Reddit mentions of Recovering from the War: A Guide for All Veterans, Family Members, Friends and Therapists

First of all, thank you for your service. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.

Also, I am not an expert. I am married to a vet with combat ptsd. We've been through a lot.

Yes, your experience, including what you call delayed ptsd, sounds like those that others have described. You are not alone, and you're not wrong or weak, you're human and you saw the worst side of what humans do.

You sound very insightful and self-aware to realise that you are experiencing ptsd. That's good, because the sooner you realise it, the sooner you can get help.

It is really common to come back, manage for a while, and then, as time goes on, to have more problems dealing with the memories. In fact, one counselor said that every big news story about war and attacks brings in new clients. They get about one Vietnam vet a week, he said, because the tv news stories, etc., are triggers.

Like you, many come back, and after some life changes like marriage, kids, etc., they get exhausted coping with the ptsd stress, and it starts to boil over.

A couple of things got the ball rolling for my husband to get help. The Vet Center provides free counseling and other assistance to vets. It's confidential, they won't share your info with the VA unless you want. It's easy, call and set up an appointment. If possible, try a few different counselors until you find one that clicks.
And all they'll need is your DD-214 (they'll help you get a copy if you need). They can discuss your options and then you decide how you want to proceed.

THEN, this book, Recovering from the War, is amazing. Lots of personal accounts from vets, lots of good info on ptsd symptoms. Don't even try to read this book from cover to cover, it is intense and full of triggers. What's great about it for my husband and other vets he knows is that they could read that there are others like them. They're not crazy and they're not alone. There are personal accounts that sound very similar to yours.

The Vet Center can help you file a disability claim for ptsd, and any other service-related claims you may have. It can be grueling, but the disability benefits can cover additional therapy (you'll likely need a therapist, aside from the Vet Center counselors), and just take off some pressure so you can better cope.

Tl;dr: Take care of yourself. I hope you get the help you need so you can enjoy your new life.

From a slightly different perspective, Recovering from the War is a book by a Vietnam vet and his wife about what soldiers went through and how it affects them after the war. It is a book highly recommended for family members. I read it about 15-16 years ago, but it is still relevant and accurate from the Vets I've spoken to about it. It is very long; however, once you read the beginning, you can skip around some of the chapters, which describe different aspects of being in different parts of the war theater.