(Part 3) Best products from r/AskMenOver30

First and foremost find a type of exercise that you enjoy or that you could envision yourself enjoying. Going to the gym and lifting weights or running are not the only options. it is FAR easier to stick with it if you actually enjoy what you are doing as opposed to feeling forced to go. Some good other options are rock climbing, circus, dancing, yoga, swimming, bicycling, rec sports leagues, hiking and parkour.



If you want to get started with weightlifting /r/fitness has some recommendations on programs. I believe they were recommending StrongLifts 5x5 as a place to start for quite a while.



If you're interested in doing bodyweight fitness instead of weightlifting I would start with /r/bodyweightfitness's Recommended Routine. This is where I started when I got into exercising. For more detailed information the book Overcoming Gravity is fantastic.





/r/flexibility offers a simple place to start stretching here, with a very basic routine. Yoga with Adriene offers a number of free online yoga videos that you can follow along to at home. Taking some yoga or flexibility classes can also be good if you need help.



Being consistent is the most important thing. You will gain more from walking 2 miles a night every night then you will from going full bore at the gym for 3 weeks then never going again.





Personally I do Circus arts primarily to stay in shape. I think it’s a blast it’s pretty social and includes both strength and flexibility training. I would be happy to answer any questions on it if you’re curious.

I have a job where I get to help people, friends who I can laugh with, a faith community that reminds me to be grateful and keeps me grounded, and most importantly a family that reminds me how good I have it. I also learned not to worry about others, and being 20 years out of high school, am now seeing the friends who I thought were successful were not. I know what I like and now have the financial means to do more of it. And I don't care about what others think of me anymore. It really sounds like you have this as well.

Happiness is a state of mind. Mental illness messes with your mind and affects your thinking and health. Having been in the majorly depressed camp I'd encourage you to go to your doctor for a good physical, and, barring any medical conditions, then try a mental health professional. And work to build meaningful and deep friendships - that provide support and not just activities. It changed my life for the better.

After you get the doctor stuff squared away a good book to read on building meaningful friendships is Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship.

Long time cat owner here--I currently live with a nearly 6 year old, 16lb tabby who is about as needy as a cat can possibly get. Two things I would recommend to help your cat "chill":

1. Play Time is CRUCIAL. Cats need a way to channel their energies, and just running around the house is not sufficient for most cats. This is especially important for your cat since he spent the first year of his life as an outside cat. Most cats won't go for leash walks (mine just flops), so it's up to you as the human to help them wear themselves out. I highly recommend a toy called "Da Bird". It's interactive and will help you and the cat form a great bond. http://www.amazon.com/Original-Single-Guinea-Feather-Refills/dp/B000FWAP8A/ref=sr_1_3?s=pet-supplies&ie=UTF8&qid=1458154134&sr=1-3&keywords=da+bird
   
   Other toys/gadgets that you could give him are those plastic balls with bells inside of them, little foil poofs, or plastic milk jug rings.
   
   
2. Make sure you are sticking to as much of a routine as you possibly can--cats are creatures of habit and if anything in their daily life gets thrown off, this can manifest itself in them being super clingy, vocal, or even hyper/destructive. Try to feed them at the same time(s) every day. Come up with some rituals when it's bedtime--your cat will figure out the cues of when it's time to settle down and go to sleep. Reward them with treats regularly for playtime, too. My cat and I have a ritual where when he jumps onto a designated surface (Called the "Treat Seat") he gets a handful of treats from me. Any way you can reward the behavior you like will encourage them to continue to do so.
   
   Playtime & Routines, which should be rewarded regularly for "good behavior".
   
   

I know that self-help books are hit or miss, at best, but I’ve been going through my own relationship struggles. While reading about attachment styles & boundary creation here on Reddit, the list below are some of the books (on Amazon) that kept popping up in Reddit discussions. Haven’t read them yet, but I did order them, & they’re supposedly arriving today - I can update w/ my thoughts & feedback, if anyone is interested.

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0805087001/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7gE4BbB2R5DZY



Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_giE4BbJ3RKFRN




Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553386395/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_VhE4BbQ84219T


Another name that I’ve seen referenced a bunch here on Reddit is Mark Manson - he has a ”Guide to Strong Boundaries,” which I’ve also included a link to below

https://www.google.com/amp/s/markmanson.net/boundaries/amp

Mark Manson is famous for this book, amongst others

*The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life**

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_mrE4BbHBCFCS6


Dunno if this may help, but I do know that learning about one’s own attachment style, love language, etc can at least be a great start to a better relationship with yourself. As for the relationship with one’s partner? Boundaries! Boundaries are crucial.

