It's not clear whether you want the attention on your breasts continuously or frequently, but there are definitely possibilities either way. I'm assuming that he's able to keep you stimulated when you're together (adding/removing weights from your nipple clamps, slapping your breasts every time you pass each other, etc.), so I won't give any suggestions for that, but for when you're apart:

Continuous attention

• Nipple clamps are fun and all, but hardly an option under clothes throughout a working day. These (for example), on the other hand, are surprisingly effective at stimulating your nipples all day and fit quite happily under clothing.
  
• Instead of biting, maybe try having your breasts struck with a crop or whip, leaving welts. These welts will sting and throb for ages, and can be restimulated by running your fingers over them during the day.
  
• Investigate having a rope breast harness tied, before you go your separate ways in the morning, so that you're bound all day.
  
• Put thumb tacks or something similarly uncomfortable in your bra, so you're hyper-aware of them all day. For bonus, intermittent attention, give them a squeeze whenever anyone's not looking.
  
  Frequent attention
  
  
• Have your Master text you at his discretion during the day with instructions for your breasts - pinch your left nipple hard for 1 minute, hold an ice cube against the nipple until it has completely melted, etc.
  
• Have a set rule that triggers on certain conditions, e.g. every time you go to the bathroom, you have to dig your nails into your breasts and send your Master pictures of the nail marks, or post them to a shared blog.
  
• Get something like tiger balm or capsaicin gel (depending on the desired intensity) and apply it to your nipples whenever the sensation subsides from the previous application.
  
  I hope this short list helps/inspires you to come up with other possibilities :D

I had some interest and bought the $80 Rosebud kit (see here - no affiliation) and some bacteriostatic lube (like this). I was understandably nervous the first time I tried but found it surprisingly easy and enjoyable. I especially enjoy the feeling of going all the way in and resting at the bottom (on the bladder?) and the feeling of massaging the frenulum from the inside. I am able to cum with the sound inside with just a little external stimulation, and always pull it out to make sure I get a good flushing.

I've used the kit maybe a dozen times over the past 6 months or so since I bought it, alone and with a couple different partners, and the only disappointing part is I was only ever able to get the first two sizes in, and haven't see any stretching of the urethra. The third size up won't go in at all, so I seem to be stuck.

Besides that it's great fun. Letting the sound slide all the way in for a partner who has never seen sounding before is quite amusing xD

My urethra does feel a bit irritated after a sounding session, but it's back to normal by the next day. I highly recommend giving it a try. Just make sure everything is clean and well-lubed, go slowly and no sudden movements.

Here are some great books on how to become less anxious and create healthier habits, which are full of specific, actionable advice.

The Upward Spiral (costs $10, but EXTREMELY worth the money imo. There is also a workbook that just came out.)

Hardcore Self Help: F**k Anxiety (free to read for Kindle Unlimited)

I would suggest creating a self care routine that you make a daily habit. Start with a small morning ritual and a small evening ritual, and gradually build it out from there. Things like walking, yoga/stretching/exercise, hydrating, cleaning your space, etc. can be game-changers if you do them consistently.

A really great book on creating habits like this is Atomic Habits by James Clear. For me and my partner, life-changing. (The book is worth it, because it is systematic - perfect for 'checklist people', but you can get a lot from just browsing his website too.)

As a Dom, and someone who has had to be with someone who has a colostomy bag, my step father had colon cancer, and now has to use a colostomy bag, all I could say is to be careful with tape!! You don't want to put too much pressure on the bag, and end up having it explode. It could add to his self-consciousness about his bag.

I know you don't see it, but it's always on his mind. You're a good person for being so cavalier about it. Some people can be pretty judgemental.

As far as recommendations for how to secure it, I would recommend self adhesive medical wrap. There's all different sizes, shapes, colors, patterns, etc... Here is one that I tend to use.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078WG6QVQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_AjuNDb5WYN0EM

The stuff works pretty well for whatever you need, plus can double as bondage tape 😉

Good luck, be safe, and have fun!

