Reddit mentions of The Emotionally Absent Mother, Updated and Expanded Second Edition: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect

The thought of keeping a relationship with this woman makes me bristle, but, I know of two books off the top of my head that talk about juggling a relationship with this sort of woman. The first is The Emotionally Absent Mother, 2nd Ed. It has a section on advice for how to maintain a relationship without letting yourself be trampled and without just going NC.

The other, is Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. It's expensive on Amazon, but check thriftbooks and half price books online if you're interested. IDK what HotWheels' issues can be attributed to, but even if she doesn't have the disorder, the book devotes four entire chapters to maintaining a relationship with a dysfunctional mother who won't change without getting your boundaries trampled.

Some people might recommend Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, but in her section on maintaining contact with people, the people who are doing the abusing are more just misguided than fundamentally broken like HW. I don't think Forward's techniques would be enough to keep your boundaries intact, but if you're a fast reader, it's another volume that gives advice on maintaining contact without losing yourself.

I've written before about when I was still in contact with my own parents. Structured contact is your friend. Meet in public places. Have a big audience, like in the middle of an Olive Garden or something. Carry cash- that way if shit hits the fan, you can hand cash to your server or the host before walking out to leave. Activities are a good bet- things like the zoo, where the focus is on the animals and not on HW. That's just one example.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I know this sub screams "NC!!!!" a lot, because we've been hurt trying to keep contact. But since you seem to want a relationship with your mother-in-law, take a look at the tools outlined in the books above.

Same.
This book helped me understand a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Absent-Mother-Updated-Expanded-ebook/dp/B06XY2Z7BQ

It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.

This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.

The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.

And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:

The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.

And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.

As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.

The Poet X