Reddit mentions of History Of Rock, The

Ranker Rationale! Holiday Shopping Edition

Your (semi) weekly guide to one man's rankings.

The calender has turned to December once again and we can observe all the familiar sights. And I'm not talking about the Cowboys fighting their way to 8-8 or the Raiders steady implementation of the phrase "just lose baby", oh no. I'm of course speaking about the annual American capitalistic orgy that begins around thanksgiving. The NFL has tried to get in on the craze by running an ad showing the lamest, bandwagon-iest family in football. (The kid who likes the Steelers because he ate a pun-named burger would get so much shit from his friends). Not to be outdone, here at Ranker Rationale Headquarters we have a whole new marketplace where you can find the best gift for that special fan on your list. While we can't get to all of the fantastic deals today, here are the four staff favorites.

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Lions: Kid Rock: History of Rock CD, $10.50

Before I say anything else, put your pitchforks away Lions fans, I have them ranked 5th this week. But that said, you can understand why people are so hesitant to trust this team. I was one of the disbelievers for a while but I came around during the Miami game and have had them high ever since. Although a change at the offensive coordinator spot would likely be beneficial, this is still a very dangerous team, especially since they're really only scratching the surface of their potential. Plus, like Mr. Rock himself, this is a very disrespected team. Unjustly disrespected teams are very dangerous in a fashion similar justly disrespected rockers: they're loud, they're, proud, they'll bludgeon you with their product.

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Broncos: TARDIS Time Machine, $1,000,000,000

Just so you can go back to 2006 and kidnap prime Peyton Manning, Demarcus Ware, and let's go ahead and throw in a complementary Champ Bailey. They'd at least stop the visions of Seahawks and Rams dancing over the Broncos in my head.

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Redskins: The QB Showdown T-Shirt, $35

If you bought the time machine for the Broncos fan you could first use it to head back to 2012, when RGIII was the savior-apparent in DC and the Redskins wanted to take advantage of that by buying him an offensive line selling $35 dollar t-shirts to commemorate a pre-season game. I think everything that is wrong with the Redskins can be summarized by that sentence. It's an organization built on selling hype and then focusing on monetizing that hype instead of attempting to convert it into something sustainable.

In my rankings I highly value well coached and well run teams, almost always deferring to them at the top. Teams like those aforementioned Broncos, the Cardinals, the Eagles - they all give you the feeling that you can plug in just about anyone in the lineup and they'll find a workable solution (except Oniel Cousins, nobody can make a useful player out of Oniel Cousins).

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Rams: Two Face Mask, $5.50

The Rams are big movers in my rankings this week, stampeding up to #16 on the back of a dominating win against the lifeless Raiders. Gifting this mask to your favorite Rams fan allows them to express their inner split resultant from their Rams fandom. It seems the Rams go from week to week oscillating between a decently talented team with glaring quarterback problems (a la the Buccaneers) and a young gang of hellaciously talented players (think 2011 Seahawks). Often times the team will flip between the two over the course of the game.

The truth, like most cases, lies somewhere in the middle of that binary. I know it's been said plenty of times before, but when this team finally gets a quarterback (or has one stay healthy through the season) I think we're looking at a truly dangerous contender.

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Next week: Ranker Rationale headquarters, longing to see a defensive MVP, converts the marketing wing back to JJ Watt's campaign headquarters and Aaron Rodgers voodoo doll production.*