...man, do I suck at boundaries!

I lost a bunch of weight (~150 lbs) and have the same problem, although I work from home so I don't have an issue looking presentable very often. I later got engaged and because I wanted to look good in a suit for the wedding and minimize the loose skin situation, I got a 'compression shirt' and it worked quite well - in fact it made me look even more skinny. It's basically like a spandex shirt that sucks everything in, but it breathes easily. It's very tight - I actually liked how it felt but others might not.

I first bought this for an event months in advance of the wedding just to see if the thing would work. It worked great, but it was hard to put on - it's like trying to pull a sausage casing over you head-first. Also for this particular product, the build quality wasn't great. I only wore it a few times, and after a couple of wash cycles it was getting kind of ratty. I wouldn't see it lasting long as a 5 days a week item.

For the wedding, I bought this which has a zipper and is much easier to get on and off. It's more expensive but it seems more durable, and like I said it's easier to get on. I thought it was plenty comfortable wearing it all day long under a suit.

Good luck and congrats to your husband!

Lots of great advice here, when you've had time to find yourself, this will find the woman of your dreams. I was divorced at 50, 7 years of terrible dating and then another divorced friend gave me this link, told me he had read the book and it changed his life. Changed mine too, I went from pointless dating to my gf in about 6 months and had many great dating experiences along the way


https://www.scribd.com/doc/33421576/How-To-Be-A-3-Man

Corey Wayne

How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams

This book had helped me and at least 2 other men - it isn't your typical pick up a woman book

This is a free link to the book uploaded by the author - he also had many YT videos, an email newsletter and website - all free.
He has pay services, read the book, you won't need to pay for anything. Truely changed my dating life.


If you want to purchase

How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1411673360/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_y97ACb14PESWM

I'm late here, but hopefully this helps. I think the two things that makes a shirt look "crappy" are the material and not fitting properly.

Not sure of your build but I'm 5'9", 165 lb. I used to wear Express but found that their slim fit was way too tight on my shoulders and their normal ("modern") fit is unbearably large around my waist, so it was always hanging/bunching over my belt and looked horrible. Also the material was kind of junky so they wrinkled easily.

I have found that Banana Republic Grant (their slim fit) shirts fit the best. Good quality fabric and tight around the waist so they're not bunching/hanging out.

Also maybe consider getting a shirt stay. It clasps to the bottom of your shirt and then to your socks and keeps your shirt tucked in all day.

I have also found he Express slim fit suits are inexpensive, and fit/look great. If you check frequently you can get them, or at the very least blazers, for <$200.

You might want to read a copy of The Sixty Second Motivator.

It is SHORT. It is also based on clinical studies as to what actually motivates people.

The gist of it is simple.

People FEEL motivated

1. When there is something they TRULY want to be had ( not something they think they should do, something they WANT ).
   
   
2. When they think they CAN do it and are safe doing so.
   
   Easier said than done. Sometimes it takes work to connect a goal to something you TRULY WANT, not just that you think would be nice.
   
   It can also take time to build up the skills, education, and research to feel confident about your abilities to reach the goal you want.
   
   However, the nice thing is that there isn't a lot of psychobabble to it.
   
   It comes down to simple principles: identifying what you REALLY want to get out of a situation and making yourself feel confident about your ability to do it.

* Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

The book is about the subject of deliberate training and explains how spending a long time on specific kinds of training develops your skills. Not a research paper, and the tone of book is casual. Many pages are about the author and people around her, and those explained the motivation of studies about the subject and added real life examples to apply those studies, for example, to parenting. In general, the book is hopeful to motivate you to start training towords your goal.


Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by ders Ericsson and Robert Pool

Another book is about the subject of deliberate training. I recommend you to read this book after Grit. This book is more like a research paper. The tone of this book is drier than Grit but the book contains the details of the studies and advises you how, when and how much you should practice.


Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World by Bob Goff

This book is about activism: love the world and do something instead of preaching religions. Although it is categorized as a Christian book and it certainly mentions god a lot, the message of the book is having the faith in people and the world. One of good things about this book is that the author started out as an ordinary person, who did not have his calling in his teens and was not found by a millionaire to assist his business. His life story seems to be much more familiar to me than other famous people's. Unexpectedly, the story includes the life of an inventor of popular products, and the book served me as his little biography too.

If he likes history and finesse, I'd recommend Napoleon's Master: A Life of Prince Talleyrand.

I'm particularly interested in negotiation and diplomatic strategy, and this read was both what I expected and what I love. Talleyrand was arguably the greatest foreign affairs minister in Europe, having to deal with the difficulties of peace treaties while serving under one of the biggest warmongers Europe ever knew: Napoleon.

