(Part 2) Best products from r/selfimprovement

cracks knuckles

Here's my top /insert quantity here/. I read these all regularly (most once a year, some of the smaller ones, once a quarter), and listen to them during my commute more than is perhaps strictly healthy (might as well make good use of the time.)

• The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Classon (Great book about money management, but also very useful inspiration for digging yourself out of a hole. The audiobook is particularly well read.) "Die in the desert? NOT I!"
  
• Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. The title is a little bit misleading and the language, being almost 100 years old, is a little hokey. But don't let that stop you. Every self-help/success/motivational book written since this contains a small fragment of the information that's in here.
  
• As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. This is a tiny little book. But it's absolutely impeccable. It would be easier to call it a work of philosophy than anything else. But it distills everything down so very well that it can't be ignored. The unabridged audio version (from Brilliance Audio) is exceptional, and only about an hour long. I just re-listened to this on my way home today.
  
• Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude also by Napoleon Hill with W. Clement Stone I came across this before I read Think And Grow Rich, so maybe I have a soft spot for it. But it's one of the few that I read pretty frequently.
  
• Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life by Larry Winget. Larry's awesome. He's written a lot of books and they all say more or less the same thing, so I couldn't really recommend more than one of them, though I think I've read 6 or 7. He doesn't pull punches and he doesn't coddle.
  
• Do The Work by Steven Pressfield. This one is relatively new to me. I just finished it yesterday. It's a great little work about Resistance; the things that get in our way when we set out on a project, big or small. He talks in a pretty practical way about the phases of bringing an idea to life and the setbacks that seem strangely common to most endeavors. His writing is a little unrefined an colloquial. But I found it refreshing. I highly recommend it.
  
• How To Read A Person Like A Book by Gerald Nierenberg Since you mentioned body language specifically, this is my favorite. It's been a long time since I've read it. But it was extremely enlightening.
  
  That ought to do it. It's really all there. Plus, if you start searching around through that kind of stuff, you'll undoubtedly find more that you're drawn to for one reason or another.
  
  There are a couple well known names that are intentionally absent. Tony Robbins, for one. Tony is keen to blow sunshine up your ass so that you buy his next book, bigger program, seminar, etc. If that's the kind of thing you need, read The Giant Within. I can't stand his stuff. I find it patronizing and egomaniacal.
  
  AMA. I've read hundreds of these things.
  
  Enjoy o/
  

As mentioned a change in diet a exercise would be great, But it sounds like you need a hobby. You say you have"Nothing that interests me". There are so many activities and hobbies in the world I bet there is something for you. I am not sure where you live but if you have big changes in season try and find a couple seasonal activities you enjoy so you always have something to look forward to next season.

If you think you could use some more exercise, check out indoor rock climbing. You can either boulder or do roped lines. Bouldering is very cheap to get into (shoes and chalk + price of climbing gym pass) and its an excellent workout. It also made me want to go back to the gym to beat the problems I was stuck on. Giving a feeling of fulfillment everytime I got a tough problem. If you can get your friends to come with you its even better.

Consider some at home hobbies.

You could start woodcarving with a [Chip Knife] (http://www.amazon.com/Flexcut-Tool-Chip-Carving-Knife/dp/B001NI6LJM) and start making great looking stuff like patterns [rosette] (https://www.google.ca/search?q=chip+carving&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=_S60VLTVBcvnoATU_IGQDQ&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=1920&bih=955#tbm=isch&q=chip+carving+rosette&imgdii=_&imgrc=jK1u6hOWL1jfiM%253A%3B9gIPTcdpF6IohM%3Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fmychipcarving.com%252FChip_Carving%252FChip_Carving_images%252FGallery%252F53rosette.jpg%3Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fmychipcarving.com%252FChip_Carving%252FPages%252Fchip_carving_free_eletter2.htm%3B720%3B686)

• Pick up some acrylic paints and try out painting.
  
• Leather working looks fun.
  
• Sculpting is quite fun. I Use super sculpey. Its great stuff that can be very detailed. Google around to see what people are making.
  
• Just go to a local craft store and see what they have for hobbies. There is probably something there that you have never thought of but its the perfect hobbie for you.
  
  

I am not sure what the answer is but this may help. There is a recent trend of people being all into personality types (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) which in the right context is actually quite helpful.

http://www.16personalities.com/ is the best test I have found online, but to truly nail down your type you are supposed to be tested by a trained person. Regardless you can probably figure out where you land on the spectrum of personalities just from reading their descriptions.

The reason I bring this up isn't because I am a fan boy of personality tests but because it may be just be your personality, something that is hard coded to you, which you have to work with and gain insight to. The best way to use these test I have found isn't to find compatibility with other people but to find it with yourself. I have learned what areas I am stubborn in, where I am less than stellar, and where I exceed others. Changing your personality flaws (if even possible) is probably harder than changing any other single thing about yourself. If you however develop insight and mindfulness you can build self-awareness to how you react to situations/people and you can watch yourself more closely.

