Reddit mentions of The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure And Material Advantage Are Creating A Generation Of Disconnected And Unhappy Kids

In college, find a way to do it for you.

10 years ago I was where you are now, an overachiever bound for an elite university. Like you, I was doing it for other people. (Differences: I did more sports, music, and science instead of leadership, and only one of my parents was driving me, and I averaged 7 hours of sleep per night, but my life was regimented and packed with optimal activities.) The Price of Privilege provided some insight into what I was feeling and reassurance that my feelings were a normal reaction to an unmanageable situation. Read it and feel better.

It's been a rough journey getting here because I lost my sense of direction for a long time.

This is going to sound bizarre, but: to be happier, dial back your sense of duty to other people, while continuing to overachieve. Richard Feynman's philosophy was "What Do You Care What Other People Think?" and he was very successful and loved. Most therapists would tell you that you're allowed to decide what your "needs" are and to pursue any legal means of satisfying your needs no matter how strange or useless. Some subcultures deliberately cultivate antisocial/sociopathic practices, such as the "smile and nod" of finance guys or the "dark triad" of pickup guys, and this is 100% legal and typically results in positive outcomes for the guys. I don't recommend going full Nietzsche, but I do recommend doing slightly less for other people so you can sleep at least 6 hours per night on average.

Three major failures I made (avoid these):

First, I screwed up academically in college because my middle-class parents couldn't see the next step after college clearly enough to pressure me to get there. So, I wasted a long time in second-tier jobs and grad school. I'm an engineer at a prestigious company now, but my friends who stayed top-tier through a finance or business-school track now make 4x what I make. Get top grades plus 1 impressive project/extracurricular per semester...it's a lot, and it's enough to open the doors to the next top-tier opportunities. Overuse the college's resources (counseling, office hours, tutoring, emailing professors, talking to alumni) until any problems that come up are fixed.

Second, I screwed up my relationships because I was fundamentally a people-pleaser. My positive qualities (success, prestige, hotness) were attractive, and I felt like I could slack off on these because I was in a relationship. When my girlfriend had a better option, she dumped me. Always be your woman's best option if you want her to stay around. And, if something bothers you, fix it! You are your own best therapist...if something bothers you it's probably because it needs fixing.

Third, stay on track after college. Not sure what your adult mentors/overlords expect from you but with your skills and work ethic plus some good choices you could retire at age 30 with $1.5 million in the bank. Being honest here: I'm overweight, single, and on track to retire at age 65. I can tell you that there's no joy in slacking off with the many easy processed experiences available to the masses. The happiest point in my life was probably my Freshman fall of college right before classes started, when I realized I had done what I set out to do 5 years ago, but before I realized I was caught between conflicting requests (from my college friends, girlfriends, and parents) and was on track to fall off the fast track. Always have an intelligent 5-year plan, follow it, and re-evaluate yearly. Seek a lot of blunt criticism from many people 10 years older than you who've done it before, to figure out what good options are.

Anyway...if you've already accepted a college's offer...drop most of your commitments to focus on a single project that you care a lot about and have final decision-making authority over / majority ownership of. Also reach out to graduates of your intended alma mater and other experienced professionals ~10 years ahead of you to make sure you understand what the options are and how to get where you want to go.

But dude, the work you've already done means your worst-case outcome is equal to most people's goal outcome, and your family will still love you even if you fail out. You've done good, and it gets better.

I have just finished reading The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids which spells out pretty much exactly what this article was talking about but with stats and data to back up what Levine said. I found the book extremely readable and interesting...I think the debate is fascinating and, although I did not fully agree with everything in the book, it was, for me, definitely worth reading.

here's the link to the amazong page:

http://www.amazon.com/Price-Privilege-Advantage-Generation-Disconnected/dp/006059585X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421038389&sr=8-1&keywords=price+of+privilege