Reddit mentions of Your Competent Child: Toward A New Paradigm In Parenting And Education

I agree with all the comments made so far, but I think we're missing one element:

We want our friends to like us for introducing them to it. We want recognition of being cool / cultured / having good taste - whatever.

My favorite author* on child psychology says that the deepest desire, the deepest motivator, for all people is a need to be seen. We want to be seen as valuable and something special, be accepted for who we really are. Sharing what we like is a form of openness and vulnerability, and that makes us even more focused on getting the right feedback, so we get nervous about whether this movie, or show, or music actually made the mark.

That's why I value it greatly when friends share their interests with me, and I make sure they are seen when they share.

Wow! Thanks for the Gold!

• *Pursuant to feedback: Jesper Juul is the author I was referring to, and two great books are "Your Competent Child" and "Here I Am! Who are You?"

Read this book by the Danish therapist Jesper Juul. It's for parents, but it explains in great detail why teaching your children a true "sense-of-self" (who am I, what do I want, what are my desires, what are my emotions, how can I deal with them, how can I balance out my needs with the needs of my surroundings) is much more important than teaching them confidence and self-worth based on achievements. Confidence and self-worth are the second step, the first step is a proper sense of what you are and what you want.

https://www.amazon.com/Your-Competent-Child-Parenting-Education/dp/1452538905/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478632720&sr=8-1&keywords=Jesper+Juul

pS: I just read the translation is not very good. Maybe you find another edition with better spelling and grammar.