There are plenty of books on Amazon you can find just by searching MBTI related to personalities that will give you a wealth of information. Once you find your type you can find even more specific ones. It sounds you may lean towards being extroverted (getting energy from other people) but you said you like your solitude so perhaps you are a hybrid! I am an introvert and this book I started reading has been beneficial: http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695

Wish you well.

I'd recommend Universe 101: Learn Grow Evolve. I read the book and met the author about 9 months ago, and it's helped me completely 180 my life.

I empathize with your situation, and applaud your honesty in asking for help. 9 months ago I was in a place of constantly wanting validation from others, including my girlfriend, resenting my past (especially the way I grew up), hating on myself for messing up, trying to compensate in unhealthy habits (from drug abuse to excesses of seeking validation from others). And it's hard, but one thing to keep in mind is this. Changing is 95% desire to change. 5% is the help that shows you HOW to change.

The link to the free ebook of the book is www.theuniverseseries.com/secretsite

The amazon page is www.amazon.com/Universe-101-Learn-Grow-Evolve/dp/1478717076/ so you can check out whether it's the kind of book you want. It has chapters on self-love, being happy, relationships, how to learn and grow through your issues, how to be honest with yourself, etc. and I think it can help with everything you're asking for help in.

Best of luck!

I had written a longer post but I think it's better if I just recommend a book that I find really helpful.
Mark Epstein's book that blends Freudian psychology with Buddhist concepts is a very interesting book and I learned a lot about myself from reading it.
You are ok. 18 is the perfect age to start to think about these concepts, you are about a decade more advanced that I was at your age.

Some basic advice that I offer if you have an interest.

Try not to spin out too hard, and be careful how you talk to yourself. I spotted some self judgmental language in your post so you might have that tenancy. Be kind to yourself at every opportunity. There are no black and white answers or right or wrong we are all just figuring it out as we go. Good luck!

Check out this book. Also a good Ted talk by Susan Cain as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153.

It's great for introverts or extroverts who want to better understand their introverted friends or loved ones. Also there are some great mindfulness exercises out there that could help too. Best of luck. :)

I've also been struggling with liking myself, my identity, and generally how to live my life the best I can. Hopefully some of my experiences can help you out.

I am currently undergoing CBT and have been reading a lot of psychology-type books to supplement becoming a better person. I would highly recommend Emotional Intelligence as that was recommended when I starting seeing my therapist. It's hard to summarize but it's mainly about learning to work with your emotions and how to work with them effectively.

I would also recommend Learned Optimism if you want to have a more positive outlook, which I assume most people would want.

Finally, I'm reading The Obstacle is the Way right now and I'm really into it. It's mainly about Stoic philosophy and how your perceptions affect your emotions. I've been getting more into Stoicism lately because it's very much about focusing on what you can change and accepting what you can't. Yes, I know we've all heard this before but hearing someone lay it all out with examples really helps you to embrace a healthier way of thinking.

Those three books together have fundamentally changed my outlook on life for the better.

"How to have a Beautiful Mind" by Edward Debono

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-To-Have-Beautiful-Mind/dp/0091894603

"How to Win Friends an Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
Download FREE here (see the red text, you don't need to sub to the list there)
http://hotblogtips.com/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people

I've read this book multiple times. I was EXTREMELY shy and introverted as a kid, this book really helped me with practical suggestions and ideas that anyone can apply.

Do what you love, and you will find people who enjoy what you enjoy.

Don't change yourself to suit other people.

Be true to yourself, and remember that you are perfect just as you are right now, you are a complete and whole human being who is here on purpose.

What you are describing isn't so much a mental state as it is a philosophical position. There are quite a few people, myself included, who believe people are better off not being born and that, consequently, bringing new sentient life into existence is a moral wrong. This position is called antinatalism and it is very rigorously argued for in Better Never to Have Been by philosopher David Benatar. (Here's an audio interview with him.) There's even a subreddit for antinatalism.

In antinatalism, it's very important to make the distinction between life that hasn't yet been started and life that has. While I can say it would have been better for me to never have existed, now that I do exist, I very much wish to continue existing. I didn't choose life, I was forced into it, but I try to make the most of the cards I've been dealt.

Edit. Also, the flip side of this is that I don't owe life, God, my parents or the cosmos anything, least of all my gratitude for being alive. I don't have any obligation to feel happy. Any feelings of gratitude or happiness are for my own benefit, and if I choose to leave early, I'm not being a poor guest.

