There are some good answers in this thread, but pretty clearly from people who have never been an alcoholic themselves. So let me tell you, because I am. I'm also an agnostic and have known I've had a problem since I was about 25 ... I'm 40 now.

First, the concept of a higher power when AA was founded immediately was attached to religion for most people, because Christianity was very, very popular in the 1930's. Back then, you had small towns and the meetings were frequently held in the local church, which was the social center of town. However, the Big Book specifically states that AA is not tied to any business nor religion. The 'higher power' is simply something we can look to as a reason to stay sober and something to 'offer up' or 'let go' of our alcoholism to. As an agnostic, my higher power is the Universe. I'm sure there is something out there that created all this - but it's certainly not some guy who sits on a throne in some magical kingdom.

Why is this important? I'll stop here and say that unless you're an alcoholic, it's very difficult to understand this, but I'll explain it anyway. Is that you, by yourself, are completely incapable of controlling your alcoholism. People say, "Just don't drink." or "Just have one drink and no more." That is literally impossible for us.

So ... you feel helpless. Alcoholism is stigmatized in the social world - not only if you admit you are one, but if you simply try to stay sober and say "No thanks" when offered a drink. It's very isolating. Being able to give that 'up' to a higher power is very liberating. To relate this back to me - I accept that due to genetics, which can be traced all the way back to the Universe deciding to randomly mutate one of my ancestors' DNA, I have this problem. I can't 'fix' it and become a 'normal drinker' so I need to just accept it (that's the 'giving it up part') and control what I can, which is doing my best to simply avoid drinking.

AA does this via a 12 Step method to give you something to focus on. In psychological circles it's known as CBT, Cognitive Based Therapy. You're replacing one behavior pattern with another. This does not mean you will be addicted to AA, but rather AA is a means by which how to learn to live sober.

The second is that AA offers 'social support.' Many alcoholics have either isolated themselves or don't have anyone around them who can offer support for them not drinking. AA does this. There is usually a 24-hour number you can call if you feel the urge to drink and your local group will maintain a huge list of numbers that you can call and say, "Yo, I don't think I'm gonna be able to avoid taking a drink. Let's go get a coffee." And the wonderful part, is you're helping the person you're calling stay sober too. Simply calling and checking on some without even mentioning drinking often is enough to tamp the urge down to controllable levels.

To address the oft heard complaint that local AA groups are "religious" and shun people who don't believe. This is because (and again, let me stop here and say I was one of them in my late 20's) they usually come into the meeting, not willing to accept fully that they have a problem with drinking, and with this huge chip on their shoulder at the mere mention of 'God.' It's an excuse to avoid the root of their addiction. They hear the Serenity Prayer and immediately think AA is Christian based and this is not for me. Unfortunately, in some smaller towns and the bible belt (I'm in North Carolina, for example) you absolutely have some people who relate it all to religion and talk about God the whole meeting. That's the beauty of AA though, there are dozens of meetings all over town with different types of people. Just go find another meeting. Find a beginner's meeting, or a 12 Step Study Meeting. My city even has a specific meeting for atheists and agnostics now which was started by the some local Atheists Social club.

This turned out to be much longer than I expected, but if anyone has any questions about AA and wants to hear from someone who started out as a 'pissed of young atheist' in my 20's but who now has a more rational view of AA and has found it to be helpful (not a cure-all, but helpful) please don't hesitate to ask.

Edit: And I'll also add. We really need mental health and addiction treatment reform in this country (USA). We shouldn't stigmatize, imprison, and shun addicts. We need to treat them and having navigated this path for 15 years, science knows nothing of the why or how of addiction. Probably because there is no money in it. The only medicine that has worked to help me is a shot called Vivitrol which costs $1,200 per shot and lasts about 28 days. My insurance won't cover it.

If he's going to AA then he should be reading the AA Big Book. Living Sober is another AA book and has some good stuff. There are plenty of other addiction related self help books but AA is most effective when the alcoholic is really involved in the program so I think AA literature would be best.

