And here is what helped. Reading self help books. Various, but I'll list the ones with the biggest impact. Also personality typing books helped a lot. They may not be 100% accurate but they have accurately targeted thought processes that we all have and seeing them fully explained in a way that matched a majority of my life was chilling and revelating.

I'll warn you that spirituality and religion is rampant in self help books. Earlier in my life I found this repulsive and rejected a lot of things that could have helped me because I was a firm atheist. You know, I was a logical little kid and I believed in what I could see. I was calling bullshit on the whole god deal in junior high without any outside influences. I even used to go to church and I live in a very religious area, it just didn't jive with me. But I have realized that while spirituality often manifests itself in the form of religion, it is something that we all will have. Spirituality put simply is meaning in a seemingly meaningless universe. And you will want it. Before you die, you will want to know that it all mattered. For a lot of people they turn to religion. For other people they try to help others(HEY LOOK AT ME). As such a lot of the people that write self help books are religious and they insert God heavily into their texts. This does not invalidate anything they have to teach you. If you put down a book because the writer is religious then you are only hurting yourself. I do not extend this opinion to televangelists and the like. There are snakes in the field pretending to help people because its an easy way to make money. But mostly, the self help field is powered by people who really want to help others and who gives a fuck what they believe IF they can actually help people. The universe is fucking crazy if some people need religion to deal with it so what.

Personality typing is what I got to first.. it helped me recognize some of my motivations for the actions I take and the books on the personality types themselves are self help books. I prefer the enneagram to others and the best book to start with for that is Personality Types by Don Richard Riso. I've moved on a bit from this as I have more pressing concerns like finding a fitting occupation that I like but I will definitely return and explore. In understanding yourself, you can understand other people better. https://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Enneagram-Self-Discovery-Richard/dp/B00DO8TFAG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482784672&sr=1-1&keywords=Personality+Types%3A+Using+the+Enneagram+for+Self-Discovery+revised

Psycho-cybernetics Updated and Expanded by Maxwell Maltz. Once you understand a bit about how you work and what you want, how do you make yourself get there? This book is how. The whole book is based around one thing and how to apply it - what you think you become. It sounds kinda dumb but it is a truth. A man thinks about building a house, then he builds one. Everything that we've done started as an idea. We pull from the metaphysical(feelings, thoughts) to build from the physical(the universe). This includes our mind and body, because somehow the mind is (seems) metaphysical yet clearly relies upon physical matter that can be changed. So the mind can change itself. There is a section of the mind that operates autonomously, the sub conscious. This book aims to teach you about it and how to operate it. https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WBE8PSVGHBSQ7QSB80XT

Now I am working through the audio book of https://www.amazon.com/Days-Work-You-Love-Preparing/dp/1433669331 Its been very good so far and has a very practical workbook for figuring out what you really want to do. There is much philosophical thought on what work should be and really opened my eyes to what it could be. Before, I just needed money. I wanted something tolerable that made adequate dollars. But that may not be the way. As well it has much information on actually getting the job once you know what you want.

These may not resonate with you. Nobody made this list of books for me, I had to find it myself. I did read reviews and look at recommendations, but nobody said read this, this and this, and you'll be good to go. I don't think it works that way, but these are definitely great books.

You are reluctant to stop the weed because you were already like this before. What does that have to do with anything? If my foot is already hurting, and I go kick a door, it is just going to hurt worse. Regular weed use decreases motivation, its a fact. You can read studies if you need to see it to believe it. Slight impairments in pretty much all areas, which you definitely do not need if you are ADHD. Also some studies suggesting it can alter brain development for the worse. And not to mention the smoke.. You need your brain and lungs at 100%. You think these 19 years have sucked? Well you have a lot of years left. Conclude what you will. As for the anxiety and insomnia, I suggest ashwagandha. Its a godsend with no side effects. https://examine.com/supplements/ashwagandha/ If you get it, you need to make sure it says KSM 66 as that is the more effective version. It also varies per vendor but swanson is a good brand and the one I use.

Okay! You read my essay what now. Go to the doctor and get medicine. Yes they have side effects, yes they suck. But they work. First one doesnt work or the side effects too strong? Do not be complacent, change dose or change medication. Dose can be extremely important. On viibryd 40mg I have sleep paralysis and wake up after very short time leaving me extremely exhausted. Also insomnia. I've been on viibryd 20mg for 8 days and nearly all the negative effects have vanished. I just cut my pills in half, no need to go back to the doc just to test dosages.. although perhaps that was a bad idea because the reason I made this throw away account was to vent during a huuuuuuuuuge mood swing. That morning I was out walking listening to self help audio books planning my future. And all of a sudden I was slumped down asking myself why I ever thought I could achieve anything. Withdrawals can be rough.

