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Reddit mentions of Lists to Love By for Busy Wives: Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want

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We found 1 Reddit mentions of Lists to Love By for Busy Wives: Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want. Here are the top ones.

Lists to Love By for Busy Wives: Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want
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Release dateJanuary 2017
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Found 1 comment on Lists to Love By for Busy Wives: Simple Steps to the Marriage You Want:

u/jaimedieuetilmaime · 2 pointsr/Christianmarriage
  1. Comparison is the root of so many evils in marriage, especially adultery. Whenever you allow your brain to say, “That person is sexier/ healthier/ funnier/ more attractive/ more attentive than my husband!” you are training your brain to open those people up as options. You are training yourself to be open to an affair. DO NOT DO THIS!

  2. Attractions are innate and uncontrollable. You can do things to prevent yourself from being in situations to form them (eg. don’t have close personal friends of the opposite gender, don’t confide in someone of the opposite gender, don’t go “window shopping”, etc), but once they’re there, your options are: a. Reinforce them with thoughts, words, or deeds (daydreaming, physical behavior, etc), or b. Cut off the supply (don’t interact more than you have to, don’t allow yourself to daydream, pray for them and your spouse when you start thinking about them or how good they are). The former option is not good, but the latter is godly.

  3. Part of godly sex is to make sure that you both are satisfied. If you’re not feeling satisfied with your sex life with your husband, you need to tell him and figure out a way to fix it. Communication, communication, communication!! What would help you feel more cherished when you are intimate with your husband? Do you need to take a bath beforehand? Put on makeup or a pretty nightgown to feel attractive? Does he need to take longer warming up? Do you both need to spend more time cuddling? God gave you a husband for you to fulfill his sexual needs, and God gave your husband you to fulfill your sexual needs. If your needs aren’t filled, both you and your husband aren’t doing your jobs.

  4. “The One” is the person you marry. God does not make soul mates. He created a covenant: a promise about how you will act with another person. And the more you bond with your spouse, the more you each become “The One” to each other.

  5. Everything you mention is based on feelings. You don’t feel satisfied, you don’t feel attracted to your husband, you feel lustful towards other men. Your feelings are valid, and reflect a need that isn’t being filled. But your feelings aren’t reflecting the truth!

    Your dissatisfaction is a problem between you and your husband. Not being satisfied with your partner isn’t something anyone else can fix: it comes from you being open about your dissatisfaction and your husband being open to “figuring out” your sexuality.

    Not being attracted to your husband won’t be fixed by trading in a newer model. People change with time. You need to modify your heart towards your husband to see the attractive qualities about him: does he care for your children? Is he a good worker? Is he generous? Is he a good listener? You need to search in your husband for the value he has, and for the attractive qualities that will not fade with age. If you can’t see any good qualities, that’s another thing to add in a prayer list: that you will see the attractive qualities your husband has.

  6. Please don’t indulge in smut. You are impeding your relationship when you do. You are reprogramming your brain to think that sex is all about that sexy feeling, instead of about creating a more intimate relationship with your husband. Sexual intimacy in a Christian relationship is based on a covenant of action and based on all other intimacy being married creates: emotional, mental, and relational. You are using the female version of pornography, and you are now needing to use that to find satisfaction in your relationship with your husband. If you ever want satisfaction from your husband alone, you’ll have to reprogram your brain to accept what sex is really about.

  7. If you want your marriage to last beyond the next ~5 years, you need to start changing things, speaking up, and chasing your husband again. The place where you are now is somewhere you never thought you’d let yourself be, and you’re on the edge of a cliff you can’t seem to see the danger of. The longer you stay here or the more you walk towards the cliff, the less likely you’ll be able to fix the damage you’re doing. God is a god of miracles, but He never imposes in this world. You’re choosing now the consequences you’re willing to pay.

    ————————

    I’ve been on a quest for good marriage books, and two that I think you desperately need to read are:
    Lasting Love - avoiding marital failure
    and
    Lists to Love By - for busy wives

    ~$25 (for the both) is cheaper than a marital counselor, and a good place to start if you can’t afford someone in person.