Glad you found it helpful!

Honest open communication, safewords and aftercare sound like a really smart place to start! Well done.

A few other things to check out --

https://mojoupgrade.com/ is a quiz you can each take, to help you discover new elements of kink that you're both interested in or open to. Really good way to get the communication flowing.

https://bdsmtest.org/ is a little different, it's more of a tool for self-understanding, helping you to more clearly articulate what elements of kink each of you responds to best.

This is a great thread of simple ways to be dominant for beginners, and I think you'd find it helpful.

When you're ready for more learning, these two sites are really awesome resources for more detailed info:

https://www.xruniversity.com/ (free and great!)

https://www.kinkacademy.com/ (some free stuff, some paid content, all great!)

I also really like The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book -- obviously, you'd want to start with the topping side, but I think there's a lot to learn from reading both books eventually.

You mentioned he's into light bondage -- if you want to learn more about rope bondage, you can find a post I made with some resources on that front here.

Good luck, and don't be a stranger!

It sounds like a BDSM checklist might help you both figure things out. Here's one you can download from scribd.

https://www.scribd.com/document/163631556/BDSM-Checklist

Morgan Thorne put together an excellent workbook for couples called 'Exploring BDSM'. It's full of great information, detailed checklists and how-to guides, and all sorts of other good stuff. Highly recommend i.

https://www.amazon.com/Exploring-BDSM-Workbook-Couples-Discovering/dp/0995878048/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1542243469&sr=8-1

Take care,

Mark, male half of the hkc

​

Also check out

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

https://www.amazon.ca/Mistress-Manual-Girls-Female-Dominance/dp/1890159190

​

Remember, this should be playful and fun. And don't let your submissive partner run the show (topping from the bottom), make sure you're clear you want to try things in specific spaces of time, not ALL the time. Things can get way out of hand once someone finds a piece of what they need/want, they want more and more.

Not sure how much help it would be but there is a book on the topic featuring stories from subs with cognitive issues and also some inputs from dominants as well. I myself have a physical disability and there's another book for that which really resonated with me. Maybe this one can help you:

​

https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Toys-Submissives-Neurological-Dysfunction/dp/0990544117

​

Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07H2432Z8/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

​

This is the one I have. It's like a silicon material, not hard. Doesn't hurt at all and it fits comfortably in my mouth. Good luck!

Also it sounds like you have the makings of a real dom. Good luck on your journey. I got a lot out of

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge https://www.amazon.com/dp/157344779X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_bzLTCbAMV27R9

This is what I wear everyday right now

https://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Mood-Naughty-Silicone/dp/B00BUKJQEK?th=1

This is what I would like to get and have heard great things about

https://www.amazon.com/Njoy-Pure-Plug-Small/dp/B01LMPH5XQ/ref=sr_1_9?keywords=njoy+2&qid=1574450185&s=hpc&sr=1-9

I will try and put something together at some point and make a post about all the things I've learned. A lot of it came from trial and error but quite a bit of it came from my knowledge as a midwife in caring for that general area.

Try starting here.

The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant
https://www.amazon.com/New-Improved-Loving-Dominant-ebook/dp/B00AY88OJ2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1548576253&sr=8-1&keywords=the+loving+dom

Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/slave Relationships
https://www.amazon.com/Paradigms-Power-Styles-Master-Relationships-ebook/dp/B00PG5DZL0/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1548576315&sr=8-1-spell

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013CGV7R8/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i7

Actually check out all of Raven Kaldera's BDSM books. I'm not interested in all his mystic mumbo jumbo titles but the BDSM/Leather books are spot on.