My straterra, an adhd medication, the only side effect it causes is that its a little harder to urinate. Grants me a lot of control. Someday, I hope to be well enough to not need the viibryd. But I will never not need the adhd medication. My mother smoked while pregnant and breastfeeding and it damaged my brain. It sucks, its a fact.

How I broke my loop -

1. Desperation
   
2. Ayahuasca/mindfulness
   
3. Time/letting my brain mature and the adhd to taper off a little more
   
4. Medicine
   
5. Self help books
   
   Also don't assume that the mushrooms did nothing. It took awhile for me to realize what ayahuasca had done and how I could use it, I'm talking months. Although I haven't done them(I am interested in that though. Heard good things).

There's nothing that I consistently read or write every day that's always worked, but there have been a number of things over the years and decades that have become consistently useful to me, and that I always seem to go back to in one way or another.

Journaling, or any kind of writing. I'm not dedicated enough to do it every day, but it's rarely a bad thing. It's also interesting to go back to old writings years or decades later- some of it is still inspiring and useful, some of it is crap. All of it is my history, and that's not a bad thing.

Not really something I've read or done, but supportive online communities have helped me for years in different ways. The very good ones are not only supportive, but kindly call me on my bullshit, and steer me away from navel-gazing into positive action.

There have been a lot of books that have helped me, that I always go back to. I'm not religious, but I've found a great deal of help in reading some authors that are based in a spiritual tradition. When Things Fall Apart is not only a standby when I'm in crisis, but often has helped to clarify my thoughts and feelings about a situation or period in my life, and find constructive ways to move past it. Dark Nights of the Soul has also been very useful. I'm female, so Women Who Run With the Wolves has also been very useful, inspiring, and comforting at a lot of times. Create your personal sacred text has also been useful to me in terms of journaling- it has nothing to do with religion, but a lot to do with spirituality.

About the only daily thing that I've done for a very long time is to get the Inspiration Peak daily mailing, and Gimundo's good news daily update. Sometimes they don't speak to me, some days I find them annoying, but usually it's a good thing to get at least 2 positive pieces of mail a day. And I'm rarely too far away from the Serenity Prayer...at the moment it's on a sticky on my desk, on my fridge (the dinner hour here is chaotic), and posted in my bathroom (bathtime for autistic children can also be stressful). "The wisdom to know the difference" is always something that I struggle with, so it never hurts to have a reminder :-)

Hi, I was/slightly am the same way. But ask, why? how does this help you? what good does it do to be so hard on yourself? who are you trying to prove things to? Just accept that you suck at a lot of things and you are good in a lot of things, you just see the crappy things in a much bigger light than the good things. But this is what makes you, you, a unique and wonderful person. You are an awesome person and all the negative stuff you say to yourself is simply not true, you are living in a world where you constantly lie to yourself saying that you are "Undeserving, unlovable, worthless, unattractive, invisible." All of that is complete BS, its just hard to accept that it is BS because you've been telling it to yourself for such a long time so it seems like it is reality, but let me tell you it is not. I don't even know you but I think you are an awesome person that can get anything they want. Open your heart to love and just accept that you are who you are and love yourself for being you, with negatives and all. You changing will not come over night, you just simply gotta keep your head up and keep on doing it day in and day out. Look over your inspirations over and over and just keep at it. My journey has taken 2 years now fyi, I am too 26M and in the same boat as you.

I also really recommend the book The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book
http://www.amazon.com/The-Mastery-Love-Practical-Relationship/dp/1878424424

It really helped me to see the world in love rather than negativity.

you've taken a first step in opening up and not just accepting your misery. that's great!
rest assured that what you're going through happens to everyone. with different levels of intensity, yes, but really, everyone. a lot of people have found ways to hide it, like you have too, if i understand correctly. hiding your feelings is an additional burden in itself.
so start with congratulating yourself for facing and adressing your feelings because that's the road that will eventually lead to not just pretending to feel ok, but being ok. and not just ok, but actually good. and not just as a fluke few hours of semi-faked happiness, but as a baseline-state of wellbeing.

i suspect at this point you're still looking for the feeling of not being a lone weirdo in an otherweise (wrongly perceived) confident and happy world. for that, there's tons of stuff to read or listen to, for instance

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shoot-Damn-Dog-Memoir-Depression/dp/0747572453

or

http://onbeing.org/

just as starting points. from there you'll find pointers to how you can adress your specific feelings. whether it's therapy, medication, meditation, changes of habit (exercise, sleep and good food will pop up everywhere, so stick to gym and basketball :) or some kind of visionquest, whatever. the spectrum of ways to deal with ones mood and mindhealth is broad. from the spiritual hippie-searcher to the rational academic thinker, theres something for everyone and all inbetween.