I think /u/JayPetey nailed it below. You're using this as external validation of your self worth. What you need to work on, regardless of the circle of friends that you are around, is self-assure in yourself. How do you do this? You need to build confidence in an area and let that spill over. Set a plan, create small achievable goals, and start taking action. Convince yourself to not be outcome dependent. There are thing you can not influence, so do not make the goal something you cannot fully control. Rather, just reward yourself for taking action in the first place. You'll start to find that it's great to have mentors around you. They save you time and energy by giving you the information without you having to go learn it from scratch on our own.

Don't over think things. The last piece of advice I'll say, be present to the moment. You can literally STOP those thoughts in your head. How do you do this? Fully embrace the now. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Or read Meditation by Marcus Aurelius. Look into meditation. There are ways to ground yourself, embrace who you are, and stop that chattering voice in your head that honestly doesn't do much for you.

careful not to mix up notions of masculinity (fighting, getting over a break up, confronting people) with respecting yourself and being authentic. you have nothing to prove, but maybe to yourself, just make sure to challenge yourself in a healthy way.

it takes years and experiencing to know when an issue is worth speaking up about, when to respect our truth and not allow ourselves to be doormats, and when, on the other hand, to walk away. more wisdom/experience, once we do speak up, to have the right words, which can either create conflict or resolve it. we all fall flat on our faces in this process, sometimes putting our foot in our mouth. sorry about your break up, we've been there. it takes time, don't run from the emotion, just allow yourself to sit with it - but yeah it will take time.

http://www.amazon.com/Being-Genuine-Stop-Nice-Start/dp/1892005212

The incredible thing about our minds is that we will start to believe things that we hear constantly. So if you are constantly saying negative things about yourself, even just in your head, you will deeply and fundamentally believe them - even if they are not true!

The up side to this phenomenon is that you will also begin to believe positive things about yourself, if that is what you repeat consistently. Like some others have said here, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is the crux to loving yourself. All it takes is repetition and consistency.

In the theme of recommending books, I have one for you as well! It is called "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. Give it a shot, it sounds a little crazy but that is because no one talks about how to talk to yourself. It works and it has drastically improved my self-image.

If you want, I can lend you my copy through amazon. Just send me a message here with an email address and you can read it for 14 days. (Never tried this before through amazon, but if you're willing so am I.)

Last thing, something you can do immediately is go to a mirror, look into your own eyes, and say out loud (or in your head) "I love you." - I began doing this months ago, and it felt suuuper weird. When I realized that I couldn't even meet my own gaze, something was seriously wrong. I kept at it, repeating that to myself multiple times a day, every time I saw myself in a mirror, and now it doesn't feel weird at all. It actually makes me feel better about myself! I love seeing myself. And that, my friend, is a feeling that you deserve to have.

Hello, fellow long-time depression sufferer.

Sorry to pry, but why is your access to mental health care limited? For me, getting a prescription for an SSRI was the magic bullet I needed to build the momentum to get everything else into place.

Anyway, you asked for information on habits. IMHO, this book is a very good one for building sustainable habits. But depending on how debilitating your depression is, that might be a little high-level. (I know it certainly would have been at my low points.)

This reddit post is an excellent foundation for mindset.

As for depression, while I really, truly hope we can find you some professional mental-health care, here are the three pillars I used to pull myself up. Once you build these habits, you should have the energy you need to build others.

• Water: Because dehydration fucks with your mood and energy levels. Before you go to bed, fill a glass of water and put it on your nightstand. First thing in the morning, literally before you get out of bed, drink it dry. (Then refill it, keep it around you throughout the day, and never let it sit empty.)
  
  
• Sleep: Lack of sleep also obviously fucks with your energy levels. Aim for 7-9 hours. Schedule it. There are also a ton of tips out there for how to prepare your environment, body, and mind for a good night's sleep. LMK if you would like me to expand on this.
  
  
• Exercise: Exercise is often as good, if not better, at treating depression than medication. Find a form of exercise you like, and do at least one rep of it. (Why just one rep? The key here is to build the habit, not get in shape overnight. As an example, I got into the habit of flossing my teeth by promising myself I'd floss just one tooth.) If possible (e.g., if it's something you can do without leaving home), do it as the last thing you do before you take a shower.
  
  I can go off on any of these topics for as long as you're willing to read, so LMK if you want more details, theory, whatever behind any of this, habit formation in general, or if you just want to talk about your depression. It sucks, I know, but I love how you're looking at the problem. I wish I had the perspective you do, back when I was in the dark.

Just to give some more context, let me list out what I've tried so far:

• I've read through and took notes on [How to Win Friends and Influence People] (http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People-ebook/dp/B003WEAI4E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418222240&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people), Awareness, and No More Mr. Nice Guy (Models is next, followed by the 7 Habits of Highly-Effective People).
  
• Done some social drills where I try to think of 5 compliments for each person in my head while talking to them
  
• I catch myself whenever I am being judgmental and immediately correct my train of thought.
  
• I quickly try to get people talking about what they do for fun as I think that's the best way to gauge what someone is really all about.
  
  Anything else I should try?