You are doing your best to help him and I admire that. Often our first instinct when we see someone struggling is to provide them with helpful resources. This is definitely beneficial, but only to a certain extent. If you house a homeless alcoholic and drive them to AA, they might benefit greatly. If an alcoholic has a home, is attending AA or a treatment program, and is "not doing a good job," the vast majority of the time it is not due to a lack of resources. It is a lack of willingness or commitment to which ever program he or she is in.

If he's talking to a sponsor daily, actively working through the 12 steps, sharing at meetings, and he still is not making progress, it's possible a book could give him something he's lacking. But it doesn't sound like he's doing those things.

I think the most helpful thing you can possibly do is go to an Al-Anon meeting. Good luck.

Dude, good for you! That's awesome. And congratulations on the new little one!

I don't have personal experience to offer with alcohol dependence specifically. I do struggle with addictive, obsessive disordered eating though.

I listen to Dax Shepard's podcast, Armchair Expert. He's a recovering alcoholic and he talks about it a lot. They've brought up The Big Book many times and how beneficial it would be to absolutely anyone who reads it, addiction or not. It has really great reviews and people say it's life changing. I want to order it and read it soon. I think there's a religious spin in it, but they say if that's not your jam you can easily replace God with Karma, The Universe, or whatever feels best.

I'm on mobile and can't link it all nicely so I'll just throw it down here:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1893007170/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

You can always say you are just there to listen. I personally have not believed in religion and while it is loosely part of it, its things like a "Higher Power" which can be the people around the tables. Or a "God as we understand him" I've been reading the 12 for 12 and it seems to do a good job at explaining these. Maybe the big book is a good place to start also.

I think the best part of AA is the fellowship. People who will listen to you when you are having a problem, and people who will tell you stories when they are having problems. Sometimes listening is the best part of it. I am to the 3rd step which is all about god, just yesterday alone I asked everyone to share how they got over the fact that "God" is written in it, as I have not been religious. It was good to hear everyone stories and even some guys with 10 years say that step is one I still come back to every day because I personally still don't know if I believe in a god.

While my support system at home is very good, these are people who are also there trying every day to do the same thing I am and that is to stay sober. I would say go to 5 to 10 meetings, and if you completely hate it, maybe it's not for you. But I've heard many people people say it took a month for me to start getting it, and others longer. I came in looking to do the 90 meetings in 90 days as they say it's a must for stopping drinking. Sometimes I don't want to be there or talk, but I still go, and if the topic moves me I talk. Sometimes I don't have anything to bring up so I listen.

You may want to read this too.

We, of SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other sex addicts precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the sex addict. Many do not comprehend that the sex addict is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.

Paraphrased from Alcoholics Anonymous, Foreword to First Edition, xiii

Read: Why the Big Book of A.A.?


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1. No sex addict, man or woman, can be excluded from our Society; our leaders might serve but never govern; each group is to be autonomous and there is to be no professional class of therapy. There are to be no fees or dues; our expenses are to be met by our own voluntary contributions. There is to be the least possible organization, even in our service centers. Our public relations are to be based upon attraction rather than promotion. All members ought to be anonymous at the level of press, radio, TV and films. And in no circumstances should we give endorsements, make alliances, or enter public controversies.
   
   
2. /r/sexAA is not a place to meet sexual acting out partners and it is not group therapy. We try not to use offensive language, or descriptions that are too explicit. We avoid explicit sexual language, names, places, and websites we associated with our acting-out behavior. Because of the nature of our addiction, we take great care when sharing and we strive NOT to share any inappropriate content. Our focus remains on the SOLUTION rather than the problem. If you have any questions please message the mods.
   
   
3. As SAA members the most important symbol of our willingness is a Desire Chip. A Desire Chip signifies our desire to stop our addictive sexual behaviors for good and for all. Is there anyone here who would like to begin their journey to sobriety today? Click here to claim a Desire Chip.
   
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   Tips For Getting Started
   

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4. To better understand sex addiction and to help you qualify yourself, we highly recommend you read What Is Sex Addiction And How Can I Tell If I Have It?
   
