(Part 3) Best products from r/breakingmom

Welcome to parenting with porn :D And uhh... you want to share that link with us? For science? Aherm... KIDDING....kinda... LOL

I've had four kids hit that point, two boys and two girls, and several more coming that way soon. Here's my recommendations...and feel free to take/leave what does or doesn't work for you:

• Normalize this. It's normal. I promise. That it is an educational video is AWESOME. I mean, none of us are delighted when our kids get interested in becoming sexually active (or at least start considering it), but this is SO much better than "hardcore face fucking gang bang". I swear.
  
  
• In line with this being normal, check out this book: It's Perfectly Normal (NOT a paid referral link).
  
  
• Also the book: What's Happening to My Body: A Book for Boys (Also not a paid referral link)
  
  
• Editing to add another great book I just thought of: Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen (also not a paid referral link)
  
  
• Editing because I remembered another one! Talk to Me First It's a book for parents about how to have these conversations. Highly recommend :) Also not an affiliate link :)
  
  
• Give your kiddo a lot of kudos for looking at education videos! That's a pretty appropriate way to find things like this out. Then gently explain that some videos online aren't as educational, but are more just adult entertainment. Explain the laws about porn - that no one under 18 is allowed to see it, and that the police take that very seriously. Explain that these movies are like any other entertainment - Ask him, when he watches Avengers, does he actually think he is going to see explosions like that at the airport, or car chases like that driving down the road? Does any part of him REALLY think that when HE starts driving that sort of behavior is ok? Of course he doesn't. Same applies here - sex entertainment is like a Michael Bey flick - it's not intended to be realistic, but since people forget that because it's sex, it's easy to get caught up in the "glitz" of it all.
  
  
• Pay close attention to any of your own hangups about sex, and work REALLY hard not to give them to your kiddo, or at least acknowledge that they're YOUR hangups and not his. Where things are awkward of uncomfortable for you, SAY that and explain there's no reason to be, it's just from how things were explained to you when you were young. Explain you want to keep these conversations as comfortable as you can.
  
  
• Consider having a few different conversations about all of this, instead of a big heavy (cue music of dread and woe) SEX TALK. The goal isn't to micromanage his blossoming sexuality, it's to create a climate of trust and communication, so when he's 16 and fucking everything in sight, you guys can talk about how to be safe and keep priorities and boundaries clear.
  
  
• Keep it calm and light hearted. The last thing either of you want to do is teach him that "getting caught" with ANYTHING related to his sexuality is something to be ashamed of or that he'll "get in trouble" for doing. It's a biological and hormonal explosion in his brain right now, you can either work with it, or he'll hide it, but it is NOT going away.
  
  
• Make decisions that support his changing self. I get the urge to lock down websites that are inappropriate. I really do. But again, be careful to find the balance between protecting from inappropriate/illegal material and outright censoring. I use this: K9 Web Protection on my kids' electronics because it is SO customizable. Anything sex-ed related, abortion related, educationally related, is 100% unlocked at all times at my home. For my teens, Nina Hartley is unlocked as well - she's an avid sex educator and REALLY good at communicating the "how to" of sex clearly and without shame or being trashy. However...out and out porn? That's locked. I realize they'll likely find it SOMEWHERE, and parts of Youtube have plenty of softcore stuff, but my goal isn't to shield them from seeing sex. Sex is natural and normal and healthy and fun - I WANT my kids to know that! But I also want to make sure they aren't overexposed to things more graphic than they can process right now.
  
  It's about finding a balance. You got this mama. I promise.

I cannot recommend marriage counseling enough. Both my husband and I emotionally cheated. He told his ex that he loved her, vented to her when we had fights, and went to her house to talk. I started talking to my kind-of ex (never had a real relationship but we definitely had feelings... he was going through a divorce and decided to give his marriage one last try, and then I got back together with my boyfriend and then we got married) out of spite and we went back to being friends that used to talk and laugh all day long over chat. We never talked about feelings for each other or did anything physical, but I definitely had the emotional connection with him that was missing with my husband.

The worst part was this happened after we started marriage counseling. I already felt like he was too chatty and friendly with his ex when marriage counseling started. It was week after week of rough sessions. We had a lot of baggage to get through. And there were times when we would leave and I would question if we would ever be okay again.

