Reddit mentions of The Art of Sensual Massage: Book and 2 DVD Set

It seems like you really need to focus in on the details of what, exactly, is triggering you when leading up to and engaging in sex.

Now, with full fledged sexual abuse along with the other unwanted behavior you describe, this might be best done with a professional, but in any case you sound like you at least have a bead on a couple of things that could be the cause.

> he doesn't really have sensuality down

> I finally have enough self esteem to think I deserve some other kind of sexuality

I think those are excellent starting points. Your BF's approach has probably evolved to a degree around what you are starting to find less desirable...rough stuff. If he wasn't adept at sensuality in the first place, that combination might have hemmed him in to some degree, in what he's come to know generally works well. That is now changing for you and either he hasn't kept up/paid attention, or you're keeping it and your reactions close to the vest. Either way, it seems like this is a communication thing, and as long as he's sensitive and willing to learn and adjust to your changing needs, this has the potential to be a whole new life for you both in terms of sexuality.


Whatever you do, keep him in the loop. I say this all the time to LLs of both genders posting in here. You care. That's a lot more than can be said for most of the LLs described in here. Make sure he knows that you know there is a problem, know it's important, and are taking tangible steps to make it better.

"And in honor of that and the new direction you need the sexual intimacy to take....here's a copy of The Art of Sensual Massage.

We started doing something called Sensate Focus Therapy. Then we got a couple of books on sensual and erotic massage. These are both good:

The Art of Sensual Massage: Book and 2 DVD Set, 40th Anniversary Edition

Erotic Massage for Couples, by Sylvia Patterson

Then we started learning tantric massage from u/ShaktiAmarantha. I really recommend her online guide

The techniques we practice are a combination of all of those.

Hmmm... It's a favorite topic of mine, but I'm not sure which one you meant. Here are two posts and some books & videos:

• How can I (31m) help to get wife (30f) out of post child slump? - oldie on massage techniques
  
  
• Suggestions: Girlfriend's Birthday - Mike's vaginal massage tutorial.
  
  
• Giving a Yoni Massage (first of five articles).
  
  
• The Art of Sensual Massage: Book and 2 DVD Set 40th Anniversary Edition,
  by Gordon Inkeles - the classic, updated.
  
  
• Ultimate Erotic Massage, by Kavida Rei. Good photography, professional layout. The text gets a bit too woo-woo for my taste in places, but it's free and you can skip those parts.
  
  
• Video tutorials for massage and oral techniques