Reddit mentions of The Pain Chronicles: Cures, Myths, Mysteries, Prayers, Diaries, Brain Scans, Healing, and the Science of Suffering

So sorry. It sounds like you are talking about osteo-arthritis.(There are over 200 different types of arthritis..) If it's any consolation, I've had RA for 12 years now, and still have a life worth living. It has abated somewhat over the last few years, contrary to all expectations.

• Be liberal with the painkillers. The latest medical thinking is that the "pain cycle" must be broken, and not allowed to ramp up and gain a life of its' own.
  
  
• Be generous with rest time. It's ok to feel not up for anything.
  
  
• Find ways around it. I still build houses and go canyoneering. It's possible. She will develop ways of working around the bits that don't work. Be creative. (Crawling to the toilet is dignified, compared to shitting the bed.)
  
  
• Diet is key. Find out what influences the flare-ups. For me it's sugar and acidifying foods. If it's severe, go macrobiotic and slowly add desired foods to check their impact.
  
  
• Be strong. Everyone will have some "good advice" because "their granny has arthritis". Smile and be gracious, and then do your own thing.
  
  -You might try a shot of organic apple cider vinegar every morning. The taste makes the toenails curl up, but it did wonders at balancing my pH and mitigating the flares.
  
  
• There is a great book, "The Pain Chronicles", that helped me wrap my head around it. There are also great supportive websites. I visit those specific to my kind of arthritis, find the ones that work or her and lean on them heavily.
  
  
• Let her be a victim for a while, because, to be honest, her life as she knew it is over, and that stage is key to go through in mourning and processing. This is a looooooong path.
  
  
  
• Be wary of the meds!! Doctors will prescribe some of the most heinous chemicals for her. They have side-effects worse than arthritis, believe me. Do not be afraid to say no if it doesn't feel right. There are many paths to wellness.
  
  This has mostly been for her. For you...you need support too. Your 'life's rug' has been pulled out from under you, as well. It is going to take a lot of love, generosity and commitment to stay this path with a disabled person. I recommend a men's group of some kind, a spiritual path, and permission for you to live your life fully inside of this (wherever you need to get it from..).
  
  
  Feel free to PM me anytime for support or advice. Be strong, and good luck.