It's an amazing read, really, and it's full of little power levers, witty retorts and, of course, a lovely sense of grandeur. You mentioned in another comment that your grandpa is a devout christian. Well, to make things better, Talleyrand was an archbishop at some point in his life, before going back to secular life for less than pure reasons ;)

If anything, he's regarded as one of the masterminds of diplomacy and negotiation. This man once convinced with a single sentence all the great leaders of Europe, emperors and kings, gathered in a single room, who went out of their way to kick Napoleon's ass, to drop the idea of humiliating and dismantling France in a situation where no one was able to protect her anymore.

Ironically, I had to read the work of an English man to learn that much about that fellow Frenchman.

After 30 comes 31, then it kinda continues like that, chronologically until you die. I've never met anyone who skipped a year or went back a year. That it to say, there is nothing inherent in an age that makes it significant, beyond the physical changes you undergo as you grow and age.

Beyond what others have said, I want to recommend you read The How of Happiness. Without addressing your specific story, it sounds to me like you're asking about happiness and how you can get it. According to this book, about half your happiness is genetically determined, like a set point you get from your parents. About 10% is determined by outside circumstances (income, marriage, etc.). The remaining 40% is determined by your intentional activity (your thoughts and actions). That last 40% is completely yours to do with as you choose.

I get a sense you're not happy with how you're using that 40%. Personally, I did a lot of growing up in my 30s, and it's possible you could too. But understand: your leverage point to increasing happiness is your own thoughts and actions. Start examining what you believe about what you can do for your own life. Do you think your life is something that happens to you, or something you have some say in?

And listen, I had a couple relationships that turned out shitty in the end, and that's hard to get over. It takes time, and it takes effort in choosing how you want to frame that experience. In the end, I'm happy they ended, because that opened the opportunity for the relationship I'm in now. But I'm in this relationship in part because of who I chose to pursue. She also said yes to me, after a lot of asking, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

I'm in Mississippi so... it wasn't easy. So first, play some. There are tons of online groups. I started with Shadowrun (shout out to /r/Shadowrun and /r/runnerhub). Roll20 is the website we used to play online. If playing online and finding a group appeals to you, let me know and I'll help you out with whatever info I can.

Let's talk in real life, though. So, step 1: Buy the 3 core rule books: The Player's Handbook (PHB), the Dungeon Master's Guide (DMG) and the Monster Manual (MM). The game has several editions. The most current is fifth edition (5E) and it's also a very well liked edition. It's exactly what I and others think D&D should be: a solid medieval high-fantasy RPG that's great for 1st timers.

So, you got your books. The PHB is the rule set. It's all a player needs. You may want to sit down and pretty much reach it front to back (or at least to the "spell encyclopedia) that is the last or 2nd to last chapter). The other 2 books are only used by Dungeon Masters and, tbh, I rarely use them myself. Still, I do occasionally peruse them and get inspiration from them so they are good to have. The opening chapters of the DM guide regarding encounter building and XP are vital.

Ok, so you have some players. They have used the PHB to make some rules-legal characters. They may have used online tools to make nice, printed, perfectly accurate character sheets. Awesome. One suggestion: early on, limit your "sourcebooks" to just the PHB. There are lots of add on books with new races, classes, and spells. Powercreep is inevitable. I personally run a straight vanilla game: no Xanathar's guide or w/e else. There's enough there to keep you all busy for a while.

Now, creating dungeons and plots. Part of this is you just writing out a plot in your head. You're just gonna have to do it. As far as building the actually fights and dungeons?

• https://donjon.bin.sh/5e/
  
  This site is great for generating dungeons and maps. I use the dungeon generator and then draw it on on grid paper. I make whatever edits I want and then label the rooms where I want to have encounters (fights).
  
  
• https://kobold.club/fight/
  
  I use this site to build encounters that match what my party can fight. Each baddie is rated with CR (challenge rating) and/or XP (the amount of experience points they cough up when defeated).
  
  
• https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Chessex-96246-Reversible-Battlemat-1/dp/B00IVF4W0U/ref=sr_1_17?keywords=battle+mat&qid=1574601384&s=toys-and-games&sr=1-17
  
  This is a battle map. With WET ERASE (not DRY!!) you can draw out your dungeon quickly and easily. I have a master on the grid paper in front of me and draw out as much as I want the player's to see. This is a lot easier than buying dungeon tiles or going nuts on Dwarven Forge gear. I haven't yet made any 3D fights yet (I'm still new msyelf!) but if/when I do I plan to have some cardboard that I can pull out and will be pre-bent into the shape I want. It's important for me to be able to do this light and cheap. Anyone can go out and buy $2000 worth of minis and models and shit and make a badass dungeon that can't be moved once assembled without 2 hours of breakdown time. When I show up, I have an old tacklebox of dice, pens, pencils, and minis, and monster tokens (cardboard coins that have baddies printed on them) my battle map, about 2 pages of prep-work for the dungeon, and my encounter prep.
  