But here we are over a year later, coming up on a year and a half, of when I cut off all communication with him. The thing with my kind-of ex was, we had this chemistry and we talked and laughed constantly, and it had been a long time since it felt like my husband enjoyed my company like that. That sucks. So focus on trying to re-establish that connection. You married your husband because he is the love of your life. He is the one you should want to talk to all day. He's the one you should want to make laugh. He's the ONLY person you should miss if you were apart for days or weeks at a time. If you find yourself missing another man like that, you two are too close and it needs to end. That was my wake-up call... realizing I would miss talking to him every day. And realizing I wanted to talk to him more than I wanted to talk to my husband. Because I would share things like memes or stuff on Reddit/Imgur with my husband and he wouldn't laugh or respond much to it and seemed bored with me a lot, but this other guy would laugh and let it spark a 20 minute conversation. My husband didn't want to engage in those conversations with me. And there were plenty of things I was the same with... just not interested in creating a conversation out of a topic.

Now we're to the point that even though I'm not a gamer and I have never played Metroid, I can watch my husband speedrun the game and ask him questions about it, or listen to him explain strategies, or sit by him and watch someone else stream the game, and I enjoy the conversations and I enjoy that he wants to share it with me. While it may not be an interest of mine, I recognize that it's something that helps him decompress after a rough day at work and it's a challenge he enjoys, and that's enough for me to try and engage in those conversations.

Our marriage counselor used a lot of methods by John Gottman. Gottman has done some really cool research on marriages and I love reading content from them. There was an article on the marriage retreats they do... and this paraphrasing will probably be awful but I'll try my best. So these couples would come to a marriage retreat. Let's say you have one healthy couple and one struggling couple. The husband might point to a pretty bird in a tree or something, and in the healthy couple, the wife would engage and look for the bird, acknowledge it, and discuss it. In the unhealthy couple, the wife wouldn't look up and would just act bored with him and dismiss his interest. THAT was a huge area we were struggling in, and THAT is why I think we both emotionally cheated. Things have been much better since we actively try to engage in each other's interests more.

I highly recommend Gottman's stuff.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553447718/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ShEKzbPDTBDZD

Also check out The Gottman Institute. I think they have a Facebook page with that name.

Happy to help. A lot of the advice above still applies (diapers, clothes, new toys, tylenol, etc) but there are some additions.

If he has his own seat, he gets two carry-ons: a small wheeled bag that has some toys he picks out plus a backpack that you put snacks in. I highly recommend these being light enough that you can carry them when he inevitably gets bored of lugging them along himself.

If he doesn't have his own seat, just a small backpack with toys that he has picked out that you can claim as your "personal item" in addition to your carry on. You'll have to put snacks in your carry on.

For snacks, I usually pack a sandwich that doesn't need refrigeration, typically peanut butter. I have had luck with a ham sandwich as long as it's packed right before leaving for the airport and is eaten sometime in the next few hours. I also throw in some various favorite snacks that come in lots of pieces - fruit snacks, goldfish, raisins, apple slices. Frozen yogurt tubes and applesauce packets are also good but you have to declare them when going through security. As long as you say it's for the kid they'll let it through with a little extra probing. It might be worthwhile to stash some treats that your kid loves but doesn't get often in your bag as well, perhaps a small bag of m&m's or a lollypop. These are bribes to be used when nothing else helps calm a meltdown. I haven't had to use these myself yet but I always bring them and have even offered them to other parents when needed.

In addition to snacks, bring a glass with a lid and straw then buy some milk or juice in the airport. This is to be given initially at take off to help pop ears but it's useful the entire trip.

Pack a small blanket with a snuggly toy. It helps if this is something they usually have but it's ok if it's just whatever you can fit in the bag.

Bring some sort of electronic device that has games/apps and movies/tv shows preloaded. This is worth it's weight in gold. For headphones, I've found these ones are great for little kids. Apps that they've never used but relate to favorite characters are the bomb (Daniel Tiger, Dinosaur Train, Jake & the Neverland Pirates, etc), plus free fireworks and piano apps are also good time killers. A variety of movies/tv including those they watch all the time and new ones is perfect. There are also animated/narrated book apps that are great, kinda like this one. Search for Oceanhouse Media and you'll see all the ones they have.

Buy a new coloring book and crayons. Helps if the coloring book also has some stickers. If you don't trust your son to not color on everything, get one of the crayola color wonder sets. If you go the traditional coloring route, make sure you get the ultra washable type for everyone's sake.

To help kill energy before getting on the plane, make the airport your personal gym. Have your son run up and down staircases, run the wrong way on moving walkways (when empty, obviously), do suicides from one end of the gate to the other, climb up and down chairs, whatever you can come up with. Burn off as much energy as humanly possible before getting on the plane. You will get looks from other people but who cares - you're making yours and everyone else's plane trip that much easier.

If you haven't managed to wipe him out enough in the terminal, you can do trips up and down the aisle on the plane. Point out everything, have a chat with the flight attendants, do laps. If you stop make sure it's near the back of the plane because regulations blah blah no hanging out at front of plane, even if you're 2. Depending on the airline, sometimes they'll let you chill near the back galley. Lots of stuff for kids to look at and ask questions about. Might score some free snacks as well.