i'm a skeptic, sarcastic (bordering on cynical) and scientifically minded person and for three decades i've never taken depression seriously or regarded it as something that would affect me, even when in hindsight the symptoms or tendencies were pretty apparent. it took a major beatdown from various aspects of my life and a couple of false starts in wrong directions, to make me realise that i had to do something and what it could be. and for all those saying "it never stops, you just learn to deal with it", i belive that is a misunderstanding. what never stops is that you have to learn and be open for change for the rest of your life. because what can stop is negativity having the sort of criplling power it has over you now.

so to recap: talk to people, read about others stories, let yourself be inspired. but also be ready to forget the tales and focus on yourself. be patient. there will be setbacks, but that's just what they are. learn to look at your thoughts as just that, thoughts. they don't define or make you, they're just your different levels of consciusness playing tag, often resulting in confusion. but once you learn to let them play and re-focus on what's in front of you, you'll make significant progress.

and the hardest part: be kind to yourself.
you're the impossibly random result of an unimaginable chain of coincidences. so uninaginable in fact, that even considering this becomes a spiritual experience in itself. in short, you're existence is amazing and deserves awe, kindness and respect.


good luck.

We all got bad habbits to a certain degree, humans make mistakes.
In which way do they impede you in being happy & how can you work on improving them ( if you might decide to do so).

Going out of your way for atractive women.. hm, theres tons of stuff on the internet on that topic these days. yes, that's how life is.. life is unfair & she probbably thinks the same because if you knock her up & she gets bigg and round then that has more consequences for her then for you. Women make the choice about who they date with & thats natural. Men in general are uneasy with this. I think that because men are competitive, as a man i want to feel in control of my life ( captain of my fate) and yet when it comes to attraction / dating game then women have unfair advantages, just take a look at advertisements these days.

But.. at the same time Women are totally irrational when it comes to attraction. Atraction is an old brainfunction.. women fall for the strongest men ( also asshole types like gansters etc) dominant men. im not like that & you probabbly also not. But still, you can pursue woman with your character & by becomming an interesting in a way that is you like. Once you learn how to push the buttons of a women you can make her feel attraction for you as well (since atraction is irrational anyway). Wanting things to be different is normal though, that really pretty women also has her insecurities (all people do).

There's a whole truckload of books written about this topic, there are even seminars where you can go and get field workshops in which you go out with others and get guided into approaching and talking with women (in states and europe at least).

I found this one to be good:
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

Making a lot of the same mistakes at work, sounds to me that you are quite self critical - which (I think) is a good thing.
At least it makes me think that you care about your results and want to do a good job. If you can then try to be honest.
Your not making the mistakes on purpose & you want to improve, maybe your manager or coworkers (someone you trust)
can help you to produce your desired results. At least some type of help & a plan.

Best of luck !

This is so normal, so common place, that I'm willing to say you are going through a very normal ( albeit an uncomfortable) phase.

This might sound a bit cliche, but the second you find direction...everything falls into place. Finding said direction is the hard part. But once you get it, it's almost magical how easier things become. Speaking from experience, I'd say that that should be your primary focus if you want to get out of this rut. Look for a place you want to be or a person you want to be and work towards it (give yourself a 203 year plan to get there so you don't beat yourself up when you fall short).

I have a few tips to help you on this trip.

• Stick with good friends. People who make you "feel better" are NOT good friends. People who challenge you, motivate you, and make your life richer are good friends.
  
  
• Throw people you don't like to the curb and never look back. "Nice" is the death of boldness. Be bold, even if it means letting people down, even if it means flat out pissing some people off. Obviously don't go looking for a fight, but if a genuine rotten person enters your life, tell them to go fuck themselves or flat out walk away. Doing this to bullies and assholes makes you feel vastly more confident.
  
  
• Walk in the woods. This clears you head so quickly that it's kind of odd.
  
  
• Hang out with people who are different than you, if only to get a taste of how others live. This includes members of the opposite sex platonically.
  
  
• Do something creative once a week. Write, paint, speak in public, whatever. I personally like to cook.
  
  
• Travel to a place you'd never think to go, annually if you can. Getting out of your town and seeing the world can really, really alter how you see the world. And it'll help you figure out what your major priorities are quickly.
  
  
• Avoid video games. I defend those as much as I can as entertainment pieces, but they are overall not good for you emotionally or socially. And no, online play is not social play. I'm not saying don't play them ever, but you should never consider video games to be a big part of your life or identity. And on that note, avoid "gamers" and people who call themselves that. You don't need that in your life.
  
