Reddit mentions of Queer By Choice

The debate has been going of for a long time in queer theory. You might be interested in researching essentialist/constructivist conceptions of sexuality. In the west, many of us are essentialist, insomuch as we believe there is such thing as a gay person. There is an essence to being gay, and you either are gay or you're not. The idea in modern times was first proposed by Karl Heinrich Ulrich, who was himself gay in the late 1800s. He referred to gay people as "urnings" which he describes as men with female spirits. He had a different word for lesbian. Later, Karl Maria Kertbenny, took the idea and came up with the word homosexual and from there, the academic Magnus Hirschfeld (also gay) gave the idea some academic legs.

Before that, there was no such concept as a "homosexual." There were men and there were women. And sometimes men slept with men and sometimes women slept with women, but those men would often go on to marry women or not and there was just much more fluidity. That's not to say that homosexuality was accepted back then, its just that the concept of same sex love being an immutable definitive trait wasn't a thing.

The politicization of sexuality made this worse. We adopted a narrative that we were "born this way." because it was easier to sell equal rights to the masses if we could tell them we couldn't control it.

Constructivists on the other hand, believe that sexuality is a social construct and that there is no such thing as a "gay person." There is just a person and they like what they like. And just like people's preferences for things, sometimes they change. And sometimes they don't. The reason that men are more rigidly gay or straight is a product of socialization. Notice that there is much more fluidity in female sexuality than male.

I remember when I was deciding to come out as gay, I recognized (and still do) that I am somewhat attracted to women. But that socially, it's much less likely I will find a wife if I date and fuck men, because women like your friend will always think that I'm secretly gay. I'm not secretly anything. If I like you, I like you! Similarly, in the gay community a lot of guys are put off by bi guys because they're really "straight" or they're "closet cases." Men are socialized to pick gay or straight and stick to it. Women, not so much. My lesbian roommate is avowedly lesbian and she fucks guys from time to time. She refuses to call herself bi. So be it.

So, yes... sometimes people can discover they're gay later in life.

I suggest

History of Sexuality by Michel Foucault

Queer by Choice by Vera Whisman

One Hundred Years of Homosexuality by David Halperin

The most recent publishing I would begin with is The Tolerance Trap or Queer by Choice.

In summary, they represent changes made in Queer studies of the past five years which criticize how the current LGBT movement have become severely misguided outside the original challenges of gender and sexuality offered by LGBT academics during 1950-80s, which were not motivated by genetic determinism [born-this-way argument].

Essentially the LGBT political movement in the early 1900's rested on this notion that sexuality is biological truth, despite scientists never fully advocating this and evidence that early environmental factors still play a role; this notion became internalized and unchallenged leading to sexuality developing into a comprehensive biological identity similar to being a women or african-american. The issue still remains that no conclusive evidence has proven that sexuality is anything more than genetically predisposed (with environmental factors also having influence). A double-edged sword comes along with that since many undesirable things, such as schizophrenia and alcoholism, also have genetic predispositions.

These newer books, as well as contemporary Queer theorists in their line, want to challenge the moral claims of sexuality and develop out Queer morality that have nothing to do with biological aspects. In effect sexuality could be a personal choice rather than a genetic punishment. Some queer theorists I have talked with are critical towards the LGBT categorization system, which require and reinforce the uneven foundations of genetic determinism for authentic meaning. Personally, I believe the system hyperinflated nonsense; sexual preferences should not constitute personal identity in that degree.

Some earlier works I would recommend is "Compulsory Heterosexuality" by Adrienne Rich or The History of Sexuality by Foucault. But I would add that Foucault's historical record [which has some problems] is not as important as his critique; One Hundred Years of Homosexuality by Halperin is seen as the better alternative to defend Foucault's views. These theories, however, are within the postmodern era and carry significant problems that are associated throughout the tradition.

I highly recommend Sex and Social Justice by Martha Nussbaum, which argues that so far our history has supervised sexuality rather than proven anything resembling moral truth.