I will reiterate from above: a drink for you if you drink. That one glass of booze helps take the edge off, gives you a second to breathe, and helps mommy not have a melt down. Hell, some flight attendants will hook you up if they see you're doing everything in your power to keep your kid entertained.

If you're lucky, you'll wipe him out enough that he'll sleep on the plane. If not, you should have tons of tools at your disposal to kill time.

TL;DR: preparation. lots of plan b's.

I don't know wear Breckenridge is, but I'm Canadian. My tip... Cold = Layers! (Source: I used to work outside at -40)

1. How to dress your toddler: Inside: Pants, undershirt, long sleeved shirt, socks. When in doubt, dress your toddler in only one more layer than you are currently wearing. She will move a lot, and be warmer than you are, so don't stress.

Outside: When all bundled up, don't let her sweat (stick your hand on the back of her neck... if she's sweating, undo her outer layer)

Tops

Undershirt, T-shirt or long sleeved shirt, Jacket to about -10C (15ishF?)

Undershirt, tshirt or long sleeved shirt, sweater or hoodie below -10C, jacket.

Bottoms

Tights and pants (or pants and snowpants) to -10C
Must wear snowpants below -10C (or for longer than 5-10 minutes outside below freezing). Tights, pants, and snowpants below -20C.

Outerwear (You can get most of this when you get there. Just have a jacket, hat, mitts on her when you get there)

Puffy jacket should be okay. Any idea what it's rated or who makes it?

Snowpants - WalMart is okay. Watch for cold ratings if they have them.

Mitts - Not just fleece if it's colder than -10C. Like insulated ones.

Hat - Double layers are important (not like two hats, just one hat that has more than one layer of either wool or fleece. Single homemade knit hat won't cut it). Make sure ears are covered! If it's cold, she'll learn to keep it on really fast.

Scarf - I recommend a polar fleece tube. My mom makes them, so I dont know where to buy them. A regular scarf is fine, but they snag and aren't as safe... Just watch the toddler on the playground if you can only get a scarf. (No exposed flesh once you drop below -10C... She should be okay colder, but it's a good habit to get into). She might not like her face covered, but you can teach her to nuzzle her face/nose down into it if it's really cold.

Boots - Check ratings!!!!! Sorel is a great brand. If you're going to be playing outside, they need to be rated appropriately. (eg; my son has two pairs, one rated to -25C(-10F) that I let him wear to about -15C/-20C and one set rated to -45 for colder than -20C/-25C.) If you're just doing quick trips to cars, any winter boot is fine. Walmart carries boots, and you can get them when you get there. If you're not playing outside, any old winter boot will be fine (even baby Ugg knockoffs or just warm sneakers for running to the car above -10C are fine). If you are outside for an extended period of time with her, buy good boots.

2. For you: If you don't have long johns, just wear an extra pair of tights under your pants/jeans. You probably won't need them inside. You'll need snow pants for skiing. I recommend Columbia brand. Cheapish but warm. If you get a not-great brand, you can always add more layers underneath. Burton's okay too. New will run you about $100-200, but I've been known to raid the lost and found on a skihill too (forgot mine once).

Layers!!! Tank top, shirt, either a sweater or a vest if you're inside. Jacket instead of vest if you're outside. See my toddler tips for hat/mitts/boots (your hat should be double layered and cover your ears) Scarf is optional above -10C, but it's a nice way to keep cold from leaking out of your jacket and it's awesome from keeping boogers from freezing below that. I am repeating my recommendation for a polar fleece tube instead of a scarf for on the hill. (**RENT A HELMET WHEN YOU SKI!!!* You can get helmet inserts and you can also get helmets that cover your ears. COVER YOUR EARS WITH SOMETHIING TO STAY WARM ON THE HILL**)

Boots: Outside a lot? Get Sorels or something rated for cold. Just quick car trips? An Ugg knockoff or something for fall will work (but get winter boots for any type of walking below freezing). If you're buying, buy 1/2 size bigger. Add a pair of socks. Going skiing? Buy these too (they also make mitt inserts.)

Other tips:

Cold? Have a hot bath before bed. You'll sleep ten times better.

If it's really cold out (-20C/-10F) short trips outside. Lots of ski breaks.

Don't be afraid to take off layers if you start to get too hot. You'll sweat, then it'll freeze, then you'll be really cold.

Don't drink and ski.

There is nothing wrong with wearing 3 long sleeved shirts if it makes you happy.

Got any questions? Ask away.

My daughter received an 8 pack of Disney princess MagiClip dolls for her 2nd birthday, and now almost 3 they are still her go-to toys. The dresses are fun to mix and match, but more than anything she will sit for a long while making dresses for them out of play-doh. If you find one of the dolls at a good price, get one to see if she likes it! They're small and she can't leave the house without one.