  I'm assuming you're guy because it's reddit and I know how to work odds, so I'd recommend this book right away. It helped me through my funk and it's a great guide to channeling positive masculinity. I also recommend 'Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus' as a tool to help understand yourself and women, and the book Siddhartha (fucking excellent story of self discovery).
  
  

>Sorry for the late response

No problem. Sometimes it takes me a day or three to post to a thread.

Working Out. Ok, strength training. Does your school have a gym that you can use? If not, if you're in any reasonably sized city there will be plenty of gyms you can join. On the cheap side, "24 Fitness" and "Club Fitness" are national chains with affordable memberships -- on the order of $20 per month. There are plenty of others. You can check Yelp, or Google "Gyms near [name of your city]."

You could just get a bench and some freeweights off Craigslist, but joining a gym can help you stay motivated, and when you're spending the money every month it can be an extra incentive to actually find the time to get the workouts in. You can also build confidence and meet people with similar interests in fitness.

Gyms often have personal trainers that will work with you, for a fee. They can be helpful for some people, and for folks that aren't familiar with working out, an introductory session or two can help you feel more confident -- the machines might seem intimidating at first, for example -- even if you don't want to use a trainer regularly.

If you're more of a do-it-yourself-er, and even if you're not, you can learn a lot from a good intro book. One title I used when I was new to working out at the gym was the Men's Health Book of Muscle. It's from the same people that make the magazine, and it's a great intro that IIRC explains many topics, from muscle groups to diet and supplements to freeweights, calisthenics, and machines. Lots of illustrations, and it includes specific workout programs that explain what exercises to perform on what days over a period of several weeks in order to build up specific muscle groups.

Gotta run now, but I'll try to give you some ideas on the other topics in the next few days. Ciao.

Tony Bernardi is a published author, educator, artist, and composer who lives and works in the Washington DC area. His writings center on spiritual themes and often reflect on the deeper truths that can be experienced in relationships. He is also a student of A Course in Miracles and the works of Joel S. Goldsmith. His approach to spiritual growth is through understanding of aware compassion that celebrates the triumph of spirit in all aspects of life. He takes the view that relationships in particular are a sacred path to transcending limitations. In his published work "Dialogues - the courage and wisdom to ask and hear", also available on Amazon.com, he encourages his readers to appreciate the path of transcendence through devotion and loving relationships. Tony can be reached at rexdxiv@hotmail.com and his website at www.tonybernardi.com. (http://www.amazon.com/Dialogues-Courage-Wisdom-Ask-Hear/dp/0983250006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311127471&sr=8-1)

I see a therapist when I know something isn't right, but I am unsure what. Sometimes having someone to ask the right questions (with no vested interest) helps me come to realizations I wouldn't have otherwise.

I was terrified of going at first, but I am so happy I did! If you want to go but are scared, feel free to ask me questions.

I also enjoy guided journals. Right now I am doing one called "Design The Life You Love"

Zen/Buddhism/mindfulness books help me when I am stuck in my head, feeling as though my existence has no meaning. This book is the first one I read along those lines, and here is a popular Buddhist author whose books I find easy, relatable, and enjoyable to read. If you enjoy challenging books, there are plenty of those too - here is a hugely popular one.

Lastly, is there anyone close to you who you trust with this concern? Could you share your observations with this person, ask if they have noticed it as well, and ask what suggestions they might have?

Two books I recommend reading. I'm pretty young and yet have been very successful in my career so far. These have helped me quite a bit:

http://www.amazon.com/Linchpin-Are-Indispensable-Seth-Godin/dp/0307704076

http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372916346&sr=1-1&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people

A summary of some tips:

1. Never ever complain. If you don't like something, always phrase it this way: "I noticed that X isn't adding value to our organization/team/etc. Instead, I propose we do Y, for these reasons: 1, 2, 3. This will result in Z."
   
   Tell this to your manager and colleagues, and you will look like a leader, not a complainer. Ideally, you could even start working on it before you propose it to people.
   
   
2. Do emotional work. Most people think a job is just doing what you're told, but this is only a small piece of it. If you can figure out a way to bring passion, organization, leadership, creativity, etc. to your job, then you will be seen as a stand-out employee.
   
   
3. Make other people be effective. This is straight from "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People," and really this is something you should adopt in all your life, not just work. Change your perspective so you are thinking about how to make your manager better at her job, for example. Thinking in this way shifts the focus away from your problems, and helps build relationships between you and your peers, which is the foundation of moving ahead in a career.