   
5. Call into the Saturday SAA Foundation Telemeeting. This is held every Saturday from 10:00 am - 11:15 am EST. 605-562-3140 access code 215701#. This meeting will give you a great introduction to our program and will introduce you to the tried-and-true 12 Step method of recovery.
   
   
6. Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book - [(Online Version)]
   (http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous) It contains the original 12 Step program upon which our entire fellowship is based. We have found that is it simple to replace "selfish sex" when we come across the word "alcohol." Or "sex addict" for "alcoholic." Unfortunately, there are certain places in the book where we are not able to translate the text word-for-word so that it relates identically with our sex addiction. These parts are few and far between, and besides, we had a pretty important reason for working our SAA program as directed by the Big Book.
   
   "Of alcoholics, who came to AA, and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement."
   
   This indicates a success rate at around 75% during the first 20 years of AA's existence. The first 4 years there was no instruction manual. During the following 14 years, the Big Book was AA's only book. Read more on Why the Big Book of AA?
   
   
7. We highly recommend you find a qualified "sponsor" and begin working the 12 Steps as soon as possible. Working all 12 Steps with a qualified sponsor is the basis of our program and our society and it is where we believe the path to permanent recovery exists.
   
   
8. All of our meetings are 100% free of charge. If the meeting is attended by recovered sex addicts who have worked the 12 Steps this can be a great place to find a sponsor.
   telemeetings and
   in-person meetings.
   
   
9. Define your bottom line behaviors and share them with your sponsor. For help on Defining Abstinence.
   
   
10. Some members have also found it helpful to add a devotional book to their daily spiritual routine:
    Answers in the Heart
    Touchstones: A Book Of Daily Meditations For Men
    Twenty Four Hours a Day
    
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    ...for the SAA newcomer who identifies as atheist or agnostic.
    

    
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    Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they might mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him [or Her]. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which had seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth. But if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So at first we used our own conceptions of God, however limited they were.
    
    We need to ask ourselves but one short question: "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man [or woman] can say that he does believe, even in this small degree, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
    
    Alcoholics Anonymous, p47
    
    To our atheist and agnostic brothers and sisters, please do not let the spiritual nature of the program deter you from giving it an honest chance. Almost half of the original one hundred members who wrote Alcoholics Anonymous identified as atheist or agnostic. Many of us who have entered the program were not spiritual people and yet we have found a lasting sense of peace and serenity through working the 12 Steps. We are happy, joyous, and free. We are recovered.
    
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    If you believe you may be suffering from sex addiction or compulsive sexual behavior, you have come to the right place. We provide information and resources in support of your recovery. Sex addiction is NOT a hopeless or unrecoverable condition. Many sex addicts achieve life-long recovery with the help of this program. SAA is grounded in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous. It is through the application of these fundamental tools that we sex addicts open ourselves to the reality of permanent recovery in our lives. At the end of the day, it's "the steps we take" not "the meetings we make" that keep us sober.
    
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    Here are a list of some great telemeeting that I would recommend giving a try:
    
    http://www.saapp.org/ameetings
    
    Shoot me a message if you want to get started working the 12 Steps and I can talk with you about finding a sponsor.

Here is the mobile version of your link

AA IS a type of religion. Look at it...

• Holy Book
  
  
• Messiah
  
  
• Commandments
  
  
• Holiday
  
  
• Services
  
  
• Mecca
  
  
  ...and it is total BS that US courts force people into this type of religious cult. Oh yeah and don't you dare say ANYTHING negative about this organization to any of its members or you will receive a serious tongue lashing. Plus, when you are able to stay sober on your own, you are just considered a poor dry drunk by them and you will never be truly happy w/o AA. Doesn't that sound like a religious cult?

The book that has had the biggest impact on me has to be the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonumous. This book has seen me through one of the lowest point of my life and helped get me through it. As i worked through it, I felt that it was written for me back when Bill W and Dr. Bob put it together. My copy was given to me at my first meeting and with it (and my sponsor) I've managed to stay sober for almost 15 months now.

As for what I want, there is this, this, and this (all of which are unecessarily expensive, but I love all things Star Wars). I think this is far more reasonable though.

Edit: Spelling