Reddit mentions of How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

The research has time and again shown it to be ineffective and even counterproductive. But others have addressed that already.

>"How will we get the kid to listen then?"

Does he think people go through their lives hitting everyone else to get their way? Does the manager of your favorite restaurant hit the wait staff?

You don't become a leader though force and fear - that's how you become a dictator. You become a leader by building relationships and earning trust and respect - and you do that by demonstrating you're trustworthy, listening, and giving respect in turn.

Does he want his kid to be the one on the playground getting his way by hitting his classmates, or does he want his kid to have the respect and trust of friends who he can thoughtfully work together with? Why should he expect any less from himself than he expects from a child?

Tens (hundreds?) of millions of parents manage to parent effectively without corporal punishment. There are entire countries where it is outlawed; you don't see Sweden getting overrun by terrible, unruly children who can't "listen," and that's because there are other, more effective means at a parent's disposal. If your husband wants to know "how," I suggest you start with the (updated) classic How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen.

The recent edition by Joanna Faber is awesome, too.

https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1501131656

I'm not sure what you are looking for. I agree with /u/cadabra04 that there's likely one of 2 reasons for the behavior. In the example you gave, your kid threw a toy. Something made him throw the toy. Some emotion was happening. Was he super excited? Was he pretending it was a superhero and it was flying? Was he mad so he did it out of anger? I think that's the first point. Of those three I'd only discipline for the third and even then I'd say, "We don't throw toys. If you want to throw. you can throw the ball outside. Go pick (Toy) up". If he refused (maybe he is really mad) I'd say it again and say "(Name), pick up the toy." If he ignored I'd walk him to the toy and make him pick it up. All of this is done in a neutral tone, no yelling, no meanness, etc. At that point, my daughter would cry in protest but it got done. This is what the behavioral therapist taught us.
My daughter is strong willed and very emotional. Time outs were hard for her bc she hated isolation and would just escalate to a point where she literally COULD NOT calm herself down yet she didn't want to be talked to/hugged/etc either when she was emotional.

This is a pretty good book that's often recommended on this sub because well, it's pretty good:
https://smile.amazon.com/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1501131656?sa-no-redirect=1

There's another edition of this book that focuses on 2-7yos, which contains an entire chapter devoted towards children with autism, sensory issues and developmental delays, which isn't to say your son has those issues, but you could still apply the methods outlined in that chapter to a kid who's still learning to express himself. For example, there's these subsections:

• Take Time to Imagine What Your Child is Experiencing
  
  
• Put into Words What Kids Want to Say
  
  
• Use Alternatives to the Spoken Word: Write a Note, Use a Gesture, Draw a Picture, Sing
  
  I think these would be really helpful for nonverbal kids. Plus, it's only a matter of time before your son is verbal, and I often wish I had discovered this book BEFORE I really needed it, which is around 2yo. You have to adopt a different mentality and it took me a couple months to really shift gears away from the reward/punish first mentality.

I agree with /u/slimjim72384 on How to Talk so Kids Will Listen but maybe the little kids edition which is aimed at kids 2-7. While your oldest is 8, I think it will still be relevant.