Submissive Training: 23 Things You Must Know About How To Be A Submissive. A Must Read For Any Woman In A BDSM Relationship
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TSLJNTQ/ref=oh_aui_d_asin_title_o07_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Real Service
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013PQCT4A/ref=oh_aui_d_asin_title_o01_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Rules for a Knight
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00UEKBRUI/ref=oh_aui_d_asin_title_o02_?ie=UTF8&psc=1
(From one Dom to another, just read it.)

That should keep you busy for a while. I hope it helps you find what you are looking for. Hit me up if you have questions.

I've had good results with a dog clicker. https://www.amazon.com/StarMark-Yellow-Training-Clicker-Wristband/dp/B007M0HT1Y/ref=asc_df_B007M0HT1Y/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198076665015&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18431237667828691673&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006507&hvtargid=pla-353158297336&psc=1

One click for pause or check in, multiple clicks for stop. Its been pretty easy to train as second nature for communication. Occasionally when my sub goes non verbal and pretty deep into space I'll ask for a click to check in. If that click doesn't happen it's time to stop.

Most also come with a little band to loop around your wrist so there is less risk of dropping it.

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy is an excellent resource.

I've heard that nipple piercings can actually dull sensation in your nipples (not 100% sure if that's accurate), so I wouldn't recommend that. If you're not into pain during sex, I'm not sure if clamps are the way to go, they can range from 'meh' to 'holy shit ouuuuuch', and they hurt more coming off than when they're on. it does make them more sensitive, but more like a light bruising than a purely sexual way. Maybe invest in some cheap nipple clamps like these (https://www.amazon.com/CalExotics-Nipple-Silver-Beaded-Clamps/dp/B002JINUJE), as the tightness is adjustable, and see if they do anything for you. just a random thought ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

This one?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1890159190/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_jgvQBb374GNA0

Does it cover orgasm control, teasing, and denial?

You guys should really start educating yourselves more before immediately jumping into it. Otherwise, your experience is going to be terrible if you don't.

>I'm also kind of struggling with the idea of it as my previous and first serious relationship was physically abusive and controlling and I cant wrap my head around why someone wants that?

BDSM isn't abuse or abusive in any way. It should always be completely consensual and non-manipulative, which is what separates it from abuse. A healthy BDSM exchange has no qualities of an abusive relationship at all. In BDSM, both parties can communicate and have a say. Communication is really key in BDSM in order for it to function properly. If you have poor communication skills in your relationship, you need to work on that first if you think about jumping into kink. See here.

You both need to communicate more, have more discussions, be completely open about not knowing and learning together. Both parties should be reading and gathering information together. Even if you ever decide to be the "Dom", make sure you're not the only one educating yourself.

With that said, I recommend reading beginner BDSM books. Here's one I suggest, but definitely feel free to hunt for others: "Exploring BDSM: A Workbook For Couples by Morgan Thorne"

Watching educational videos (not porn). Evie Lupine is a great channel for beginners, just look around her channel for beginners content: Her YouTube Channel.

You can also poke around these subs:

r/gentlefemdom

r/femdomcommunity

r/rolereversal

If you find out you're submissive, or even just plain vanilla, don't feel like you have to force yourself into an act for your partner. Doing this will only lead to frustration and disappointment in the relationship. If your partner needs for his partner to be dominant, and it's not in you to provide that (and vice versa, if he can't be dominant for you if you needed it), then you'll have to evaluate the relationship from there.

My slave is a human trafficking victim. She barely escaped with her life after hundreds of rapes. This October we celebrate our 9th year together.

She shares a lot of similar problems that you have. Do they frustrate me sometimes? Absolutely, I'm human after all. However, this is what I decided to take on. I walked into this eyes wide open, and that helps me a lot when times get tough. I can safely assume your dominant feels the same way.

No one is too broken to love, or to kink.

This is a book that has helped my slave a lot with not feeling like she's the only one. Maybe it'll do the same for you: Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness and Neurological Dysfunction https://www.amazon.com/dp/0990544117/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_g84FDbKQPBV5C