  So! There ya go! Any other questions?
  
  I use this site to generate all kinds of names. There are dozens of GM hacks that one will / can learn. One of them is having a list of possible names. Players will want to talk to the bartender's wife and..oh shit she doesn't have a name! Well, now she does! You knew it the whole time.
  
  That's a quick crash course. I also heavily suggest buying a starter box or other pre-made adventure and running those. I like running my own world but just reading them and playing them with friends can show you what kinds of tools and preparation you need as a DM.

You clearly need a big change, but while homelessness and death both fulfill this requirement, they are not recommended.

If you're a creative introvert, then no sh*t you hate your repetitive, dead end, customer service job. The only question there is how have you managed to do it for six years? Give yourself some credit. You're tenacious if nothing else.

You need to find a career that better aligns with your personality and interests. But first, you may need a palate cleanser. Find another job that's not customer-facing immediately. Any other job that pays your bills. The boring and dead-end parts don't apply to a new, very different job, at least not immediately. Do this before you quit your current one.

With luck, that will give you the mental boost you need to devote some energy to figuring out what you can do that 1) you can tolerate if not enjoy, 2) that you can become qualified for, and 3) pays your bills. I recommend taking a look at a book called I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was. Yeah, it's a cheesy self-help book, but it's got a good framework for how to think this out.

Where's the rest of your family? Considered a move, either domestic or international?

Hope any of this is helpful. Good luck, don't die, and let us know how it goes. I've been there on the suicide thing and am here for you if you'd like to PM.

Crash Course for New Dads is a good starting resource. It's given out as part of a Boot Camp for New Dads program that I used to facilitate, but you can also buy the book online. They sponsor programs all across the country and are well worth attending if there's one close to you.

Living with an expectant mother isn't always easy. You end up feeling like all you are doing is giving of yourself without getting anything in return, but this feeling goes away after a while. Take time to just spend time together while you can...in a few months your life is going to change drastically (and for the better.) One of my favorite memories from this time was the a few nights before our first kid was born when my wife and I went out to a diner together and just talked.

Enjoy this time, and congrats on your new kid. Being a dad is great...I wouldn't trade it for anything.

www.bootcampfornewdads.org

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0972782958/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_8jeXDb103B2NE

Before you commit to it, read Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software by Charles Petzold. If it fires your imagination then computer programming may be is for you.

Another one to read is Soul of a New Machine by Tracy Kidder which is much older, but easily readable by non coders. Again if it fires your imagination then coding might be for you.

CS can lead to many many careers - many more than when I did my degree (80s), but you need to understand where the world of computers is moving to and where you want to be in that space.

If you're just looking for more money, then perhaps you shouldn't be looking at coding as a panacea. Don't get me wrong, coding is fantastic thing to do - if it floats your boat. However it's main problem is that you constantly have to keep yourself up to date with new technologies and techniques. This requires you to have the passion and self motivation to do that training.

I'm been coding since I was 11 (1978) and have seen many many aspects of the industry and the trade. I will concur with some of the comments here that indicate that the degree itself isn't the answer, but could be part of it.

Either whatever you decide - good luck!

Sounds like you have some negative biases in your thought patterns. Have you ever heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? On the simplest level its about recognizing your thoughts evaluating them, and rationally deciding if they are accurate or being biased. My hands down all time favorite author, Jonathan Haidt, wrote a great book that is a great first look into the practice called "The happiness hypothesis" You might want to check it out.

But to the problem, if you have the emotional energy to reconnect you should. She may be feeling lonely and is reaching out to someone she remembered was a great person. There is a loneliness epidemic in the west, you could go a long way to help her, and yourself in the process.

Start small, build back up to a trusting conversation. After a few texts suggest a skype call or something, it's far easier to reconnect face to face, even if its on your couch.

Sounds like you are in a bad place. I don't really have much advice but I will recommend two books. /u/cyanocobalamin has already rocomend a good book, the one's I want to add are:

• Healing the shame that binds you John Bradshaw
  
  
• Mans search for meaning Viktor E. Frankl
  
  I wish you all the best, life will get better. It will take effort but it will get better.