Disney MagiClip Dolls

She also loves giving her plastic baby a bath everyday, and often times she will want to paint the baby with washable paint/watercolors beforehand. I found a little doll tub at a thrift store and it's been a life saver! Doll strollers are fun, I agree with kitchen playset if you have the space, sidewalk chalk, leave kid books in every room out and available.

Playing piano music (or any classical but she's taken a liking to piano) in the background makes for a calming environment and seems to help her focus on her task at hand.

She recently slammed the iPad on the tile floor, so screen time is a thing of the past 😩, but her attitude has changed for the better and self entertains off and on throughout the day which is amazing.

Good luck!

I’m sorry love; it totally sucks to be alone. I don’t even live in a foreign country and I have only made one “friend” in the last 14 years of living where I am (not where I’m from). And she turned out to be a mistake. I have really gotten more out of this Reddit alone than I thought was possible; I don’t know where any of you ladies live, but we all hold each other up when shit goes down and virtually high five each other when it goes right. Yes, I would love to have physical friends, and DH has suggested I try to find a knitting group or book club at the library or whatnot to potentially make a friend in person.

TBH, i never had to make friends before - I was born and grew up in the same place, had best buddies since kindergarten, etc. so making new friends is odd for me. It’s like I instantly want to be someone’s BFF, but I know that’s bizarre. So, I’m embracing all the ladies on here right now. If I get in-person friends, that’s awesome too. But I’m so so SO thankful I found this subreddit and all the awesome ladies here.

Don’t know where you are, but perhaps there is a military base nearby? Tons of families from all over, dropped in a foreign country too. Additionally, you could download Duolingo or a similar app and learn the language! If you decide to go that route, consider reading Fluent Forever — it’s an amazing book. I actually have a digital copy I can send you if you Wamt; just PM me.

I also remembered that there is r/asklibrarians but you should definitely ask your local librarians. This is the kind of thing they live for!

I had some time this morning so I went through our history books and found as many as I could that are good for general reference so they should hit all those subjects for her in a broad but informative way. Since that's my son's favorite subject, and he is homeschooled, we keep a lot of historical encyclopedias around:

Everything You Need To Know To Ace World History

Everything You Need To Know To Ace American History

World War II: The Definitive Visual Guide

The Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History

Free: U. S. History Sourcebook - Basic Kindle Edition

Also Free: U. S. History Sourcebook - Advanced Kindle Edition

The Kingfisher History Encyclopedia there is probably a newer version now of this. This is my son's FAVORITE throughout the years.

History: From the Dawn of Civilization to the Present Day

This is a good one too: Himeji Castle: Japan's Samurai Past

Since your daughter is interested in Japanese history as well, I asked my son's Japanese teacher what she would recommend (she has the kids read books periodically), and she recommended some books. I know they're not all nonfiction, but historical fiction can give a lot of context and understanding.

The Cat Who Went to Heaven – Elizabeth Coatsworth

The Samurai’s Tale – Erik C. Heaugaard

Born in the Year of Courage – Emily Crofford

The Big Wave – Pearl S. Buck

The Master Puppeteer – Katherine Patterson

The Sign of the Chrysanthemum – Katherine Patterson

Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes – Eleanor Coerr

Heart of a Samurai – Margi Preus

If you're after cheap books and can't find them at the library, search on abebooks.com or the used books on amazon.com. We always check Abebooks first because they're almost always cheaper there once you factor in shipping.

my now 4-year-old loved (and still loves) play doh, and kid safe washable paint. also, for something less supervised, Color Wonder markers and paper/books are great, they make paints too and stamps, it's made by Crayola. my kid also liked helping with easy tasks when cooking, specifically mashing bananas for bread. i made some slime not that long ago, was super easy (glue, food coloring, shaving cream and contact solution i think were the only ingredients) that was a hit and it lasted FOREVER kept in a tupperware.

we also love books, he especially enjoys interactive books like flip the flap or Don't Push The Button and Press Here

he also started getting into puzzles at that age, we had these from his first or second birthday that he took a while to take interest in, but once he did he was obsessed. they have all kinds, pets, vehicles, dinosaurs. we also have this set too

pintrest is rife with crafting ideas for any age, just search, don't think you need an account or profile

when it comes down to it, as long as you don't mind a mess, just about anything can be an activity in a pinch. bust out some different food from the cabinet, sensory explore the differences between things like flour, sugar, oatmeal, or if your brave, get messy with things like peanut butter, syrup, ketchup. get the pots and pans out and have a drum circle in the kitchen.

when all else fails, put on uptown funk, turn it up, and have a dance party


lol that's all i got! good luck and have fun :)