Reddit mentions of How to Live: Boxed Set of the Mindfulness Essentials Series

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way right now! Just know that these feelings will pass, and things will get better-- I felt much the same as you do right now when I was your age, and I promise you that you will get through this.

I commend you on your aspirations and hope that you get to pursue the things you love in school!

A wonderful practice that might be useful to you in this time of life is mindfulness-- the art of calming your mind, recognizing your thoughts, letting them be as they are, and growing into the person you want to be through reflection and deep thought. I highly recommend these books by Thich Nhat Hanh; he is a buddhist monk and advocate for peace that writes beautifully about what it means to be human and how we can compassionately engage with our own humanity and the humanity of those around us.

I think there's also a lot to be said for reading fiction and following your own interests. Go to your local library and take a leisurely stroll through the stacks. I often turn to books when I'm feeling lonely and unmoored. Fiction has a brilliant ability to help us feel less alone and to engage us in the stories of others. You can also meet lots of wonderful people when you become involved in the literary community around you. It's truly a wonderful thing.

Best of luck to you in this season of your life; please don't be too discouraged! This will pass, and things will be well again.

Yes!!! I totally get it and have struggled with that too. These are the books I'm currently cycling through:

Twenty-Four Hours a Day (not AA, but about alcoholism)

Daily Reflections (AA)

As Bill Sees It (AA)

Courage to Change (Al-Anon, useful for self-esteem issues and building a relationship with a higher power)

Courage to See (This isn't affiliated with any program, but has some great daily readings and is also useful for self-esteem stuff)

How to Love (Buddhist)

I absolutely love Thich Nhat Hanh and want to get the rest of his "Mindfulness Essentials" collection. They're all short books on mindfulness in different contexts (How to Love, How to Sit, How to Relax, How to Eat, How to Walk). I've also heard good things about The Energy of Prayer although I haven't gotten it yet so I'm not sure if it's set up well to be daily reader.

I've also used some Emmet Fox books in the past. Several of them have prayers/meditations in them that I've cycled through in various parts of my sobriety. Here's one I really liked:

"God is the only Presence and the only Power.  God is fully present here with me, now.  God is the only real Presence – all the rest is but shadow.  God is perfect Good, and God is the cause only of perfect Good.  God never sends sickness, trouble, accident, temptation, nor death itself; nor does He authorize these things.  We bring them upon ourselves by our own wrong thinking.  God, Good, can cause only good.  The same fountain cannot send forth both sweet and bitter water.

I am Divine Spirit.  I am the child of God.  In God I live and move and have my being; so I have not fear.  I am surrounded by the Peace of God and all is well.  I am not afraid of people; I am not afraid of things; I am not afraid of circumstances; I am not afraid of myself; for God is with me.  The Peace of God fills my soul, and I have no fear.  I dwell in the Presence of God, and no fear can touch me.  I am not afraid of the past; I am not afraid of the present; I am not afraid for the future; for God is with me.  The Eternal God is my dwelling place and underneath are the ever-lasting arms.  Nothing can ever touch me but the direct action of God Himself, and God is Love."